RE: My way or the highway?

RE: My way or the highway? (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/25/2009 7:29:12 PM)
I see nothing wrong with this at all. If I get together with someone, I would expect him to expect things HIS WAY. I don't want a wuss who's going to let me walk all over him simply because he's afraid to assert himself and do things HIS WAY. What's more, if I go into the relationship knowing that he wants things HIS WAY; then I am the one to blame if an argument arises becasue I prefer to do things my way. I make the decision to go by his rules; I live with the consequenses. It's that simple. If I don't like things his way...then fuck it, I know where the door is, and I know how to open and walk through it.

Andalusite -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 8:20:45 AM)
IrishMist, I am glad that works for you, but I sure wouldn't want to take someone as a submissive if they planned to just slam out the door if they ever had a problem with something I did, with no attempt at communication and no attempt to make things work! Again, it just comes across as very much a childish tantrum approach to disagreements. That's why it's important to get an idea of how people handle disagreements and problems toward the beginning of a relationship - I don't want to deal with that kind of drama.

truesub4u -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 9:09:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite IrishMist, I am glad that works for you, but I sure wouldn't want to take someone as a submissive if they planned to just slam out the door if they ever had a problem with something I did, with no attempt at communication and no attempt to make things work! Again, it just comes across as very much a childish tantrum approach to disagreements. That's why it's important to get an idea of how people handle disagreements and problems toward the beginning of a relationship - I don't want to deal with that kind of drama. Ok this has me thinking. With in the last month. my former owner took upon himself a "daughter" knowing from the get go I was not into poly. But then this is just me. Even though we discussed bringing someone in AFTER i was able to get use to the idea of someone being around more and more. In other words.... MAYBE. But then a few weeks ago... he informs he's got this "daughter" and I had just better deal with it. No discussions... no warnings... no "Hey I've been talking to this other one." And then they both tell me they want me to join "Their Family". What of the "family I thought I had with my Master? So I walked. I felt betrayed. I felt alot of things. I didn't throw a tantrum. I just wished them well... and went on my way. Yes you might say he tried to talk me into things.. I have been his slave for over 2 years. And was no longer in my spot in his life. His daughter came first and then me. Call me childish if you will.... but I didn't like the my way or the highway.... though that wasn't an option he gave me. He just said deal with it... so I did... I walked and left the collar behind.

LaTigresse -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 9:27:55 AM)
Not childish at all.

IrishMist -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 10:34:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite IrishMist, I am glad that works for you, but I sure wouldn't want to take someone as a submissive if they planned to just slam out the door if they ever had a problem with something I did, with no attempt at communication and no attempt to make things work! Again, it just comes across as very much a childish tantrum approach to disagreements. That's why it's important to get an idea of how people handle disagreements and problems toward the beginning of a relationship - I don't want to deal with that kind of drama. You really should not jump to conclusions about people that you do not know. TRUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE It is soooooooooooooo good to see you posting again...I have missed you hun. [:D]

NihilusZero -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 11:01:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP My point beth is that he is dominant. Would you submit to him if he were submissive himself? Would either of you be happy like that? Him being who he is attracts your submission. If he weren't dominant, you would not be happy submitting to him. for the folks that need that inspiration, that special-ness that no-one else ever gets, more power to them...but those that don't, in this slave's humble opinion, shouldn't be labelled "bad" or "not good" because of it, that's all. amen, beth!! it does get rather old, doesn't it? I've missed meandering around here. :)

agirl -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 11:20:22 AM)
It's not childish at all. I'd almost certainly choose the route you did , not least because it's a betrayal but because he would NOT be the person I thought I was with. agirl

TreasureKY -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 11:32:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I wanted to add that part of what fueled this for me is that the whole bit with "my way or the highway" is that where is the skill in that? Where is the dominance? Where is the molding/shaping/guidance in that? I just wanted to address the part I bolded. Two things that I see often twisted around and overly romanticised. The skill aspect. Assuming we are discussing relationships and not whipping techniques, skill is, in my mind, not the best word to use. Or if so, take it out of context as being only a dominant skill. ALL people need good relationship skills, not just the dominant party in a relationship. We figuratively beat people over the head with this concept, on the forums, all the time. Phrases like "The common denominator is you!!" etc.. As for "where is the dominance" well, it doesn't take a skilled rocket scientist to have a dominant personality. Hell, I've got a 12# canine that is more dominant than most people I know. No skill in that, she just is, it is her personality. Now, being a sucessful leader in a relationship, especially a power exchange relationship, is going to take a combination of things. Good relationship skills, mastery of self, maturity, and a dominant personality.....to make it work. While the phrase "my way or the highway" may be used negatively by many, may have a negative feel about it to many, it really is a concept that is the foundation of a power exchange relationship. It simply takes a lot of mature communication to discover what those "ways" are and whether or not they are compatible. What I see as being a bad thing, is constantly making "my way" too fluid. Too dependant upon keeping the other person, keep them happy, just so they don't "hit the highway". We are all drawn to a power exchange relationship, whatever it is to us, for a reason. The question for many seems to be, do you want that to be simply an illusion to make you feel dominant or submissive, or do you want the reality and all that entails? (not you in particular Michael). Example: I want to dominate you as long as you are feeling warm fuzzies and will still love me and stay with me. Or....I want to submit to you as long as I am feeling warm fuzzies and all loved and stuff, reserving the right to change my mind on whim, about what that is. I don't think any one way is better. Whatever floats any one person's boat. I just want to see clear communication as to what that person's way is. If they think they want to serve me, but on their terms, after I've explained clearly it will be "my way" then they will hit the highway. My way, isn't conditional to all their warm fuzzies and moods. If I did that, I would be compromising my own integrity and nature. I've done enough of that in my life. I think there is a certain level of manipulation to all of that. All of that being said, I also believe there needs to be some flexibility in any given relationship. Regardless of type. I just don't think that flexibility should compromise the foundation that relationship was built on. Excellent, excellent post, LAT. For me, your emphasis on leadership and not particularly "dominance" resonates with mine and Firm's relationship... though I do recognize that others live their lives differently. There have been many great points made in this thread on all sides, but I think for every person there is a different truth. For myself as a submissive, I claim a softer version of "it's my way or the highway"... though I'd never frame it in those specific terms. Ultimately, if Firm did not meet my idea of a partner, he wouldn't hold that position. Most assuredly, the same goes for him. He doesn't force me to comply with his wishes by using "it's my way or the highway" as a threat... even though the agreement we had going into this relationship is that he's the boss and gets to make the decisions. In the same vein, I do not hold it over his head that if he began to consistently fail to meet my needs that the highway option would most certainly be employed. Threats and ultimatums just don't work for us, but truthfully, we all have a breaking point where things just stop working for us. Who would want to be stuck in a relationship where you couldn't call it quits? We each get to decide what works for us and when it stops working. Firm doesn't inspire my submission any more than I inspire his dominance. Although, if he weren't the person that he is, I wouldn't be inspired to follow his lead... just as I would bet he wouldn't be the least bit inspired to lead me if I didn't have an agreeably compliant nature. So yeah... dominant and submissive are natural characteristics of ours that exist regardless of who we are with... but the choice to fit those two characteristics together as the centerpiece of our relationship was wholly made based on skills and compatibility... and our mutual desire to be flexible. Flexibility allows us to put it all to the side if we wish and just enjoy being compatible even during disagreements... without having to resort to the highway.

IronBear -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 3:30:01 PM)
Were I to suddenly, with out discussions, change tack and do something like adding another person to my home, and especially if I knew it would probably cause some dissention, I would expect some reactions including walking.. Bloody hell, it may be my home and I have the final say, but who in their right mind wants to take the risk of wrecking a perfectly good situation because my tallywacker got the scent of some dainty morsel? I have a responsibility and a duty to those who I have authority over and that includes their happiness and the overall well being of the home and its inhabitants.

slavekal -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 4:31:23 PM)
It is one person dominating another. I think that is the definition of dominance.

Andalusite -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 6:12:38 PM)
truesub4u, I don't think that is childish or unreasonable at all. It sounds like poly isn't a limit for you, but sneaking around behind your back, not communicating, and using a "my way or the highway" approach (even if not in those words) was a dealbreaker. I hope you find someone who is a better fit for you! However, if someone is perfectly willing to dump someone after years together over wearing a pair of panties once, or failing to use third-person-speak once, or something else relatively minor like that, with no chance to attempt to work things out, I personally wouldn't want to date them, either as a dominant or as a submissive. I would perceive that as rather childish behaviour. However, if it works for other people in their relationships that don't involve me, that's fine. [:D]

TreasureKY -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 6:36:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite truesub4u, I don't think that is childish or unreasonable at all. It sounds like poly isn't a limit for you, but sneaking around behind your back, not communicating, and using a "my way or the highway" approach (even if not in those words) was a dealbreaker. I hope you find someone who is a better fit for you! However, if someone is perfectly willing to dump someone after years together over wearing a pair of panties once, or failing to use third-person-speak once, or something else relatively minor like that, with no chance to attempt to work things out, I personally wouldn't want to date them, either as a dominant or as a submissive. I would perceive that as rather childish behaviour. However, if it works for other people in their relationships that don't involve me, that's fine. [:D] Actually... reading how you've worded your comments, I can't help visualizing those who are intractable in their desire to always have their own way as the consummate brat, stomping their feet and holding their breath. [;)]

Andalusite -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/26/2009 6:39:49 PM)
chuckles exactly. If that dynamic works for other people, more power to them, it just isn't my kink. [;)]

IrishMist -> RE: My way or the highway? (3/27/2009 10:25:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Were I to suddenly, with out discussions, change tack and do something like adding another person to my home, and especially if I knew it would probably cause some dissention, I would expect some reactions including walking.. Bloody hell, it may be my home and I have the final say, but who in their right mind wants to take the risk of wrecking a perfectly good situation because my tallywacker got the scent of some dainty morsel? I have a responsibility and a duty to those who I have authority over and that includes their happiness and the overall well being of the home and its inhabitants. LMAO Master Ironbear....that was probably the best post I have had the pleasure of reading today. Thank you for the laugh lol.

DaddiesDaughter -> RE: My way or the highway? (4/2/2009 1:59:22 AM)
this shows the log in of My Daughter. But it the former Master of the submissive who was formerly My slave, truesub4u. As to the remark posted, "My way or the highway" is incorrect. No such remark was made to her. Next, the submissive and I have always been in a LDR. Having never met in the physical. she was and is a prize of a slave/sub for whomever can get past her walls. I never told her, as she states I have, told her she could not move here. she and I hadn't "spoken" in well over a year, an occasional text message from her, with Me responding in kind. Since the tragedies in her family, she has been without internet. Thus limiting Our communication. Also the medical problems have seen the loss of communication. As such, I went looking. My bad for being lonely.

sirsholly -> RE: My way or the highway? (4/2/2009 2:17:41 AM)
quote: Since the tragedies in her family, she has been without internet. obviously she now has internet service, enabling both of you to resolve your issues privately [:)]

HalloweenWhite -> RE: My way or the highway? (4/2/2009 3:58:34 AM)
I don't think it was childish, I just think it's sad He put you in this position after you dedicated 2 years of your life to Him.

unknownbyall -> RE: My way or the highway? (4/2/2009 10:35:39 PM)
Dedicated 2 years of her life to Me? LDR years, no physical torment. When I met truesub4u, here 2 years ago. she was a submissive, and turned to pain as her pleasure, for her Master. Though never in the physical. "obviously she now has internet service, enabling both of you to resolve your issues privately " she logs on once in a blue moon. As I said previously, most (99%) contact was via text messages. Along with this was her medical concerns, which I took into consideration. And gave her her time to recover. God forbid, in the interim, One would find someone else with whom to bond and plan to make a family. My Daughter is My pride and joy. truesub4u was My painslut, and she relished that position. Poly was not a thought. Daughter, painslut?

StormsSlave -> RE: My way or the highway? (4/2/2009 11:02:32 PM)
I don't know if My Lord "inspires" me to submit. I don't know how special it is. shrug. I do as I'm told because pleasing him makes me feel good. It's really just that simple. It works for us. It doesn't sound very poetic, I get it, but we aren't too concerned with what it sounds like or how it looks. It works for us.

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: My way or the highway? (4/2/2009 11:54:01 PM)
i've been reading the posts on this thread with much interest. What about something like this: if there is something the "s" cannot ever see herself doing, it should be a Hard Limit, which should be discussed before agreeing to the D/s relationship. Otherwise, she is expected to do whatever it is that is required of her. In three (or however many the Dominant decides upon) situations she can choose to try refusing, the first two result in punishment but the third results in dismissal. So she should decide how worth it the refusal to comply is, and whether she would prefer the "highway," as she knows from the get-go how things are to be.

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