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attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 12:02:14 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

i need to word this carefully... lol

is there something about us subs and slaves that crave attention. is part of what we do and who we are about the need for that intense attention only our dominant partners give us.

for myself, in general i am not an attention seeker atall. i like it when men notice me, i like it when im paid a compliment, i like being chatted up. but i would never say that i seek to be the center of anyones attention, infact more often than not i can quickly feel uncomfortable if focus is put on me too much, like at a party or amongst friends in a general conversation. i will always push the attention away from myself as quickly as possible.

but with Sir i can be the center of his attention all day and all night and i love it. i want it and i need it and its never enough.

there is a contradiction there - that i can quickly become acutely uncomfortable in any other situation with someone else, but with him he can focus all of himself onto me and i am completely comfortable.

ive read enough from other subs and slaves to know that often what i feel is echoed by others, so what is this contradiction.

is it because our dominant chooses to focus on us, that we have no choice in the matter and so we can relax and not worry.

or is it that we are closet attention seeking whores

and only our D's know how to tap into that.

much of what we do is all about us. the focus is on us pretty much the whole time. yes theyre getting their jollies by doing what they want to do to us but is it part of our submission that we crave that attention. is it because we have no choice that we can relax from our anxiety of being the center of someones attention and finally, atlast, actually allow ourselves to enjoy something we deep down crave even when theyre doing something that hurts like hell and we'd rather they didnt.

< Message edited by InTonguesslave -- 4/6/2009 12:06:50 PM >

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aka lally

Post #: 1

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 12:28:50 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I've always basked in attention.
Well...after I got past my painfully shy childhood and got involved in theatre.
Put the spotlight on me and watch me go!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 2

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 12:46:21 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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The other day I got called sexually selfish because whenever I talk about sex I talk about people doing things to me, I dont think thats sexually selfish I just think its part of the subbyness. So it depends what you mean, I find 'playing' quite a complex thing I feel simultaniously the 'centre of attention' but also as though I am completely concerened about the Dominants state of mind. It isnt that simple.

I think we can all be attention whores from time to time, I think everyone enjoys it in some situations but not ness all. I can be shy but I can also want the whole room to notice my choice of dress. Its ace to be contrary

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Post #: 3

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 1:20:29 PM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

The other day I got called sexually selfish because whenever I talk about sex I talk about people doing things to me, I dont think thats sexually selfish I just think its part of the subbyness. So it depends what you mean, I find 'playing' quite a complex thing I feel simultaniously the 'centre of attention' but also as though I am completely concerened about the Dominants state of mind. It isnt that simple.

I think we can all be attention whores from time to time, I think everyone enjoys it in some situations but not ness all. I can be shy but I can also want the whole room to notice my choice of dress. Its ace to be contrary

well hello there! - havent seen you for a time.

i suppose at the time i dont actually feel the center of attention, interesting point, its only afterwards, well after this weekend when his focus was so very much on me that i reflected back on it and realised how much i benefitted from it and realised how different that feeling is for me.

interesting point in that yes, youre right, in the moment youre attention is focused on them and of course what theyre doing and not on youreself other than being the focus of their attention.

but it wasnt just in play that i meant.

_____________________________

aka lally

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 4

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 1:33:08 PM

fantasy69maker

Posts: 86
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

i need to word this carefully... lol

is there something about us subs and slaves that crave attention. is part of what we do and who we are about the need for that intense attention only our dominant partners give us.

for myself, in general i am not an attention seeker atall. i like it when men notice me, i like it when im paid a compliment, i like being chatted up. but i would never say that i seek to be the center of anyones attention, infact more often than not i can quickly feel uncomfortable if focus is put on me too much, like at a party or amongst friends in a general conversation. i will always push the attention away from myself as quickly as possible.

but with Sir i can be the center of his attention all day and all night and i love it. i want it and i need it and its never enough.

there is a contradiction there - that i can quickly become acutely uncomfortable in any other situation with someone else, but with him he can focus all of himself onto me and i am completely comfortable.

ive read enough from other subs and slaves to know that often what i feel is echoed by others, so what is this contradiction.

is it because our dominant chooses to focus on us, that we have no choice in the matter and so we can relax and not worry.

or is it that we are closet attention seeking whores and only our D's know how to tap into that.

much of what we do is all about us. the focus is on us pretty much the whole time. yes theyre getting their jollies by doing what they want to do to us but is it part of our submission that we crave that attention. is it because we have no choice that we can relax from our anxiety of being the center of someones attention and finally, atlast, actually allow ourselves to enjoy something we deep down crave even when theyre doing something that hurts like hell and we'd rather they didnt.

The key here is trust.,while you seek attention you dont want unpleasant attention. You trust your Dom to be pleased with you.Its a great confiedence maker.
Sorta like walking out on stage in front of your family to get your diploma,You KNOW they will be happy so its easier.
On the other hand you dont wanna be the representitive speaker from big oil at a sierra club meeting.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 5

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 1:36:13 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

BDSM is intrinsically selfish. I would suggest that it isn't just your dominant you seek attention from - by the posts you make here. So I don't see a contradiction, I do however see denial.

Me, I am all for attention. But I only whore to Darcy.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 6

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 1:56:32 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

My sub is an attention whore, he loves to be my center of attention as long as its positive attention. He doesn't like my attention when he has done something wrong and I make him do research and write essays on different topics.

We have discussed this and besides being an attention whore he is also a bit of a exhibitionist. He would love nothing more than to be watched while we play together. He says the humiliation would be delicious. I'm still thinking that one over.

My sub isn't a whore as he doesn't charge me for his services

but he most certainly is my slut.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 7

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 2:06:41 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I think A LOT of people are attention whores. Most people will deny it.

The problem with being an attention whore, as I see it, is when it creates problems. Either personally in a relationship, or just individually. Or, when it creates drama, usually negative, usually attracting other attention whores that also like to create drama. Often times these people are seen as needy also. They also have a tendency to spread their personal life and drama out for public consumption, creating more problems/attention for themself.

It's often painful to watch, especially in adults.

I see this behaviour as insecurity, needing acceptance, always looking for someone to agree with them, feel sorry for them, whatever.

To me, it's very unattractive and something I avoid. Which might be why I have few relationships.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 8

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 2:22:28 PM

cpK69

Posts: 1593
Joined: 5/9/2008
Status: offline

I believe it has more to do with where my attention is, than whose is on me. When I am with Sir, I do not think about him looking at me; I think of him looking at me.
Kim

p.s I posted before peeking; I like to compare.

< Message edited by cpK69 -- 4/6/2009 2:25:46 PM >

_____________________________

Humility is where weakness and strength meet and humanity begins.

one voice

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 9

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 2:44:21 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

i don't think it's a matter of proclivities rather than a general character trait of some human beings that marks them as attention seeking, drama whores.

Some people cannot exist, let alone find happiness, unless they are at the centre of everything, even if that means in a negative way. Almost like the only bad publicity being no publicity at all.

Some of the biggest, most profligate, drama whores have been folk with little or no self esteem, very shallow folk with a short attention span, and no reticence about who they drag into their dramas or the consequences of them on anyone, let alone themselves. The more run of the mill drama or attention whores, i see little difference, have certain similar traits, but are better able to function and do less damage in the long run.

That certain Dominants pander to the highly strung means that we see proportionally more because we are focused on this end of the relationship spectrum, but trust me, life is full of attention whores, some no better than legends in their own lunchtimes, and most with emotional issues that might have been addressed if they had not been so wrapped up in their own dramas.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 10

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 2:44:51 PM

serisa

Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline

i can totally relate to this. in life generally i never seek to be the centre of attention - in life i am pretty shy & reserved. But with Dominant i always crave to be the center of 'His' attention'. i feed off it

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 11

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 2:54:59 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

When i was younger i always wanted to be the center of attention comes from being the youngest in a family of 5 chldren. Now i hate to be the center of attention i avoid it whenever possible. When i had to give an oral presentation in college i felt like i ws gonna be sick , that i s how much i hate being the center of attntion

Expect when it comes to Master i love and crave to be the center of his attention. He and i always call me a greedy sub because i want all hs spare time and attention. He loves to give me his attentoon so it is all good.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to serisa)

Post #: 12

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 4:22:49 PM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

BDSM is intrinsically selfish. I would suggest that it isn't just your dominant you seek attention from - by the posts you make here. So I don't see a contradiction, I do however see denial.

Me, I am all for attention. But I only whore to Darcy.

the.dark.

I might well be speaking out of place or turn here but, hell it's never stopped me before so here goes. Yes BDSM can be intrinsically selfish but it can also be intrinsically selfless too. Not all the time but many times out of ten.
I'm biased and i know it but i don't see intonguesslaves posts here as attention seeking at all. I see someone questing for more knowledge as she gets deeper and more into quite an intense (compared to prior) M/s relationship.
I speak with intonguesslave every single day and i share a master with her. We have had our ups and downs in the relationship so far, some to my fault, some hers and some Sirs but i have never ever experienced her attention seeking in any shape or form. In fact she is far more likely to push Sir to lavish attention on me than herself.

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It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 13

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 5:06:22 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

There will never be enough of M for my liking. Not because I'm a slave/sub at all..........nothing to do with D/s but the fact that he's most fascinating , fun,* in tune with me* person I've ever been lucky enough to spend time with. Of course I want and adore his attention.......but I've never had to *seek* it , it's always been given in abundance. He gets all mine too. We just LIKE each other.

I like attention elsewhere as much as anyone. It's nice to have people interested in you but I'm not interested in the level of attention that I get from M......because I'M not as interested in other people as I am in him. It's that simple really.

agirl

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 14

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 5:15:51 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I, too, don't find it to be a bdsm thing. It is a relationship thing. I want as much time and attention both from and for someone I care about.

The dissonance between these relationships and my public life is that I know and want to be close with certain people while I am not close enough with others to know or care where I stand with them. Their compliments and criticisms mean very little to me because I don't know the spirit of the one giving them. I care very much what loved ones think of me because I want to be my best for them.

lovingpet

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 15

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 5:22:40 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

there is a contradiction there - that i can quickly become acutely uncomfortable in any other situation with someone else, but with him he can focus all of himself onto me and i am completely comfortable.

I know exactly what you mean, I've had full blown panic attacks at parties when friends tried to drag me out of the corner to go dance, teachers who had me for the full nine months of the school year never remembered my name (which was fine by me) and even at work I have customers who come in when they know I'll be there specifically and will bring me small gifts as thanks which i'm thankful for but i feel guilty too because i was just doing my job the best i can.

but with Master I find I actually get cranky if I think he didn't spend enough time with me that night lol (not exactly slave like behaviour but oh well) but I crave his attention, even when it's something I don't like doing, such as reminding me of my bedtime routine, I like that he's taken the time to remind me even if i did wish at the time he'd just forget the whole thing, especially the sleeping part. But i like that he's chosen me to be the one who gets his "special" attention and the fact that he takes the time out of his day to worry about me or to remember something that he knows i need to do but knows i'll forget so reminds me.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 16

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 5:31:53 PM

crazyredhead1957

Posts: 189
Joined: 12/10/2008
Status: offline

i like to focus on what Sir wants and what pleases Him because i love to see Him happy, but, yes, any attention He gives me i just suck it up and shamelessly revel in it.

Sometimes i feel guilty because i love it so much. Does that make me an attention-seeking whore?

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 17

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 6:01:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

The difference is in the quality of the attention. If at a party, the other person is checking out my tits, checking out the blond across the room, listening with one ear till it's his or her turn to speak.

But The Man focuses intensely on me. He listens attentively, he sees my physical reactions and notes that. He can tell if I'm uncomfortable or scared, and he zeroes in on that and brings it up for discussion.

It's the difference from someone saying "Nice to see you, how have you been" and "Please don't cover up, I can tell something's wrong. Talk to me". With the first, you know they aren't interested in hearing your woes. With the second, he is. And he's the only one who is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 18

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 6:58:13 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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At its best, I like to think there is a mutuality.
Davan

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-Me

Waiting is

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: attention seeking whores - 4/6/2009 7:29:52 PM

NINacide

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/8/2009
Status: offline

I'll go out on a limb here and suggest that maybe he loves you.

(in reply to InTonguesslave)

Post #: 20

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