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Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 7:00:12 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Do you have them? Are they physical, emotional or both?

i've come face to face with and emotional one recently and no matter what He tries or does, i can't seem to own up to the fact its there.

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 8:25:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Do you have them? Are they physical, emotional or both?

i've come face to face with and emotional one recently and no matter what He tries or does, i can't seem to own up to the fact its there.

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?

What do you mean you can't own up to the fact that its there?

Is this the same he from before or a new he? And if it's a new he, that's a speedy transition.

When faced with a hard limit, you say no. That's what a hard limit/limit is.

Being a bottom/sub/slave means taking responsibility for your own limits and choices.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 8:33:17 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Do you have them? Are they physical, emotional or both?

i've come face to face with and emotional one recently and no matter what He tries or does, i can't seem to own up to the fact its there.

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?



Yes, I have hard limits. I have less now than when I first started this journey, but I still have them.

Mine are physical in nature not emotional.

Why is this? Well because I believe that each person chooses their emotions and reactions. Some do this consciously and some unconsciously and some do both. When I react to a situation viscerally, I try to mentally step back and examine where the feeling is coming from and if it is the one that I want to be having.

What do I do when I am faced with a hard limit? Well, first I have already communicated with whoever it is what they are, so I am guessing that you mean what if they still are interested. For me, I talk to the individual and explain why something is a hard limit. Perhaps there is an alternative ie watersports instead of scat), or something that is lower down on my "limit-scale" (ie a butt-plug instead of anal-fisting). I am a curious person, and so I enjoy expanding my boundries. However some hard limits will always be hard limits (ie no branding).

It would help if I knew what the emotional boundry that you are facing is, but in general it is always a good idea to bring the emotion to a conscious level, examine it, and make it a part of yourself and your personal life experiance. Knowing why you feel something and where that feeling is coming from will reduce your anxity about it, and then you will be able to discuss it rationally and without reservation.

Good luck,

LaMalinche

-------------------------------------------------------------------

If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn't.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 9:00:39 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		"Is this the same he from before or a new he? And if it's a new he, that's a speedy transition.""

i think you have me confused with someone else...

It's kind of like the big white elephant sitting in the living room. Everyone knows it's there but no one wants to talk about it.

< Message edited by MyCaptainsPet -- 1/25/2006 9:24:38 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 9:06:24 PM   
foxglove716


Posts: 648
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Mine are physical in nature not emotional.

Why is this? Well because I believe that each person chooses their emotions and reactions. Some do this consciously and some unconsciously and some do both. When I react to a situation viscerally, I try to mentally step back and examine where the feeling is coming from and if it is the one that I want to be having.



I like this, and its very well put. I am the same way, my hard limits are only physical. But this makes me wonder if this can apply to the body as well as the mind, since a lot if not most of us as subs already do this to a degree with physical physical sensations. *shrugs shoulders* only one way to find out


_____________________________

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. -Oscar Wilde

(in reply to LaMalinche)
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RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 9:33:08 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		Well, my Captain and i love sexual adventures. FFM, MFM, MFMF, those kinds of things.. Recently he's been toying with the idea of us playing seperately from each other. i just don't want to be with anyone alone, nor can i stand the thought of him being with someone without me there.

i seem to have developed a green streak a mile wide.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 9:45:51 PM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Do you have them? Are they physical, emotional or both?

i've come face to face with and emotional one recently and no matter what He tries or does, i can't seem to own up to the fact its there.

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?


Try to work through it, with the full awareness that it may take time. At some points it may be incumbent on your dominant to push the envelope on it as well. But a lot of it has to do with you doing internal work and really being dedicated towards working through your feelings.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 9:46:30 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I would say tell him. if you don't speak up, he will probably not know how you feel about it. Not liking something and saying so does not make you any less of a submissive. And Doms are not mind readers you know, never assume he understands hints or innuendo, we men are notoriously bad at that.

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 11:13:14 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		Yes I do have hard limits.

An example would be I won't allow certain things up the backdoor that I think would jeopardize health and the long-term wellbeing of my backside. As a punishment recently my dom started cutting up a ginger root for figging. Now I know some swear by that and I'm not saying it's wrong. But for me it did not seem healthy and safe and I protested on the basis of my hard limit (already discussed) re what goes up there.

Like so many others, no poop, no kids.

And some things that used to be hard limits are becoming malleable. I used to say no needles. Now, my dom is a paramedic and I'd like him to give me permanent piercings but he declines from his professional wisdom. I used to say no watersports, but would now accept this as a punishment. At one time I said no cages. But, I have done that now.

As time goes on and you see things done, you realize some of what you thought intolerable gets to be imaginable. But, I think most of us will still choose to retain hard limits.



_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 11:33:40 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Do you have them? Are they physical, emotional or both?

i've come face to face with and emotional one recently and no matter what He tries or does, i can't seem to own up to the fact its there.

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?


Yes, I do and they are both.

When faced with a hard limit, it remains my hard limit and I do not go beyond it. If it's something I can possibly bend or negotiate on in some situations or with the right person, then it's not a hard limit. I try to be as clear as possible in expressing what they are and if intentionally violated or I feel at risk, I end things.

Sometimes it's not easy doing so or saying "NO" on something, but they are my hard limits for good reasons. If ever they become negotiable or riskable again, then they get moved off that list... but not because I'm at the moment feeling pressured or tempted, rather because of serious thought and personal care-taking.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Hard limits. - 1/25/2006 11:53:49 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?


I'm not sure, exactly, what you mean. If it's a hard limit, I don't come face to face with it as it simply isn't done, ever. It's not pushed, prodded, discussed or considered because all that is done prior to begging for or accepting the collar of someone ... at least for me.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 3:22:55 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		yes i have a few hard limits, we all do pretty much.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 5:34:55 AM   
phoenixslave


Posts: 66
Joined: 6/13/2004
Status: offline 		i agree with bita truble. hard limits were discussed long ago and don't come up. But i did ask then for unforseen limits. Things can come up you never covered or thought of. And they have though none have been a problem yet. as long as you can talk about it and trust them, it will be okay.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 5:54:25 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Well, my Captain and i love sexual adventures. FFM, MFM, MFMF, those kinds of things.. Recently he's been toying with the idea of us playing seperately from each other. i just don't want to be with anyone alone, nor can i stand the thought of him being with someone without me there.

i seem to have developed a green streak a mile wide.

What you mean is, he's been toying with the idea of fucking other women without having you around, and trying to make things seem more appealling by getting you to fuck other people when he's not around.

But it's not appealling because you enjoy those things only because he is also a part of it and would feel the relationship had been violated, as well as less meaningful in his life if he fucked another woman without needing/wanting you there.

You guys have a lot of talking ahead. Figure out exactly why he wants it, exactly what it means and what it doesn't mean to him. Make sure you communicate what it means and how it makes you feel. See the positives and the negatives.

And then decide if this is a relationship that will make you fulfilled.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 6:31:20 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixslave

i agree with bita truble. hard limits were discussed long ago and don't come up.


Same here...it's not up for consideration, negotiated, pushed, tested or ever been mentioned again since the very begining.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to phoenixslave)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 7:31:02 AM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes


quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenixslave

i agree with bita truble. hard limits were discussed long ago and don't come up.


Same here...it's not up for consideration, negotiated, pushed, tested or ever been mentioned again since the very begining.


Our orginal limits were discussed when we before we started this type of relationship. My limits have changed with my growth and I have been the one to tell him that they have change. It is part of our 'job' to make our partner know what we are thinking and feeling... they are not mind readers ya know.... But this is just me.

1st Girl Phoenix

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 7:34:51 AM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Well, my Captain and i love sexual adventures. FFM, MFM, MFMF, those kinds of things.. Recently he's been toying with the idea of us playing seperately from each other. i just don't want to be with anyone alone, nor can i stand the thought of him being with someone without me there.

i seem to have developed a green streak a mile wide.



I just thought that I would add this for your sanity.... I also have a green streak a mile wide. My Dragon and I do not 'play' with others outside our home seperately. I know that I would have a distinct reaction if he proposed this after all this time togeter.

1st Girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 9:21:36 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Do you have them? Are they physical, emotional or both?

i've come face to face with and emotional one recently and no matter what He tries or does, i can't seem to own up to the fact its there.

What do you all do when faced with a hard limit?



Communicate, communicate, communicate, open up and be honest.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 4:48:05 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

Well, my Captain and i love sexual adventures. FFM, MFM, MFMF, those kinds of things.. Recently he's been toying with the idea of us playing seperately from each other. i just don't want to be with anyone alone, nor can i stand the thought of him being with someone without me there.

i seem to have developed a green streak a mile wide.


I have played separately with other females (with His permission and encouragement) but we both have agreed no other males will touch me sexually when we are in a group situation. I have a hard time with other males watching but have overcome this somewhat by using a blindfold (if I can't see them then they're not there ) Master is always present during these times anyway.

Other hard limits apart from the usual ones - gags, breath play, face slapping, needles, blood play and humiliation (apart from gentle teasing by Master in private). I am prepared to work on the gag one, perhaps starting off with a scarf or something just to see how I go, and have a signal in place in case I start to panic.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Hard limits. - 1/26/2006 6:41:23 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Like so many others, what were they 10 years ago and what will they be 10 years from now..........hard limits the size of SSC or RACK are feasable, it is somewhat (almost) miasmatic yes or no; after?

Some things don't even need saying but yes they do.......reasonable is just that..........

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Rayne58)
Profile   Post #: 20
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