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RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/1/2009 4:42:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		OP you need to hit the search button and do a lot, a hell of a lot, of reading on humiliation before you ever attempt it in real life. What one person finds embarrassing will make another violently ill. What one finds humiliating in a good way, will cause another to punch you in the nose and tell all her friends how sick you are. And the third will just laugh at you and call you names in return.

You need to know a lot about your partner. About their weak spots, about their fears, about past abusive episodes before you start mucking around in the human psyche. Above all, you need to have a lot of trust so they will be able to talk to you about these things.

Obviously it gets you hot to call the girl names. You better know ahead of time if it does the same to her or brings back memories of being called bitch while getting raped. Because if you don't take the time and trouble to do this, then you aren't safe to be with.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to KneelforAnne)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 1:01:10 AM   
DominantlyCaring


Posts: 10
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline 		they are always my pretty girls... and always will be..

Sir CK

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 2:11:53 AM   
MsTrees


Posts: 17
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline 		Enjoyed the wonderful responses to an inquiry that is honest to begin with an admission of being new to all this but then claims to know that most of us are verbally abusive (that's what I call hateful language) to our subs. It seems the OP is getting his info about D/s from some corny BDSM porn stories and maybe (though he claims to have read it) videos.
These forums provide a real service in setting the record straight at times like these.

_____________________________

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit.
Moliere

(in reply to DominantlyCaring)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 5:27:33 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I've been called all sorts of things although until recently on another site when I dug my heels in regarding drugs in the BDSM scene where I was abused by a clique of the under 30's here in Australia because I made it quite clear than all drug activity which comes to my attention (excepting Grass which I have for years advocating being legalised), I would pass details on to my associates in the Feds. usually though any derogatory names like shit head or wanker etc. come from idiots in the mundane world. I just laugh, agree with them and comment that aye I am that and in deed I am the best and biggest what ever in Australia. I pause and ask the abuser publically what has he or she ever done.... This usually leaves them humilated, especially when their own cronies laught at them..





_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to deeppression)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 6:01:14 AM   
Bstardsbitch


Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline 		Twice in this thread I've read "the vanilla world is nasty", kinky people are no different are they?
Or have I missed a memo that says we're all less judgemental on the dark side? lol
xx

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 7:15:42 AM   
CollaredLisa


Posts: 135
Joined: 3/28/2009
From: Germany
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bstardsbitch

Twice in this thread I've read "the vanilla world is nasty", kinky people are no different are they?
Or have I missed a memo that says we're all less judgemental on the dark side? lol
xx


I agree, it's more like "the world is nasty"

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 7:19:23 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		My observations lead me to believe that people are people and no matter what "world" they are in there is a large amount of beauty and just as much nastiness. Perhaps the secret is to recognise the nastiness and either avoid it or try to as much as seems reasonable and enjoy all that is beautiful either in people or in others areas. Very few things or people are completely nasty but may seem so due to negative interactions or from our personal perspective. By and large existing, surviving and living is a huge game and you have to understand how to play the game. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 9:13:38 AM   
AfroerotiK


Posts: 16
Joined: 3/24/2009
Status: offline 		I'm glad I actually took the time to read all the responses because I was quite unaware of the sensitivities of female subs.  I've only dominated men and I wouldn't think twice about calling one of them ugly.  In fact, calling them ugly would probably be considered a compliment compared to the names I usually call them.  I consider myself respectful of people's boundaries but if a sub was offended at me calling him ugly, he probably wouldn't even make it to a session with me.  I have no desire to dominate women because I think women are all too oppressed in society overall and I can understand and respect the sentiments of women wanting to feel empowered and beautiful, even if it is in the act of submission.  Eye opening thread here.  

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 6:11:39 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		AfroerotiK, from reading posts on the subject of humiliation and degradation, I think your experiences are absolutely correct. Male subs in general have a much higher rate of wanting to be humiliated and degraded. Obviously there will be individual ones with no interest, and some who can handle some things but not others. But overall, this very heavy play seems to appeal much more to male subs.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to AfroerotiK)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 6:18:07 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I don't want verbal humiliation play, in general, though I might be ok with some "names" if said as an endearment, in the right tone of voice. However, if it were specifically a negotiated role-playing scene, with him calling me by a different name, and maybe some costuming, so it was clear he didn't really mean *me*, I think I'd be ok with it. It's not something that intrinsically turns me on, but if handled the right way, it could be fun, silly, and intriguing. Of course, I'd need to be able to safe out if it if something hits home a little too hard, maybe something that works more naturally into the scene than "yellow."

For example, dressing up with a halloween wig with snakes, as The Gorgon "Stare at my cock some more you ugly creature, it isn't hard enough yet for me to stick it in you!" or a wearing a schoolgirl outfit, with him playing the a bully with over-the-top or silly insults "'Susie,' your ass is so fat it takes up 3 zipcodes! Was your mama a nanotechnologist, 'cause damn, girl, she sure made your tits microscopic!" or wearing biblical robes "'Leah,' I slaved away for 7 years, and all I got was your skanky ass, when I want Rachael. Have you been eating bacon, 'cause you look like a pig!"

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 4/2/2009 7:18:33 PM >

(in reply to deeppression)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 7:06:48 PM   
MasterMatty


Posts: 14
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline 		I never do it // Calling them names is one thing (but only if she likes it) but degrading them in that way is not something I would do, even if they where into it, but in all fairness I have not come across one that has

Been called a naughty little whore can be a turn on when it is said at the right moment of play but saying that my sub is ugly is not something I have in my sadistic little heart to do

But then again it is all down to your sub // Maybe some subs would like that // Each to their own but it has to be played carefully

-M

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/2/2009 7:50:10 PM   
kidwithknife


Posts: 193
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AfroerotiK
I'm glad I actually took the time to read all the responses because I was quite unaware of the sensitivities of female subs.  I've only dominated men and I wouldn't think twice about calling one of them ugly.  In fact, calling them ugly would probably be considered a compliment compared to the names I usually call them.  I consider myself respectful of people's boundaries but if a sub was offended at me calling him ugly, he probably wouldn't even make it to a session with me.  I have no desire to dominate women because I think women are all too oppressed in society overall and I can understand and respect the sentiments of women wanting to feel empowered and beautiful, even if it is in the act of submission.  Eye opening thread here.  
Actually, having that as the context does make a lot of difference for me.

I think you're spot on with the reason as well.  While there are always exceptions, as a general rule females are far more likely to have been treated negatively and judged for their physical appearance than males.  So it's far more likely to have severely negative connotations.


_____________________________

We went to see the fall of Rome - I thought it would please us
To watch how the mighty go in a blaze of hubris
But I just stood there hypnotised by all the beautiful madness

(New Model Army, Into the Wind)

(in reply to AfroerotiK)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/5/2009 1:13:33 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

If someone told me that as part of a scene, I'd tell them they had shit in their eyes, and I would walk away. Don't mess with my self-image, that's all I'm gonna say  .


Kittin, how could anyone mess your self-image? You are beautiful!!! If I looked like you and someone called me ugly, I'd just laugh.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to kittinSol)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/5/2009 1:40:06 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AfroerotiK

I'm glad I actually took the time to read all the responses because I was quite unaware of the sensitivities of female subs.  I've only dominated men and I wouldn't think twice about calling one of them ugly.  In fact, calling them ugly would probably be considered a compliment compared to the names I usually call them.  I consider myself respectful of people's boundaries but if a sub was offended at me calling him ugly, he probably wouldn't even make it to a session with me.  


I agree with this! I work as a pso, and the men who call wanting to be dominated, want me to make fun of ...well...everything about them.
They want me to make it clear that they can do nothing for me except to give me their money, and that there is no way they could ever satisfy a "woman like me". They seem to love small *ock humiliation, and any kind of humiliation.
Of course, not all, but a great many of them enjoy this.
Then again, our phone sessions are just fantasy.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to AfroerotiK)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/5/2009 1:46:40 PM   
Venalismihi


Posts: 63
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline 		"they are always my pretty girls... and always will be..  Sir CK "
I have always used terms such as gorgeous, delicious etc and meant them everytime however, I have had more subs moaning about this. Go figure!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/5/2009 1:53:48 PM   
AngelGeena


Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		Mine has always both told me and made me feel beautiful. 

_____________________________

Owned heart and soul, bound to MZ forever.

(in reply to Venalismihi)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/7/2009 2:18:57 PM   
masterdstar


Posts: 160
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm seems like lotta vanilla Ds/Sm here? Guess no one has ever been into humiliation or degradation, but then that must not be PC enough for such a hardcore group...

Enjoy your wonder-filled day


(in reply to deeppression)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/7/2009 11:05:32 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		Once we were doing some rough sexy foreplay stuff and he asked me what I wanted.  I said, "I want you to make me cry."  He told me, "You're fat." 

If my Dominant called me ugly, I would ask him why he has an erection every time he sees me naked.  And um, half the time I don't have to be naked.  lol 

I know I'm attractive and humiliation or insults (within reason) wouldn't destroy my self esteem.  Now if I were in a relationship with someone who was TRYING to kill my self-esteem...that's another issue entirely.


_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/8/2009 1:21:16 PM   
WarKirby


Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline
quote:

id wonder why they were with me if they thought i was ugly.  and if they were turned on anyway id wonder why they lied


It seems like you're saying that physical attractiveness is the only means of arousal.
It's entirely possible to be aroused by someone you don't find attractive, and there are many reasons besides looks as to why you'd want to be in a relationship with someone.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Calling your sub "ugly"? - 4/8/2009 4:28:49 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Well actually no. Many of us here, myself included, are way into humiliation. However, calling a beautfiul girl ugly isn't humiliation, it is just stupid. And boring. If that was the best humiliation mindfuck my Master had for me, I'd not be his slave for one, because that is just wayyyyy too vanilla of an insult, and besides, it just isn't true..
If you think calling a girl ugly is hardcore, then the humiliation Master has for me would make you cry.


AL: masterdstar

Hmmm seems like lotta vanilla Ds/Sm here? Guess no one has ever been into humiliation or degradation, but then that must not be PC enough for such a hardcore group...

Enjoy your wonder-filled day


[/quote]

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to masterdstar)
Profile   Post #: 60
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