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RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 2:51:50 PM

MsFlutter

Posts: 1305
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
....I would personally be tempted to post a craigslist ad... saying you were dumping the top that wants to meet and smoke out with bottoms. Posting it right where he would see it. ....

I'm agreeing with Lockit. It will probably cost you in personal terms but that is already happening. I wouldnt even bother explaining it to him because it appears he wouldnt get it anyway. Just end the situation and dont look back.

Be motivated to create progress for YOU instead of spending time managing the inevitable destruction people like that will bring to your life.

< Message edited by MsFlutter -- 3/23/2009 2:54:07 PM >

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(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 21

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 4:39:03 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
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Gosh, no profile. What a surprise.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 22

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 4:50:25 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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Man, back off. Can't a brother just smoke a blunt or two with some gal pals? Jesus H. Christ!!!...Everyone knows bdsm isn't about sex. I'm just trying to perfect my shibari technique. What the fuck? If i'm working on some intricate knot shit and my dick juss happens to go into her mouth or snatch... Well I say Fuck it, it's like it's God's plan or sumthing..Could happen to anyone. But I guess you condescending fuckers hate God...So piss off!

Baby, I love you. Marry me. These other girls don't mean shit when you are around. When we are married I know you will never leave me alone. You are my world, gurl.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/23/2009 4:54:37 PM >

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Post #: 23

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 5:01:11 PM

thatonebitch

Posts: 27
Joined: 3/20/2009
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Hon, dump his ass. Seriously. The emotional fallout from finding this is not worth it. And I am speaking from experience here.

< Message edited by thatonebitch -- 3/23/2009 5:03:21 PM >

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 24

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 5:09:58 PM

CatdeMedici

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You really need to ask this question?

So go outside, take your shoes off, step in a pile of dogshit--does it smell? Chances are it it smells like shit, it is.

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RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 5:19:57 PM

TribeTziyon

Posts: 264
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Troll alert.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 26

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 5:23:32 PM

ThomasMore

Posts: 52
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline

Another champion of "open relationships" strikes again!

Time to redefine respectively what you consider cheating. Or leave.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 27

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 6:13:11 PM

DavanKael

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It expresses an intent and willingness to cheat, imo.
Davan

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Post #: 28

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/23/2009 6:24:38 PM

DesFIP

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A cheating drug addict. Honey, you can do better than this. Way better.

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RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/25/2009 5:57:34 PM

yesMaster247

Posts: 12
Joined: 3/24/2009
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Be careful i too am getting married and if i found out i would freak out!!!

i m afraid if u are finding red flags now i would slow down and see if u 2 are really ready for marrage.

best of luck

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 30

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/25/2009 10:18:43 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
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EVEN IF you have agreed to a poly type relationship, he's finding people behind your back! Not the actions of an honest, caring person you want to marry.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Unless you have agreed to a poly type relationship, he's cheating and doesn't give a rat's fat ass about you.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 31

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/25/2009 10:20:50 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
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yeah, and say "if anything happens, it happens but BDSM isn't about sex".

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I am sorry you are hurting... but I am with LaT here. I would be telling you to find someone worthy and dump his sorry ass.

I would personally be tempted to post a craigslist ad... saying you were dumping the top that wants to meet and smoke out with bottoms. Posting it right where he would see it. But that is the bitch in me... and it isn't always best to react on the bitch parts! lol But I would enjoy thinking of him reading it... as well as all those bottoms! And... if he post's often.. I bet he isn't getting any or they aren't coming back for seconds. But he is still trying and that is a betrayal of what he has said to you and promised.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 32

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/25/2009 10:23:11 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
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It's cheating if he's hiding it and the "if anything happens" bullshit is him not having the balls to say what he's really looking for (it's in Casual Encounters, we're not idiots) and hoping he gets lucky without putting himself out there. I agree it's a pathetic ad so I wouldn't be worried that he actually is meeting people; I would be worried about his general lack of moral character.

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet

I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We are going to get married and have a life together. He says he loves me more than I will ever know. I love him back : )

But... i found some personal ads up on craigslist
Top looking for bottom. S/W/M 25 years old
Send me your pic and what you are into.

I confronted him about all this and he said that bdsm is not all about sex which is true... but, he posted this up 2 days after i left.

Also he has one in platonic friends and several in casual encounters. Basically saying he has weed and wanting girls to smoke with and hang out with but if anything happens so be it.

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 33

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/25/2009 10:23:51 PM

Lordandmaster

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That's the long and short of it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

He's trying to get laid- and/or looking for kinky pix. I'd consider it a breach of trust, and a pretty poor personals ad.

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 34

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/26/2009 10:55:41 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
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The main issue is that every individual and each relationship forms its own construct of cheating...but one thing I chuckled about that makes this rather obvious (bolding mine):

quote:

ORIGINAL: inkywet

I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend.

quote:

Top looking for bottom. S/W/M 25 years old

Perhaps a 'bipolar' disorder may explain how someone can be both a boyfriend and single at the same time?

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 3/26/2009 10:56:20 AM >

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(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 35

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/26/2009 11:24:52 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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Easy to find out: make a new email addy at yahoo something he wont recognise and flirt with him and see how far he takes it.

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Post #: 36

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/26/2009 11:26:43 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZeroTop looking for bottom. S/W/M 25 years old

Perhaps a 'bipolar' disorder may explain how someone can be both a boyfriend and single at the same time?

good catch!...but Ill bet he could argue if he was clever, that S was for straight.

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 3/26/2009 11:27:32 AM >

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(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 37

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/26/2009 11:59:08 AM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Probably not going to be a popular reply, but I'd honestly say it all depends on what he does next.

Was this a one-time deal done out of boredom or momentary discontent? Though I don't consider it much of an excuse, some men don't really consider the act of "looking" as real... especially on the internet. Are they just looking for some validation or someone to talk to for a short while? Are they putting feelers out in an attempt to test any feelings of doubt they might have about their current relationship?

You know, there's a lot of truth in the saying that humans have a tendency to want what they can't have and not appreciate what they do have. Thinking the grass is greener on the other side is nothing new.

Maybe he just wasn't thinking about what he had to lose. Maybe he didn't think he'd ever really get to the point where he could lose you. Maybe he was just having a stupid moment. *shrugs* Or maybe he really doesn't care if he loses you.

What really matters is how he reacts. He didn't deny, so that's a plus. While lying to cover up a mistake is plenty understandable and human, it does mess with the ability to trust. Making lame excuses is also understandable, but might lead one to think he might underestimate your ability to see reason, so it all depends upon how credible his story is. Personally, I'd have to question a 25 year old man looking for female companionship not involving sex.

Strike that. I'd pretty much question any man looking for female companionship not involving sex.

However, what he does next is key. Does he behave in a way that indicates that he's truly sorry... and not just sorry he got caught? Does he do anything to reassure you that he won't do it again... not just say it? Does he take steps to try to rebuild your trust?

If you feel he's making a sincere effort to leave this issue behind, then giving him a second chance would be reasonable. I'd only recommend you stay vigilant. Trust, but verify.

Third chances only make you the fool.

Edited cause "of" doesn't mean the same thing as "up".

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 3/26/2009 12:01:38 PM >

(in reply to inkywet)

Post #: 38

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/29/2009 7:04:20 PM

asianchloe

Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline

If he's pretending to be single, he's clearly hoping for sex and his intentions are not as pure as they claim to be. If he had identified as single and placed the ad in the Strictly Platonic, maybe I'd listen to his side.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Perhaps a 'bipolar' disorder may explain how someone can be both a boyfriend and single at the same time?

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 39

RE: Would you consider this cheating? - 3/29/2009 7:51:45 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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when you blur the lines and then lie you are what you are a tiger can not change its stripes nor can wanna be tourist types being better then means being true to you
and what you beleave not being wishy washy standing firm on who you are some people just are stupid and think they can lie and twist things and get away with it
stand up for you and tell mr sleezy easy to take a hike

(in reply to asianchloe)

Post #: 40

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