RE: Unruely slave

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YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 7:37:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TheDude77 I've got a rather serious problem with my slave girl. When I tell her to do something, but it's not a "right now" situation, she almost never does what she is told. Example: I recently told her to label a bunch of CDs I'd burned and it took 2 months of reminders and being punished to finally get it done. And our living room went almost 6 weeks without getting vacumed at one point. I've tried punishing her (we don't use "corporal punishment" for punishment, only play). We've had several serious conversations regarding whether this was really what she wanted or not. She swears up down and sideways that being my slave is what she wants. Recently when I threatened to take away her collar she begged me crying on her knees not to. But in the end she still doesn't do the things I tell her to do. Her primary excuse is that she doesn't remember my instructions, or that she misunderstood me. And for quite a while we worked to address the problem from that point of view. But more than once recently we've had situations were we discussed my instructions in detail so I know she understood them. Then I gave her several reminders, and she still doesn't do as she is told. I believe she just don't consider what I'm telling her to do important. In many ways she is a wonderful girl. Every morning when I get out of bed I know I'll have a fresh cup of coffee made just the way I want waiting for me. And she is very caring and loving. But in the end if I can't count on her to do what I tell her to, then I'm not interested in keeping her as a slave. Well, i think that the labeling of a bunch of CDs is a rather menial task and something which shouldn't cause the end of a relationship. However, i understand the frustration in the fact that she is unable to follow through on such a simple task. i mean, it's not like you asked her to re-roof the house or pull an acre of weeds. i agree with everyone here, start a list with her. Hell, do the gold-star thing like is done in Kindergarten if you have to until she knows what needs to be done. And how you like i done. Do the chores along with her to show her exactly how you want to have it done. Make it fun, let her wear a pretty, skimpy maid's outfit for you while she's doing the cleaning. So you can make it playtime as well. i mean, it would make it more fun for you both, wouldn't it? i think that's one of the most difficult things about tasks and chores is that they are boring. But, if they are made fun then, well, they get done. Or, maybe she really doesn't remember. i'm like that too, even at work calling numbers that i've called a zillion times i look at my co-workers and say "hey the number to...is what?" They look at me like i'm a moron but tell me anyway (my being blonde gives me way more latitude with my stupidity than most). Also, ask her how she learns best, if she doesn't know. Do all three: tell her what you want, show her what you want and have her write down what you want. And, repeat. A lot. But, never, ever say anything that you're not willing to follow through on. Especially if you weren't planning on doing it anyway. Because she will know automatically that you don't mean what you say and then she'll use it to walk all over you. You know, topping from the bottom. Soooo not a good thing. Maybe, in the end, you both need to go back to the drawing board and start all over. Re-training her and focusing more time on her weaknesses and helping her to turn them into strengths.

OsideGirl -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 7:38:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hopelessfool I have to say if my owner told me the first thing i was doing when i got in the door when i was working 8 hours of hell at one job and 5 standing on my feet straight through that id be vaccuming the house because hes to lazy to pick it up an do it himself. its see ya sunshine its been a nice life. This is true. I've added it up recently: I spend 40 hours per week at work, I come home and cook and clean for about 1.5 hours, on the weekend I do full cleaning, grocery shopping, and laundry in addition to the cooking. By the time it's added up I work between 52 and 60 hours per week. If Master gave me a "To do" list it would get ugly. Luckily, he just pretty much leaves it up to me what, how and when things get done.

colouredin -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 7:43:11 AM)
I think this thread has shown that different people want different relationships and the problem with catch all terms like "slave" because it means different things to different people. Really you need to talk about what works for both of you rather than assuming that the terminology means it will work out ok.

Kaiel -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 8:23:05 AM)
I agree with the list idea... but bigger than the idea of the list, you have to HOLD her ACCOUNTABLE. Threatening, begging and coercing... does not give a slave/sub the desired discipline and structure they need. she may want you to step up and be powerful and be in control... I would start with daily list... give her time lines if need be, create a structured environment and hold her to her part and position of doing what she is in your life to do... SERVE! if none of that works, re-evaluate and if needed ... move on! Good luck...

crazyredhead1957 -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 12:49:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rover I agree with the previous suggestion of having her commit your instructions to a list. That will prove successful or not in short order. And if it's unsuccessful, I would be inclined to thank her for playing, giving her some parting gifts, and sending her back to her parents. But that is just me. John quote: ORIGINAL: SailingBum Can't say I've ever had this issue. Dad said jump you asked how high. My girl has this prob with her 19 year old kid. I suggested tossing the kid out. If the behavior continues I will demand it. No I'm not gonna chase you around like a 2 year old making sure you do what I say. Not in this lifetime. If I want a baby ill go rent one somewhere. BadOne i agree with both. i would say give her a list like Rover said & if she still can't do what she is supposed to with the list, then send her packing as both Sirs said. i always make lists for what i need to do, and check things off as i do them. He gives me many little tasks to do during the day and night, and sometimes that is the only way i can remember the times for each.....and it works rather well for me.

SailingBum -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 1:17:18 PM)
I suspect he told her to vacuum the room for 6 weeks off and on. That would be my list. I am not going to make the vacuuming fun<Example folks>. Im saying look at the relationship as a whole and determine if her unwillingness to obey is a deal breaker. What is sounds like is she picks which tasks she will do and discards the rest. I would be like OnNoYouFuckingDon't BadOne

VeryNastyDom -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 2:44:42 PM)
Punishment is the answer here I think, but punishment does not necessarily mean corporal punishment. Telling her that she has yet again disappointed you and that she should go to another room (and perhaps sleep there alone) will be quite effective if she is truly sincere. Only you know that last bit.

badlilthang -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 3:23:57 PM)
saw some good replies - some bad - and some downright mean. my little thought: i have a 17 year old son - ADHD among other things...when he has too many things to deal with - and his room looks like a bomb just hit - he just freezes. he can not find the forest because of all the trees, and it is painful to see his face and how he tries to grasp. He does not know when and how to start, and end up doing nothing...maybe this slave has ADHD? how we solved it in our home is like this: every day we have a meeting, him and i. only like 3-5 minutes. We go through the last day - and set up the next. we both sign the agreement - and hang it on his wall. he has 3 thing he has to do every day - and 3-5 things he ought to do. he has to make a certain amount of points to get the little price at the end of the day - can be his x-box - laptop - or whatever i know he truly loves. At the end of a good week - a bigger price...(sneaky mom makes this to be clothes or other things he will get anyway). Ok, so i can not get everything done every day - but he functions - he is proud as all hell - we do not argue or fight...and they days are good....AND he learns!! Being an adult in years does not mean being an adult in mind...and letting for instance vacuuming or cd labeling be a hurdle it is impossible to go past seems a tad childish and stubborn to me... And Sailingbum - so glad You are not living with me. (said with a smile in my voice)i'd let my One go before i tossed my own child out for not cleaning his room...working together to get results usually is a much better way than command someone - and get pissy when the results are not as expected...the flies - sugar - vinegar saying makes sense..smiles

SailingBum -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 3:51:46 PM)
hey ya bad. Great nick. You really don't know the situation and nor am I gonna bore everyone with the details... but you really shouldn't comment on things you know nothing about. You see I too have ADHD you can use that as a 'excuse' or you can work harder at focusing on the task at hand. While we have different management approaches. I am sure if I went to my boss and said I forgot to do something for 6 weeks but please take pity on me cuz Im ADHD and I used this excuse over and over and .... Im real sure I'd be job hunting. Results not excuses are what's expected. If you want to baby a 17 year old rock on. But that is just not how it is in the "real world" Which is what I hope you are preparing your child for. BadOne

subtee -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 9:14:26 PM)
It seems to me...she's not inspired. I don't think it matters the tasks you've given her, nor whether she's working full time or if she can't remember. You don't need to make her lists or vacuum yourself or have some more chats or give her gold stars...if you are the Dominant in the relationship, she will remember and she will understand.

SirMIkeSD -> RE: Unruely slave (4/7/2009 9:26:18 PM)
From what you have wrote you have talked, punished, etc etc etc. She's gotten what she wanted "you" and now she is going to do what she wants. For me it would be adios, Mike

eyesopened -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 2:23:33 AM)
I would tend to agree with SirMIke. Seriously, how does one need a reminder note to vacuum? Um.... look down... the carpet needs vacuuming; next day look down, shit! carpet still needs to be vacuumed. Look at all those CDs not labeling themselves.... Attention deficiet? One day maybe, but weeks of forgetting that which stares her in the face, I'm not buying it. Don't threaten what you are not willing to follow through. You are, sir, training her to do what she wants.

colouredin -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 2:40:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtee It seems if you are the Dominant in the relationship, she will remember and she will understand. That got me a thinking, the if. I mean it is all well and good defining your relationship as D/s saying who is which thing yadda yadda but sometimes it really doesnt work out that way for whatever reason. Its one of the problems with 'looking' for a dominant or submissive rather than looking for a person

WyldHrt -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 2:49:09 AM)
The OPs profile is not available/ nonexistant. This and the lack of information in the OP makes any reply speculation. I would like to know what her work/ school/etc schedule is before commenting, as it really does matter.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 2:57:32 AM)
There isn't just one problem person in the OP, there are TWO. The submissive/slave has learned that there are no consequences if she fails to perform the tasks set for her and I go as far as to say that she is a person crying out for her dominant to TAKE CONTROL. People need consistency and he's shown he's consistent - by allowing her to basically do what she wants. Who IS the dominant person in the relationship? In my household and taking into consideration that until I was made redundant from my job last November we were both working 40 hour a week jobs (that is alwyas taken into consideration), we both have responsibilities and I never issue a task that is unreasonable (we both agree on this). If it fails to be done or Reality adopts an attitude of 'I'll do it when I feel like it' he knows there are consequences. It's in his best interest and the continuing good running of our household to do as he is instructed. Only 'thedude' can decide how he wishes to proceed and if I were him, I'd start with managing my own life before I took on someone else's.

CollaredLisa -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 4:50:01 AM)
Hmmm... I'd really like to know what she does - school, work, whatever... And also what you do on the cleaning matter - if you share or if you just sit there and let her clean everything.

InTonguesslave -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 4:51:59 AM)
manyana (not sure how to spell that) is something i suffer from. if it doesnt need to be done today ill put it off and off and .... well you get the pic. i also need lists. Sir has given me one, not sure where the pesky thing is, but i need to find it soon [&:] if a task is floating around in my head with no urgency attached to it you can bet that it wont get done until the last minute. i believe youre slave when she says she wants to be with you, she does all of those little things you enjoy, the immediate, one to one service that probably fills her little boots with joy each morning and she'll shine all day on the smile and the kiss you gave her. speaking for myself, i need Sir to apply some pretty stringent parameters to things and maybe you should try to do the same. or try to give her immediate tasks. like today i would like you to do this, give her days when she doesnt have to do anything atall or very little, alternate and vary and make them for the day and not weeks in advance. i can get easily distracted by the minutae of the day and by the time ive worked, cleaned, looked after son, animals and everything else im sometimes way too knackered to think about clearing out the kitchen cupboards. i wouldnt call her unruley i would call her selectively forgetful [:)]- im getting better and mainly cos i know there will be consequences. consequences mean that instead of Sir being able to kick back and enjoy me he has to spend his precious time giving me what for. if you explain that its stressful and exhausting to be forever chassing her and that you have better things to do with youre time she might swing round. whatever mindset she has here, knowing that she isnt bringing you pleasure in these areas could well be all the insentive she needs.

DominantlyCaring -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 7:24:33 AM)
Start using a good cane. I think your problem is that she does not take it seriously as the consequences are not hard enough. Consistently cane her when she fails you shall see rapid improvement. Always worked with my girls. Let go no CP principle. This situation needs some attention.

TreasureKY -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 8:28:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl ... I've added it up recently: I spend 40 hours per week at work, I come home and cook and clean for about 1.5 hours, on the weekend I do full cleaning, grocery shopping, and laundry in addition to the cooking. By the time it's added up I work between 52 and 60 hours per week. If Master gave me a "To do" list it would get ugly. Luckily, he just pretty much leaves it up to me what, how and when things get done. I can sympathize. I haven't tallied my own workload because it would just depress me. [:)] Like yourself, it's mostly left up to me what, how and when things get done... so I'm pretty much the one to blame if I'm overworked. Thing is, I've declined the offer to hire help numerous times. Pride can be a dangerous thing, don't ya know. I want to be able to take care of everything... and view it as a personal failure if I can't do it all to the standards that I believe he deserves. Damn perfectionism is going to kill me. But yeah... if Firm gave me a "to do" list, things would get ugly. I look just awful when I'm sobbing hysterically. [;)]

TheDude77 -> RE: Unruely slave (4/8/2009 8:36:40 AM)
utahSteelsandi: You sound exactly like my girl. What was once a punishment has become a responsibility. She also has days where it's nearly impossible for her to drag herself out of bed, or off the couch. She does have adult attention deficit disorder, as well as bi-polar disorder. She is getting professional medical treatment for both of these. Which is really the only reason why I've tolerated this as long as I have. Her therapist suggested using lists last year, and we've been doing it ever since. I send her emails that consist of lists of things and specific deadlines by which I want them done. She doesn't work or go to school. We have one child that is currently in 1/2 day kindergarten. So like any non-collared house wife/stay at home mom, her primary responsibilities are keeping the house up and taking care of the kids. In an attempt to help her I have taken over cleaning the living-room. The original idea was for me to take it over for two weeks so she could get caught up on the rest of the house. Then once everything was picked up it would be easier for her to do the "maintenance work" involved in keeping it all clean. However, the reality of that is that now the living room is clean and getting vacuumed regularly, by me, but the rest of the house is still always a mess. As to what she actually does for the 10 hours a day I'm out of the house and at work. Well she managed to read the entire Harry Potter series in 6 days last week. So I wouldn't say she's all that busy. She does manage to get the kid on and off the bus, and make food for both of them, and for the most part make sure the kid doesn't get into too much trouble. She also does a bare minimum of chores usually. A sink full of dishes and a load of laundry. But in the end it's really not much. Corporal punishment simply isn't an option. I will not beat my girl, even if part of me does think she really needs it. I'm not really sure what I need to do to help her, but I know something needs to change. Oh, and the threat to take her collar away was not an idle threat. At the time I said it I fully intended to do it. I changed my mind based on her emotional reaction which convinced me that, at least to some extent, she is still committed to being my slave. However, if things don't change in the next couple months, she is going to loose her collar.

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