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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

IrishMist, I am glad that works for you, but I sure wouldn't want to take someone as a submissive if they planned to just slam out the door if they ever had a problem with something I did, with no attempt at communication and no attempt to make things work! Again, it just comes across as very much a childish tantrum approach to disagreements. That's why it's important to get an idea of how people handle disagreements and problems toward the beginning of a relationship - I don't want to deal with that kind of drama.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

IrishMist, I am glad that works for you, but I sure wouldn't want to take someone as a submissive if they planned to just slam out the door if they ever had a problem with something I did, with no attempt at communication and no attempt to make things work! Again, it just comes across as very much a childish tantrum approach to disagreements. That's why it's important to get an idea of how people handle disagreements and problems toward the beginning of a relationship - I don't want to deal with that kind of drama.

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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

My point beth is that he is dominant. Would you submit to him if he were submissive himself? Would either of you be happy like that? Him being who he is attracts your submission. If he weren't dominant, you would not be happy submitting to him.

for the folks that need that inspiration, that special-ness that no-one else ever gets, more power to them...but those that don't, in this slave's humble opinion, shouldn't be labelled "bad" or "not good" because of it, that's all.

amen, beth!! it does get rather old, doesn't it?

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I wanted to add that part of what fueled this for me is that the whole bit with "my way or the highway" is that where is the skill in that? Where is the dominance? Where is the molding/shaping/guidance in that?

I just wanted to address the part I bolded.

Two things that I see often twisted around and overly romanticised.

The skill aspect. Assuming we are discussing relationships and not whipping techniques, skill is, in my mind, not the best word to use. Or if so, take it out of context as being only a dominant skill. ALL people need good relationship skills, not just the dominant party in a relationship. We figuratively beat people over the head with this concept, on the forums, all the time. Phrases like "The common denominator is you!!" etc..

As for "where is the dominance" well, it doesn't take a skilled rocket scientist to have a dominant personality. Hell, I've got a 12# canine that is more dominant than most people I know. No skill in that, she just is, it is her personality.

Now, being a sucessful leader in a relationship, especially a power exchange relationship, is going to take a combination of things. Good relationship skills, mastery of self, maturity, and a dominant personality.....to make it work.

While the phrase "my way or the highway" may be used negatively by many, may have a negative feel about it to many, it really is a concept that is the foundation of a power exchange relationship. It simply takes a lot of mature communication to discover what those "ways" are and whether or not they are compatible.

What I see as being a bad thing, is constantly making "my way" too fluid. Too dependant upon keeping the other person, keep them happy, just so they don't "hit the highway". 

We are all drawn to a power exchange relationship, whatever it is to us, for a reason. The question for many seems to be, do you want that to be simply an illusion to make you feel dominant or submissive, or do you want the reality and all that entails? (not you in particular Michael). Example: I want to dominate you as long as you are feeling warm fuzzies and will still love me and stay with me. Or....I want to submit to you as long as I am feeling warm fuzzies and all loved and stuff, reserving the right to change my mind on whim, about what that is.

I don't think any one way is better. Whatever floats any one person's boat. I just want to see clear communication as to what that person's way is. If they think they want to serve me, but on their terms, after I've explained clearly it will be "my way" then they will hit the highway. My way, isn't conditional to all their warm fuzzies and moods. If I did that, I would be compromising my own integrity and nature. I've done enough of that in my life. I think there is a certain level of manipulation to all of that.

All of that being said, I also believe there needs to be some flexibility in any given relationship. Regardless of type. I just don't think that flexibility should compromise the foundation that relationship was built on.

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ORIGINAL: Andalusite

truesub4u, I don't think that is childish or unreasonable at all. It sounds like poly isn't a limit for you, but sneaking around behind your back, not communicating, and using a "my way or the highway" approach (even if not in those words) was a dealbreaker. I hope you find someone who is a better fit for you! However, if someone is perfectly willing to dump someone after years together over wearing a pair of panties once, or failing to use third-person-speak once, or something else relatively minor like that, with no chance to attempt to work things out, I personally wouldn't want to date them, either as a dominant or as a submissive. I would perceive that as rather childish behaviour. However, if it works for other people in their relationships that don't involve me, that's fine.

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ORIGINAL: IronBear

Were I to suddenly, with out discussions, change tack and do something like adding another person to my home, and especially if I knew it would probably cause some dissention, I would expect some reactions including walking.. Bloody hell, it may be my home and I have the final say, but who in their right mind wants to take the risk of wrecking a perfectly good situation because my tallywacker got the scent of some dainty morsel? I have a responsibility and a duty to those who I have authority over and that includes their happiness and the overall well being of the home and its inhabitants. 

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Since the tragedies in her family, she has been without internet.