MarcEsadrian
Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rayne749 I have been having a discussion about equality with a Dom. He states that while both the Dom and the sub are worth as much as each other, they are not equal. Well I just don't get this? I might be opening myself up for a slaughtering but hey, i'm just trying to understand. (btw, this is based on a two person, male Dom, fem sub, 24/7 relationship) I may have missed something here, cos i'm just not getting it. Yes certain parts of the relationship are unequal, that is what gives it the D/s dynamic, but to say the two people involved are not equal...as a good friend of mine said "in essence they are equal - two different parts of the same whole - neither more or less than the other.... ". I guess its just not sitting with me right, and i'm trying to find out why. The message of equality—the status of having equal rights and opportunities—is all around us in Western society. That all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights is the creed by which we live in the United States, at least. It sounds wonderful, and for the most part such ideals are embraced, pursued and manifested in our daily lives, but most can see that even under this firmament, plenty of inequality exists—be it socioeconomic or situational. One of life's harsher lessons is perhaps that nothing is uniform in the way of "value" among our fellow humans—that it is earned through one's own merit (or lost due to lack thereof), inherited or visited upon another by way of fortunate (or unfortunate) circumstance. I know the ideal we all ascribe to in a traditional sense is 50/50 "energy", 50/50 value, 50/50 input, equal this and equal that, yin and yang on so on and so forth, and as noble and cosmic as that idea may be, I've never seen a relationship structured in such a way. It is my belief there is always a power dimorphism of some form in a relationship—an authority dynamic, a more dominant half, a decision maker, etc. As citizens of the state, we are legally considered "equal", but when it comes to consensual relationships of more give and less take, there are no solid rules here, save one: the door is (almost always) there for either party. Having said that, I tend to view D/s as a gateway into another way of living, often free from orthodox philosophy and spiritual mumbo jumbo regarding fairness and balance, equal but different energies and so on. In that light, I find the constantly resurrecting notion of "equality in D/s" to be strange, and I tend to wonder why people need to applaud the validity of the idea when, by virtue of the very phrase, there is at least some purposeful imbalance hinted within it. I see a lot of concern about "value", as if it's distressing for some to think that being in a D/s relationship may change their value, either in their own eyes or in the eyes of another. That depends entirely upon the relationship, naturally. But what if it does make someone of less value in their relationship? Is that too hard to fathom? In the relationship archetype I personally idealize—the final subset of D/s being M/s—the idea a slave is of equal value runs philosophically counter to the entire point. I can understand those who are in a romantic D/s relationship espousing the idea of some sort of "equality" in D/s, but it's important to remember this is not an umbrella philosophy for all. Sometimes the servile imperative goes beyond sensual simulation dismissed with a safeword. Sometimes the imbalance of value and right in a relationship is not smoke and mirrors for the sake of mere fantasy fulfillment, but a real, working power and value dynamic of dominance and submission. In that sense, equality of any form doesn't have to have anything to do with it at all. Speaking in that neat metaphysical parlance about energies and equally opposing forces is placatingly seductive rhetoric, though.
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