RE: When You are the One rejected

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RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/30/2006 6:13:11 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

For the others who seem to think that there should be some sort of "I'll scratch your back, if you'll scratch mine", that is not going to fly with Me. And perhaps I am more different than others. I have said in the past, and I stick to it: If I wanted that sort of relationship, I can get married tomorrow.
So continue to bring on the rejections! My previous profile (I am not actively seeking at this time) was quite in depth and couldn't have been more clear as to My expectations. And I still received incredible amounts of mail that weren't even close to the ability to meet those expectations. Those boys didn't even want to try to meet those expectations. But they sure did want to try to convince Me that I should change My expectations to meet their's.

Dusty where were you when I was going through this exact thing with my boy? For about 2 minutes I felt bad about releasing him until I realized that I had been vividly clear with him on my expectations and he CHOSE to not obey. I heard the 50-50 thing more times than I can stomach and had to remind him that I didn't come looking for vanilla. I hate hearing that this is common but it's always reassuring when you realize you're not the only one it's ever happened to.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 1/30/2006 6:25:42 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

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RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/30/2006 6:17:30 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

in the respect that we probably don't take the time to get to know someone, and maybe do some compromising

I would rather someone honestly tell me up front that they don't think that we're a fit than spend time, energy, and effort negotiating with someone that only want's their way. I think that there is an innate honesty in looking at the cover and moving on. So much of animal attraction, lust and love are driven off that first impression, if there's no spark no amount of blow torches will light it.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 1/30/2006 6:27:07 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

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RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/30/2006 6:24:35 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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LOL...
I really was only gone for about 6 or 7 weeks!
Yes, I am crystal clear, I insist My boys keep a journal so that weekly discussions can be productive, and I have that hated contract!
No system is perfect! We can only try!
Yes, it is all too common. I think Hathor nailed it. Many of these boys think they are submissive, want to be submissive, but can't really let go of that control. That is why I get so much of "I want to be a slave, Ma'am, but not that much of a slave". I mean, isn't a slave is a slave is a slave? Even a submissive should be submissive. At least most of the time.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/30/2006 6:32:07 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

Many of these boys think they are submissive, want to be submissive, but can't really let go of that control. That is why I get so much of "I want to be a slave, Ma'am, but not that much of a slave". I mean, isn't a slave is a slave is a slave? Even a submissive should be submissive. At least most of the time.

I agree my boy come to me as a total novice that listed himself as a slave. After a long discussion with him about what did he MEAN by slave it appeared that he was more submissive with switch tendencies. Tendencies turned into bossiness turned into arguing about can't we just be 50-50 this isn't what I wanted, wouldn't you be happier if I just took care of things (meaning him in charge). For some reason he got offended when my answer was not just no but OH HEEEELLLL NO.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

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RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/30/2006 7:36:18 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
See how quickly we can misconstrue the written word?

well i was being smart ;) but thanks for the correction anyway!

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
I continue to state that certain things are non-negotiable with Me. And I am not talking about areas of play.

well that isnt what you said is it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Could you direct Me to these new "contract" threads so I can catch up?

i dont remember did i say "Contact Threads" and who said they were all on cm i dont think i said that either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
As to My use of the word "rigid"...please note that I did use it with quotation marks, to indicate that I was using your wording.

yes and it also means emphasis asi have shown in the use of "Contact Threads". but thanks for the correction anyway!

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
It is up to the submissive whether or not he/she can live with My minimum requirements.

and what responsibilities do you have in this? or is this secret too?

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Now I have read posts from several Doms who have the same attitude. Is it alright for them to refuse to negotiate in certain areas, but not for Me, because I am a Woman? Just wondering...

i dont remember making reference to that so do copy my quote and show it to me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
Yes, when I click on your screen name, I get the message "Profile Not Found". That is usually a good indication that someone is participating on the boards without a profile on the other side. No rules against it. Just an honest question from Me as to why you don't have one. Or perhaps you have one under another screen name? We've seen that before.

yeh well i gave you an honest answer for your honest question.

ORIGINAL: Real0ne
i could care less how you run your life dusty.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold
I have been seeing this expression used more and more by many on the boards lately, and it is a bit of a pet peeve of Mine. I am not the typical grammar nazi but I must point out that if you could care less, that means you do care. Because you are indicating an ability to care less about whatever the situation may be. The expression should be you couldn't care less.
Sort of like I am a Dominant, not a Dominate. [/font]

.
well i was being nice by using the abbreviated version, i could have said the full sentence "i could care less than doggy do do how you run your life dusty". that means that i really dont care to much. but thanks for the correction anyway!

r1

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RE: When You are the One rejected - 1/30/2006 8:13:44 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

Many of these boys think they are submissive, want to be submissive, but can't really let go of that control. That is why I get so much of "I want to be a slave, Ma'am, but not that much of a slave". I mean, isn't a slave is a slave is a slave? Even a submissive should be submissive. At least most of the time.

Sure you will find a lot of that when you are not a good match for them. if either of you try and pound a round pipe into square hole this will happen.

i have met many dommes who in the process of spending time with me wanted me to dom them for pete sake! Like 70% maybe.

One of the biggest problems i have is that if i do not feel comfotable enough with a person to give them that kind of control at the rate they want to take it. Oh sure we can scene and do play and domestic yard work and all else that comes up and i do just fine. but as soon as they think they are qualified to control my assets and i dont mean those, i mean my financial assets then things get serious.

i have met dommes that i would feel comfortable letting them control my assets, but very few. The fact of the matter is that many of single dommes i have met have lives that are a financial disaster. and now to be their slave i am going to trust my assets to them when they obviously cant take care of their own? no no kokomo!

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
I agree my boy come to me as a total novice that listed himself as a slave. After a long discussion with him about what did he MEAN by slave it appeared that he was more submissive with switch tendencies. Tendencies turned into bossiness turned into arguing about can't we just be 50-50 this isn't what I wanted, wouldn't you be happier if I just took care of things (meaning him in charge). For some reason he got offended when my answer was not just no but OH HEEEELLLL NO.

Rose, i feel bad that it happened to you and i offer you my condolences. i know how it feels to go thru extreme efforts to try and communicate with someone your intentions trusting that the feedback is accurate and honest. Based on what you said. the fact that he wanted 50 50 power i assume you meant, goes to show you that he was just sticking his toe in the water really. you may have been convenient for him. i mean i can understand someone saying hey this or that is really difficult can we do blah blah blah. but to go from slave to 50 50, ie nilla is just to big of a quantum leap to make sense. i sort of doubt you turned a dom lose and would wager you turned a nilla man or at best a kinky man loose.

you had no choice but to let him go and based on your story it is hard to believe he did anything but to deceive you i hate to say.

i know it does not help anyone feel better to say it has happened to all of us but i think many of us can identify with that unfortunately.

i do wish you the very best of luck and i do hope you dont harden your heart and are able to take it as a lesson and move on. Sometimes it just happens that people do that sort of thing and nothing you can really do about it without the possibility of ruining other potential opportunities you know... so you have to keep your chin up!

r1

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