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unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 5:09:27 PM

jstmi

Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

i would like to ask the Doms opinion if they have ever asked a submissive whom You are training to perform a task that seemed ok because You wanted them to prove their eagerness to please. but this task involved something like touching oneself and this sub was parked and in clear view of a building.

Please answer with Your thoughts on this task, would You require the sub to do it without question OR would You be more pleased and proud with them if they said no and spoke up to You.

Thanks in advance

jstmi

Post #: 1

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 5:20:31 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

I would never have asked it. I have no desire to have a sub arrested or to offend innocent people.

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 2

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 5:23:47 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'd be more pleased with a sub who would give Me the information that I might not be aware of.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LovingMistress45)

Post #: 3

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 5:56:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He wouldn't want me to get arrested. If he didn't know I was in public view, then I would tell him.

And if all the guy cares about is his masturbation while thinking of you in this scenario, you're better off without him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 6:57:41 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Lots of folks are turned on by the thought of public play. Which is fine in the context of a consenting audience, as might be the case in a dungeon or club.

But as it relates to an unsuspecting (and nonconsenting) vanilla public, there's a definitive line between the threat of discovery, and actual discovery. Just ask your local flasher.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 5

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 7:04:48 PM

HollywoodExecDom

Posts: 28
Joined: 5/12/2008
Status: offline

First, I'm of the philosophy that you should never allow D/s to infring on the rights of the general public or to result in unwanted exposure toward children. That moral imperative I would hope would trump any Dom's selfish, impulsive, or childish desire to the contrary.

That doesn't mean I haven't done risque things in public, but key is making sure you prevent any possibility of there being a victim or of breaking the law.

I personally believe you should hard limit anything that involves breaking the law - though in the case of harmless fun like sex in a car in the woods, at least has no likely victim or poses a very slim threat of getting caught.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 7:07:56 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HollywoodExecDom

That doesn't mean I haven't done risque things in public, but key is making sure you prevent any possibility of there being a victim or of breaking the law.

I don't believe that it's possible to eliminate all risk, or chance. The best we can do is to mitigate risk to an acceptable level (that level being different for each of us).

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to HollywoodExecDom)

Post #: 7

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 7:18:12 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Asking someone to break a federal law that could get them on a register's list would not be something I would do.

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(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 8

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 8:31:17 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

I would lose all respect for a Dominant who asked me to do something because they expected me NOT to do it. Especially something that could permanatly and very negitively effect my life. this would be a trust destroying deal breaker for me.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 9

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 9:11:57 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Yes....pretend Doms and those who really don't give a sh*t about the submissive they are talking to can and do make unreasonable requests. Unreasonable has been happening since the beginning of time. Heck...remember when your date told you "ALL THE OTHER GIRLS" were doing "IT"? Then your date would request that YOU do "IT" TOO, or be considered a stuck up scardy cat.

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 10

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 9:39:22 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jstmi
but this task involved something like touching oneself and this sub was parked and in clear view of a building.

Maybe I am a little different from the others, but I see where this might not be a problem.
1) Just becasue you are in clear view of a building doesnt mean you can be seen from that building. Is there even anyone in there or is it just in clear view. Clear view of an abandoned building, or of one closed up for the evening is far less of a risk than broad daylight facing a busy business place.

2) Does the task go as far as to expect you to masturbate, or just touch yourself to uncomfortable arousal while still fully dressed?

3) Does the Dominant in question know where the sub is parked, or that he/she is even in a car at the time of the request?

I will never give Fox a command to do something I know he will have to tell me no to. I have had a sub of mine masturbate in an underground garage once, but it was one on campus and discovery coud have been risky. It made it more exciting. Having him do it where the risk of discovery was tenfold the underground garage woudnt have been exciting, it would have been dangerous. We do factor these things in, assuming we know the situations.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 11

RE: unreasonable request - 4/3/2009 11:53:32 PM

MasterRaid

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline

Touchy question to answer. Not that it is a hard one to answer it is just one of those questions that the answer would be too legnthy to type. Yes I want them to totally obey, but, I also desire intelligent sub/slaves. I want them to say no when they KNOW that if I say to do something that is incredibly stupid or unsafe. But doing something that may be embarassing or not appealing (at least they think it is unappealing ATM) I would desire it to be done without hesitation.But this still does not fully explain it properly as there are exceptions to nearly every rule at times.

_____________________________

First rule in dealing with the Devil............................
..................................................................DON'T!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 12:31:27 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

<QR>

In my house, I rarely invoke "Do it because I said so, and do it now." I try not to set my pet up to fail. She (as well as basically all other submissives) hate failing. If I ever ask something too demanding of her, I'd expect to hear objection. It's a delicate balance between pushing her and pushing her limits.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to MasterRaid)

Post #: 13

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 3:49:42 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jstmi

i would like to ask the Doms opinion if they have ever asked a submissive whom You are training to perform a task that seemed ok because You wanted them to prove their eagerness to please. but this task involved something like touching oneself and this sub was parked and in clear view of a building.

Please answer with Your thoughts on this task, would You require the sub to do it without question OR would You be more pleased and proud with them if they said no and spoke up to You.

Simple; I would never have the girl do anything that attracts negative outside attention to her or us - but that's me...!

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 14

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 5:09:47 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I am with Diurnal on this. You give few details so we don't know what touching yourself includes. If it is a case of wearing a skirt and carefully sliding your hand underneath when there was no one walking by the car and you weren't expected to orgasm but simply get used to your own touch it would be one thing. If you were expected to sit naked and ride the gearshift it would be another.

It is not at all unusual for a Dom or Master to want to stretch the limits of their sub/slave. This often puts the submissive one in an uncomfortable position emotionally. From your brief description it sounds like he was trying to help you to grow. If this situation puts you in emotional distress it is your job to explain that to him calmly and respectfully. He may modify it, like having you bring a blanket to throw over your lap. It sounds to me like he wants you to have a healthier body image and to feel freer to express yourself sexually. You won't know what he's thinking unless you ask him.

When I was a Domme I would never have been proud of a sub for simply saying no. I would listen to their concerns and perhaps modify the task or cancel it, but if you did not state this as a hard limit up front then a simple "no" is nothing to be proud of. It seems that you two need to communicate more about this. Perhaps understanding why he wants you to do it will make it easier for you. There is nothing wrong with you telling him why it bothers you. I would not have been pleased even with a "no, because..." but would have preferred, "this makes me scared because...". It is all in the presentation.

_____________________________

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 15

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 6:56:30 AM

jstmi

Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

He did ask me where i was and i told Him i parked in front of my condo in between two buildings to finish talking because when i go to my underground parking my cell dies. it is a clear view of my car from the highrise condo across from mine, i did explain this clearly to Him and it was light outside. i was wearing slacks and asked to reach inside and touch myself.

i was not allowed to even ask Him why, as when i said no His comment was that i should think if i wanted to serve Him and show Him i wanted to serve Him, this was going to grow to be real time, i was not simply chatting to some stranger.

i have since emailed Him and explained that this was a dangerous request with possible horrible results if caught, one thing to be humiliated but this was way over the line.

thank Y/you for all the comments and opinions on this, i have discovered this is not what i want, if He would not take my no as a limit and respect it i cannot be with Him.

jstmi

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 16

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 7:01:40 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

When you say "grow to be real time" do you mean you hadn't even met him yet? Because that's a tip off that you shouldn't be doing this or anything you find uncomfortable.

Next time, meet and establish a relationship first. Become friends. Don't put the cart before the horse by having sex before you even know his real name, even if it's cyber sex.

And just as he may decide you have to prove you are 'worthy' to serve him, you have an equal right to demand he prove he is worthy of being served. Endangering you is not the way to prove that IMO.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 17

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 7:20:17 AM

MasterRaid

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/16/2008
From: The Brink of insanity.
Status: offline

I agree with celeste, it sounds to Me that this dom did not have any idea what he was doing or he is looking for a slave to come out of a sub. Also, it sounds as if you have a good head on your shoulders in telling him no, for that demand of his. I would chalk it up to a man trying to go too far too fast and you shut him down. Read no more into it.

_____________________________

First rule in dealing with the Devil............................
..................................................................DON'T!

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 1:24:24 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jstmi

He did ask me where i was and i told Him i parked in front of my condo in between two buildings to finish talking because when i go to my underground parking my cell dies. it is a clear view of my car from the highrise condo across from mine, i did explain this clearly to Him and it was light outside. i was wearing slacks and asked to reach inside and touch myself.

i was not allowed to even ask Him why, as when i said no His comment was that i should think if i wanted to serve Him and show Him i wanted to serve Him, this was going to grow to be real time, i was not simply chatting to some stranger.

i have since emailed Him and explained that this was a dangerous request with possible horrible results if caught, one thing to be humiliated but this was way over the line.

thank Y/you for all the comments and opinions on this, i have discovered this is not what i want, if He would not take my no as a limit and respect it i cannot be with Him.

Ahhhh, the stereotypical horny net geek (HNG) strikes again.... And you've had a practical lesson in how to filter out time wasting jerk-offs who only see wank meat instead of a real person who hasta live in the real world.

But I suspect there must've been earlier instances when you suspected that of him, anyway. So another lesson is to ALWAYS trust your instincts about strangers....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to jstmi)

Post #: 19

RE: unreasonable request - 4/4/2009 2:42:09 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

It might be the storms we are having right now but once again I agree with both posts of Focus50. Mind you he often makes jolly good posts but we appear to view the nature of the universe and mankind from opposing poles.. Regarding the situation faced by the OP, I’d applaud any girl who told a Dom to shove his head up a cow’s twat and have a wooly bull fuck the cow (With his head in situ) if he told her to do such a damned stupid thing as described by the OP. One of my Prime Duties and responsibilities as a Master is to protect those who are mine from harm including being in breach of the law. It is my duty and responsibility to assess all such things as to their potential harming effect to her/him and my home. Whilst I do enjoy sex in public places with the chance that a stranger may stumble across us, I will at least do all I can to ensure that children can nor do so and that those mundanes who may view us are less likely to be offended. If I wanted a larger viewing I’d go for you tube or have an orgy in Times Square at peek period. However since I do not wish to be incarcerated such public displays are not on my agenda.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 20

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