RE: should you take Him back or not??

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RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 9:29:03 AM

B1gbear

Posts: 81
Joined: 5/7/2004
Status: offline

He doesn't understand the responsibility of a collar in my opinion. How old is this Dom? To release a sub for another shows serious lack of commitment in the first place. If he was responsible and serious he would have the foresight to know the first relationship was not working out and end it before taking another sub. Even if the dynamic was more complicated than that, you don't just walk out on sub and expect to pick right back up when the next best thing don't work out like you intended. If you take him back, he will forever think he can treat you anyway he wants, not how he should and you will be setup for one string of repeat events of this nature till you stand up and say no more.

Trust and security are essential for a successful D/s relationship. Is there any security in knowing that your Dom will not address problems with you before looking for a new sub? Is there any security or trust in knowing he will kick you to the curb for someone else with out any advance knowledge it is coming? Why would you trust someone who would just come back a couple weeks later and say...'Opps, she wasn't what I wanted, guess i will take you back and settle for now'?

Did you really need to field this question to know the answer? Trust your common sense and intuition a bit. This one is a no brainer!

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 21

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 9:54:37 AM

la90066

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Ummm... Need MORE info please?!!

If HE were in the forum right now, what would HE say was the reason(s) he let you go?

Nobody just "finds another", that's just the end result. Usually that "other person" offers something you don't or he was not satisfied with some aspect of you that he found in another.

So again, in order to answer the question, please share what HE would say was the reason he initially let you go?

Thanks!

Edited to add: This pack mentality in this thread really bugs me. For fucks sake... How do you folks know SHE didn't do something that warranted her being let go? I'm not saying she did or didn't, but for crying out loud, you folks are only hearing ONE SIDE OF THE STORY. And honestly, if it were her former Dom/Master posting here and saying, "How do I get her back..." the same pack mentality would be offering support and ideas on how to do so. Jeez... I don't think enough info has been given to support offering any valid advice at this point.

< Message edited by la90066 -- 1/28/2006 10:42:24 AM >

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 22

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 10:02:21 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

If you enjoy the PING-PONG ball feeling, stay with him.

No, seriously....in my view, if you go back with this guy, nothing will be quite the same. Your relations have been compromised. Can you live with that? Do you want to live with that? Can you patch it up? These are the questions.

Remember now, too, you have leverage b/c he wants you back. Use this opportunity to: (1) dictate some new terms and (2) clear up what happened and why. In my view, you don't want to go the the doormat route, and you can either patch things up or stay out with a cleaner slate. So, I rec'd a sit down with the guy.

If you're in love with him, that makes everything really complicated, because rational decisionmaking doesn't really apply. Just know that you'll be conflicted b/c: (1) you need him emotionally and (2) you'll know rationally that he's not too good for you. In otherwords, you love is almost self abusive. Be cautious here, and be kind to yourself.

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 23

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 10:10:45 AM

windy135

Posts: 437
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline

"To look back to antiquity is one thing, to go back to it is another."

Charles Caleb Colton

So maybe your relationship wasn't in ancient times.. I believe its ok to glance back and learn from the experience of the past, but going back probably isn’t the best idea.

(in reply to la90066)

Post #: 24

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 10:19:26 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Perhaps going back would be the ultimate act of masochism????????

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to windy135)

Post #: 25

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 10:34:06 AM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

YOU PEPOLE ARE TO HARSH I CAN DEFINATELY RELATE TO THE GUY. I MEAN SOMTIMES A NEW SUB SEAMS MORE ATRACTIVE THAN THE ONE I HAVE NOW, BUT THEN AFTER A WILE YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU GAVE UP AND YOU HAVE TO GET HER BACK SOMEHWO

================

and some of us dont like shallow people.
once you give your word,,,it should stay that way
but if your head turns at the 1st thing that comes down the pike...you aint worth your salt

thats not being a man
thats being a boy
no one has time for rasing lil kids
this is where people like this have no cause to be in this
either you are man enough to stick to your word, or you aint
no one likes a 2 faced s.o.b.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to LRODANDMASTER)

Post #: 26

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 1:36:34 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

What ever you choose to do you have should have confidence and faith in your choice, in your judgement. Trust that you have made the right choice, for you not for me, not for your friends, not for the general population of collar me or your local scene, but for you.

Then I would ask what is the center the drive for your relationship with this man?What is YOUR priority. The reality is we can not control others actions only our own. IF you choose to give this man another chance build it on a solid foundations not self doubt and those whispers in your ears from perhaps well meaning people.

Is there mutual respect? Does he respect you as a woman, as a slave, as a submissive?Does he truly understand the meaning of a collar to a sub/slave or Dom/Master? I would sit back and talk with him, not pointing fingers, without pointing out short comings just discuss the pros and cons. Discuss your fears and even your wishes.

Listen. Truly listen not for what you want to hear, but listen to what he is truly saying through actions and words. You also have to decide IF your going to listen to his words or those who want to protect you from the pain that he caused before because the reality is you will have people telling you NOT to get involved again.

I would suggest seeing how he behaves around you, how he behaves around others, this is not a tell all however; this might shed some light on some things for you. Though his behaviour may also change after your in his collar again , IF you end up in his collar again. However, again you and you alone must determine the pros and cons of that.

IF you decide to simply walk away be prepared to carry the what - if questions.

Either way , this is a decision you have to search your heart to answer.

You have to do what is best for you!

Trust yourself above all else trust yourself!

Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 27

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 1:37:50 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

If your Dom let you go after 9 months together and said the reason that He let you go was because He found another and then a couple weeks later wanted you back would you take Him back????

Why?

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 28

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 3:19:08 PM

cltcdrd

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03

If your Dom let you go after 9 months together and said the reason that He let you go was because He found another and then a couple weeks later wanted you back would you take Him back????And you hear from another sub He knows differing stories on why He let you go......head games just to mess with your feelings or does he really want you back???? Do you allow Him to play with your emotions like that?? Being let go the first time REALLY hurt......

Any advice greately appreciated......

Nope. If he did it once, he will do it again.

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 29

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 4:26:07 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

I say you move on.
However, just an aside...you do not take a Dom/master back...you go back...however I recommend that you do not go back, and that is just a gut reaction from reading the OP.

another thought...why the hell would you let a sub go because you found another...isn't two birds in hand better than whatever else?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 30

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 6:08:17 PM

DelRey

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

what are you thinking? do you see a consistancy of responses here?

don't be nasty, just say "I've grown, No thank you". then you can laugh at the reaction

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 31

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 6:35:49 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

(deleted)

< Message edited by anopheles -- 1/28/2006 6:37:07 PM >

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to DelRey)

Post #: 32

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 6:40:13 PM

luvdragonx

Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

<---joins the flashback club

Let it go, move on. At least you have the satisfaction of having the last word on the matter. You get to tell him no, so now you can be done with it.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 33

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 6:48:43 PM

daredevil865

Posts: 130
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline

how many different ways do you need to hear people say...NO , nit, not, never, nay, non

_____________________________

DareDevil

A true Master exhibits honor, integrity, honesty, self discipline, personal responsibility and caring for his property.

If I had to explain it...you wouldn't understand

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 34

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 8:43:29 PM

RosesInChains

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/20/2005
Status: offline

Personally I would not be able to trust someone like that and without trust, there is no relationship. At least for me anyway and that goes for vanilla and kink relationships.

(in reply to daredevil865)

Post #: 35

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 1/28/2006 9:45:53 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

Nope that dom would of just cut out all credibility he had with me. I don't do that go take me back go take me back. If he's dumped you for another girl once already it'll be the same story later on. The grass is greener versus loyalty.

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 36

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 2/4/2006 11:36:24 PM

Sub03

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline

just to update.....

have talked to the Dom in question and found out new information that makes the reason He had to let me go understandable....and as for taking me back He wishes he could but just cant.......He is honestly not as horrible as i made Him sound.....just hurt feelings fueled this post.

(in reply to FelinePersuasion)

Post #: 37

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 2/5/2006 4:53:36 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

as for taking me back He wishes he could but just cant

Why even subject yourself to such thinking?
He's not worth it. And you are too good for him.
I hope you listen to the pieces of advice that were tossed around in this thread.
Move forward.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 38

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 2/5/2006 5:02:39 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sub03
new information that makes the reason He had to let me go understandable....

And why didn't he sit you down and explain this 'new information' at the time?
I don't buy it, you do, no point in arguing the point but either way it is time to move on sweetheart.

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 39

RE: should you take Him back or not?? - 2/5/2006 7:26:50 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

I have to go with the general consensus.

RUN, He's rebounding, and he'll do it again.

With all due respect to LordandMaster, who's post was honest and downright ballsy! Way to go L&M! High Five.

Texas Maam

(in reply to Sub03)

Post #: 40

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