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RE: Hard limits. - 2/28/2006 6:57:51 AM

collegebeauty

Posts: 41
Joined: 2/27/2006
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I just want to add to the discussion of limits. I've only been in the lifestyle for about 6 months. I'm learning fast though. There are things that I thought would be hard limits that it turns out aren't so hard. I've also found things that I didn't think would cause problems for me that have become hard limits. Fortunately, I have a very understanding Dom who questions my limits regularly. He brings me various hypothetical situations and asks me for my honest reactions to them. In this way, I've found that new information - information only obtainable through experience - may have lifted a hard limit because I've foud that I can handle more than I originally thought/expected. Other things, I've found that while in fantasy they're nice, when it comes to actually consenting to let it happen, I can't do it. I think that discussion of these hard limits and soft limits and where my lines are is a good thing and I hope to make it a habit between us, or myself and any other Dom I encounter. The key though, is that I never feel pushed. He never phrases things as "If I asked you..." or "I want you to...", he phrases them as "What do you think of..." or "Have you thought about x topic lately." He has assured me he will never ask me to break a hard limit, but has also assured me that my soft limits will be pushed and eventually erradicated. It's a freeing feeling to get to know myself and my abilities and tolerances so intimately. All in all, discussion is good; pressure is what our Dom/mes need to avoid.

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RE: Hard limits. - 2/28/2006 7:46:52 AM

MyCaptainsPet

Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
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Do you find that your limits are emotional, mental or physical? Which ones are the hardest for you to work thru? Which are the hardest ones for you to discuss?

For me, if what i see as a hard limit contains only one of the types above, i can usually be talked thru it... but the moment two or three are involved there is no way on this green and blue earth that i can get by it without much pain..

Sometimes, like you, the fantasy may sound good.. the moment it starts to become a reality, i get frazzled by realizing it may just be boardering on a hard limit...

i have found tho, if a situation that i feel is pushing a hard limit comes into play... the moment he sents boundaries and defines exactly what he wants from me it becomes much easier for me.

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RE: Hard limits. - 2/28/2006 1:00:48 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
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For me a HARD Limit is a Limit that is never pushed, asked for, discussed. It is a Hard limit for a reason it is something I will never do for any one at any time it goes against my moral beliefs. Hard Limits and the topic of those are never brought up again.
Anything else I had for a limit I called soft and expected to be pushed. after 10 yrs I really don't have many/if any limits left that come to mind right now.

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A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

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RE: Hard limits. - 2/28/2006 5:26:54 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
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quote:

Well, my Captain and i love sexual adventures. FFM, MFM, MFMF, those kinds of things.. Recently he's been toying with the idea of us playing seperately from each other. i just don't want to be with anyone alone, nor can i stand the thought of him being with someone without me there.

i seem to have developed a green streak a mile wide.

I don't think it's fair to classify this as something that's wrong with you. I would be in the same boat if I were in your shoes. Sir and I do at times play with other couples, but not separately. I would have a very difficult time with that and frankly, would have to reassess where the relationship was going if he were to suggest that we split off and go do our own things once in a while.

It definately wouldn't sit right with me and I wouldn't hesitate to discuss it and let him know that as far as I was concerned, that wasn't what I signed up for.

Kassie

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Post #: 44