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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:43:41 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		a thought

Those who don't want any baggage can be damaging to a viable relationship.  It could mean that if my ex suddenly turns up (he's been AWOL for years) or if my adult daughter calls with a problem or Mr TeenAngst has something that needs to be delt with that Mr NoBaggage would harp at me about not dealing with it.  It could mean that if I need to problem solve about an issue at work, he wouldn't be a sounding board for me.  It could mean that he'd want me to swallow all my issues until I'm saturated and then I implode.

I am a no nonsense, no drama person, but even I have moments when the drama invades my life.  I would need a partner that could deal with it just like he expects me to be supportive of his issues.

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:53:42 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Everyone has baggage!!
It's how we deal with it that counts

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:57:13 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Someone with no baggage either has no life experience, or has deeper problems in which they are choosing to ignore all the problems in their life. Baggage is what makes us who we are, after all. If I didnt have a divorce and an attempted but derailed relationship here in Nashville Id never have met Fox. So, I love my baggage!

As ITS said above me, its not what you have its how you deal with it.

DV


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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 4:23:45 PM   
TaoWoman


Posts: 140
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From: Kpe'me', Togo
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Airlines limit the baggage you can take.  So why not Doms?

The more baggage she carries the more effort I must put in.  Expecting no baggage is ridiculous.  But there's a limit to how much I will accommodate.



I love this analogy! What I am willing to shoulder from another depends on where I am in my own life and how it will serve the relationship. I look at this as making a healthy choice and honoring my own spirit.

As to how one handles their baggage - I totally agree with the comments made so far on the topic and would add my own "airline analogy".  Before take-off, the air hosts always instruct the passengers to attach their own oxygen masks before helping others and I believe this is crucial in life as well. Take care of yourself and then see what you can do for others...if they are following this same path, their "baggage" won't really be baggage but instead life-experiences that have created the individual they have become~

We really should not be expecting someone else to fix us or our unfinished business/baggage no matter what side of the kneel we are on~
As discussed on another thread - expectations, particularly of that sort, usually lead to disappointment. This I have learned by experience~


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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 4:33:39 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		When I see 'no baggage' I think.. 'anal retentive'... run!  Most the time it is an older person saying it and I think it says a lot about them... a lot of things I would want nothing to do with.

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 4:48:54 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps it isn't so much that they don't want baggage - they just want matching baggage, so at the airport, they will look "together".
I would suggest "Tuesday Morning". They have great sales.

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:18:06 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		I dated a girl many years back. Unfortunately the fellow that she was involved with before me did not treat her very well. He seemed to have a problem with fidelity and lied to her to cover it up. She had not gotten this out of her system when we started seeing each other and I had to listen to how I was going to do the same thing to her while all the time reassuring her that I would not. I gave it my best shot and tried to ride it out while she got her baggage sorted out.

She eventually came to realize that all men are not pigs and that I indeed was not going to treat her like her previous paramour had done. Sadly, by the time she came to this realization I had reached the limit of my patience for this nonsense and we parted ways. Now that I read this thread and see how her baggage enriched her and made her the person that she was I am saddened that I got pissed off for having to pay for the sins of my predecessor. I should have celebrated her paranoia. I feel so cheated being in a relationship today with a woman who has none of this drama. After reading this thread now I see what I am missing.





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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:29:34 PM   
heartcream


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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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< Message edited by heartcream -- 4/1/2009 7:42:19 PM >

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:37:15 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Imo, everyone has 'baggage' and I don't expect anyone to come to me perfect (If they seemed 'perfect', I would reeeeeeally worry). 
I use phrasing something akin to "as few tag along issues as possible" and that could mean any number of things such as: 1)not having any serious std's, 2)not having psycho ex-'s, 3)not having ums (Lest anyone think I dislike ums, 'tis not the case but not precisely keen on the drama that typically accompanies such wonderful products of relationships that no longer are), 4)and other really crazy stuff, I suppose, like not having warrants or people looking to kill you or heaven knows what, lol!  :> 
Perfection, nah, not asking that of anyone.  Not bringing super-crazy, insane drama to me, yeppers, definitely making that request.  :>
  Davan

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:37:17 PM   
heartcream


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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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When I read "no baggage" I sense a Neanderthal and steer very clear.


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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 7:54:51 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
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Status: offline 		FR
FR
I am who I am for what I have done to become me, made me who I am. To change any of that, would be to change who I am. I like who I am, and fuck you if you don't.


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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 8:06:50 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		maybe it is not baggage but lesssons we have learned to listen to  on shoosing good and bad people in our lives

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 8:23:08 PM   
Vanityfull


Posts: 196
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline 		iv always considered baggage more to be issues people havnt dealt with in there personal life that need closure than just issues or bad times they have had

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 8:26:41 PM   
HerLord


Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline 		I like this description. I think I now have a useful idea of how to relate this.

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 10:48:47 PM   
twisteddoll


Posts: 22
Joined: 2/22/2008
Status: offline 		I think those "no baggage" profile are the same people who send you those "I own you now." and the random "On your knees!" without even so much as a hello.  Or maybe it's a new way of saying, "BOOTY CALL PLZ!"

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 11:05:11 PM   
WyldHrt


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Joined: 6/5/2008
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Thanks for all the thoughtful replies. The question came to me after reading several "no baggage" type profiles, and I was curious as to how folks here view baggage, as well as how the "no baggage" thing in a profile is interpreted by those reading it. The replies (even the negative ones) have been informative as to both questions 

As to that:
DomImus- I specifically referred to people who are too broken to form healthy relationships in my OP. Having done that, I don't get your need to bring up your relationship with just such a "broken" person. Could it be that the experience left you with a bit of baggage?
Antipode- The comment you quoted was followed by the acronym "IMO" because it was MY opinion, which I'm quite entitled to, thank you. That said, if your comment on divorce was directed at me personally, sorry but you are barking up the wrong tree and/or are ignorant of California divorce laws.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 4/1/2009 11:48:47 PM >

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RE: Baggage - 4/1/2009 11:35:41 PM   
SirRussellP


Posts: 107
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline 		There is no such thing as a human without baggage over the age of 5.

Oh and that goes for Dominants too

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RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 12:15:36 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		To be honest with you, everybody has baggage of some form or another. Everybody has issues. This is all part of being a human being with a past and having lived life.

The thing is what kind of baggage a person has and if their partner or prospective partner can deal with it. It's a two way street.

Now at times one persons baggage and another persons baggage combined can have challenging moments.

Back to this whole business of communication, taking time to get to know one another and working things out.

I think the issue is not so much about baggage, but about how people deal it. Some people don't or can't deal with certain kinds of specific baggage. Okay, basically a limit, deal breaker or hard limit.

Some of the "No Baggage" folks actually can't deal with another persons baggage because they have too much baggage of their own to humanly deal with. Go figure.

I tend to think the "No Baggage" statements come off a little jaded and cynical sounding, and well.. they themselves have been burned or hurt and have not got over or past it yet.

In short, the "no baggage" people don't want to go through yet another "hell relatiionship" like they just got out of.

It's a little difficult to guess. Best way to find out, is to simply ask them "What kind of baggage, they can't or don't deal well with" since everybody has it.






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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 6:50:37 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
That said, a good look into my baggage also reveals acceptance, love, friendship, and a whole lot of other goodies. I cherish each and every one of these, as they also have made me who I am today. The "no baggage" folks are seriously missing out, IMO, as you really can't know someone without looking at everything they are, warts included.

What matters to me most is how much the person chooses to prioritize the negative, and how much the positive. 

One female friend of mine finalized a divorce recently, and she doesn't like her ex, but they talk twice a week about who gets the kids when, in case they have to take trips, or want to do something special with the kids.  I think that's extremely impressive, shows maturity, and the ability to pull the best from a bad situation.  Another female friend of mine, also recently divorced, spent most of her time with me recently talking about how terrible her ex was, and how burned out she was from a job she used to have.  That yellow-flagged me.  I like her, and I'll talk with her again, but I'm more cautious than I was before.

I'd suggest to anyone, male or female, concerned about "showing baggage", to make sure what you say demonstrates acceptance, love and friendship.  It's so easy to complain.  It's harder to talk positive and even harder to act positive.  But OMG is it worth it.


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RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 7:16:16 AM   
crazyredhead1957


Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline 		E/everyone has some kind of baggage, including me.  And baggage is not always a drag.  my baggage is of the sort that it's made me into a more loving, warm, and accepting person than i used to be.....plus mine has the added attraction of all fitting into the overhead compartment. 

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Profile   Post #: 40
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