quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Crazyredhead, I'd think that would make it far more likely that a submissive would list what would otherwise be soft limits as hard limits. There are a lot of things I'd be willing to do under the right circumstances, but would be scary, upsetting, or otherwise harmful to me under the wrong circumstances. I'd rather just communicate what's going on with me in those areas up-front, rather than saying "don't do x, because you could choose to do it in a way I won't like."

For example, I would have a very difficult time handling punishment play or verbal humiliation in the context of a regular scene, but in a roleplaying scene with minimal costuming, and being called by a different name, I think I'd be ok with it, and would be willing to try. So, I'd rather say this is the context I'm open to, this other thing won't work, than just making both "hard limits."

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957

i've been reading the posts on this thread with much interest.  What about something like this:  if there is something the "s" cannot ever see herself doing, it should be a Hard Limit, which should be discussed before agreeing to the D/s relationship.  Otherwise, she is expected to do whatever it is that is required of her.  In three (or however many the Dominant decides upon) situations she can choose to try refusing, the first two result in punishment but the third results in dismissal.  So she should decide how worth it the refusal to comply is, and whether she would prefer the "highway," as she knows from the get-go how things are to be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957

i've been reading the posts on this thread with much interest.  What about something like this:  if there is something the "s" cannot ever see herself doing, it should be a Hard Limit, which should be discussed before agreeing to the D/s relationship.  Otherwise, she is expected to do whatever it is that is required of her.  In three (or however many the Dominant decides upon) situations she can choose to try refusing, the first two result in punishment but the third results in dismissal.  So she should decide how worth it the refusal to comply is, and whether she would prefer the "highway," as she knows from the get-go how things are to be.

Wouldn't work for me. I've had to add to my hard limit list after trying things once and discovering they did bad things to me. How would telling me I was going to be dismissed if I couldn't handle it help me handle it better? When we met, I wasn't suffering from occasional bouts of vertigo, now I do.

So although then I wouldn't have thought of hard limiting inverted suspension, now I have to. If he was going to dismiss me because he insisted on doing something that makes me ill, then I'd be better off without him.

Same if the thing causes emotional distress. If an activity is more important to him than my health, whether physical, emotional or mental, then I'd be better off leaving before trying the activity.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

"My way or the highway" type, always reminded me of when my kids were in the formative years.  Unacceptable then (they found out quickly), and unacceptable to me now that I am older.  It always seems like a tantum to me.  Meh..
If by adulthood you have not learned the art of negotiation, compromise, tact, and reasoning, then it is time to go back to the drawing board.  Of course.. many people enjoy the appearance of dominance when the only option is either/or.
Phhht.
Kyst