RE: Why force poly?

RE: Why force poly? (Full Version)

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YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 9:53:00 PM)
Yes, that was problem is that i have tried it. And i just plain didn't like it. i was just wondering why it is that so many Doms feel that they need to pressure a slave to do poly if it's something she isn't interested in (regardless of them being a match or not) or something she knows she can't do.

BKSir -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:39:26 PM)
Ah, I see what you're saying there. Yes I agree. But at the same time, it is the subs right to say "No, I told you I didn't want this, but you did it anyway. I'm out of here." I'm just very glad and lucky that my pet knew about this coming into it all, and was open to it.

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/19/2009 10:45:05 PM)
Yes, if whoever owns me tries any stunts like that, i'm walking.

RavenMuse -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 12:21:44 AM)
Thing is if the girl isn't compatable then anyone who was genuinly Dominant and Poly would not want her. People who are simply thinking with their dicks however will try to pressure someone into it OR even worse, present one thing and then, once the girl is in, try to force the issue thus crippling the trust by showing themselves to be untrustworthy. I'm poly, I set out that fact right up front and those who are not suited for it can easily avoid wasting both My time and theirs.

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 1:02:51 AM)
RavenMuse, i genuinely appreciate people like you who are frank, up front and honest about things like that. Suited or not, we need more like you.

BKSir -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 1:06:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave RavenMuse, i genuinely appreciate people like you who are frank, up front and honest about things like that. Suited or not, we need more like you. He is a breath of fresh air, isn't he? Glad he's back around for a bit. :)

Eigenaar -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 2:20:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadySweetOrSour May I offer you all popcorn and a frozen coke? Eigenaar, you post a question, then complain when you do not get the answers you want. This is a forum. You ask a question, or encourage discussion, and people respond. No, they will not give you answers they think you would like. You throw a thought out there, people will make their feelings known about the thought. If you didnt want responses, why did you pose the question? You may be a dominant, but these people owe you nothing. They don't have to bow down and give you answers you would prefer. They won't back down and change their minds. They are full grown adults with thoughts, feelings, varied experiences and opinions. Very normal, very natural and very healthy. Whether you have been in this lifestyle for years, or you're taking your first steps, these good people have tried to answer your questions with grace and maturity. You are taking offense at everything they say and becoming abusive. Do you consider that mature and healthy? Debate is one thing, being abusive because people don't agree with you quite another. There are many wonderful people here on CM. I suggest you hop off the high horse and listen. You don't have to follow their advice, but at least have the courtesy to take it on board and think about what they are saying. But most importantly, stop abusing people. Keep doing that, you're going to be a very lonely little sausage. What question would that be? I do not recognize myself in your words. I did not pose a question, I reacted upon the op after which I got called several derogatory terms and even got a message from the moderation to put a lock on my mouth. Some are more equal than others on this site, obviously. I do not complain for not getting the answers I want, where do you read this? This thread is not about me, don't feed the pile of dirt that was casted here after a fellow user gave his opinion, which is his right, without using the derogatory terms most here seem to need to put some meaning to theirs. You are right you do not owe me a thing, do I owe you instead that I am not allowed to react as it seems? After all, we are adults with varied opinions like you say. I really don't see a lot of difference between what I say and others came with. What is this all about? I do not encounter a lot of adult behaviour on here, that I know. I wonder where I become abusive, it is okay others became abusive before me? I will act like an adult now and will turn my back on you and leave you with your own opinions, You can have them, don't worry, I won't steal them.

RCdc -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 2:44:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: Eigenaar To RavenMuse: Isn't the difference you make between the sub and the slave exactly what Eigenaar typed? NO it isn't the same but you'd need a brain to see the difference. A non-compatable girl is under no compulsion to submit to Me, nor would I want her to! In your reply to sweetgirlseeks you however put that once a slave submitted to you you can change her limits if you want. How would this be different than what I put in earlier posts and got called a wanking troll and more? If I may? First, welcome to the forums. I believe the core of the issue here is ownership. You have made a blanket statement about slaves having no limits and no rights, correct? Now whilst this is a firm foundation within a Ms relationship and indeed, a Master will decide what a slave may or may not do/have that outside this, it is not the case. It may be that your definition of a slave, of which there are many, may be the issue here. Some people identify as slaves or having a slaves mindset, before they are in a relationship/owned. It is a way of distinquishing the dynamic they are ultimately seeking. Therefore, an unowned person who identifies as a slave will have will dos and don't dos, and make decisions for themselves. And that is what most people are arguing(the more mature and sensible - discussing) with you. And those that end up being catty or derisive, just ignore them and do not take their postings with any seriousness - just like everyone else.[;)] the.dark.

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 3:02:53 AM)
Ohhh man, i think round two is about to occur here. my issue with all that occurred was that the limit i was inquiring about, poly, was met with: "Well, if you have limits then you're not a slave, why don't you just admit you're a submissive and quit calling yourself a slave which you're clearly not." Or, something to that effect. And that is when the proverbial shiznit hit the fan... i got, well, pissed. Because i feel that someone who does not know me should not judge me in such a fashion. Just because i am not your version of what a slave ought to be doesn't mean that i'm not one. And, no, i'm still not carrying around a bag of limits. There is no cookie-cutter slave (as one poster pointed out), sub, Dom, Domme, Master or Mistress. To each their own.

RCdc -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 3:22:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave Ohhh man, i think round two is about to occur here. my issue with all that occurred was that the limit i was inquiring about, poly, was met with: "Well, if you have limits then you're not a slave, why don't you just admit you're a submissive and quit calling yourself a slave which you're clearly not." Or, something to that effect. And that is when the proverbial shiznit hit the fan... i got, well, pissed. Because i feel that someone who does not know me should not judge me in such a fashion. Just because i am not your version of what a slave ought to be doesn't mean that i'm not one. And, no, i'm still not carrying around a bag of limits. There is no cookie-cutter slave (as one poster pointed out), sub, Dom, Domme, Master or Mistress. To each their own. Why get so emotional about someone who doesn't know you? So, ok, Eigenaar has an extreme view, but honestly, until he comes back with a response to my question about whether ownership determines a slave or not to him (which he may chose not to) people are jumping on his back for basically saying what many people have said in the past - stating their preference. I have seen the sub slave debates over and over on this board, I know some well respected people on this board who would state that being a slave, or even being a Master means you have to own or be owned, respectively. But new posters always get the brunt of the attacks. They don't help themselves when they start bemoaning favouritism because of mod warnings, but then they are new and don't yet realise that most people get warnings, just seasoned posters (oldies like myself) know when to keep their mouths shut because it just isn't going to help anything or anyone. It's kind of rhetorical that I ask you, why get emotional about the viewpoint of someone who doesn't know you and has no impact on your life? Because in essence, you are giving them meaning and impact on your life, by feeling you have to defend yourself. You don't. You just say, well I am a slave and there is nothing you can do about it, but the Master that takes me will have it all. Be content in your own skin - it's all cool. the.dark.

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 3:28:09 AM)
i think it was the constant insistence that i wasn't a slave, it was hurtful. i realize i shouldn't have let his opinion get to me this way. But, it did. Also, i realized i shouldn't have reacted the way that it did, adding fuel to the fire. Oh well, another small learning and growing experience so all is well. i suppose this teaches me a lesson in tolerance (and intolerance).

RavenMuse -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 3:35:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave i think it was the constant insistence that i wasn't a slave, it was hurtful. i realize i shouldn't have let his opinion get to me this way. But, it did. I wrote him off seriously when he tried to tie in what I had said to the fantasy wannabe out-of-a-wank-mag rubbish he was spouting about a girl not needing to be compatable but just submitting to any tom dickless or harry that capped his screen name. When I tried to point out that Mono/Poly is a compatability issue on a par with straight/gay I thought even someone slow witted would understand but.... well anyone can read back and see what he did wrong there.... totaly lost all conection with anything vaigly logical or based in the real world!

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 3:48:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: YoungBlondeSlave i think it was the constant insistence that i wasn't a slave, it was hurtful. i realize i shouldn't have let his opinion get to me this way. But, it did. I wrote him off seriously when he tried to tie in what I had said to the fantasy wannabe out-of-a-wank-mag rubbish he was spouting about a girl not needing to be compatable but just submitting to any tom dickless or harry that capped his screen name. When I tried to point out that Mono/Poly is a compatability issue on a par with straight/gay I thought even someone slow witted would understand but.... well anyone can read back and see what he did wrong there.... totaly lost all conection with anything vaigly logical or based in the real world! i agree with you, but still his opinions have no impact on the way we live our lives, so like dark says (and i finally realized)...why bother. It's a waste of our time trying to get through to him. He obviously has no interest in learning how things work, he will continue to remain close-minded and deluded that all slave girls are such as those in films and magazines (size 2, blonde bimbos who can deep throat incredibly well). And yes, i read through posts again a bit ago and had a lot of "WTF?!" moments. Rather entertaining at times, though.

GotSteel -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 6:15:18 AM)
YoungBlondeSlave I've no idea how helpful this thread has been to answering your original question, hope it hasn't been too hurtful. But after several pages of arguing over the fantasy definition of a word I feel compelled to talk about reality for a minute. Sorry, I'm betting this isn't a popular thing to do and I don't mean to be hurtful to anyone with it, please bear with me. I'm going to say that I seriously doubt that anyone on this site is actually a slave. Slavery was a practice abolished in the US by the thirteenth amendment in 1865. It's horrible and extremely criminal in the vast majority of the world, as it should be. One can live the lifestyle of a slave and role play slavery every moment waking and sleeping but consensual bdsm "slavery" is still very different from the actual practice. I don't have a dictionary in front of me, wiki is the best I can do but "and are deprived of the right to leave" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slavery must be a core part of any historical definition of slavery. Certainly saying "this cotton picking just isn't fun I'm outta here" wouldn't have worked for an actual slave. So at this point I hope we can all agree that we aren't talking about slaves and slavery in the factual, historical definition of the word. We have redefined the word to suit our lifestyle, role playing fantasy or whatever. So I think that arguing about the correct definition of slave is silly as there IS a correct definition and it's something that none of us do. There is the argument that enough of us share the same lifestyle or whatever that the "mainstream bdsm" community can come up with a consensus for a fantasy definition of slave. If you look around, so far that doesn't seem to be the case, the one thing (besides consent) that the community seems to have a consensus on is live and let live. That enough people have told us that what we are doing in the bedroom is wrong that we aren't going to turn around and do the same thing to someone else. So sure the OP could refer to herself as a sub instead of a slave, she could also call herself a pony, kitten, fairy princess or whatever. The only people it really matters to are her and her lover, which is just exactly the way I think it should be.

agirl -> RE: Why force poly? (4/20/2009 1:42:25 PM)
I'll extend a welcome too, if you are still here to read it. I have differing thoughts and opinions than the ones' you have but I thought the sniping was a little moronic. If people wanted to actually debate, educate and engage you , they wouldn't have hidden it so well. A poor show, frankly. agirl

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