Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Equality within D/s


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Equality within D/s Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/16/2009 11:21:57 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i'm with blushes.

i am not "less than" because he does not treat me as "less than".  i am HIS submissive, no one else's.  he is the one who uses me, loves me, keeps me in line when needed, worries about me.  in public, he opens doors for me, he pulls out my chair, he is courteous, he includes me in conversation and respects my opinions.  in private, he treasures me, spanks me, reminds me that i am the "mere sex slave" (although i am more than that to him), and makes me laugh.

i am not equal to him in many ways.  this doesnt bother either of us.  i am where he wants me, and where i want to be.  as long as we are both happy in this arrangement (and free to discuss when we are not happy) this is what we both want.

clear as mud? 

kitten 

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 1:02:17 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		'Twas once stated that "All men are equal but some are more equal than others!" Allowing the term to include all genders, it probably sums up the D/.s relationships I've seen. Come to think of it, it probably sums up the M/s relations I know too.. Of course if it were to be asked if all Dominants were equal, the same reply I would give because not all Dominants are equal when you take into account knowledge, experience, ability, teaching ability, learning ability and willingness as well as carisma and personality. But then this applies to people outside the kink or BDSM world too doesn't it?



< Message edited by IronBear -- 4/17/2009 1:05:06 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to pixidustpet)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 1:04:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Sorry, IB.  It's a little early in the morning in My time zone to be quoting Orwell.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 1:49:37 AM   
faithfulfemme


Posts: 113
Joined: 5/24/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

im kind of reminded of a sarcastic quote about now " your unique just like everybody else"

while i have the same value as a human being as my partner, i have the same worth as him. Im also reminded of Aquaticsubs sig line at one point (sorry if its mangled) With out my dominance there be no submission and with out your submission there can be no dominance we are equal in this though our roles are different.

some dont want equality thats great. but to me if a dom things his capital D makes his needs more important or my little s makes my needs points opinons or anything less valid, hes not the dom for me. but then everyones different. if my partner treated me like i was some how less for my submission or i was some how less in any way shape or form he wouldnt be my partner long.




hopelessfool, i love that signature line of Aquaticsub's.....it absolutely shows the equality of submissives and Dominants.
 
i also agree with you that if any D type feels their needs to be more important than any s type's, they wouldn't be my D type very long........a Ds relationship is one where both should have their needs met, in whatever form that may take. 
.
.
.
.

_____________________________

Trust is neither wishing nor hoping; it is a deep sense of honor in another.

(in reply to hopelessfool)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 2:37:44 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I don't see any lambs today, Rayne.

What you are referring to in your OP is egalitarian D/s, wherein the persons in such a relationship believe themselves to be peers and their roles, equal. If that is indeed the case, what they have is not a D/s relationship but rather one that is considered normal with kinky attributes.  To consider the persons within a power exchange relationship as 'equal'  removes the power from the Dominant and instills authority in the submissive.

If you want to break it down to a simplified form, take a typical work environment. Substitute the manager's role for a Dom/me and the subordinate for the submissive, and you now hvae a power exchange relaitonship. Each has their responsibilities, but the submissive can effectively attend to their responsibilities and duties confidently in the knowledge that they are under instruction and the ultimate decision in most cases lies with the Dominant person - where is the equality?  Each has strengths and weaknesses, which is why they are in their respective positions. 

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 2:42:26 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne749

Fitznicely - Thanks for your post, that is another point I have been considering, You say "It's when there's inequality that things begin to fall apart".
To my way of thinking how can a healthy relationship (D/s or otherwise) be built when there is a basic inequality there?



I don't think it can.

It's too simple to run around saying "I'm Dominant, so you're not My equal". A Dominant might feel the need to believe this for egotistical reasons, but that doesn't necessarily make it true. There's a natural balance to any relationship, D/s or otherwise. One gives, one receives, one falls, one is there to catch.

Where there's inequality - and to My mind, this is the majority of cases - one or both parties are unhappy, with there being a lack of balance, a lack of equal commitment to the relationship, and cracks soon show from the strain. Everyone reading this will acknowledge that they've seen/been a part of such things. I know I have, whether it be a simple friendship, D/s arrangement or marriage.

I don't see any natural inequality to a D/s relationship. I assume a sub is My equal, as they will, if it's to work out, put in as much to the relationship as I will. The roles W/we play compliment each other and, ideally, balance is struck.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 2:46:14 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		I remember a picture I once saw of two oxen yoked together.  One ox was considerably larger than the other.  The yoke had bends and curves in it so that the two oxen would be able to pull the plow or wagon side by side.  You don't have to be equally yoked to pull together.

The relationship is the yoke. 

You can decide to buy a straight pre-fab yoke and try to find identical oxen.  This may take a huge amount of time and in the meantime how is the field getting plowed?  Or you custom make the yoke to fit the oxen you have. 

In reality there is no equality anyway.  The only thing anyone has in equal to another is 24 hours in a day.  However, unequally yoked still have a common purpose and goal and isn't that what you want anyway?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 3:00:34 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		That's a nice, romantic sojourn through M & B, Fitz. The energy that both Dominant and submissive put into the power exchange dynamic should be equal, when it isn't, that's when issues arise.  The power dynamic is anything but equal and to indicate otherwise denotes neutrality.


_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 3:12:11 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Morri,

You see neutrality, I see balance.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 3:22:19 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne749

Hi everyone,
Wasn't sure where to post this so please excuse me if you feel it doesn't fit. (and let me know where it would be better posted if you could!!)

I have been having a discussion about equality with a Dom.
He states that while both the Dom and the sub are worth as much as each other, they are not equal. Well I just don't get this? I might be opening myself up for a slaughtering but hey, i'm just trying to understand. (btw, this is based on a two person, male Dom, fem sub, 24/7 relationship)

I think (and I may be wrong, i'm not infallible after all!) that yes the two are worth as much as each other, and yes the power ratio is unequal, and that one leads the other follows. No qualms there.
But overall I look at it like a version of good and evil, or yin and yang.  two very opposite parts that make the whole, and are equal (perhaps not in a conventional sense, but we are talking D/s and not vanilla), because one cannot be greater than the other as they are limited by the other.

So how does equality come into it? Besides the obvious power part of it? (this includes what comes from it, day to day activities, choices etc).

To my way of thinking to be unequal means that one side is greater (to which he agreed and said the Dom was greater), but the Dom is limited by his perceptions and beliefs, and the subs limits and capabilities, and vise versa i would suggest. Or am I wrong there?

I may have missed something here, cos i'm just not getting it. Yes certain parts of the relationship are unequal, that is what gives it the D/s dynamic, but to say the two people invovled are not equal...as a good friend of mine said  "in essesnce they are equal - two different parts of the same whole - neither more or less than the other.... ".

I guess its just not sitting with me right, and i'm trying to find out why.
And yes I have asked him to explain it differently so that I might understand, obiously it's not working, haha.

All thoughts are welcome, if you need me to expand or clarify anything just ask.

Thanks
Rayne



Hello Rayne, there are many people
and many different believes on this topic. To Me
people are equal ! And nothing else.
Simply because We're human beings, and
one person can do this better and the other that thing.
It doesn't mean they are less then somebody else.

I want a relationship based upon equality
otherwise there won't be anything
to start with.

When they are compatible together in D/s
it's great, but without a sub, there is No Dominant
and without a Dominant there is no sub, so you
need each other in this.

Trust your guts feeling, and I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`




_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 3:22:37 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		And there should be a balance, but enjoying a harmonious relationship still does not equate to a power exchange relationship referred to as 'D/s'. Where is the equality in power exchange other than in terms of emotional/physical application, it does nothing to alter orientation nor the dynamic. 

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 3:33:58 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Morri,

I believe i mentioned that, although I didn't make reference to power exchange.

There has to be someone to take the power from, as much as there needs to be someone to give power to. Emotional needs aside, that is balance at it's most basic. It may FEEL inequal, those involved may not wish to believe there's equality there. It exists, regardless.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 4:28:47 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I don't see any lambs today, Rayne.

What you are referring to in your OP is egalitarian D/s, wherein the persons in such a relationship believe themselves to be peers and their roles, equal. If that is indeed the case, what they have is not a D/s relationship but rather one that is considered normal with kinky attributes.  To consider the persons within a power exchange relationship as 'equal'  removes the power from the Dominant and instills authority in the submissive.

If you want to break it down to a simplified form, take a typical work environment. Substitute the manager's role for a Dom/me and the subordinate for the submissive, and you now hvae a power exchange relaitonship. Each has their responsibilities, but the submissive can effectively attend to their responsibilities and duties confidently in the knowledge that they are under instruction and the ultimate decision in most cases lies with the Dominant person - where is the equality?  Each has strengths and weaknesses, which is why they are in their respective positions. 


I disagree. I am of equal value in the relationship. If I wasn't here, he'd have to do his own laundry and get by without getting his cock sucked whenever he wanted. He could growl "On your knees girl" to the empty room but it wouldn't do him much.

Same for the manager. He could go about having a weekly meeting and giving assignments to a room full of empty chairs. It still wouldn't get the work done. He needs the employees to do the work, their value is equal. It is their power that is not.

Value does not equal power.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 4:53:23 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not *equal* to lots of people....including the womb-escapers.

Equal in what?......I can't cook as well as M ......I can't do Math equations as well as my geeky son.

The part where IN-equality comes into it , for US , is that HE has the veto, HE has to final say , HE gets the *yea or nay* . I agreed to that for very good and sound reasons. I'm not affronted by the in-equality of something I wanted.

I don't have the *yeah or nay* .....so nope , I'm not *equal*. Oh dear , how sad, never mind. But wait ....... that's what I wanted.

You can't MAKE or mould a relationship into any kind of *equalness*...Who is measuring the balance or the scales??

agoirl





(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 5:01:43 AM   
MissMorrigan


Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		I did not state a submissive and what they bring to the relationship is not valued or thought of in terms of 'less than'. What I have stated is that the dynamic is unequal, not each person's value. As for the managerial analogy, Reality's absence does nothing to incapacitate me or reduce/undermine my authority, I am more than capable of contributing or fully undertaking tasks otherwise allocated to him, as I'm sure managers in the workplace are equally capable of either mucking in when staff are short, or pulling in replacement. 

_____________________________

The Tooth Fairy who teaches kids to sell body parts for money.

A free society is a society where it is safe to find one's self unpopular and where history has shown that exceptions are not that exceptional.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 5:06:57 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		This is just my POV, but who cares cares about equality

She's property
I own her
End of story.




(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 5:09:28 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan
I'm sure managers in the workplace are equally capable of [...] mucking in when staff are short. 


Nope, you've lost me on this one

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 5:12:32 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I don't see any lambs today, Rayne.

What you are referring to in your OP is egalitarian D/s, wherein the persons in such a relationship believe themselves to be peers and their roles, equal. If that is indeed the case, what they have is not a D/s relationship but rather one that is considered normal with kinky attributes.  To consider the persons within a power exchange relationship as 'equal'  removes the power from the Dominant and instills authority in the submissive.

If you want to break it down to a simplified form, take a typical work environment. Substitute the manager's role for a Dom/me and the subordinate for the submissive, and you now hvae a power exchange relaitonship. Each has their responsibilities, but the submissive can effectively attend to their responsibilities and duties confidently in the knowledge that they are under instruction and the ultimate decision in most cases lies with the Dominant person - where is the equality?  Each has strengths and weaknesses, which is why they are in their respective positions. 

I like how this was put; well stated.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MissMorrigan)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 5:15:51 AM   
Kaiel


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

I remember a picture I once saw of two oxen yoked together.  One ox was considerably larger than the other.  The yoke had bends and curves in it so that the two oxen would be able to pull the plow or wagon side by side.  You don't have to be equally yoked to pull together.

The relationship is the yoke. 

You can decide to buy a straight pre-fab yoke and try to find identical oxen.  This may take a huge amount of time and in the meantime how is the field getting plowed?  Or you custom make the yoke to fit the oxen you have. 

In reality there is no equality anyway.  The only thing anyone has in equal to another is 24 hours in a day.  However, unequally yoked still have a common purpose and goal and isn't that what you want anyway?


I agree with your analogy... I don't believe that any relationship is equal, not D/s, M/s... mother/child, father/son, husband/wife... etc... I think people should have equal VALUE in a relationship and believe that relationships are give and take, reciprocal. The term "evenly yoked" is what you have described above, that is what I believe a relationship should be, two people heading toward the same mutual goal. I also agree that even if the pair is unevenly yoked they could still have the same purpose and goal, one person may just work harder from time to time.


< Message edited by Kaiel -- 4/17/2009 5:19:10 AM >

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Equality within D/s - 4/17/2009 6:39:40 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hello Rayne:

The word "equal" is a slippery thing. Depending on how you take it, no two humans are ever equal or else we all are or something in between. I tend to see things with myself and my wife this way. The two of us are engaged in a task. We call it, "be happy till you die." This is a team activity and we are both contributing according to our skills and abilities to achieve this task. My skills and abilities, however, allow me to contribute by being in charge. Her skills and abilities generally allow her to contribute better by not being in charge.

I do and always have seen my wife as my equal in all ways. It's just we have different roles within our marriage and I express my love for her by bossing her around. She expressed her love for me by being bossed around. In the end, we are a team, each contributing our unique selves to the jointly held goal of "be happy till you die." If you want my guess, the reason you two can't see eye to eye on this is that it's the wrong question so no answer anyone comes up with is actually going to be sensible.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Rayne749)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Equality within D/s Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109