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Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:21:23 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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This was something of an after thought from another thread. It was so far off of the subject though that it seemed completely pointless to bring it up there.

While I understand that not everyone takes up the practice of giving a new name to an s type, or an s type taking one, who has begun a new dynamic, I think many folks out there understand that some do and the various reasons of why. Many people place a high significance on it. My question isn't exactly regarding whether or not you participate in this for yourself. It is more based on how you interact with others that do.

On the other thread that I am referencing, there is some discussion going on that includes an s type that now has a different screen name than the one she has held prior. I have not asked her personally, but I am led to believe that the name has been changed to reflect the dynamic which she is now involved. It is absolutely a name that implies (at least to Me) ownership.

During the course of the other thread, I noticed two other posters call the person I am speaking about by their prior name. One of them I recognized as knowing the renamed poster prior to the change. The other hasn't been posting as long (at least by the current name they are using) and I would have to think hadn't known the person by the prior name ever.

My questions are these:

If an s-type has been given or taken a new name, do you feel you should use it when addressing this person?

Do you think it could be seen as a lack of respect to the person's wishes, or the new dynamic, by not doing so?

Does it matter if you knew the person before the name change?

All thoughts, ideas, comments, and personal views are appreciated.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:31:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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The only two on the boards I can think of who use new names still list their previous names as part of their sig lines. I have to assume they don't object to being called by names they were previously known by or they wouldn't list those names. Plus their screen names, being sister subs, are so close that it's hard to differentiate who you're talking to unless you go by the previous name.

I find it sort of odd that just because they now are in a relationship that all their previous thoughts are considered null and void and wiped out by starting over with a new profile. Because isn't it their previous thoughts and experiences that led them to the relationships they are now in?

I also find it rude to call someone by a humiliating or objectifying name. They may enjoy that relationship with their partner but I didn't consent to humiliate them. So if you call yourself fuckdolly I won't address you by that, I will avoid using your name and the most I will do is fd. Same for cunt, whore, slut etc. Demanding I nonconsensually engage in humiliation play is rude and I won't do it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:39:11 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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I try to respect someone else's protocols--whether I agree or not--I'd want the same done to Me. IMHO, I would use the new name, for to use the old one may smack of an intimacy that a new Owner may not want or divert the sub from the focus of current ownership--its not My place to question, challenge or stir.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:45:24 AM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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Ooh i can answer this lol

Intonguesslave (aka Lally) and myself (aka missturbation) both use our previous names for each other. We decided it was easier especially on those who knew us prior to the name changes. It also avoids confusion on who is being spoken to and intonguesslave and intonguesslut are buggers to type with that double s in there lol.
I can't speak for Lally but i prefer people call me misst or missturbation to be honest and certainly don't see disrespect in them doing so. I would have preferred to keep my prior screen name here but it was not an option and i accept that.

quote:

I find it sort of odd that just because they now are in a relationship that all their previous thoughts are considered null and void and wiped out by starting over with a new profile. Because isn't it their previous thoughts and experiences that led them to the relationships they are now in?

To a certain degree i agree. I miss my missturbation profile
However i agreed to Sir's conditions and i'm now going by a new name kinda hoping most will call me by my old one anyway.

quote:

I also find it rude to call someone by a humiliating or objectifying name. They may enjoy that relationship with their partner but I didn't consent to humiliate them. So if you call yourself fuckdolly I won't address you by that, I will avoid using your name and the most I will do is fd. Same for cunt, whore, slut etc. Demanding I nonconsensually engage in humiliation play is rude and I won't do it.

For me slut is a compliment, there is no humiliation play in my name at all. I however appreciate that you might find it, read it that way and choose to use my original name I am sorry if it offends you.

< Message edited by InTonguesslut -- 4/21/2009 5:49:18 AM >

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

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If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:46:52 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

In the interest of time and space, I'm not going to quote each reply that I'm addressing. Much easier to just address the comments.

Dear Des,

You are absolutely right in pinning down exactly who I was referencing. However, your statement about humiliation doesn't work here, because it's not that one. The new name has none of the examples that you posted. I understand you not wanting to use certain kinds of language when addressing others. In fact, I'd be more prone to use the "fd" that you gave in your example as well. By doing so, I would still be using a version of the new name of preference.

I am absolutely not saying that all of the person's prior thoughts, writings, or feelings should be considered null and void. If I'm not mistaken, on at least one other site, it is possible to change a screen name and still keep the history of the old one. I don't know how many people would chose that option if it were available here.

I do thank you for your contribution.

Regards In Kink,

Lady Pact

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:51:02 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Dear Cat,

Thank you for the time that you took to answer the post. I have to say that this is probably My thinking on it as well. I know that I want the protocols that I have for clip respected, so this automatically leaves Me in the position of respecting those of others.

Regards In Kink,

Lady Pact

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 6

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:51:04 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

I would handle such a situation like anything else in life. I would do what the person wanted me to do. I would ask him/her what he/she preferred and then do it. That's so much clearer and easier than ruminating over what socially-accepted protocol to use.

For instance: "Hi *****." I noticed you have changed your nick here. I'm so used to you being called "xxxxx." Which would you prefer I call you?"

So easy

luci

< Message edited by slaveluci -- 4/21/2009 5:58:18 AM >

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:55:30 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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But by hoping that others use the old name, isn't that bending what Sir wants? Should it not be" thank you, however, i have a new owner and He prefers you refer to me as xxx"?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 8

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:58:19 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut
For me slut is a compliment, there is no humiliation play in my name at all. I however appreciate that you might find it, read it that way and choose to use my original name I am sorry if it offends you.

So if you stopped in to get coffee and the guy working there said "Here slut, lap it up" you would feel that to be appropriate? You're Tongue's slut, not anyone else's. You presumably aren't a slut to any guy in a trench coat who makes a rude suggestion while riding the tube in the morning.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 9

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 5:58:27 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Dear InTonguesslu,

(I tried abbreviating, but it came out looking too much like "IT's.")

Thank you for sharing your feelings on the matter. Yes, the multiple "s" in both the names is a bit more difficult for the typist. This was actually a thought that I had when addressing InTonguesslave in a post last week. The fact that you brought that up made Me chuckle a bit.

I'm afraid I will be addressing both you by the current names, or some form of the same. As you said yourself, it is a term of the dynamic, and who am I to say that My ideas for you are better than those that have been drawn by your Master.

My best regards to you and your family.

LP

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 10

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:01:49 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Good Morning luci,

Thank you for your perspective, even though it is different than My own. I'm afraid I have to say that the Master's wishes in question would also carry weight in the matter.

LP

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 11

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:03:34 AM

Whenready

Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

If an s-type has been given or taken a new name, do you feel you should use it when addressing this person?
Yes - what's the point of having a new name otherwise?

Do you think it could be seen as a lack of respect to the person's wishes, or the new dynamic, by not doing so?
As above, yes.

Does it matter if you knew the person before the name change?
No. If you, changed your name, wouln't you want people to respect that? If it was changed for you, isn't ignoring the change showing a lack of respect for both involved?

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 12

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:05:07 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

I go by their screen name and respect their current situation, unless it's clear that they prefer another name. I don't know all the details of their dynamic and for the most part, it's none of my business. Just as some things are kept private between Lumus and myself, so I respect others privacy.

The only people that I can think of using another name for them (off the top of my head) are people like Des (Celeste), misst, or a few that use their real names on the boards like LadyHibiscus. Other than that, on the boards I respect what people want to be called unless it's against our protocol, i.e. I don't call anyone but Lumus "Daddy", "Master" or "Sir". I'm HIS girl and only His.

Just my thoughts on this contemplative morning.....

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 13

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:05:19 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

LadyPact, I am a guilty party in this. Lally and I had exchanged private emails when I still had a CM account and I have come to affectionately think of her with that name. Your post made me see that I probably should have asked her permission to do this. I certainly didn't mean to disrespect her in any way and your words made me see that it could be taken like this. Since I can only contact her through the boards I wasn't sure if it was proper for me to do publicly but here's my chance.

Lally, would you prefer that I call you Intonguesslave? I apologize profusely if I disrespected you in any way. I tend to think of you as my old friend, and since you still had Lally in your sig line I assumed that either would be acceptable to you. I certainly hold your new position in high regard. In my heart you will always be one who is trying their very best and someone who isn't afraid to admit publicly that this is sometimes a struggle. I just tend to put your old name with that persona. Truly, you are one of my favorite people here and I would never want to do anything that might hurt your feelings.

_____________________________

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 14

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:05:35 AM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

Hi Lady Pact,
See, to me, this brings up a whole other issue that could be it's own thread. You're saying that when speaking with someone, you won't call them their former name (even if they prefer it) out of some sense of deference to what their owner wants, not what they want? If she prefers to be called "Missturbation," and since I only know of her from these boards where that was her name for so long, why would I indicate to her that's somehow inappropriate even though that's what she wants simply because I wish to somehow show deference to her owner whom I've never read on these boards? Seems that "etiquette" is somehow out of whack. I will respect the person to whom I'm speaking in their wishes as to how they want to be addressed. Her owner never enters the equation, frankly. I'll leave it up to him and her to hash out what happens on these boards. When interacting with her, I'll do as she requests. Seems "off" to me to do it otherwise. Just my perspective...............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:09:08 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Speaking of my own name change, I go by Celeste on b.com and originally used it here. I changed the name when cme had a glitch that prevented a lot of profiles from posting. It took four months for them to fix it and I'm too much of a forum addict to have gone without that long. But I don't care which name people use, and neither does The Man. He knows who I am to him, and that's what matters to us.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 16

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:26:34 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Good Morning, Rain and My regards to Lumus,

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I absolutely agree with you that certain titles of a dynamic should be reserved for the participants. I'm the same way when someone calls Me "Mistress" without a qualifying name, implying a dynamic where none exists.

LP

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Rainfire)

Post #: 17

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:35:19 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Hello chamberqueen,

My intent with the thread was not to call anyone out, per se. I certainly would hope that no one would be embarrassed by it in any way. That is certainly not My intent. As you may already be aware, I'm quite fascinated with how others deal with certain protocol issues that would be either similar or different ideas than My own.

I especially want to thank you for your contribution. A very interesting perspective since you did not have the option of asking directly.

Regards In Kink,

Lady Pact

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 18

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 6:40:06 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Hi again, luci.

I'd agree that it does bring up the additional point that you make. Perhaps that will be explored more as the thread continues.

I almost have to look at it from both sides, that were brought in by ITs. While she has openly said she does prefer the old name, she mentioned that the new one was one of the conditions of the dynamic. So, even though she may prefer the old one, she accepts the new name as part of the deal. In a sense, that is also part of her preference, as she is obviously choosing to use the new name.

Thanks again,

LP

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 19

RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 8:17:43 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Yes there are a few where it dose take some time to get used to. I know some are very very picky by wanting to be addressed by their new nickname and some are not so fanatical.. I try to abide by the person's new name unless they indicate otherwise.

Though on the other side of the coin, there are a couple "D" types who I am friends with and they had stated once before that I could call them by their given name. The irony is I found I felt too uncomfortable due to always knowing them by their screen name!

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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