RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men?

RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (Full Version)

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LadyConstanze -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/15/2009 8:46:24 AM)
BoiJen, you stated that perfectly! The worst complainers are usually unattractive, married men with a laundry list of "to dos", most women aren't tempted by that and their attitude, so if they don't perform like a trained monkey, they are "uptight", if they say "Alright, but that's a service, I charge X amount for my time and expertise" they are called "whores" (even if they clearly state as you said "You're not getting off, no nudity on my part, etc.") because ugly married guy expects her to submit to his fantasy of submission, sod that! The equivalent of the out of shape, badly dressed middle aged guy with BO and halitosis calling good looking women who aren't interested a) whores (she's doing it but not with me, she's such a whore...) b) frigid... (she's not doing it with me and there's no bloke with her) In case you can't get it (sex or BDSM) well maybe it really is YOUR problem, the problem certainly isn't caused by a few pro-dommes or women looking for generous men. Btw I can absolutely understand why women are interested in generous men, and that doesn't mean that he has to shower a woman with expensive gifts, it means that he's generous as in taking into account her preferences, might even take her out for a meal, will remember her birthday, is generous with his time and what he does for her (not "you put a gag on me, now you have to do ... for me"), being notoriously tight fisted and mean is not an attractive quality, no matter if it is in men or women, if somebody can't afford to buy a bday present, making one is sweet, the thought that counts. But the guys who complain about women looking for generous men expect the women to be generous with their time... Maybe it would be easier if the women just put up a line like "If your just a taker, eff off" - but what would the guys then have to complain about? If you get rejected all the time, the problem aren't women, there is nothing wrong with them, the problem is YOU! Desperation reeks and desperation coupled with vitriol stinks to high heaven.

tiinkerbell -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/15/2009 8:46:38 AM)
quote: BoiJen, most excellent posts! I agree Ma'am. Most excellent postings indeed.

Andalusite -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/15/2009 9:06:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: male2shemaid The sheer number of pro-Dommes on here seeking money or gifts or 'kind', 'considerate' or 'generous' men spoils this site for all the genuine subs seeking a LTR with a non pro-Domme. I think their choice of terminology is particularly distressing, because I DO want a man who is kind, considerate, and generous (not necessarily in financial ways, or directed toward me, and certainly not by paying me for my sexuality or BDSM). Those are good qualities to have, regardless of a man's BDSM orientation! Fitznicely, have a little more confidence in yourself! I don't see any reason why you wouldn't be able to find someone to switch with you or top you if you were so inclined, without needing to pay for it. For that matter, you can order one of your submissives or slaves to give you a couple of thwacks or a little bite, and decide whether or not it feels good before pursuing it further. shrugs

BoiJen -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/15/2009 9:10:58 AM)
I guess the overall point I'm making is that everyone needs to get something out of it. If a guy can't offer his time, energy or commitment directly to that woman, then they're gonna have to show their time, energy, and commitment through giving up part of their pay check. It's a balanced system. To get something you have to give something. Period. Everybody does...D-type and s-type all together have to give something to get something. What's supposed to make us "different" is that balance of that give to get. D/s means the s-types give more to get less and the D-types give less to get more. That's part of the core of D/s. And when it comes to SM fun...well...it's not sex but it is that woman's time and energy and effort and you don't get that for free. No matter who you are. (See my previous posts here). Finally, everybody can't be wrong...meaning if you keep getting the same responses from different people , you're the one doing something wrong, not the other way around. Just stating the obvious... boi Future ruler of the Universe serving MsKitty Silently plotting the revenge of the swine and adored by FemDommes everywhere

TexasMaam -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/17/2009 3:14:24 AM)
Generosity of spirit is probably the single most important trait a submissive can have, right behind honesty and trustworthiness. You can read 'financial domination' into every profile if you wish, but allowing someone to 'dominate one financially' and being a person who 'is generous in spirit' are two very different things. I once took a class from a stern female professor. The first day of class she asked us to all close our eyes, and imagine we were about to receive something we truly desired with all our hearts. Then she asked us to raise our hands and imagine we were receiving 'it'. During that silent moment when she watched the 300 students turn their palms upward, she asked us to freeze, and keep our hands where we had lifted them. Then she asked us to open our eyes without moving. Most of the students had their arms at their sides, and only one hand palm up, arm bent at the elbow, hand extended only about a foot from their body. Some of the students had the one upturned hand clutched close to their torso. A few students had both arms extended about halfway from their body, palms turned upward, elbows still bent. One student, only ONE, had her arms extended their full length, arms outstretched as far and as wide as they would extend, both palms up, her smiling face radiant with expectation and joy. That student taught me a valuable lesson in life. She was truly generous in spirit, and expected others to bestow upon her the best that they had to offer, because it was her nature to do the same. ~~~~~~~~ Open your arms a little wider, extend them a little further, turn your palms up, smile because something wonderful is going to happen to you today. You'll be surprised how eager you become to give of yourself to others just as unreservedly as they give to you. TexasMaam

TickledToDeath -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/18/2009 12:13:56 PM)
If the "Mistress" is open and forthright about it from the get go, that is who and what she is and if she wants generosity, gifts and splurging in lieu of services rendered and the sub is ok with it, than no harm no foul. The sub can say no thanks and seek services elsewhere more within his or her means and interests. Pros, ask for $$$ straight up by the hour. The ones you are referring to are seeking....gifts as opposed to bucks. Same road, different lane. The only thing naive would be that sub having no clue what he or she is getting into.

Prinsexx -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/19/2009 4:50:25 AM)
its about the pleasure of it not the profit but tis supply and demand and like anything its simply a service offered by one to another. personally i see pro or professional then to me that always meant that a fee would be involved. I think if your looking for more than just pleasure it can get you down but stick in there and someone will come along.

sluut4Busty -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 9:39:16 AM)
pathetic beggars who can't take care of themselves. they are more like submissives "trying" to disguise themselves as dommes.

Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 2:56:59 PM)
I met a girl at a munch who told me that she was married and wanted a dom who could be available to play when her husband was away from town, since she couldn't completely commit she told me she was willing to compensate me for my time and travel costs. I told her to get lost. I'm sure she found someone else, but the second I accept money for services is the second I stop being in control. I now owe them something. No different than if I pay a contractor to roof my house, he owes me once I pay him. Giving up control is for submissive, I want no part of it. You can spin it anyway you want it, hookers on craigslist ask for donations too. But there is always be girls trying to make money for sexual and kink services. A million posts on a message board won't change that.

DemonKia -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 3:33:00 PM)
Rather than post stuff that sounds ignorant (to my ears), it might help to read all of a thread, for instance, or otherwise get familiar with a topic before spouting your opinions. (You are absolutely entitled to express your opinions, but so am I, & everyone else here. Hell, those dominants requesting tribute are merely expressing their opinions, also . . . . . ) But if you're unclear on how 'demanding tribute' can be a legit form of domination, you might wanna check out: Princess Sierra, Queen-High-Goddess of the Money-Domination Fetish* (* My sobriquet, not Princess Sierra's . . . . . ) My opinion is that anyone who objects to any aspect of 'sex work' or other exchanges of money in pursuit of sexual & / or BDSM fulfillment oughta quit looking at porn & / or otherwise quit supporting all sex workers -- which would include using this site, since porn pays the bills here on CM . . . . . . . Otherwise, to my ears, the 'whiners' sound a lot like hypocrites . . . . . . quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought I met a girl at a munch who told me that she was married and wanted a dom who could be available to play when her husband was away from town, since she couldn't completely commit she told me she was willing to compensate me for my time and travel costs. I told her to get lost. I'm sure she found someone else, but the second I accept money for services is the second I stop being in control. I now owe them something. No different than if I pay a contractor to roof my house, he owes me once I pay him. Giving up control is for submissive, I want no part of it. You can spin it anyway you want it, hookers on craigslist ask for donations too. But there is always be girls trying to make money for sexual and kink services. A million posts on a message board won't change that.

Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 4:44:57 PM)
I don't know why you brought porn, but that is another perfect example. BDSM porn is no different than pros, it is done for entertainment and money. The people that have been complained about in this thread (married men, etc) are looking to get a fantasy fulfilled, so they go to pro dommes, prostitutes, porn, whatever. But that doesn't mean you are the one in control in the relationship. When you take money you are in a quid pro quo situation. The fruit vendor down the street can refuse me as a customer, but he is the one peddling his goods for money. The link you gave is another great example, she charges to talk to her as long as they are not rude and she is free. Prostitutes will take on customers as long as they are not rude and they are free. Dom/mes and people who have vanilla sex have higher standards, I won't take on any submissive simply because they are not rude nor will a vanilla person have sex with someone because they are not rude. Now again, I think that pros and such have their place, I just want no part of it, because I don't think it is a true d/s relationship. But I'm not a submissive, so maybe that is what is skewing my mind.

RedMagic1 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 4:54:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought because I don't think it is a true d/s relationship. As opposed to a relationship where the man works, brings home the paycheck, and turns it over to the woman? Who's in control then? Answer: Whoever is more willing to leave. That is the partner with more bargaining power. Money, per se, has nothing to do with it. If the woman is unemployed -- i.e., "kept" -- then the economic reality is that the man probably has more power, if push comes to shove, regardless of who is the "dominant." If, however, the woman has options, and knows it, the man's income stream may not control her at all, regardless of her current job status. Money is a factor in a relationship; it's not the sole factor. A person's attractiveness to others, and self-confidence, are at least as important in determining who is in charge in a relationship. In 2007, I flew to Atlanta to play with a submissive attorney. I paid for the plane ticket. She paid for the hotel. Should I have turned down her offer? I stayed at a suite in the Hilton, on her dime. Did she control me, or did she express her gratitude that I would spend a few hundred dollars to spend time with her?

DemonKia -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:03:36 PM)
Umm, Princess Sierra takes money for delivering absolutely nothing. You might want to read more closely, peruse more thoroughly. That's why I particularly like to use her as an example when discussing this issue. The total & complete fetish is to give her the money. There are ancillary details, but her domination is in taking their money, that's the vast bulk of all interactions she has with her s types . . .. . . & I highly recommend reading some of her blogs & especially the comments to her blogs, which is essentially the only other regular contact between her & her s types other than taking cash. She gives no services, no phone calls, nothing . . .. . For many of those who hand over their cash to her, looking at her website is the only interaction they'll ever have with her . . .. . . To my mind what Princess Sierra does is a rather pure form of 'mental domination' . . . . . . &, also to my mind, she's absolutely in control of her process, it's all on her terms -- her website, her rules, her way, or one just does not exist in her universe . . .. . . & I brought up porn because it is, in my mind, technically legal prostitution (porn actors taking cash to have sex, but it's 'not prostitution' cuz they're in front of a camera), & because watching porn is so pervasive . . . . . Plus, as I pointed out, CM's bills are paid for by all those porn ads . . . . . . So using the site is de facto supporting the 'adult entertainment industry' & is not discernibly different (to my eye) from paying for BDSM services & etc . . . . . & if one 'pays' for one type of 'adult entertainment' I find it deeply hypocritical to denigrate the other types of paid adult entertainment . . .. . . . Other than my opinions, above, about Princess Sierra, I am most carefully staying out of any discussion of 'twue domliness', thanks . . . . . . .

ctsub2003 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:04:49 PM)
Lots of good points on this issue. But I'll throw my two-cents in ;) Ultimately, as others have stated, one is paying for a perceived service, which makes it essentially a business arrangement. While one is free to pursue that type of dynamic, I don't have much respect for either of the participants who enage in this Kink Contract. How a person makes or spends their money is not usually my business. But on a personal level, I find it disturbing- I would not pay for a prostitute, dominatrix, nor any variation. I would not date a stripper or a dominatrix either. It is not that I have a problem w/ the acts the perform, just the fact that it is marketed as a commodity. Our sexuality, the intimacy which accompanies it, and who we choose to explore it with, says a great deal about us. I would rather explore aspects of my sexuality w/ someone who was not getting paid to do it. Judgemental? Sure, absolutely. They are still free to do it, but I wouldn't have the time of day for them.

Kat713 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:08:03 PM)
I feel that there are some Dommes on here that clearly just want your money, many of those we like to call... Scam. However, take me for example. I am looking for many things in a submissive, like if they are in shape, respectful, and not trying to top from the bottom. But yes, it would be nice if they spoiled me to some extent. Because as a sub, I would try to show my Master or Mistress how much I adore and respect them, and yes sometimes a gift is the way to go. But I would never take advantage of someone. As some people said, if they are up front about it, I do not think it is deceptive.

DemonKia -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:09:07 PM)
So, pertinent to my points above, do you look at porn? & you do realize that porn pays the bills here on CM & by using CM you are tacitly endorsing paying for sex? Of course, that's in my opinion. quote: ORIGINAL: ctsub2003 Lots of good points on this issue. But I'll throw my two-cents in ;) Ultimately, as others have stated, one is paying for a perceived service, which makes it essentially a business arrangement. While one is free to pursue that type of dynamic, I don't have much respect for either of the participants who enage in this Kink Contract. How a person makes or spends their money is not usually my business. But on a personal level, I find it disturbing- I would not pay for a prostitute, dominatrix, nor any variation. I would not date a stripper or a dominatrix either. It is not that I have a problem w/ the acts the perform, just the fact that it is marketed as a commodity. Our sexuality, the intimacy which accompanies it, and who we choose to explore it with, says a great deal about us. I would rather explore aspects of my sexuality w/ someone who was not getting paid to do it. Judgemental? Sure, absolutely. They are still free to do it, but I wouldn't have the time of day for them.

Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:12:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Money is a factor in a relationship; it's not the sole factor. A person's attractiveness to others, and self-confidence, are at least as important in determining who is in charge in a relationship. Bingo, here is the difference. For pros, money is the factor. They are offering a service in exchange for monetary compensation. My submissive buying me a birthday present or in your case, paying for your hotel is different. Had she first contacted you saying I'll pay for your hotel if you fly down and dom me, would have have been so eager? Would you have not visited her had she not paid for your hotel? When the money becomes a condition of the relationship, then the power is shifted. Quid pro quo is not d/s. Demonkia, I did read her site, if you go under her phone training she says in no uncertain terms, pay her or she will ignore you. She even goes into saying that people that pay her more get more of her attention. Something for something. http://bitchybeauty.com/CONTACT.html Porn isn't legal prostitution. The actor isn't paying the actress to have sex with him, a company or private investor is paying a actor and a actress to preform on camera. But again, I don't have any problem with pros. But pro dom/me are merchants who sell something for money.

ctsub2003 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:15:18 PM)
Fair question- it is certainly a "murky" area, I am online for the possibilty of finding a likeminded mate. Yes porn advertising does pay the bills on CM; my only contention is that I did not want to pursue that type of dynamic for my previously stated reasons. Since "porn" has been unable to be defined, it will remain a murky issue no doubt.

wittybunny -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:17:15 PM)
I certainly don't want a man for money.

RedMagic1 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:18:49 PM)
Any relationship between two people made of flesh and blood is going to have quids and quos. It is true that many people form their notion of "true BDSM" from pornography and online fantasy-gaming. They often develop a notion that people in a D/s relationship somehow have no needs or wants. Those people then often post on an online message board, thinking they will sound knowledgeable, when in fact they sound hollow, and based in fiction instead of reality. The internet isn't as "anonymous" as you might think.

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