RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with a new sub/slave ?

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RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/23/2009 1:28:05 PM

princesstiara

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline

I met my Master online although I didn't realise that he was my Master when we first met. We fell in love, had two wonderful years together and that included a wonderful physical relationship too - into our third year we were lying in bed one Saturday morning when suddenly we got onto the subject of BDSM - I told him things I had never told anyone before, about how I felt that I was a truly submissive type, the fact that I was not sure how people (men) would react when I told them I wanted to be totally dominated, that I wanted to be spanked and punished severely.
He held me even closer and said as he stroked my cheek and my hair "You have found your Master and Teacher, you training begins now, this minute" I had been living with this man for nearly three years and we both had no idea of the other persons true feelings.
Now, our relationship has grown and deepened, we are closer and stronger than I ever imagined. I adore him and I know that I am loved and adored in return -he treats me like a princess -hence the username (his 'jokey' pet name for me!) but his punishments are harsh and severe -they are also exquisite in their pain and imagination.
So some things are very definitely worth waiting for -I do have slight regrets that I didn't tell him sooner now, but hey, we are having great fun making up for lost time!

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 41

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/23/2009 1:57:59 PM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

I have many cards and i like to play them slowly...i don't cheat and i am not in a hurry...i love the game

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 42

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/23/2009 5:43:16 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

I've never met anyone via CM.

I've met partners (and gotten an old sofa) thanks to the magic that is Craigslist.
In that case, my intentions were pretty much spelled out and it was a matter of getting to know the person who responded to them.

If I were curious about someone on CM, I would contact them for coffee or something casual first, because, even if I like people's posts, I don't think I can get a really good sense of them just from online stuff. Not a good enough sense that I think we'd make a good intimate partnership, I mean.
I need to meet them in person before I can make that leap.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 43

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/23/2009 9:53:59 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Most of my wants and needs are the same for a relationship regardless of whether or not there is a D/s dynamic, and which side I am on. I'm pretty flexible about most kinds of toys/kinks/etc., and at least openminded about trying things. It really depends a lot on how I react to my partner, what they like, etc. There are a few things that are limits or dealbreakers - I usually touch on them in e-mail or on the phone within the first few conversations, and go into more detail after meeting once or twice. I usually prefer to do the kink discussion (what have I done/what do I like) in person as well - it's more comfortable for me if it's combined with snuggling, body language, etc., and I figure it discourages most of the fantasy wanker types. I don't try to become friends first - I do want to develop a comfort level, and have interesting conversations, and explore some shared vanilla interests, rather than focusing primarily on kink, but I need to determine chemistry pretty quickly. In order to do that, I have to meet them in person, and usually engage in at least mild play like hairpulling, biting, etc. Otherwise, I have no clue if I am attracted to them or could have a D/s dynamic. Pictures/etc. can rule someone out - I won't date someone who I think is ugly or repulsive, but I respond more to pheremones/touch/etc. than looks.

If I'm dating someone who I've met through vanilla circumstances, and am not sure if they're into BDSM, I usually bring it up on the 3rd or 4th date.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/23/2009 9:56:25 PM >

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 44

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/24/2009 7:23:22 AM

SirJ40

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline

Instantly. Tell it like it is, no BS.. avoid confusion, time wasting, and inconvenience on both parts. Means I don't get as many emails as some do, but most of Mine are relevant to My life.

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 45

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/24/2009 12:52:22 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: princesstiara

I met my Master online although I didn't realise that he was my Master when we first met. We fell in love, had two wonderful years together and that included a wonderful physical relationship too - into our third year we were lying in bed one Saturday morning when suddenly we got onto the subject of BDSM - I told him things I had never told anyone before, about how I felt that I was a truly submissive type, the fact that I was not sure how people (men) would react when I told them I wanted to be totally dominated, that I wanted to be spanked and punished severely.
He held me even closer and said as he stroked my cheek and my hair "You have found your Master and Teacher, you training begins now, this minute" I had been living with this man for nearly three years and we both had no idea of the other persons true feelings.
Now, our relationship has grown and deepened, we are closer and stronger than I ever imagined. I adore him and I know that I am loved and adored in return -he treats me like a princess -hence the username (his 'jokey' pet name for me!) but his punishments are harsh and severe -they are also exquisite in their pain and imagination.
So some things are very definitely worth waiting for -I do have slight regrets that I didn't tell him sooner now, but hey, we are having great fun making up for lost time!

Hello princesstiara,

What a gorgeous story you've told Us here.
One to dream of. Awesome.

Thanks for sharing that.

It can come in many ways to you!

I wish Yyou both enough.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to princesstiara)

Post #: 46

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/24/2009 12:58:51 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tarowa

I am very much an advocate of the one word sentence, believing strongly the unspoken word speaks the loudest and we are judged not by the content of our character but by our words acts and actions.
Ultimately I tell it like it is in the least amount of words possible at the onset of any new encounter.

Aside from the misquote. How do you have any meaningful conversations with one word sentence structure? Yes, good, Not, sure. I have more wordy sentences with my pet fish than you do with ppl from the sounds of it.

BadOne

BadOne,
As Always As cute !!!

A Smooch for You!

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 47

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/24/2009 1:03:54 PM

GoddessTeaze

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJ40

Instantly. Tell it like it is, no BS.. avoid confusion, time wasting, and inconvenience on both parts. Means I don't get as many emails as some do, but most of Mine are relevant to My life.

Hello SirJ,

Am all for openess, and honesty!
I've no time to play, or waste My time,
or to spread smoke curtains arround.

I love it open!

Thank You kindly for Your reply

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to SirJ40)

Post #: 48

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/24/2009 1:06:48 PM

paddlebottom

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/15/2009
Status: offline

Goodpeople tellitlike it is

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 49

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/25/2009 2:35:41 PM

masterdstar

Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Minuet one.

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 50

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/25/2009 5:43:25 PM

ThomasMore

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Immediately. If the roles are stated up-front, there's no reason to pussyfoot around.

Conversely, it's helpful to know when to hold 'em and when, in fact, to fold 'em.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 51

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 6:05:01 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

I'm a 'too much info' kinda gal, I hear that phrase (or get that look) from others on a regular basis . . . . lol . . . . (When I looked into the 'Radical Honesty' movement, I got excited & thought it wouldn't be much of a stretch for me to go that route . . .. . . )

The ones that don't run away, screaming, from my in-your-face obnoxiousness & near-Tourette-like blurting of whatever's on my mind therefor must kinda like the cards they see . . . . lol

Best,
The Demon, Kia

(in reply to ThomasMore)

Post #: 52

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 7:11:48 PM

DivaLadyTJ

Posts: 30
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline

I am with pinkwind on this one...... lay it all out and go for it. However, that is me.... and yes, I've had it backfire when another dominant and I were communicating and he would share the d/s and the routine, but would not share the personal. Red flags went up for me and of course no one can make a better a*s out of myself than I can. So live, learn, and move on! If something is meant to be, it'll be. If care and emerging feelings are real, they'll find a way to thrive. In the meantime, I'll continue to do the same about laying it all out very quickly ..... 'cuz I ain't no spring chicken any more, and I Hate wasting time!

TJ

TJ

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 53

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 9:48:14 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline

I completely agree with you. That's why I purposely only list non-kinky interests on my profile. Before I consider someone as a play partner, I want to make sure we're compatible in education, background and general outlook. In fact, I make it almost a practice not to even discuss kinky interests until the second date and I find this weeds out those not interested in something at least potentially serious and long-term.

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream
I am not like going to disclose myself to a complete stranger about super personal things.

(in reply to heartcream)

Post #: 54

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 9:53:30 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline

I'd like to clarify: In the emails preceding meeting in person, I do discuss my general style and I ask about their interests. But I don't give a laundry list like on the CM profile and would be slightly wary of someone who responds in a second email with a list of 30 favorite activities as if he were seeking a fetish provider.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay
I talk a lot about My style of Domination so they are under no illusions about the way I like to do things. For eg, I don't like being the ice queen type, and I won't do it.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 55

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 10:04:27 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline

Yet you list on your profile specific things you "love" (and more are BDSM interests than vanilla interests). I think we'd agree that you saying you like ass play is not really in the same category of you saying you like history, right? I think for me, posting the former IS putting your cards on the table. I mean, the cards are on the table and they're face up. I put my cards on the table face down (meaning people don't think I'm into only vanilla stuff) and turn them over as we learn more about each other.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha
I need to meet them in person before I can make that leap.[/color]

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 56

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 10:33:26 PM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Funnily enough, when Reality and I began talking initially I had no interest in pursuing a relationship with him. I didn't feel at that time that he met my criteria given his age and I didn't want to formulate an emotional attachment only to discover I was the transient fantasy of yet another immature male. We decided to be casual playmates. He knew the kind of person I was seeking from the outset, someone dependable, had integrity and a maturity to accept the responsibility of their role within my life. In essence, all cards were laid on the table, so to speak, just not in reference to him. Yet, a month after meeting, and three weeks of physical interaction, those cards had his name on each and every one. Almost three years later, he remains the dependable, mature, loving and most honest person I know, and subsequently fell in love with. It all started with him sending me an email via CM and my taking the time to get to know him and appreciate the wonderful man that he is.

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

Post #: 57

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/30/2009 11:09:44 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

The only approach that makes sense to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I am not into wasting time. I am a huge advocate of being clear about my interests or lack thereof, right away.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 58

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/31/2009 2:13:37 AM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I have always been one to be very upfront and honest about what I am looking for and who I am. I found that it helped me weed out quite a few Doms who were not looking for the same things I was. If talk jumped immediately to sexual activities, then I knew that who I was as a person wasn't important to them. I listed the activities I enjoy, both kinky and otherwise on my profile so they were able to get a good idea if there was any compatibility there before they even contacted me.

When Bob and I started talking and emailing, he earned my respect by getting to know who I am as a person before we ever moved into talking about sex or D/s. He further earned my respect and made me fall in love with him by opening himself up and telling me things that most people probably wouldn't tell someone within a week or two of meeting. He totally blew me away when we would talk via webcam and he never once asked me to get naked. It was two months before we were able to meet in person because of the distance, but we took that time to really get to know each other and that has paid off for us. And when we did finally get around to talking about sex, we very quickly learned that we had just as much in common there as we did in other aspects of our lives. And what we didn't have in common has been a wonderful learning experience.

I think if you are not going to be honest and upfront about what you want from the very beginning, you are going to spend a lot of wasted time on people who are not looking for the same things you are. On the other hand, I did find that there were so many Doms desperate to have someone in their life that they would take what I told them I wanted and act like it was just what they wanted too. Then I found out the hard way that they didn't want that at all, they just wanted to have a sub. Or worse yet, some kinky sex. So I would get to were I would tell them about me, but I made sure they were telling me about themselves as well. Communication is definitely a two way street.

_____________________________

Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 59

RE: How quickly do You lay Your cards on the table with... - 3/31/2009 1:14:11 PM

MistressMeltz

Posts: 124
Joined: 7/8/2007
Status: offline

as soon as i decide to take them on as a sub

(in reply to BadJezebel)

Post #: 60

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