RE: Baggage

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Baggage

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Baggage

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 7:54:10 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...Is baggage always a bad thing?...

it depends on the trip...distance, method of travel, that sort of thing.

sometimes, hauling a big bag of woes from the past around with you prevents you from having awesome experiences in the here and now. that's what this slave believes the "no baggage" folks are referring to.

perhaps, instead of "no baggage", they could write "no carry-ons"...the implication being that any baggage brought would be checked and stowed out of sight, so as not to be a bother.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 41

RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 11:26:21 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

Experiences - good or bad - do not constitute baggage. Baggage is the lingering negative hangover from those experiences. ...

This was my impression.
"Experience" and "baggage" are not synonyms.

"Baggage" is not simply where you store the sum of your experiences and knowledge.

The term "baggage" is used to imply an encumberance of some sort, that is; an actual obstacle, something that could (or will) come between you.

This could be relatively minor ("it'll take me a while to get to trust you") to severe ("I will never trust you no matter what you do".)

In the latter case, the "baggage" prevents the person from accurately deducing what someone's motives are.

Or it could cause them to approach everything in a pessimistic way.

Those things could be genuine "encumbrances".

If a woman said to me "I have a lot of baggage", I would take her seriously and approach with caution.

I would agree that everybody has some kind of baggage, some "trust issues" or whatnot.
If you're human, you've gotten burned at least once in your life, after all.
So, to say "no baggage" does sound a little (or a lot) pretentious - and probably not very self-aware.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 42

RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 3:45:57 PM

Rrryker

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline

(haven't read all the replies, so pardon me if someone else has mentioned these points already...)

There's "baggage" and then there's "history". Baggage is the history you keep carrying around with you, that's heavy and won't fit in the overhead compartment, history that doesn't seem in the past, but that retains an inordinate influence on your present. History informs your character, it is the stories you tell of your life, we all have histories and they are good, even when they are bad. But baggage is weight, inertia, a wound that won't heal.

I definitely appreciate history, and have quite a checkered past myself. But I certainly wouldn't want to burden anyone with my baggage, nor do I appreciate those who make no effort to lighten their own load. Hell, I can help you carry some of that baggage and maybe help even get rid of it, but if it becomes all about baggage handling and never gets to writing new pages of one's history, one should not be faulted for wanting to avoid that kind of drama.

For example, I get tired sometimes of hearing about how "all men" do this or that, when the speaker's point of reference is actually only what one man did to her at some point years in the past. That's the kind of baggage it's hard to get past.

R.

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 43

RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 4:13:52 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

I often read in profiles here things like "don't bring any baggage", "want a sub with no baggage", or "deal with your own baggage".
Okies, on one level I can understand this, as it often means, "Don't contact me if you are too damaged/ disfunctional/ not ready to move on from a past relationship". I really do get that.

On another level, I have to wonder. It seems that some folks expect that potential partners have been wrapped in a sterile coating like the plastic cups you get in hotel rooms. They want a clean slate and will have nothing to do with the experiences that have made someone who they are today, but are still interested in that person... which leads me to ask....

Is baggage always a bad thing?

My own "baggage" contains the sum total of my experiences, both positive and negative. While I strive to overcome the negative stuff, it is still something I went through and part of my personal history. Does getting past it mean it no longer exists and never happened? No. Does my experience in this area color my perceptions as regards new relationships? Hell yes, but I'm working on it.

That said, a good look into my baggage also reveals acceptance, love, friendship, and a whole lot of other goodies. I cherish each and every one of these, as they also have made me who I am today. The "no baggage" folks are seriously missing out, IMO, as you really can't know someone without looking at everything they are, warts included.

I, like you, bring baggage to every relationship.

It is the sum total of me.

No one brings zero baggage....unless you're 12.

That said....could you please bring every bit of your cleavage to my place this weekend?

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 44

RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 5:35:19 PM

MasterDarkSadist

Posts: 60
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Is baggage a good thing? Not really. Is it avoidable? Not really. So what to do?

Find someone who works for you, and who doesn't have the kind of baggage that conflicts with you in such a way to be detrimental to your relationship with them.
That being said, I don't think that someone should be looked down upon for not wishing to be with someone because they feel that certain types of baggage are too difficult to work with. I for one will never EVER, EVER try being with an ex-alcoholic, drug user, etc. Even one who has "just tried coke, and it's been years since I did." It has been my experience that these people, all too often, are testing to see how well you would respond to knowing that it wasn't just experimentation. To me, it is just not worth it to put myself into a situation with someone who cannot make wise decisions regarding their wellbeing.

So, I am sure that everyone has criteria that place certain types of baggage into the "no-go" category, and other types into the "lets talk a little more about that" category. It is not wrong for someone to avoid dating/what-have-you for any reason, let alone not wanting to deal with a certain type of baggage.

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 45

RE: Baggage - 4/2/2009 5:58:50 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

MDS, I don't think your perceptions here are entirely accurate, I have tried coke as I recall. Twice, and over more years ago then you've been alive.

There's a difference between trying it once or twice prior to the age of consent, and having done it regularly ever since.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MasterDarkSadist)

Post #: 46

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 3:48:23 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

And there are those people that had substance abuse problems and overcame them through sheer willpower. I had a problem with coke (try $500+ a day) and quit cold turkey. I've been clean for 23 years and am willing to be tested at any given time. I rarely drink, don't smoke and will not tolerate illegal drugs in the same vicinity as myself or family.

The truly sad thing is that because of peoples attitude about "drug users", I don't, and can't, mention one of the best and hardest things I've ever done in my life because it automatically brands me a "junkie" in many eyes.

Apparently the fact that I quit and have been clean for 23 years means jack shit.....

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 47

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 3:53:13 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

I just want your baggage to coordinate with mine.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 48

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 3:56:47 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

Well, let's see..... I've got basic black though I'd love a nice warm floral tone print. So whatever you have would probably go just fine with mine!

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 49

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 4:11:13 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

To me, it is just not worth it to put myself into a situation with someone who cannot make wise decisions regarding their wellbeing.

In that case...you might just find yourself living a rather lonely life.

All of us, at one time, have made poor decisions regarding our well being. No one is immune, as we are all human.

Perhaps rather than judging, you might want to look at this "baggage" in a different light. Yes...someone used drugs, but that someone had the strength of character and the level of self esteem to stop, to seek help if necessary, and to turn their lives around.

Allow me to clue you in to a simple fact here...if i were looking for a partner and had a choice between someone who had no baggage, no challenges met and overcome as opposed to someone who took life by the horns, battled his demons, won and has the scars to prove it....i would take the bearer of the scars every time.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 4/3/2009 4:16:50 AM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to MasterDarkSadist)

Post #: 50

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 4:24:21 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
if i were looking for a partner and had a choice between someone who had no baggage, no challenges met and overcome or someone who took life by the horns, battled his demons and won and has the scars to prove it....i would take the bearer of the scars every time.

A friend of mine, divorced, two kids, recently told me she was sick of dating men who had never been married because it was like talking to boys as soon as responsibilities came up. Her new "rule" is only to date men who have kids, because they are more likely to know what it means to have to put someone else's needs ahead of their own desires.

Beating drugs is the same deal, in a way. It's making a decision, not just with words but with every fiber of the body, that what I need is more important than what I want. It takes some people a long time to figure that out.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 51

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 4:35:13 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

If the rocks in my head fit the holes in hers...

When I was twenty, this may have worked.
Now, know what...
We all have baggage, from childhood, relationships, hopes gone bad, mistakes we've made
Just life.
The question for me is what is the baggage
and does it stand in the way of what is important (which- since we are talking BDSM and a potential slave/submissive-means Me!).

And hey, Rainfire...
I think your post is one of the saddest things I have ever read here.
you are so right, you did gain a huge victory, maybe the most important of your life
The fact that you feel you can't share that without being judged sucks.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 52

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 5:59:34 AM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rainfire

Well, let's see..... I've got basic black though I'd love a nice warm floral tone print. So whatever you have would probably go just fine with mine!

I just dont want his baggage to be packed in a series of Hefty Bags, yanno?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 53

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 6:06:11 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

Thanks, Kana. It's based on some advice a great doctor gave me years ago. I used to be very open about it until she told me that it's considered standard medical practice that once someone admits to having had a drug problem, no matter how long ago, they'll always be seen as a drug addict. Unfortunately, I've found her advice to be true. A lot of people outside the medical profession also have the attitude. So - I'm quiet about it. I am more than just what happened over 20 years ago, I am the sum of all my life experiences, not just one. Good, bad, neutral.

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 54

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 6:09:00 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I just dont want his baggage to be packed in a series of Hefty Bags, yanno?

My ex did that.... packed up his stuff in trash bags when he moved back to mommy and daddy. I would have offered to help but I wouldn't have put them in his car, especially since he parked right next to the garbage cans.

"Whooops! I missed your car.... I'm sorry, I have noooooo idea where your stuff is.Well, yes, today is garbage day - why?"

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 55

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 6:42:13 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Hefty bags
hmmmmmmmmmmm
Irish Suitcases

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 56

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 3:58:18 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly
if i were looking for a partner and had a choice between someone who had no baggage, no challenges met and overcome or someone who took life by the horns, battled his demons and won and has the scars to prove it....i would take the bearer of the scars every time.

A friend of mine, divorced, two kids, recently told me she was sick of dating men who had never been married because it was like talking to boys as soon as responsibilities came up. Her new "rule" is only to date men who have kids, because they are more likely to know what it means to have to put someone else's needs ahead of their own desires.

Beating drugs is the same deal, in a way. It's making a decision, not just with words but with every fiber of the body, that what I need is more important than what I want. It takes some people a long time to figure that out.

I can understand the "kid" thang.

The drug analogy is lost. I have seen far too often where an alcoholic or drug addict has fallen off of the wagon...How about giving some props to the people that had the " smarts" to never go down this path in the first place?

baggage is not persevering over tragedy or obstacles...that is the definition of character.

it has been said above repeatedly...baggage is carrying around the stanky shit of your past that you have to flush or it will only bring you down.

As Mr Springsteen says,...."Theres a room of shadows that gets so dark brother Its easy for two people to lose each other in this tunnel of love... It ought to be easy ought to be simple enough Man meets woman and they fall in love But the house is haunted and the ride gets rough And youve got to learn to live with what you cant rise above if you want to ride on down in through this tunnel of love."

Too many never attempt to rise above the shit they have endured...Baggage.

_____________________________

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 57

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 4:38:51 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

My statement was not exclusive to drug use, alcohol et al...but rather one who had made bad decisions/shown poor judgment in relation to their own personal well being..as per the post i was responding to. Poor judgement encompasses every damn one of us, at one time or another. Be it drug usage, driving drunk, a bad relationship...none of us are immune.

Character, strength and courage are not just measured by avoiding a fall but also by how one picks themself up and brushes off. Read RainFires post up there. She admitted to a fall, yet that girl has more character, inner strength, and courage then alot of people i know.

And as to baggage...we all have it, and we all enter a relationship carting it. I don't care how much you try to deny it...you are alive...you have baggage. The size of the suitcase, and how often you open it is what i would question

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 58

RE: Baggage - 4/3/2009 7:01:03 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

There is alcoholism in my family. It isn't smarts that I'm not one of them, it's the luck of the draw. Same luck of the draw that did let me inherit the genes for mood disorders.

Guess I should have picked my great grandfathers more wisely.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 59

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Baggage

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094