RE: Why force poly?

RE: Why force poly? (Full Version)

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YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:31:30 AM)
All the gay people you know had hetero sex partners. Hmmmm, do you know all of the gay people on the planet because you are making a generalization as such. Yes, there are MANY gays and lesbians who have been with the opposite sex, but there are also many that have only had same sex relationships and you saying lesbians having hetero sex partners is unfair, and just plain rude.

IronBear -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:31:34 AM)
Raven ! 'Tis grand to see you back again... Food fight at the Clan Meeting Hall or some some sweet wee lass that has kept you away?

Eigenaar -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:40:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar To RavenMuse: Isn't the difference you make between the sub and the slave exactly what Eigenaar typed? NO it isn't the same but you'd need a brain to see the difference. A non-compatable girl is under no compulsion to submit to Me, nor would I want her to! In your reply to sweetgirlseeks you however put that once a slave submitted to you you can change her limits if you want. How would this be different than what I put in earlier posts and got called a wanking troll and more?

Eigenaar -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:48:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave All the gay people you know had hetero sex partners. Hmmmm, do you know all of the gay people on the planet because you are making a generalization as such. Yes, there are MANY gays and lesbians who have been with the opposite sex, but there are also many that have only had same sex relationships and you saying lesbians having hetero sex partners is unfair, and just plain rude. I did not say I know all gay people and wonder why people do not read properly and put one words in the mouth. I however know of inquiries stating almost all so-called gay people have sex with hetero partners. I am a product of the info at my disposal. It is odd people here tend to name-calling and belittle others when exchanging this info.

RavenMuse -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:51:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear Raven ! 'Tis grand to see you back again... Food fight at the Clan Meeting Hall or some some sweet wee lass that has kept you away? As I said to irish, I check out from time to time but I never leave. Just real life with My pretty property, so life is good :)

sirsholly -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 11:03:34 AM)
You know what Eigenaar? You have received a lot of good advice from good people here, people who have years of real life experience in the BDSM lifestyle. You do not seem open to listening and/or learning from the experiences of others. Rather you seem hell bent on forming your opinions on what you have read in books or on the internet. This is, of course, your right. But let me tell you something...something that we have been trying to help you understand: a slave or a submissive is a human being with free will. If you enter into a relationship with her and think you can disrespect her and her limits, you are going to find yourself alone.

Eigenaar -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 11:14:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly You know what Eigenaar? You have received a lot of good advice from good people here, people who have years of real life experience in the BDSM lifestyle. You do not seem open to listening and/or learning from the experiences of others. Rather you seem hell bent on forming your opinions on what you have read in books or on the internet. This is, of course, your right. But let me tell you something...something that we have been trying to help you understand: a slave or a submissive is a human being with free will. If you enter into a relationship with her and think you can disrespect her and her limits, you are going to find yourself alone. You assume I should take advice from good people who have years of real life experience and that I am not good people and do not have real life experience while you do not know a thing about me. Who are you to address me like this? And what good people and good advice would that be? Where does it say that I do not respect limits? It looks like those who react here build a whole universe around a supposed dissident once the latter uttered a few words. I don't want to have to do a thing with people sharing this attitude.

ElectraGlide -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 11:35:40 AM)
If someone tried to force poly on you, you must not of negotiated your relationship real well. That is a important point at the start finding the others stance on everything including poly. If you made it clear up front that you have no interest in poly, and it was quickly forced on you, its time to move on, someone has no interest or sensitivity in your feelings. My self definitions on poly. Poly Family- It is a puzzle, everyone in it is a piece. you either fit real fast or you dont fit real fast. Everyone has a role in the family, you need to know you exact role from the start. Poly Situation- BDSM swinging, lol. Friends will be friends and some are comfortable sharing with each other. In some cases you can get what you want and stay in your relationship. A example is a submissive may have a loving dom that does not want to play harsh and sadistic, the dom simply lets a dom friend they are both comfortable with crank up the heat on the sub.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 11:37:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave Okay, this seems like sort of a stupid question but i'm going to ask it anyway because i'm dying to know. Why is it that so many Masters try to convince slaves to be poly? i've been approached a number of times about joining a poly household. i've told them (politely) no. Then they start trying to convince me that i should join their poly family and everything would be peachy-keen. Or, that i'm missing out or some other garbage like that. i've told them plain and simple, i've been involved in poly before and the situation was not good...more like Clash of the Titans but, still... One even said: "you have had many relationships with men that didn't work and you tried again." Which to me is like comparing apples and oranges. i mean, i like men. No, nix that, i LOVE men. But, i dislike poly. A lot. i mean, i have nothing against you if you can make it work. But, for me, it's a total confidence killer and, basically hurts my feelings because it's like screaming at me, or putting a big neon sign over my head that says "Monumental Failure!!!" and that i'm not good enough and there is a constant reminder there, every day with the other person present to fulfill whatever else he needs that i guess he feels i'm unable to do. The past situations of poly basically destroyed any hope of me ever having one...most recently i almost decked the other girl (i walked off and screamed to let off steam). i don't handle manipulation or insults well. i understand that it's a Master's prerogative to have more than one slave, i have no problem with that...just don't try and force the issue. But why does it seem as if so many are trying to do just that? i'm thinking it's a "just 'cause i can" sort of attitude or is there more to it than that? Hell, i've talked to "Masters" who, when i asked them how many slaves would be ideal for them they have really stated "as many as possible." Isn't there a limit? i guess i just need a little insight on this because it's got me totally stumped. Anyway, i feel as if i've rambled a bit so if you need any clarification i'll do my best. Thank you in advance for all of your help. [:)] Its seems like you have gotten lots of good advice here but in the end its your choice,mine choose poly because they are bi and enjoy this type of situation..You know the old saying you can take a horse to water but can't make it drink so if you haven't that thrist for poly thats your right...As far as how many slaves a master can own, as many as he can afford and my limit is 4, its expensive to own a slave now days smile..bounty

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 4:58:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly You know what Eigenaar? You have received a lot of good advice from good people here, people who have years of real life experience in the BDSM lifestyle. You do not seem open to listening and/or learning from the experiences of others. Rather you seem hell bent on forming your opinions on what you have read in books or on the internet. This is, of course, your right. But let me tell you something...something that we have been trying to help you understand: a slave or a submissive is a human being with free will. If you enter into a relationship with her and think you can disrespect her and her limits, you are going to find yourself alone. You assume I should take advice from good people who have years of real life experience and that I am not good people and do not have real life experience while you do not know a thing about me. Who are you to address me like this? And what good people and good advice would that be? Where does it say that I do not respect limits? It looks like those who react here build a whole universe around a supposed dissident once the latter uttered a few words. I don't want to have to do a thing with people sharing this attitude. Eigenaar, You have not shown any of us that you do have true life experience. How many years of experience do you have, anyway? How long were your past relationships with slaves? You have a brutish attitude towards slaves, you are not open to others' ideas or opinions and while most of us generally agree to disagree on our style of what works you instead come in here screaming and ranting that if it's not YOUR way of doing things things then it's wrong. The idea that i get from you is that a slave should have no say in even what Master takes her and when she is taken she has no right to any limits and no right to even discuss them and basically even if the Master does have limits he shouldn't have to inform her of what they are. While most of us have read plenty of books, no one will fault you for that, i believe that we all use the books for guidelines (at least i do) and then sort of figure out what would work and what wouldn't in our own personal relationships...there really aren't many hard and fast rules for BDSM. The only one i can think of is: Do no harm. That means physically and emotionally. In regards to myself, being involved in a poly relationship would cause me monumental emotional harm and just because i'm a slave doesn't mean i should have to suck it up and accept it (because, as you stated multiple times, us lowly slaves have no rights and no say in anything). If i was ever being considered by someone who thought that way, even after i took the time to explain why i felt the way i do re: poly i would talk to him and tell him why i could no longer be considered by him. In my opinion, this whole lifestyle is built on trust, respect and communication. It is important for a slave to be able to trust and respect her Master and be able to talk to him if she has any concerns. She shouldn't have to keep her mouth shut in fear of being chastised. By the same token, a Master must be able to trust and respect his slave to always obey and do her absolute best to please him in any, and every way. If you want to try something that is maybe a soft limit then you need to talk to her beforehand and see how she feels about it. But, don't try to force her to concede a hard limit that she just cannot do. For me, poly is a hard limit. Why should i be forced to participate? i mean, other than the whole "slaves have no limits" rule. Got that, but what are your other reasons?

Eigenaar -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 5:09:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear quote: ORIGINAL: GotSteel quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar I looked in a Dutch dictionary and it confirms what Eigenaar says. He did not type that it says lesbians have sex with hetero persons as far as I can see but it is true that all gay people I know had hetero sex partners sooner or later :) And to RavenMuse: Isn't the difference you make between the sub and the slave exactly what Eigenaar typed? S Wtf, why are you talking about yourself in the third person for one post. No, no, <takes a deep breath> I don't care I'm blocking you, I've had enough of your temper tantrum. I see what the OP meant about these asshats drawing people in, I should have blocked this guy pages ago. I agree with you Steel old chap, I looked at what passes as his profile on the other side which is in reality an advertisement for a girl The first half written in I imagine Dutch and the last half in English. For someone who identifies as a Male Dominant, he seems to have a surprising lack of practical knowledge of the difference between a D/s dynamic and a M/s dynamic and none at all of both 24/7 and TPE. That in itself is fine if most of his experience is confined to online chats or roleplay, but I would have thought anyone with any nouce who had the chance to read and become involved in discussions with folks of all persuasions and indentiers in real life and whom many have years of practical hands on, face to face experience, would at least listen and even learn instead of being bloody minded, pig headed arrogant. I too am in mind to just block such a person. I am completely fed up with the rudeness and ignorance you come up with but am interested to know what makes you want to state I am pig headed arrogant and lack knowledge of the difference between D/s and M/s. You are shouting at the fire without coming with water to put it out. Educate me and come with arguments that undermine my words. What words I put here do you disagree with and for what reason. I should take advice without knowing what is meant for the simple fact I am picked on without being told the crime. Also explain what is wrong with my profile. Does my Dutch have typos like your English has? Educate me, wise man.

Eigenaar -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 5:36:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly You know what Eigenaar? You have received a lot of good advice from good people here, people who have years of real life experience in the BDSM lifestyle. You do not seem open to listening and/or learning from the experiences of others. Rather you seem hell bent on forming your opinions on what you have read in books or on the internet. This is, of course, your right. But let me tell you something...something that we have been trying to help you understand: a slave or a submissive is a human being with free will. If you enter into a relationship with her and think you can disrespect her and her limits, you are going to find yourself alone. You assume I should take advice from good people who have years of real life experience and that I am not good people and do not have real life experience while you do not know a thing about me. Who are you to address me like this? And what good people and good advice would that be? Where does it say that I do not respect limits? It looks like those who react here build a whole universe around a supposed dissident once the latter uttered a few words. I don't want to have to do a thing with people sharing this attitude. Eigenaar, You have not shown any of us that you do have true life experience. How many years of experience do you have, anyway? How long were your past relationships with slaves? You have a brutish attitude towards slaves, you are not open to others' ideas or opinions and while most of us generally agree to disagree on our style of what works you instead come in here screaming and ranting that if it's not YOUR way of doing things things then it's wrong. The idea that i get from you is that a slave should have no say in even what Master takes her and when she is taken she has no right to any limits and no right to even discuss them and basically even if the Master does have limits he shouldn't have to inform her of what they are. While most of us have read plenty of books, no one will fault you for that, i believe that we all use the books for guidelines (at least i do) and then sort of figure out what would work and what wouldn't in our own personal relationships...there really aren't many hard and fast rules for BDSM. The only one i can think of is: Do no harm. That means physically and emotionally. In regards to myself, being involved in a poly relationship would cause me monumental emotional harm and just because i'm a slave doesn't mean i should have to suck it up and accept it (because, as you stated multiple times, us lowly slaves have no rights and no say in anything). If i was ever being considered by someone who thought that way, even after i took the time to explain why i felt the way i do re: poly i would talk to him and tell him why i could no longer be considered by him. In my opinion, this whole lifestyle is built on trust, respect and communication. It is important for a slave to be able to trust and respect her Master and be able to talk to him if she has any concerns. She shouldn't have to keep her mouth shut in fear of being chastised. By the same token, a Master must be able to trust and respect his slave to always obey and do her absolute best to please him in any, and every way. If you want to try something that is maybe a soft limit then you need to talk to her beforehand and see how she feels about it. But, don't try to force her to concede a hard limit that she just cannot do. For me, poly is a hard limit. Why should i be forced to participate? i mean, other than the whole "slaves have no limits" rule. Got that, but what are your other reasons? You are creating an image of me you can not find in the words I put here. I am portrayed as an idiot not giving a hoot about the females under my wing. You are making this up. I am not brute and am not screaming. All I said is a person can call herself sub instead of slave when she has limits one does not aspect a slave to have. A sub can have all the limits she wants whereas a slave's limits are those of the owner. People even confirm this in this thread. Why are you not addressing them instead of me? RavenMuse says he will decide about the hard limits of a slave under his care. In another thread he says she knows where the door is otherwise. I never put it that blunt. I would defend my slave(s) with my life, if you doubted that. Why don't you simply answer my question why you call yourself a slave and not sub so you can have poly as a hard limit? What is the reason you call yourself a slave? I am not saying people who do not agree with me are wrong. I don't care if people disagree. They have the right to as I have the right to question others. This is not about right or wrong or nailing a person to a cross like some gathered here would love to witness.

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 6:27:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar You are creating an image of me you can not find in the words I put here. I am portrayed as an idiot not giving a hoot about the females under my wing. You are making this up. I am not brute and am not screaming. All I said is a person can call herself sub instead of slave when she has limits one does not aspect a slave to have. A sub can have all the limits she wants whereas a slave's limits are those of the owner. People even confirm this in this thread. Why are you not addressing them instead of me? RavenMuse says he will decide about the hard limits of a slave under his care. In another thread he says she knows where the door is otherwise. I never put it that blunt. I would defend my slave(s) with my life, if you doubted that. Why don't you simply answer my question why you call yourself a slave and not sub so you can have poly as a hard limit? What is the reason you call yourself a slave? I am not saying people who do not agree with me are wrong. I don't care if people disagree. They have the right to as I have the right to question others. This is not about right or wrong or nailing a person to a cross like some gathered here would love to witness. Simply put, i do not put myself as a sub because i do not feel like i am sub. i feel as if i am a slave, i tell people often, i don't do part time slavery. i believe that a sub is a girl who considers herself equal to her partner in every aspect of life except sexually. That, to me is what a sub is. And, that isn't what works for me. i want the 24/7 Power Exchange, i want to be able to give myself to my Master, with the complete knowledge an trust that he will care for me and he knows what's best for me. Are there going to be some yucky things that i don't want to do but i have to because i was told to do so? Yes, absolutlely. But, after i was through with whatever it was i would feel proud of myself for doing so because it pleased my Master...that is what a slave is. But,that doesn't mean i'll do everything...that's what limits are for. And, even though i am a slave i should be allowed to have limits, however few they may be.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 6:32:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar The answer why people go on about poly is embedded in your own words. You call yourself a slave. A slave has no choice and no say and no hard limits. The reactions I read astound me. A slave does not decide about poly. I met a slave on this site a few days ago that was polite in her first messages. She was new to bdsm and when she found out I am poly she said she did not want (a) poly (master). When I confronted her with that her profile said she was interested in serving more than one master and that this meant she is poly she disagreed and became impolite, saying that more people messaged her this nonsense and that she would never accept a master who already has a sub/slave/partner but that she did not want to pin herself down to one master and wanted the freedom to see any master she wanted. I even would not call such a person submissive, let alone slave. If one wants to have hard limits as '' no poly'' one should list as submissive and not slave. What a crock of shit. A slave has the right to choose any owner they wish. If they want an owner who isn't poly, they'll choose one. If the owner later changes the terms of the relationship, the slave has the same human rights as everyone else. Including the right to leave the relationship.

LadySweetOrSour -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 6:41:11 PM)
May I offer you all popcorn and a frozen coke? Eigenaar, you post a question, then complain when you do not get the answers you want. This is a forum. You ask a question, or encourage discussion, and people respond. No, they will not give you answers they think you would like. You throw a thought out there, people will make their feelings known about the thought. If you didnt want responses, why did you pose the question? You may be a dominant, but these people owe you nothing. They don't have to bow down and give you answers you would prefer. They won't back down and change their minds. They are full grown adults with thoughts, feelings, varied experiences and opinions. Very normal, very natural and very healthy. Whether you have been in this lifestyle for years, or you're taking your first steps, these good people have tried to answer your questions with grace and maturity. You are taking offense at everything they say and becoming abusive. Do you consider that mature and healthy? Debate is one thing, being abusive because people don't agree with you quite another. There are many wonderful people here on CM. I suggest you hop off the high horse and listen. You don't have to follow their advice, but at least have the courtesy to take it on board and think about what they are saying. But most importantly, stop abusing people. Keep doing that, you're going to be a very lonely little sausage.

BKSir -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 7:12:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar What is happening here is that the messenger is blamed for the news, or if this would be easier to understand the grey hen is picked on by the whites. I have not read one argument that gives my words less meaning. And YoungBlondSlave, we are not only discussing your one hard limit here. About the definition of ''lesbian'', you can all have a laugh when you want but I took it out of a dictionary and thought it is common knowledge gay people also share beds with those who are not gay. I read books yes, I never heard of a law about not reading books. They can broaden your horizon as real life can. snort Okay, as a gay person, I don't recall sharing a bed with those who are not gay. Well, okay, my best friend Jess, but that's because we were watching tv and fell asleep on the same bed. So, technically, yes, we shared a bed. And there was this one guy in college, we were quite in love with eachother, and slept together often, and he was straight. Let me clarify, we SLEPT together. Meaning sleep. So in that aspect, yes, we shared a bed. Just for your reference, if I mean to say 'had sex', I will and do say 'had sex', just so there's hopefully no confusion. Never did we have sex, much to my chagrin, he was hot... shrug. Common knowledge among whom, if I may ask. I wondered about this since you posted, and asked around to pretty much everyone I felt would be open to hearing the question in a purely objective light. I must know and work around a LOT of uncommonly stupid people, as well as being one myself if it is such common knowledge. Literally 100% of them, a good 40 people I discussed it with, did not recognize this as common knowledge. Zero. A good number of them actually looked confused by my question and/or laughed. I do believe that you are thinking of bi-sexuals. Yes, they will share beds with homosexuals and heterosexuals and other bi-sexuals alike. Lucky sods, trippling their chances at getting laid. I really would love to know where you get your 'common knowledge' from. Do you even KNOW any gay people? Judging by your 'common knowledge', I'm guessing the answer is 'no'. I am not trying to ridicule you here, you are doing a fine enough job of that on your own. I seriously do want to know where this information and research is coming from. EDIT: Now, as far as the whole issue of forcing a poly relationship goes, you have two choices here, which means it's NOT forced upon you. You can either say "No, this isn't for me, and I do not wish to be a part of a poly relationship.", or you can say "Well, this is what Mistress/Master wants, and as I am her/his sub, then I am subject to these rules, whether I like it or not." Entirely your choice. Let me repeat that, and emphasize it a bit, Entirely YOUR CHOICE. To say that they forced it on you when you had full freedom to turn away from it or accept it, whatever you wished, is to shrug off responsibility onto others, which is kind of sad really. From what I've seen, most dom-types tend to prefer subs that have personal responsibility and accountability. Maybe that's why there are so many subless dom-types out there. There seems to be a lack of that kind of personal attitude in the world today. But I digress, that's a totally different subject entirely, sorry. If one goes into a D/s relationship and flat out says "I give myself entirely to you, your decisions are my decisions, your will is my will, your wishes are my laws.", then you are simply getting what you asked for. If you go into a D/s relationship with ground rules and ideals that state that you do have a mind of your own, and this is not something you are comfortable with, yet your dom-type does it anyway, well, walk away. As much as some would like the idea of true and pure ownership, it just doesn't really happen anymore. You are a human and have the right to walk away from the situation. You also have the right to sit there and cry about it. Also, edited for a typo. I need to get a can of air for my laptop keyboard...

ModeratorEleven -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 7:32:41 PM)
Ok folks, that'll be enough of the ever so colorful personal attacks. Back to the topic or move along. XI

BKSir -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 7:40:42 PM)
O.o What? Wait... what did I do? scratches head and looks confused

porcelaine -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 8:03:14 PM)
sadly enough there are those that attempt to do this. they meet a girl that fits their parameters and try to bring her into the fold. or convince her that poly is something they should explore. i'm at odds with this and firmly believe you should have some disposition towards it. as you've stated it can be a clash of the titans if you'd prefer to be one versus one amongst many. there are some genuine poly households and some that sincerely have a desire to explore which i can't fault them for either. just remain true to yourself and your needs. porcelaine

BKSir -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 8:07:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine sadly enough there are those that attempt to do this. they meet a girl that fits their parameters and try to bring her into the fold. or convince her that poly is something they should explore. i'm at odds with this and firmly believe you should have some disposition towards it. as you've stated it can be a clash of the titans if you'd prefer to be one versus one amongst many. there are some genuine poly households and some that sincerely have a desire to explore which i can't fault them for either. just remain true to yourself and your needs. porcelaine Now, part of that I can agree with completely. The part where people should experience it. Or at least some people. If it's not right for them, then so be it. I've just always been of the school of "Try something before saying you don't like it.", be it food, relationships, kinks, whatever. That being said though, there are some that can, without trying, flat out say "No, poly isn't for me.", without trying it. Just as I can say "No, watersports/scat/other things aren't for me, period." without even trying them. Those instances just come down to the individual involved.

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