Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

When You are the One rejected


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> When You are the One rejected Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 10:35:27 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Note: in the body of My post, there are sweeping generalizations-- I am intelligent enough to know there are variations on a theme, exceptions to every rule--but work with Me here--and this is not intended to be an opportunity for flaming, crucifixion, or burning at the stake--but an attempt to gleen from Dom/mes how They feel or submissives who knew Dominants that had this happen

Most of the posts we have read of late, have been about submissives who have been dismissed or rejected (yes there were some about them leaving a Dom/me but these are fewer)--My question centers around when You the Dominant is rejected--eons ago when My search became more aggressive---I went to meet a sub that I felt was going to be the one--we were both seeking an LTR----although we had a great weekend, things began to hmm unravel, not happen as planned--and the night before I left, I was told I was not for him--not because of My Dominance, but because things in My vanilla life would not mesh with his family-(things he knew ahead)--I was devasted and it took a few months for Me to bounce back---(well I did and needless to say--stronger)--but it seems that submissives think Dominants look over submissives and choose them like a Red Rover game and if one doesn't come on over we simply move down the line--

Imagine the Dom who shared with us his meeting of his new submissive---he shared thet he KNEW she was the one--well what if He knew that and she said---I'm sorry, you are not right for me--

How did You feel? How do you regroup?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 12:53:44 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline 		I've never been rejected by anybody I've actually "dommed". That's what meetings over coffee are for.

Seriously, I enjoy meeting submissive men who interest me, when I'm actively looking or otherwise. They haven't all fallen prostrate at my feet. (Well, actually, I don't allow any of them to do that on the first meeting. lol)

But that's why I like to meet people relatively quickly, and limit my search, on the whole, to local candidates. I definitely am not for everybody. It's better for them to discover who I *really* am, not just the vision they carry in their minds from pictures, chat, phone calls, whatever - no matter how detailed, right off the bat.

Usually the loss of "what might have been" from rejection on first meeting is really only in the head of the rejectee.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 1:04:56 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I was told once by someone that we would never work out because my intensity scared him. Took me awhile to understand exactly what he meant, and it hurt quite a bit...but I bounced back alot wiser and alot less cautious about what I reveal in the beginning.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 1:07:02 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		I've never been rejected by anybody I've actually "dommed". That's what meetings over coffee are for.
===========

this is STILL something, "I" have NOT done.
meetings? coffee?
so far all "I" have had, is, how soon can you can you drive here and move in??????
with THIS Ms AND the one in calif...
there are no meetings........no more so than the one i went to see in Mo OR the one i went to see N.C.--------i have been EXPECTED to drive long distance and EXPECTED to be able to move in day 1.


i will never understand this.......

i wish i could

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 1:15:43 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

I've never been rejected by anybody I've actually "dommed". That's what meetings over coffee are for.
===========

this is STILL something, "I" have NOT done.
meetings? coffee?
so far all "I" have had, is, how soon can you can you drive here and move in??????
with THIS Ms AND the one in calif...
there are no meetings........no more so than the one i went to see in Mo OR the one i went to see N.C.--------i have been EXPECTED to drive long distance and EXPECTED to be able to move in day 1.


i will never understand this.......

i wish i could

take care



veronica,

That's because your Domme's have apparently been more trusting than I. lol I can't imagine allowing a complete stranger move in, sight unseen.

You must have made one hell of a trustworthy impression on them!

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 1:32:36 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		veronica, based on your postings and taking them at face value, I would venture to say that if things ever went south with your current Mistress, you would have plenty of Dommes here on Collar Me happy to have you moving in with them the same day. So maybe coffee meetings and other possibly awkward first date type activities are not in your past or future...lucky you.



_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:03:34 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML
meetings? coffee?
so far all "I" have had, is, how soon can you can you drive here and move in??????
with THIS Ms AND the one in calif...
there are no meetings........no more so than the one i went to see in Mo OR the one i went to see N.C.--------i have been EXPECTED to drive long distance and EXPECTED to be able to move in day 1.
i will never understand this.......
i wish i could
take care


This is so funny i spilled my coffee all over the keyboard! You owe me a cup of coffee veronica! LOL

Yeh that has happened to me a few times as well and that gets an instant "PLONK" and is the end of any potential relationship!

r1

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:38:20 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
although we had a great weekend, things began to hmm unravel, not happen as planned--and the night before I left, I was told I was not for him--not because of My Dominance, but because things in My vanilla life would not mesh with his family-(things he knew ahead)--I was devasted and it took a few months for Me to bounce back---(well I did and needless to say--stronger)--but it seems that submissives think Dominants look over submissives and choose them like a Red Rover game and if one doesn't come on over we simply move down the line--


Ok i certainly do not want to come to this guys defense here because i do not know the subject matter of the vanilla aspects and is beyond the scope of what i am talking about here anyway. Speaking from my own expereince i have met people and likewise felt that there was great chemistry. They knew eveything about me and i knew everything about them as is reasonable to make that kind of assumption. Anyway the problem is that in any language there is a gap in the communication. That is you may be telling him exactly the way you see it and he may see this in a totally different dimension, or in a way other than the way you meant him to interpret it. There is another thing that i experienced in life and that is even when a person knows or believes they know something when they actually experience it, it may be totally different than what their imagination told them it would be, thus a fallout. Of course this assumes absolute honesty on everyones part who is involved. This is one thing i am very careful about when talking things with a domme, that we are on the same page as i call it. and for the exact reasons i just described. The possibility exists that this could have happened to him, only you can even hazzard a guess based on his tempermant and reactions if this was above board or not. From appearance sake it looks like the guy simply jerked you around but then we all know that is only appearnace and there still remains the possibility he was straight up with you. i am only bringing this to your attention as a possibility if the thought had not already corossed your mind. Then again he may have just wanted you to scene with him. Of course rejection is always easier if its all above board.

as for getting back up on ones feet, i think that is very difficult for anyone once that happens to them, and i think its rare that a person gets stronger without other side effects that come with it as with new found strength usually comes a certain hardness attached.

i have found many years ago that effective communication where everyone is truly on the same page and balancing that with feelings and emotions can be an unsurmountable task with many people simply because several people can perceive the same thing in many different ways.

sorry to hear things did not work out for you but i am happy you got back up on your feet and was able to put it behind you.

r1
added clarification

< Message edited by Real0ne -- 1/29/2006 2:48:28 PM >

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:46:01 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		How marvelously stated, and well written--

I find it amazing though that not many Dom/mes have come forth and said, yeah, on occasion I was yesterday's news---interesting---

and yes I did learn--and became better and stronger and in 3 days am off to meet what I hope to be The boy---so had that other one worked out I wouldn't be here to say that--everything happens for a reason---smiles--

but I guess it seems I am the only one that this happened to--no I am the only one strong enough to admit it---

I AM Domme, hear Me roar---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to Real0ne)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:47:13 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		/hands MHOO314 a martini and pats her back

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:53:02 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

/hands MHOO314 a martini and pats her back


We are Women, roar with Me Irish!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:55:04 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Well, I try to be optimistic (which is exceedingly difficult for me). The twists, turns, and corners of life aren't always pleasant, but you never know what awaits you around the bend. Sometimes you need to take a break, regroup, prop yourself up with some calm, affirmative energy. Step back and consider what you are looking for and consider whether that personality set is really the best thing for you. Sometimes there is a conflict in what we "want" and what we "need."

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 2:55:14 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, but I am meek and mild

so...

Meow



_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 3:31:31 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

How marvelously stated, and well written--

I find it amazing though that not many Dom/mes have come forth and said, yeah, on occasion I was yesterday's news---interesting---

and yes I did learn--and became better and stronger and in 3 days am off to meet what I hope to be The boy---so had that other one worked out I wouldn't be here to say that--everything happens for a reason---smiles--

but I guess it seems I am the only one that this happened to--no I am the only one strong enough to admit it---

I AM Domme, hear Me roar---


You are hardly the only one this has happened to Mistress Hathor.

I was asked about 3 months ago to release a boy from my training collar. He was unable to be 2nd in my life, even though he knew from the start that I was poly, and in the beginning he was willing to go through with it. After about 2 months of service he was simply not able to continue.

He had wonderful potential as a sub, and still does, just not as my sub. About a month ago an aquaintance of mine asked for permission to contact him. I not only gave her his number along with my permission to persue him, but when he called me to discuss the matter, I offered to be a mentor of sorts as I was his first real time/full time Domme. He was thinking that it might be difficult for me to see him at functions and events with another Domme, but I assured him that I would be just fine.

So, here's a martini for you, I have some coffee, now let's talk about why just 3 days before you are about to go and visit the boy, you are starting a thread about rejection...

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 3:40:48 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress


quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

How marvelously stated, and well written--

I find it amazing though that not many Dom/mes have come forth and said, yeah, on occasion I was yesterday's news---interesting---

and yes I did learn--and became better and stronger and in 3 days am off to meet what I hope to be The boy---so had that other one worked out I wouldn't be here to say that--everything happens for a reason---smiles--

but I guess it seems I am the only one that this happened to--no I am the only one strong enough to admit it---

I AM Domme, hear Me roar---


You are hardly the only one this has happened to Mistress Hathor.

I was asked about 3 months ago to release a boy from my training collar. He was unable to be 2nd in my life, even though he knew from the start that I was poly, and in the beginning he was willing to go through with it. After about 2 months of service he was simply not able to continue.

He had wonderful potential as a sub, and still does, just not as my sub. About a month ago an aquaintance of mine asked for permission to contact him. I not only gave her his number along with my permission to persue him, but when he called me to discuss the matter, I offered to be a mentor of sorts as I was his first real time/full time Domme. He was thinking that it might be difficult for me to see him at functions and events with another Domme, but I assured him that I would be just fine.

So, here's a martini for you, I have some coffee, now let's talk about why just 3 days before you are about to go and visit the boy, you are starting a thread about rejection...



smiles, thanks MissTress---no other reason than the ponderings of the events of One's life -- in the heat of a hot shower----just like I ponder the loss of My Mom and the growth of My unmentionable--and a chance to get other's perspectives.

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 1/29/2006 3:41:23 PM >

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 3:58:32 PM   
fergus


Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		well, it happens to everyone.

Happens to men all the time (be they Dom OR sub).

Could be a MILLION reasons why, but for whatever reason, it was just not meant to be ... and better now than further into the relationship.

Whatever you do, do not be afraid to court the young subbie men ;) you gotta kiss a lot of frogs, they say.

fergus

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 5:07:13 PM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
So, here's a martini for you, I have some coffee, now let's talk about why just 3 days before you are about to go and visit the boy, you are starting a thread about rejection...


Thats a g1

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 5:16:32 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

How marvelously stated, and well written--

I find it amazing though that not many Dom/mes have come forth and said, yeah, on occasion I was yesterday's news---interesting---

and yes I did learn--and became better and stronger and in 3 days am off to meet what I hope to be The boy---so had that other one worked out I wouldn't be here to say that--everything happens for a reason---smiles--

but I guess it seems I am the only one that this happened to--no I am the only one strong enough to admit it---

I AM Domme, hear Me roar---


Strangely enough I was considering a thread along these lines a few days ago and decided against it at the time because I really couldn't stomach a self pity party. My boy was released Wednesday because of what I call selfishness but in hindsight is the birth of a Dom before my eyes. He was taken on with the understanding that he was a complete novice and had desires but no idea of what to expect. We proceeded slowly with all the checklists, long conversations on my expectations and even 2 weeks where we hammered out rules that he could live by.

Most of the rules centered around his domestic responsibilities, forms of address and expectations for his behavior. As a rather spoiled only child he frequently had issues with the needs of others coming before his. This theme ultimately was the demise of our relationship. Me me me transitioned to who made you in charge can't we just go 50/50 like everyone else? Apparently I am evil Domme because I explained NO I'm the Domme and explained you how things are upfront, what my failings as a person are and what I expect of you. This impass lead to his dismissal and what I believe will soon be yet another novice Dom set loose on society...sorry girls.

After investing months in training on the practical, the personal and how to appropriately conduct himself it does hurt to come home to a huge fight out of the blue for me that he admits he'd been planning for a week. I'm far from discouraged as I've had subs that didn't fit before and I'm sure I will again. I look at this as a learning process and yet another evolution toward finding the companion that I can spend the rest of my days with.

I think the threads on Dom/mes bleed and hurt too are few and far between. You realize you made a bad choice and move on. I think the attitude that subs are somehow interchangable is terribly flawed. One has skills that another may not. I just hope that I can find one that is more comfortable in their own skin that realizes that me having co-workers and their wives that are jealous of all that he does for me is a compliment to all that they do. That thank you every moment for following your rules and doing what you contracted to do isn't necessary and shouldn't be expected. Gratitude is in my eyes, my caresses and my whip. Communication is a two way street where mis-interpretation can be fatal. I think that a common view on expectations up from is more important than the reply of yes mistress if it's your will I will do my best to comply. I've come to realize that blind submission without understanding the why of your expectations is not always the best thing to have.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 6:14:40 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		wow. I hope that this post allowed you a few minutes to articulate your experience---it did not come across as a pity party at all but an eloquently stated moment from which learnings and growth happen--albeit for a time--sadly.


Hands a martini and makes room for theRose4u to sit a spell.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/29/2006 6:40:01 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

wow. I hope that this post allowed you a few minutes to articulate your experience---it did not come across as a pity party at all but an eloquently stated moment from which learnings and growth happen--albeit for a time--sadly.


Hands a martini and makes room for theRose4u to sit a spell.


Thanks a bunch.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> When You are the One rejected Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078