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Mercnbeth -> RE: Contracts.. are they necessary (4/13/2009 10:49:52 AM)
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quote:
Contracts.. are they necessary
Absolutely not.
We happen to have one, and I'll be happy to provide some of the reasons why we do, and why we still enjoy having it after our long time together.
The reasoning that went into doing it was simple. A LOT can be said and discussed when two people get together. A LOT of assumptions can be made about expectations. A LOT gets muddled and ignored in the face of relationship 'frenzy'. Going through the exercise of putting together a 'contract' provides a opportunity to document those things going into the relationship for reference.
It was as academic an exercise that we could make it at the time inconsideration of the sexual and personal 'frenzy' either or both of us were feeling. It isn't as one sided as it sounds with the submissive signing away full authority with no consideration of the responsibilities of the Dominant partner.
Ideally the finished product is a documentation of the relationship that BOTH parties serve. We looked at every internet published version of them when we started the process including the legendary '128 Rules of Submission'. We borrowed, created, enhanced, and personalized and our 'Contract' complete with watermarked illustration is the result. Not perfect, not unique, not without the error of not taking into account different living circumstances; but something we both point to as the product of two strong, self aware, and determined people to live out a life that, until that point, was masturbatory fantasy fodder.
The process is as important, if not more important, than the resulting document. If for no other reason, the lack of enforcement. You come through the process with as many 'projecting out' questions answered. You set 'rules' and 'protocols' that endear you to each other and the relationship. You set the tone for 24/7 foreplay that can be triggered with a glance. Worthy results and worth the effort; but again - not a requirement to generate the result that it did with us. Its a tool, useful to some, a waste of time for others - your decision and either way, not a 'one true path' for a long term relationship or long term happiness.
Back to contracts - We take ours very seriously. We both signed it. We put it in a nice frame and display it proudly. We try our best to live by it's intent, if not its detail, every second of the day. Who can say if the contract was contributory to where we are today. I think it contributed to forming a intimate knowledge base of the other. I think that in discussing the details and expectations we both had to be comfortable being 'naked' in front of the other beyond the elementary level of clothing. Then again we think we have a 'successful relationship'; another's perspective may reference it as being misogynistic, abusive, and manipulating. Even if it is considered a 'success' today, as of this second; the skeptics are right to point out - the game of 'Life' is ongoing and only death declares 'winners' in the relationship game.
Bringing up the final point, if you do or don't have a contract; the decision should be yours. What you get or don't get out of it, is also yours. The discussion about it with your partner, if nothing else, helps you learn about them. If you get nothing else out of the discussion you've had so far, its served a similar process of benchmarking the priorities of your partner and his expectations.
In beth's case - I told her signing the contract would be one of the last major decisions she'd need to make. To her, that was 'utopia'; as it turns out - it has been that for me too. But if she didn't sign it, it would have still been worth the effort. The process expedited the decision to go forward together or not; pragmatically not a waste of time considering either potential outcome.
Good Luck!
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