marie2
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Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
quote:
ORIGINAL: marie2
quote:
ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
If you don't then you obey regardless - when you are owned. Otherwise I don't see the point of being in a Ds or Ms relationship
the.dark.
A Ds or Ms relationship is defined by the parties who are in it, and yes, there are differences in a Ds Ms relationship as opposed to a "non-Ds/Ms" relationship, which is what I said a couple of posts ago, when you got hung up on my using the term vanilla....Obviously yes, there are things in Ds/Ms relationships that make them Ds/Ms relationships. And what is dominant and/or submissive to the parties in their Ds/Ms relationship is an individual thing, based upon individual experiences, associations, interactions with one another etc etc. I can't define what feels submissive or dominant for you, and you can't define it for me. An act that feels like mere obedience to you, feels like dominance and a crack in the dynamic for me....spanking a man is one of those things (whether he wants it or not)
You have taken what I said out of context. Of course people define their own relationship, but the core of a Ds or an Ms one is that there in an authority transfere, that one is the dominant and one is the submissive or Master and slave. What you define yourselves once you are inside your dynamic is up to the individuals. Even your so called vanilla type dynamics have elements of a dominant and submissive dynamic depending on the situations that present at any given time.
You don't have to grab the label, nor want tom to make it stick.
the.dark.
My point when I said that is that certain things/actions/thoughts/behaviors cause us to feel that we are IN a DS relationship, as opposed to one that isn't a DS/MS relationship. Therefore, certain things MUST be causing us to FEEL dominant and/or submissive. However, those certain things/acts/behaviors can't be defined by other people, since it's a very individual thing.
It started out as an example to what I was arguing, and probably not the best one.
My point is that acts and actions cause mindsets and feelings, and cannot be separated. We aren't robots. As human beings our bodies and minds function in sync. We don't just participate in an act without connecting feelings to that act.
Being served a cup of tea might make me feel cozy and cared for, because I see it as a loving act. It might make someone else feel high and mighty because they view it as an act of service.
Is skiing down a mountain just an action? Skiing down a mountain might cause me to feel shakey and nervous because I don't like being up high. And it might cause someone else to feel calm and focused because they love being up high. Is it weird that someone might say "skiiing is scary" or "skiing is calming"? Or is skiing just skiiing, and neither a scary OR calming act?
If I sit in a little row boat on a sparkling lake, I am feeling relaxed and peaceful, someone else sitting in a little row boat on a sparkling lake is feeling jittery and bored to death. Is boating on a lake peaceful? Or is boating on a lake boring? Or is boating on a lake none of the above since boating on a lake is just the act of boating on a lake?
Spanking an ass makes one person feel sadistic and in control, spanking an ass makes another person feel awkward and uncomfortable. Does it matter if the act of spanking or boating or skiing is ordered by my dominant? No. Because after I follow the order, the ACT is still causing me to feel whatever it makes me feel. For me skiing down a mountain is scary, boating on a lake is peaceful, spanking an ass is sadistic, because that is how the act would cause me to FEEL, it would make me feel uncomfortable. I would not want to hit someone that I viewed as my dom because it would not fulfill me, it would make me feel out of place, because it seems like a sadistic act and it doesn't fit who I am, or at least it wouldnt' fit who i am with my dom. It would make me feel like I was dominanting him, because that's how the act of spanking a person would cause me to feel. And I don't want to feel sadistic, awkward, uncomfortable, in control, out of place, and unfulfilled with my dom, therefore, this would be deal breaker for me, and I wouldn't parnter up with a masochistic person who expected me to fulfill their masochistic needs. And that is basically what the OP asked...could you spank your dom because of masochistic needs.
You can try to simplify it by making it nothing more than an act of compliance when ordered to do something by your dom. But it doesn't work for everyone that way, as you can see from the responses here. Yes, in a very basic sense, I can see that an act in and of itself cant be classified as dominant or submissive, just as wearing a skirt can't absolutely be classified as feminine or masculine, but wearing a skirt can certainly make someone FEEL feiminine. And if I don't want to FEEL feminine, I'm not going to wear skirts. I can't be ordered to fulfill my dom's masochists needs in the name of my submission any more than someone can be ordered to accept poly in the name of their submission.
Can I understand that a dominant isn't less dominant because he wants to experience pain? Sure. But he aint the one for me.
< Message edited by marie2 -- 4/18/2009 5:17:23 AM >
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RE: Would you be able to... - 
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an order is an order, so yes with a meek hand and smile 
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