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The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 8:27:28 AM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

Ladies, Mistresses.....i have a question and i really hope i don't offend...if i do i apologize ahead of time. Is this a "guy thing" or an "everybody thing?" Are there very many male subs that just want to skip past the "get to know Y/you" stage and get right into kink, like so many of the male Dominants seem to want? Note i did not say "all," but "many." i do not want to offend A/anyone. i''ve only a few months in DBSM behind me, and wonder how prevalent this really is. Thank You for any and all input.

Post #: 1

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 8:31:07 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I think it is, in large part, an online thing. I've yet to meet a person, in a social setting, that wants to tell me about their sexual fantasies within the first few minutes of meeting.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 2

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 8:34:13 AM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

When you say get right into kink, do you mean talking about it or actually engaging it?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 3

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 9:06:00 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I have met some ladies like that too. One lady, on our first meeting, informed me that I was no longer allowed to date any other women. If I had a problem with it, she would take my address book and call every woman in it to tell them they were no longer needed. I will admit that that approach is hot, but it's not wise.

_____________________________

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(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 4

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 9:11:32 AM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

i am taken now but, when i was still looking, Some would just ask/talk about it & didn't bother me really...of course They wanted to know what i like. But most pushed for actually engaging in it or for pics/webcam right away & i cut them off saying "i will submit to my Sir when i find Him and i am still looking." Some even sent an initial letter with a sexual demand/request and nothing else in it...those i find especially irritating and would immediately delete and block.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 5

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 10:13:45 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

If it's a one nighter you can skip the "getting to know you" part and go right to the action part

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 6

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 10:17:02 AM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

I think a lot of that has to do with being online. For some reason there are people that feel free to act like complete and total asses because you don't really know who they are.

However, yes there are malesubs on here like that. In the real world I have had malesubs that were ready to play after a brief meeting but never have I had any just come up and ask for a sexual act in person. But I get emails all the time making those requests. The delete button is my friend.

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 7

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 11:09:44 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

In my experience... most... yes! lol In person... online... they want to get to the punch line... fortunately for me... the jokes on them becasue the only punch line they are going to get is to a joke, funny or not.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 8

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 11:27:05 AM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL:subtlebutterfly

If it's a one nighter you can skip the "getting to know you" part and go right to the action part

quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45

I think a lot of that has to do with being online. For some reason there are people that feel free to act like complete and total asses because you don't really know who they are.

However, yes there are malesubs on here like that. In the real world I have had malesubs that were ready to play after a brief meeting but never have I had any just come up and ask for a sexual act in person. But I get emails all the time making those requests. The delete button is my friend.

i admit that, when i first discovered D/s, i had a one nighter a couple times through a different site and they were very educational and that's what got me hooked, but after that no.

And yes, even though i've seen decent P/people on the message boards, i discovered there are a lot of asses online & found the delete button right away.

Thank Y/you all for the input. Also, this is the first time i have really checked out the Ask a Mistress forum.....it's great.

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 9

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 2:40:16 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

i looked at my own profile, and i discovered something that may have been part of the problem also. i totally accidentally said i liked cybering.....i've changed that to a Hard Limit. Maybe that will help!!

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 10

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 4:03:01 PM

MsDDom

Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline

i say it is 50/50...some subbies will and others will make proper strides in getting to know...
some subbies r driven by their kink/fetish and will go straight for that---those r indeed the red flag trolls

_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...

... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 11

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 3/28/2009 5:34:37 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

There is such a thing as 'getting to know you' which I feel can be also regarded as the 'empowerment' stage of things where either side make allowances, opportunities and possibilities for the other side to get to know them.

This could be something simple as leaving an e-mail address or IM addy, asking someone about their day, their life, finding out what they think and feel, and allowing them to probe, discover, explore and gain impressions of the other person.

It's hard work, requires a bit of effort, time, commitment, attention, but I feel that if it all comes together it pays off in the end.

This is from my perspective, my experience, my way of doing things for even if it doesn't work out after a few months the friendship and contact which remains to me is far better than the shallow or superficial excuses for relationships that people accept through being online.

Wham bam no thank you Ma'am.

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(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 12

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/26/2009 9:09:26 PM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

I agree with Stella....it is MINDS first...

the genitalia can cum/come later..
it requires time..effort..commitment yes...and it is a good way to WEED
out "kink do-me ppl" from either side and see

who really wishes to serve or DOMME

or who really wants their ass slapped or their genitalia stimulated within hours or days..
nothing wrong with "kink do-me" if thats what you want and you find a match'.........

..........just makes it difficult

when meeting a sub and they want to go under the table and service you in a cafe when that is what happened with the last "domme within an hour."

...or they say "what will you DO to me?" before....I even know what KIND of person they are

GETTING TO KNOW...is about :
* does a DOMMES style match a slave's desires?
*what do you have in common?
* talking about experiances...
* talking about your day to see how a person responds?reacts..are they angry??pouty? up beat? demanding?
* what do they do in their leisure time? video games? art? porn?nothing?
rescue animals?
*what is THIER realtionship to family?/estranged? good?
* what is THIER confidence like?their ESTEEM
* what are their views on BDsM? kinky?nasty? a desire? a hunger/ a need?a session? a lifestyle?

AND WITH getting to know a........
PT person/session partener or play-mate
much of the above is important. to me anyway

* sounds like OP has met..DO ME ppl

** had one today..said he wanted to come right over to be "used.."
no pic nothing..
when I said no thanks..he said
"Well fine then if you don't want to maintain your dungeon skills"
ahahhahahhahhaha

** a good article on this is in ELISE SUTTONS website where the subs write about dif kinds of subs...

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 4/26/2009 9:14:13 PM >

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 13

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 3:13:22 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

That's a beautifully formatted post, Gypzy.

Back to the main issue here:

When we meet someone at work, the first thing we talk about is work. It's what we know we have in common.
When we meet someone at school, the first thing we talk about is school. It's what we know we have in common.
When we meet someone surfing, the first thing we talk about is surfing. It's what we know we have in common.
When we meet someone in the dog park, we talk about dogs. It's what we know we have in common.
When we meet someone through a BDSM venute, the first thing we talk about is BDSM. It's what we have in common.

I write it that way for dramatic effect, not to presuppose it's true. But it does make sense. I always feel awkward trying to spark up a conversation about travel and weather when I can see "Cock Worship, Ass Play, Humiliation, Spankings..." are a list of things this person "lives for". I feel like its a formality, we do this delicate dance around the issues. I'm not a huge fan of it, but human mating rituals are part of life. Some people never learned how to dance, or dismiss is as unnecessary.

Is it necessary? I already have such intimate detail, it seems pointless. CrazyRedHead, I've already seen you leashed up, on all fours, seen down your shirt, and know you like some dirty talk and a spanked bottom. This is hardly the introductory information I'd have if we were pupils or co-workers.

I can appreciate the difference here, and the need to handle this automatic intimacy in a comforting manner. I'm certainly not trying to dismiss the wonder of the dance, merely explain why it can go overlooked by so many people.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)

Post #: 14

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 4:32:29 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

It's the 80/20 rule: 80% of us pay the annoying price for the 20% who fall for it.

I, like Lockit though, see it extend to the reality phase as well--first phone chat or first meeting, it seems they are beyond anxious to get to the "kink, especialy if it involves sexual proclivities".

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 15

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 6:23:41 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957

Are there very many male subs that just want to skip past the "get to know Y/you" stage and get right into kink, like so many of the male Dominants seem to want?

I'd say approximately 90% (and that's being kind) want instant domination. I no longer even try to get these men to slow down so that we can become acquainted; I just move on to the next e-mail.

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 16

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 6:52:09 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If we're talking about an online thing, most couldn't care less about who's on the other side of the kneel. I can't tell you how mail emails I receive with the kink and/or sex laid out on the table. Usually, when I get an introductory note from someone telling Me just how much they love strap on sex or oral worship, I send a reply asking if that would be what the person would say if they were saying that first hello in person.

I make a similar remark to those who send cock shots or have their main profile pic as a headless body standing in their underwear. It's not like I'm going to arrange a first meeting at a neutral location, and then proceed to tell everyone to take their pants off so I can recognize who I'm supposed to meet.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 17

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 8:18:34 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

LOL...guys, on the first meet show up with your head covered and your pants off.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 18

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 8:20:37 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyredhead1957

Ladies, Mistresses.....i have a question and i really hope i don't offend...if i do i apologize ahead of time. Is this a "guy thing" or an "everybody thing?" Are there very many male subs that just want to skip past the "get to know Y/you" stage and get right into kink, like so many of the male Dominants seem to want? Note i did not say "all," but "many." i do not want to offend A/anyone. i''ve only a few months in DBSM behind me, and wonder how prevalent this really is. Thank You for any and all input.

No, it's not a guy thing, it's an internet thing. Most of the women that contact me are annoying little twits that are only looking for cyber thrills and having a clue what submission really is, let alone being a slave.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to crazyredhead1957)

Post #: 19

RE: The "Getting to Know You" Stage... - 4/27/2009 9:32:31 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

annoying twits?? b...b..b....b...but..but..but..but...butbutbutbutbutbutbutbutbut what about ME????

..neva mind I'm in a weird mood

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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