RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men?

RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (Full Version)

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Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:27:36 PM)
Doms and subs have plenty of wants and needs and there is an exchange of various emotional, physical, and even monetary things in a normal relationship. My point is simply, when money becomes the condition of the relationship, the dynamics change.

Venatrix -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 5:41:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought Doms and subs have plenty of wants and needs and there is an exchange of various emotional, physical, and even monetary things in a normal relationship. My point is simply, when money becomes the condition of the relationship, the dynamics change. Of course the dynamics change. That doesn't make it bad, just different. The dynamics of a relationship change if people get married, have kids, start having sex, stop having sex, become seriously ill, etc. If basing a relationship solely on money is bad, then so is basing a relationship solely on someone's appearance, yet consider how many rich men are only interested in hot young women. Cuts both ways.

DemonKia -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 6:44:19 PM)
That's the front page, the teaser, to pull them in . . . . . . (The tease being such an important part of the psychology of desire . . . . ) It's only in reading thru her blogs, & the comments, that her methods became clear . . .. . Yes, on the front page she leads the reader to think she's some kinda fancy-schmancy phone sex chickie, but in the blogs she discusses her day to day existence, which largely consists of shopping & going out partying with her girlfriend . . . . . . & she only talks very briefly with a very tiny number of the guys who send her money . . . . . . Basically, one can only get a few moments of her attention after having coughed up sufficient dough & otherwise abased oneself in such a manner as to have 'earned a reward' -- that's it in terms of services delivered. The primary 'service' she delivers is the 'ability' to fantasize about her, & most of her website is designed to 'service' the fantasy wanking lives of guys, telling them what they wanna hear . . . . The contract page would file under that, for me . . . .. From the kinda raw calculations I made, she's pulling in a 5 or 6 figure sum on a monthly basis & the total of the services actually delivered is maybe an hour on the phone, maybe 4 days a week -- if you read thru the blogs you find out that, princess that she is, she frequently just takes days, even weeks, off, whenever she wants . .. . . . Ya know, ignoring is one of the meanest things one can do & she is way-empress of the head-fuck . . . . . . . . To my eye, saying she's delivering phone sex services is sorta like saying that Bill Gates sells software . .. . . Technically, in a big giant sense, maybe yeah, but really both of them are commanding engines that drive their wealth collection gambits, & the phone sex & software are sorta incidental to the overall . . . . . . &, still not wanting to get into any kind of 'twue domliness' debate, I do notice that persons who feel the need to rationalize or justify what is 'twuly domly or not' sound insecure to my ears . . . . . . My 2 pesos worth on that topic . .. . . . quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought Demonkia, I did read her site, if you go under her phone training she says in no uncertain terms, pay her or she will ignore you. She even goes into saying that people that pay her more get more of her attention. Something for something. http://bitchybeauty.com/CONTACT.html Porn isn't legal prostitution. The actor isn't paying the actress to have sex with him, a company or private investor is paying a actor and a actress to preform on camera. But again, I don't have any problem with pros. But pro dom/me are merchants who sell something for money.

stella41b -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/20/2009 7:55:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought Doms and subs have plenty of wants and needs and there is an exchange of various emotional, physical, and even monetary things in a normal relationship. My point is simply, when money becomes the condition of the relationship, the dynamics change. This is a pretty unbalanced way of looking at it. There's quite a number of male submissives who aren't interested in any sort of relationship. No, they just want a transaction in which they have the freedom to demand gratification in any way they wish, when they wish, for as long as they wish. Ideally the reality should bear a pretty close resemblance to the fantasy too. These are what some would call the 'do me' subs, though they are also known as 'punters'. There's an awful lot of these 'punters' trawling the Internet looking for dommes to service them. And they pay. There's also quite a few male submissives with not a lot of experience who think like punters but who don't want to pay and are sadly deluding themselves that they are going to find a lifestyle domme prepared to develop a long term relationship around their kinks and gratification. Almost every domme you can find has on at least one or two occasions been lied to cheated or deceived by a male submissive, or been badly let down. Now put yourself in the position of the domme, who has to have accommodation, the right equipment, the right clothes - stockings, shoes, boots, corsets, make up, to be available at a specific time for a specific period, and only have control within that allotted time frame and you got Submissive Arnold prepared to pay you $200 for that time or Submissive Barry prepared to pay you sweet FA, who are you going to prefer to meet? There's also a considerable number of lifestyle dommes out there looking for relationships with submissive males who stay lonely for many months, even years until a promising submissive comes along. They're usually attractive women, intelligent have detailed profiles and receive mails on a daily basis, and yet they can spend months or years all alone. Now why is that? They're just waiting for for a submissive to make a decent approach. And yet every day they are approached by male submissives who are unable to make any decent sort of approach. Now you can turn this round and ask why are there so many male submissives interested in D/s and BDSM who are unable to start a meaningful relationship with a dominant female? And you can turn the issue around and ask what do you think of all the male submissives who believe such a relationship is centred around their own gratification? One of the eternal riddles of BDSM perhaps, or of society?

Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 12:06:36 AM)
DemonKia, I would imagine, true or not, presenting the idea that she ignores the majority of people who send her money makes a far better fantasy when she actually talks to the guys. What is good for the goose is not always good for the geese, yet you keep trying to pigeon hole me, the question was posed what we thought of dommes seeking generous men, I gave my opinion that consumers hold the power and for me selling my services makes me feel like I need to preform. By telling me I'm wrong, insecure, etc you are trying to get into the what is a real dom/me argument. Can't play both sides. I'll be the first to admit I don't know what a real dom or a real sub is, I can only tell you what is real for me. stella41b, Very good post and some of your points are the very ones I agree with. Those do me subs would are not just found in the domme world. There are plenty of female subs that just want you to spank them, tie them up, then get them off and as I said before, some will offer money. Not nearly as many as dommes, I'm sure, but the sentiment is the same. To answer your question, if I was the domme looking for a relationship, I'd meet the submissive that wanted to get lunch first. Beyond the kink, it comes down to two people trying to make a connection. If I keep going for the kink first, personality later, I'd keep getting the 'do me' types. And as I was trying to point out, if you talk about generous men and compensation, the sub that the lonely domme is looking for may click on the next profile. You don't go to a strip club to find a girlfriend, would you message a pro looking for a real relationship? This site is wide and there are a multitude of people here looking for different things, none of them are wrong, but how you present yourself will be how others judge you.

DemonKia -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 3:14:53 AM)
I very carefully rarely use the 'you' case for precisely this reason; to clarify, I was specifically not talking about you, cuz I don't know you . . . . . . That's why I use 'I statements' so extensively, cuz I'm the subject I know best . . . . . . . I was stating what I feel when I hear that kinda talk come from anyone -- I'm allowed to feel whatever way I feel, & if I choose to share my feelings I do it as a 'mirroring service', appreciated or not . . . . . I have little interest in talking about most anyone else . . . . . I'm here to show off me & my thoughts & beliefs & opinions & etc, anyone else is kinda incidental to the process . . . . . (& I'm brutally honest enough to lay those cards on the table . . . . . .) If you should feel that I'm somehow talking about you when I'm talking about my feelings, that looks to me like you projecting yourself into my words .. .. . . . . quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought DemonKia, ...you keep trying to pigeon hole me, the question was posed what we thought of dommes seeking generous men, I gave my opinion that consumers hold the power and for me selling my services makes me feel like I need to preform. By telling me I'm wrong, insecure, etc you are trying to get into the what is a real dom/me argument.

PeonForHer -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 3:27:26 AM)
I was wondering if the word "generous" on a profile ever means "generous of spirit"? No, probably not.

LadyPact -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 6:31:50 AM)
LOL. Guess what word appears in clip's profile that doesn't appear on Mine.

Andalusite -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 8:23:42 AM)
Kia, I dislike the practice of telemarketing, and probably wouldn't want to date someone who was a telemarketer, but I still buy products from companies that engage in the practice. [;)] It's not hypocritical, it's just an aspect I don't particularly like. I also see a big distinction among stripping, porn acting, prostitution, and professional domination/submission. Peon, I don't use the word in my profile, partly because it probably would be misunderstood. In the dog and pony play thread, though, I referred to horses as being "generous," and said that I wanted a submissive man to respond to me in a similar way - ie. very willing to put his power at my disposal without me having to get after him/push him all the time, forgiving of minor mistakes, attentive and focused on my body language and any commands that I make, etc. It very much implies doing his best for me, willingly, as opposed to being a bit of a brat who I have to constantly get after (or even literally smack with a crop or whip) to get them to do anything. I also like men who are generous with the less fortunate, in terms of their time and money. I don't expect them to be a major philanthropist, or to volunteer for 20 hours a week, but doing what they can to make a difference, in small ways, is lovely. For example, I usually try to keep a couple of cheap blankets, tarps, and umbrellas in my car during the winter, and extra snacks/water/soda/etc. all the time. When I run into a homeless person who is asking for help, I figure any money I give them is likely to be spent on booze, so I give them something physical that they'll find useful, or buy them a hot meal at a fast food place, or some such. I've volunteered on an occasional part-time basis with various organisations, and donated small amounts of money for various fundraising drives. I give blood whenever it's convenient. I wouldn't refuse to date a man for not doing those things, but if he is generous in both of those contexts, it's a very strong point in his favour. [:D] I also want him to be kind and considerate in the sense of having manners, being emotionally caring, and genuinely being a nice guy, not in the sense of giving me money or expensive presents. I haven't used those terms in my profile either, for fear they would be misconstrued.

PeonForHer -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 8:43:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact LOL. Guess what word appears in clip's profile that doesn't appear on Mine. Er . . . . I give up, LP. "Rugged"? "Hairy-chested?"

PeonForHer -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 9:06:33 AM)
I'm afraid "kind' will usually be misconstrued in just the same way as "generous", Andalusite. It's a shame. I don't know if I'm either kind or generous in the senses that you're using those words. Friends and family say that I am. In the D/s sense: well, I surprised myself recently, that's all I'll say. It was there when I didn't expect it to be. Yet, at another time, it wasn't there when it might have been. But as has been pointed out elsewhere - helpfulness (vanilla sense) and willing-to-serve (D/s) sense can become mingled up together. That would especially be the case with a sub who, like me, emphatically wants his partner to be his friend (and hopefully even lover) as well as dominant. As an aside: it's peculiar, really. People so often talk about feelings and motivations as though someone can only have one feeling towards a thing, or one motivation to do something, at a time.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 12:12:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer I was wondering if the word "generous" on a profile ever means "generous of spirit"? No, probably not. Actually I used to use the phrase "generous of spirit" on my profile!

PeonForHer -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 1:15:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer I was wondering if the word "generous" on a profile ever means "generous of spirit"? No, probably not. Actually I used to use the phrase "generous of spirit" on my profile! Well, I like the phrase. Why did you stop using it - were you tired of subs asking you for money?

Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 3:31:13 PM)
I suppose I can practice the art of replying to people and quoting their posts but not address them. People who talk about their honesty when they really mean their lack of tact or people skills are those that often flock to internet message boards where they can give their opinions and downplay others in an effort to feel superior in their own lives. Hopefully people like that don't project either. See, I can do it too? So how about we pretend we are both smarter than that and just put down the [sm=fight.gif] quote: ORIGINAL: DemonKia I very carefully rarely use the 'you' case for precisely this reason; to clarify, I was specifically not talking about you, cuz I don't know you . . . . . . That's why I use 'I statements' so extensively, cuz I'm the subject I know best . . . . . . . I was stating what I feel when I hear that kinda talk come from anyone -- I'm allowed to feel whatever way I feel, & if I choose to share my feelings I do it as a 'mirroring service', appreciated or not . . . . . I have little interest in talking about most anyone else . . . . . I'm here to show off me & my thoughts & beliefs & opinions & etc, anyone else is kinda incidental to the process . . . . . (& I'm brutally honest enough to lay those cards on the table . . . . . .) If you should feel that I'm somehow talking about you when I'm talking about my feelings, that looks to me like you projecting yourself into my words .. .. . . . .

DemonKia -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 3:55:39 PM)
I'm an asshole, for those not clear on the subject. You perused my profile several times, did you miss the part where I clearly state I'm an asshole. & I most definitely think I'm 'better' than half the population, I even posted that on a thread around here somewhere . . . .. . 'Catching me out' on either of those is shootin' fish in a barrel . . . . lol I post as much for the potentially hundreds of eyes that may / do read thru given threads, as to communicate with the ostensible individual* . . . .. & thus I may quote text as much to clearly display my thinking to all those potential others as much as to directly communicate with the quoted person, to clarify. & that's yet another reason I tend to be very deliberate in my use of the 'you' case . . . . . If I say 'you' I probably mean it, & if I don't then I don't . ... . . As I said, I'm an asshole. shrugs A 'better than most' asshole, too, lol . . . . . . . Luckily I'm just here to socialize on an internet forum rather than to meet some agenda goal that requires me to pretend to be anything other than the (sometimes entertaining, sometimes edifying) asshole that I am . . .. . . . Oh. & lots of people 'reply' to my posts, inclusive of quoting my posting -- I feel no 'need' to accept their reply as anything other than their thoughts, feelings, etc . . . . . If I don't agree or otherwise see no reason to respond to their reply, I don't . . . . . .. *I mostly do what I do to amuse myself . . . .. . It has amused me to 'tangle' with you, has allowed me to work out my thoughts on things, & so on . . . . . . Sorry if this hurts your feelings, but you're kinda incidental to the whole process, for me . . . . . . But then I'm selfish, too -- did ya miss that part on my profile, too?

SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 4:13:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact LOL. Guess what word appears in clip's profile that doesn't appear on Mine. too...many...jokes... must...resist...posting...

Andalusite -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 7:12:02 PM)
Hmm, I've been thinking about this a little more, and even CM explicitly doesn't allow requests for money. Pro-Dommes and pro-submissives are welcome to seek out individual relationships, but not to use the site to find clients. If they do so, people are supposed to report them for it. Male dominants still have to deal with women who claim to be submissive but who are actually scammers and/or gold-diggers, but it's very rare for them to actually ask to "pay to play." Sites like e-harmony, match, etc. don't have swarms of escorts and prostitutes who are trying to drum up business while pretending to actually look for relationships.

RedMagic1 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 7:57:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite Sites like e-harmony, match, etc. don't have swarms of escorts and prostitutes who are trying to drum up business while pretending to actually look for relationships. Nilla sites have a huge number of scammers, though. I just sent you cmail with more info.

Fadingthought -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 8:00:34 PM)
This is the internet, everyone is a asshole and selfish. Unique just like all the other snowflakes. But do not fret, you are not even close to hurting my feelings. I do enjoy figuring people out. You see, I'm a snowflake too.

RedMagic1 -> RE: What do you think of all the dommes seeking "generous" men? (5/21/2009 8:06:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought This is the internet, everyone is a asshole and selfish. No, they're not. I posted a link to a thread earlier today in which people took hours of their time to help someone with a problem. It was beautiful. Fadingthought, you will look better in the eyes of others if what you say actually matches up with the realities of the world.

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