RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay

RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (Full Version)

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Aneirin -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 4:40:33 AM)
I think too many people get hung up on the 'rules' of human interaction. Rules created in the past by beliefs and laws and other people that have no place in a person's intimate moments with another. Activities of human interaction, don't think about it, just go for it, if the moment is right, enjoy yourself and allow the spirit to wander. Is it those that seek to define and accuse are in reality just oppressing themselves.

DomImus -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 6:51:07 AM)
A man's desire for anal sex with another man is a homoerotic impulse. I really don't see how this issue can split any other way than down gender lines. Pretty soon you'll be telling us that a gay male couple are really two heterosexuals.

YoursMistress -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 6:58:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus A man's desire for anal sex with another man is a homoerotic impulse. I really don't see how this issue can split any other way than down gender lines. Pretty soon you'll be telling us that a gay male couple are really two heterosexuals. But what if the other man looked just like his mother? Would that really be gay? yours

MasterGreg43 -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 7:07:29 AM)
The word it self does only indentify the act with same sex, I also agree with opposit sex no it would not be considered gay or bisexual at all. If a person engages in same-sex sexual encounters but does not self-identify as gay, terms such as 'closeted', 'discreet', or 'bi-curious' may be applied. Conversely, a person may identify as gay without engaging in homosexual sex. Possible choices include identifying as gay socially while choosing to be celibate or while anticipating a first homosexual experience. Further, a bisexual person can also identify as "gay" but others might consider gay and bisexual to be mutually exclusive. There are some who are drawn to the same-sex, and may not have sex, and also not identify as gay

CreativeDominant -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 7:29:47 AM)
General reply... Speaking as a straight, dominant male...I enjoy anal stimulation. My ex and several submissives have had their fingers up my ass and I liked it. When their finger hits my prostate, it takes almost everything I have not to orgasm right then. Does that make me submissive? Who do you think told them to put their finger up my ass in the first place? Who do you think told them what to do with their finger once it was in? Who do you think it was who told them when to pull their finger out and use their mouth instead while gripping their hair and telling them what a "good ass-licking girl" they were? As has been noted, it is an act...not an orientation. My desire to have this area of my body explored and my enjoyment of it complies with my nature as a sensualist. My CHOICE of who I want to have do it to me and the direction as to how it is done is what is indicative of both my nature as a dominant and my sexual orientation.

pinnipedster -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 7:51:03 AM)
quote: Speaking as a straight, dominant male...I enjoy anal stimulation. My ex and several submissives have had their fingers up my ass and I liked it. When their finger hits my prostate, it takes almost everything I have not to orgasm right then. Does that make me submissive? Who do you think told them to put their finger up my ass in the first place? I've heard the same sort of thing from Dominant women who happen to enjoy performing oral sex on men once in a while. I think that many people do have a perception that a woman going down on a man is a sub-ish thing to do, but I see D/s as really about control -- as long as she is the one who decides when and how, then I don't think it makes her any less dominant. Years ago I had a straight, and AFAIK vanilla, male friend who admitted an odd quirk to me. Any time he started dating a woman, he would always have a strong urge to have anal sex with her (him penetrating her, that is). Once he had done so with any particular woman, however, he lost any particular desire to do so with her again. He didn't understand himself why this should be -- to me it almost seemed like some kind of territorial thing. What desire I have to be penetrated anally is mainly associated with my gender issues -- I'd be eager to have a woman penetrate me with a strap-on while I was crossdressed; any other time, I'm pretty indifferent to it -- I would certainly be willing to try it if a woman wanted to, but I wouldn't ask for it. (Of course, I haven't actually done it, so I don't know how that might change once I've had the experience.)

DarkFury -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 8:01:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite After seeing http://www.collarchat.com/m_555101/tm.htm and the subject coming up a few times in other threads, it made me wonder. Why does nobody accuse men who want to give anal sex to their female partner of being gay? After all, about as many gay guys like giving anal as getting it. If a guy wanted to give anal sex to another guy, it would still be a gay or bisexual or homoerotic activity. Of course, in my opinion, wanting to do anything with a member of the opposite gender isn't gay or lesbian. Probably why a man isn't accused of being "gay" for performing anal on a woman is simply because the receiver is a woman and not a man. Too many people are hung up on trying to determine what sex act is gay and what isn't, plus anal sex had always been associated with gay males which further compounds the ick factor. maybe in another century or two, people will come to realize that anal is a pleasurable activity which has no sexual orientation. Women have a clit that gives them pleasure when stimulated and we men have a prostate gland that does the same damn thing. ~Bear~

MsDDom -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 8:25:31 AM)
quote: ...and a guy giving oral sex to a woman is totaly a lesbian! LOL at that...![:D]

Andalusite -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 8:31:01 AM)
Hi, DarkFury, I really phrased my OP badly, sorry. What I was trying to ask was "On this forum, whenever a man posts about wanting to receive anal sex from a woman, it seems like a lot of people dogpile on him, claiming he is gay. I've never seen anyone react that way to a post here from a man who wants to give anal sex to a woman. Why the different reaction, when they're both wanting to do it with women? DesFIP, I had that impression from talking with my gay male friends, but it's not like I did a scientific poll or anything.[;)] Vanityfull, I know a couple of gay guys who are open about having had sex with women in the past, and occasionally one of them will have sex with a woman (usually after drinking too much), and usually the really get teased about anything like that that happens by the other gay guys. There seems to be quite a bit of biphobia (anyone who is bisexual gets accused of being slutty, greedy, or indecisive), so I think some guys who are bi but lean strongly toward men feel a lot of pressure to identify as gay.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 8:34:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 A friend once said to me: "If my clit were on my head, I'd want someone to touch my head. If my clit were on my big toe, I'd want someone to touch my big toe. A man's G-spot is up his ass. All those sub women with a problem can just grow up and touch his G-spot, or never ask for their own to be touched ever again." I rode a strap-on once, 15 years ago, and it was ehhhh. No urge to try again. However, I must admit.... A switch friend of mine, who loves doing prostate massage, has been trying to talk me into it for a couple months now, and she's gotten me curious. Watch, I'll finally say yes, and she'll respond that she was just flirting, and didn't really mean it. Serves me right. I will be happy to massage your prostate, sweetie! You might love it, or not. Honestly, the clit/prostate link is a false one. I hate g-spot stimulation, and I have met men who have no desire to have their prostates stimulated, it just annoys them. On other fronts, I have some male friends who think that anyone approaching their anal zone is going to make them gayer than a picnic basket. I enjoy teasing them far more than I should... but they're asking for it!

DavanKael -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 10:23:27 AM)
After seeing http://www.collarchat.com/m_555101/tm.htm and the subject coming up a few times in other threads, it made me wonder. Why does nobody accuse men who want to give anal sex to their female partner of being gay? I have heard this accusation made. It makes no sense. Men and women both have anuses as do they have mouths. It makes no more sense to call anal sex gay than it would to call oral sex gay just because of a commonality of body parts. After all, about as many gay guys like giving anal as getting it. Not sure. I do find the very hard-and-fast adherence to one or the other something of puzzlement and interest. If a guy wanted to give anal sex to another guy, it would still be a gay or bisexual or homoerotic activity. *I agree, particularly to the b8 or gay assertion. I would cut off the homoerotic portion. That muddies the waters. Of course, in my opinion, wanting to do anything* with a member of the opposite gender isn't gay or lesbian **I agree. I would also say that wanting to do anything sexual, doing anything sexual, or being sexually attracted (Not all are necessary but 1 of these to me is sufficient) to quantify bi or gay. Davan (Who is pleased that there are men out there who like to receive anal from ladies)

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 10:35:32 AM)
I solve the issue by insisting that my male subs be either straight but not narrow or already bisexual. Cause I like, among other things, two cocks in bed with me on occasion, and I've learned in the vanilla world that straight and narrow men get freaked out by OMG there's another stiffie in the bed!!! and can't perform. I don't care so much about the girls.

Vanityfull -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 10:44:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite Vanityfull, I know a couple of gay guys who are open about having had sex with women in the past, and occasionally one of them will have sex with a woman (usually after drinking too much), and usually the really get teased about anything like that that happens by the other gay guys. There seems to be quite a bit of biphobia (anyone who is bisexual gets accused of being slutty, greedy, or indecisive), so I think some guys who are bi but lean strongly toward men feel a lot of pressure to identify as gay. i agree 100%, iv know alot of bisexual guys who just repress the woman lust in them to fit in with the gay community(myself for a long time aswel), i know a few guys who have a biphobic attitude that rivals that of the worst homophobia amoung straight men. bisexuality is often viewed as weak by the gay community as gay is from some straight people, which is sad and disgusting as you think the pains of homophobia would teach them the error of hate rather then just redirecting it in some pecking order. i think bisexuals in general are less welcomed by hetro/homosexuals due to the idea they are a bridge between both which really want to seperate themselves from the other, its a goofy world we live in

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 2:27:35 PM)
~FR~ It really has nothing to do with sexuality. As I stated about Freud saying that receiving anal sex is a sign of submission, as well as wanting to give is a sign of dominance. This has been occuring all the way from ancient times, when a defeated armies leaders were brought before the defeated army and sodomized. It can be for other reasons, but in general it is a sign of dominance and submission.

LadyPact -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 3:23:15 PM)
Oh quit it, Orion. You're just trying to turn Me on. (But thanks for the neat role play idea.) People worry entirely too much about who's going to be called what for enjoying something. Gay, straight, Dom, or sub everybody's got the same nerve endings. If you chose not to use them for their potential fun, that's fine. Just don't be jealous of those who do and return the favor by slapping a label on them that they don't deserve.

pinnipedster -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 7:12:28 PM)
Personally, I think that the act has nothing to do with orientation. Sexual orientation is all about what gender(s) you are sexually and/or romantically attracted to. You can be gay if you've never been sexually intimate with another person at all. On the other hand, if you're a male sub and you perform fellatio on another male sub only because your Mistress orders you to, I don't think that in itself makes you gay (or perhaps more precisely, bi). I do wonder sometimes about the guys who insist they are straight but want to date pre-op male-to-female transsexuals. And I have certainly had arguments about the other side of the question -- whether a mtf transgendered person ("really" transgendered, as opposed to gender-confused as I am) is being gay when she is attracted to men; she doesn't think of it that way. Certainly one could argue that my own feelings -- that I have no desire to be intimate with men when I'm in male mode, but have some attraction to the notion when I'm in femme mode -- are just suppressed homosexual urges, but I don't think of it that way at all. (For my own part, for a situation to be sexually interesting, there has to be at least one woman involved -- however, the "woman" doesn't necessarily have to be biologically female. And that's just for me, obviously plenty of people disagree.) Oh, and glancing off topic -- three cheers for the Iowa Supreme Court! :D

RealSub58 -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 9:00:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite After seeing http://www.collarchat.com/m_555101/tm.htm and the subject coming up a few times in other threads, it made me wonder. Why does nobody accuse men who want to give anal sex to their female partner of being gay? After all, about as many gay guys like giving anal as getting it. If a guy wanted to give anal sex to another guy, it would still be a gay or bisexual or homoerotic activity. Of course, in my opinion, wanting to do anything with a member of the opposite gender isn't gay or lesbian. Anal sex is not the criteria if one is gay or lesbian. In my great intelligence. [:)]

Emperor1956 -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 9:09:56 PM)
My GOD the idiocy around here is overwhelming. A few things: "Accuse" one of being gay? OH, we aren't hidden homophobes here, are we? J'accuse! not of gay. but of being a moron. Yes OP, I mean you. Orion, the bullshit you ate for dinner stained your blouse. Find me ONE historic example of 'a defeated armies leaders were brought before the defeated army and sodomized'. ONE. Not from your little fantasy books you live your life from. One. Historic. Account. Freud said nothing about anal sex and dominance or submission. I'm not sure (I am not going to go to the Concordance on this) but I don't think Uncle Sigmund said ANYTHING about anal sex per se. He did however suggest that the desire of to engage in threesomes was a subverted homoerotic impulse. SMILE What makes someone "homosexual" (and I'm not sure I even believe in those labels anymore) is having sex with a person of the same gender. Not what they do with their junk, but what other junk they do it with. Got it? That's ALL. Everything else is windowdressing. To quote the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin" (which seems the right intellect level for most of the people around here) "You know how I know you are gay? You are HUGGING A MAN!" Oh...yah....and liking Coldplay. E.

OrionTheWolf -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 9:27:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 My GOD the idiocy around here is overwhelming. A few things: "Accuse" one of being gay? OH, we aren't hidden homophobes here, are we? J'accuse! not of gay. but of being a moron. Yes OP, I mean you. Orion, the bullshit you ate for dinner stained your blouse. Find me ONE historic example of 'a defeated armies leaders were brought before the defeated army and sodomized'. ONE. Not from your little fantasy books you live your life from. One. Historic. Account. Some of the Byzantine engagements would be a few until it was made a sin. You do the research, it is there. Kindly keep your personal insults to yourself, or go bugger yourself, I do not really care which. quote: Freud said nothing about anal sex and dominance or submission. I'm not sure (I am not going to go to the Concordance on this) but I don't think Uncle Sigmund said ANYTHING about anal sex per se. He did however suggest that the desire of to engage in threesomes was a subverted homoerotic impulse. SMILE Try again to do the research, or maybe study freud. Here is a hint, Merrel D. Smith recounts the short version in a book, so maybe the short version will work for you. Now then if you would like to continue in intellectual discourse, drop the asshat routine and contribute. Otherwise I expect 11 may come around to seperate us.

DarkSteven -> RE: Men, anal sex, and accusations of being gay (4/3/2009 9:35:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Emperor1956 Orion, the bullshit you ate for dinner stained your blouse. Find me ONE historic example of 'a defeated armies leaders were brought before the defeated army and sodomized'. ONE. Not from your little fantasy books you live your life from. One. Historic. Account. Emperor, I cannot respond to your other points, but I worked with a bunch of Iranian-Americans at one point, and they told me that after the Turkish army defeated the Persian army, they sodomized the Persians. And the Iranians remembered and resented it. After God knows how many hundreds of years.

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