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RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 10:44:02 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline
****NOTE FAST REPLAY I have NOT read this thread yet just giving my answers before seeing how others have answered if this is repeating I am sorry but at least great minds think alike.****
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

If an s-type has been given or taken a new name, do you feel you should use it when addressing this person?


There is a difference between the Cyber Online world and the Real World. In a Cyber Situation I would just call them what they want to be called, I might even ask, but chances are if I want other people to follow along with the conversation if I call someone by a name they no longer use someone who doesn't know who they USED to be would be completely lost as to my comment. In the Real World I perfer to use the name most commonly associated with that person. I go by Steel any time I am at a Lifestyle event and perfer to be called that even by those who know my real name. I had a very bad situation happen once and find it would have been easier to play off had they used my scene name and not my real name.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Do you think it could be seen as a lack of respect to the person's wishes, or the new dynamic, by not doing so?


In this one I am on the fence. Where as by ignoring the new moniker you are ignoring the new dynamic if the moniker related to the dynamic. I however find it difficult to talk to somoene who uses thier Master or Mistresses name in their moniker as I like to type quickly and having to type out the full moniker just to keep from mistakeing a comment intended for one individual for another.

For instance if a Master has two slaves online and both slaves use this Masters name before thier own. LordNikonspet and LordNikonsslave Both look so close to one another it is difficult to determine between them at a glance.

My own slaves moniker on the boards is utahSteelsandi where as it uses my name it is distinguishable we decided that on purpose.

If LordNikon & LordNikonspet & LordNikonsslave were all talking at the same time in a thread it would get confusing and it is difficult to give a nick to each because of how close all the names are.
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Does it matter if you knew the person before the name change?


I don't think this can be answered that easily because some people take the concept of a given name very differently than others and so Dom's may REQUIRE that they no only be known by thier new name. Before andi I had a slave and her previous owner named her "sno" which is how I was introduced to her. Her former Master did a lot of messed up things and I wanted to remove the burden of the name from her and it's association with her former Master so I named her "shayna" which is yiddish for beautiful or pretty. It changed her outlook on her name but the down side is she still answered to "sno" because lots of people knew her as that.

I decided that it was important to me that no matter what andi knew who was talking to her and so andi has always been andi I have no need nor desire to change her name from that, however if I did the name would be more important to her than it would be to me as I woudl forgive anyone calling her something other than andi and I am sure she would want to correct those who did.
 
Steel

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 11:23:12 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Steel, thank you for your well thought out post.  As I have said prior in the thread, the questions that I had posed were a way to see how other people think about such things. 

I agree that there is a difference between the electronic and the meatlife worlds.  One advantage to the online thing is that we do get to cyber know folks by that helpful little name that appears on the left of any post.  I have to admit, I'm more likely to read that name, rather than one contained in the signature line.  I hadn't thought about how people using the old name might confuse someone who recently joined the site from following along.  It's a good point which has a completely different perspective than the angle I was coming from.

I also get the thing about the names being similar.  In fact, if I remember correctly, there for a while, you called Me "Pact".  Not an issue until Mister Pact created his account, or at least the one he's settled with now.  (There have been other variations.  All of them have included Pact.)  If we should happen to both be participating on a thread, we'd probably both think you were talking to each of us.


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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 11:55:48 AM   
InTonguesslave


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave



i see youre point, but not atall.

the reason was entirely pragmatic.  He simply wished for His name to be attached to us.  i like to think its because He is proud of owning us.  i spose i could have requested that i be called intongueslally - but i doubt people would have felt confident to make that correlation anyway.  if they had i wonder if it would have carried the same question, possibly not.

i started using missts name on the threads, largely because our names are buggers to type out, but also because it seemed silly to me, since alot of people knew who we were anyway and it was a formality that really wasnt required.  plus it seemed kindof wrong in that we were posting as 'new' people, when infact we werent atall and that felt dishonest.

people have only really started calling us misst and lally since we ourselves began to refer to each other that way, so in a way it was made an open invititation for people to choose.




Hello InTonguesslave.  I want to thank you for joining the thread.  I hope you didn't mind being the basis of the question.  It was just something I happened to notice and thought it might make for interesting discussion.

Had the name InTongueslally been chosen, the question might not have come to My mind.  I'd see lally as an abbreviation of the same name and it probably would not have provoked the same kind of curiosity.  The same holds true in clip's case.  The name he has here is actually LPslittleclip, but it's the shorter version that's used.  It's what I use.  The only time the long version comes out is when he's introducing himself in meatlife to people he hasn't met before or if I'm not with him.

I certainly understand the reasoning between the members of your situation to call each other by the past screen names that you had.  Of course, I've seen sis pop up when one of you is referring to the other as well (which I happen to like personally) and it's highly unlikely that would be appropriate for Me to use.

Thank you contribution here.  I hope the thread did not offend you in any way.


Regards In Kink,

Lady Pact



 not atall and i could tell from my sis' post that she enjoyed recognising us as the referrance to youre OP.  'ooh i can answer this one!' made me giggle.

regards back x

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 1:47:11 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

On the other thread that I am referencing, there is some discussion going on that includes an s type that now has a different screen name than the one she has held prior.  I have not asked her personally, but I am led to believe that the name has been changed to reflect the dynamic which she is now involved.  It is absolutely a name that implies (at least to Me) ownership.

My questions are these:

If an s-type has been given or taken a new name, do you feel you should use it when addressing this person?

Do you think it could be seen as a lack of respect to the person's wishes, or the new dynamic, by not doing so?

Does it matter if you knew the person before the name change?

All thoughts, ideas, comments, and personal views are appreciated.



For me, the answer is: It depends.
 
For example, let's say the poster's previous nick was MaximumSub and everyone calls him Max.  If you collar him and he takes the new name LPsPet, "pet" isn't a name, per se.  It's a designation you've given him.  For someone else to call him "pet" implies that he's pet to the other person.  To me, that's a bit disrespectful of your dynamic.  I would prefer to continue calling him Max, since he's not my pet.  Using the former name is a means of respecting the dynamic, if that makes sense.   
 
However, let's say you give Max the slave name of "neal."  The nick is changed to LPsNeal.  For me to continue to call him Max seems disrespectful to the dynamic in play.  However, I'm human.  It's entirely possible that I'd slip up and call him Max once in awhile.  It wouldn't be an intentional slight, just an honest mistake.  I'd hope that it would be graciously forgiven. 

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 1:50:28 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It is in my household protocol to call people by whatever name and title they use. It would be on the s-type to use the name as assigned/given, which would, in turn, mean that we would use that. If they use the wrong name, so do we. This has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them.

Master Fire


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 2:30:56 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		 

More often than not, I will just quote the person and then offer my response.   On occasion, I will use initials such as LP for Ladypact for example.  If I know someone's first name because it's part of their screen name, such as luci for slaveluci, I might use it at times.  If I'm referencing what someone said, rather than addressing the person, I'll use their screen name, such as ---"My feeling is AB and C, and I also agree strongly with what SlaveySlave said".   

And I don't subscribe to any types of bdsm protocols, so I don't consider what someone's master or mistress would like me to call their partner.  I just do whatever comes naturally depending on the person and the name.  Never had a problem and I don't think I've ever offended anyone.  But if someone said "hey marie, i prefer you call me this or that", I would certainly oblige. 

Just wanted to add that in real life it would be another story.  I'm a first name kinda gal.  If a person wanted me to address him/her as HillOverDale or MadeInTheShade at a social function instead of Bob or Mary, I'd likely avoid the person and just chalk it up to too much fantasy and/or online life.

< Message edited by marie2 -- 4/21/2009 2:36:09 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 3:41:09 PM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

But by hoping that others use the old name, isn't that bending what Sir wants? Should it not be" thank you, however, i have a new owner and He prefers you refer to me as xxx"?


Sir has what he wanted which is that i am referred to as his on these boards and on cm in general. He has absolutely no objections to people calling me misst, missturbation at all. He fully understands that i have had that moniker for three years and people are comfortable with that name.
 
quote:

So if you stopped in to get coffee and the guy working there said "Here slut, lap it up" you would feel that to be appropriate? You're Tongue's slut, not anyone else's. You presumably aren't a slut to any guy in a trench coat who makes a rude suggestion while riding the tube in the morning.


That's right i am intongues slut and thats exactly what my name says. I'm using this name on a bdsm forum where things like being someones slut are quite easily and readily accepted, are they not?
If the guy serving me coffee called me slut i'd probably say 'sheesh how'd ya know' and beam a big grin at him. I'm not in the slightest offended by being called slut by anyone.
At the end of the day if people here wanna call me intonguesslut, ITS, misst, missturbation, jo, whore, bitch they can feel free after all its only a name.
 
quote:

I'm afraid I will be addressing both you by the current names, or some form of the same.

I'm easy so thats fine by me
 




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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Changing Names - 4/21/2009 4:19:33 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

My questions are these:

If an s-type has been given or taken a new name, do you feel you should use it when addressing this person?


Yes, I do. My perspective comes from being a part of a spiritual path that believes in name-changes after having navigated crucial life-cusps, and having had some name changes related to my spiritual journey that are reflected -offline- and -legally-, and -still- having people refuse to call me by my chosen/initiated name. If my name-change were because I married, nobody would have an issue with calling me by my new last name, so why is it that when a person changes the direction of hir life and chooses (or is given) a name appropriate to that change, we have such an issue with it?

quote:

Do you think it could be seen as a lack of respect to the person's wishes, or the new dynamic, by not doing so?
Honestly, I do. To me, it is like failing to accept when a friend has a new steady boyfriend, or even more so, when a friend marries and changes hir name. It's just rude, and shows a certain disregard for another person's feelings.

quote:

Does it matter if you knew the person before the name change?


Maybe it's a side-effect of the spiritual path I've traveled, but -no-, it doesn't matter. A person's name is a reflection of where and how that person sees hirself in relation to the current Universe, so if hir picture of hirself has changed so much that xhe no longer uses hir former name, then regardless of what I knew hir as before, I believe one should respect that transition. And this is despite the fact that I have a -really- hard time with short-term memory, so learning a new name once I already have managed to get someone's name etched in my long-term memory is no small feat for me... but I believe that it is worth it to give others that small dignity.

The only exception I've made this this is getting over the fact that my Poppy won't call me by anything but my birth-name. He's put up with a lot of guff from me over the years, so if he wants to call me by my birth-name, that's fine... he accepted my tattoos and piercings, accepted my weird writing (he's glad I do -this- in my "fake" name), accepted my poly family, accepted my poly mates' children as his grandchildren and great grandchildren and even put them in his will, accepted that I'm a priest in something he can't even consider as a religion, and if he can't embrace the fact that I abandoned my birth name, well, he's 90 years old... I cut him some slack. *grins*

Edited to correct some sorry grammar/punctuation errors!


< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 4/21/2009 4:22:25 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 4:29:45 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan


For me, the answer is: It depends.
 
For example, let's say the poster's previous nick was MaximumSub and everyone calls him Max.  If you collar him and he takes the new name LPsPet, "pet" isn't a name, per se.  It's a designation you've given him.  For someone else to call him "pet" implies that he's pet to the other person.  To me, that's a bit disrespectful of your dynamic.  I would prefer to continue calling him Max, since he's not my pet.  Using the former name is a means of respecting the dynamic, if that makes sense. 


That makes sense to Me, though on a written forum, I'd probably write out the name given.  In person, I'd have to ask. 
 
quote:

However, let's say you give Max the slave name of "neal."  The nick is changed to LPsNeal.  For me to continue to call him Max seems disrespectful to the dynamic in play.  However, I'm human.  It's entirely possible that I'd slip up and call him Max once in awhile.  It wouldn't be an intentional slight, just an honest mistake.  I'd hope that it would be graciously forgiven. 

Mistakes obviously do happen, especially if it's someone who has been an acquaintance for a long time.  In fact, that's part of what inspired the post.  A person who knew the former name used it, which was followed by someone who seemed new using the old name as well, just because the prior person had. 

Which leads to something else.  Steel hit on it as well as you, so maybe it's worth pondering.  Let's use the example in your second paragraph.

OK, so I've now named the boy "LPs neal."  Formerly known as Max.  But let's say that isn't the boy's name either, and in fact "Max" was given as a name by a former Dominant.  The sub's real name happens to be Jim.  That dynamic ended and it's how I got "neal" in the first place.  Shouldn't the name "Max" end when the dynamic ends?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 6:33:15 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

OK, so I've now named the boy "LPs neal." Formerly known as Max. But let's say that isn't the boy's name either, and in fact "Max" was given as a name by a former Dominant. The sub's real name happens to be Jim. That dynamic ended and it's how I got "neal" in the first place. Shouldn't the name "Max" end when the dynamic ends?


See, to me, this depends on the person wearing the name. If, in the course of the previous relationship, the individual started to actually think of himself as "Max", and the process had changed him so much that he couldn't see himself as "Jim" any more, the name might actually feel more comfortable to keep than going back to his old moniker. If he rushed to change his name back to his pre-relationship name, that, too, would have to be his decision. Same if he took a new name.

I clung to aspects of my "servant name" for quite a while after rising from my knees. There -was- a name-change that went along with the shift from servant to Keeper, but I stubbornly held on to key aspects of that old name for quite a while after I'd set aside collar and keys for crop and tome.

For me, at least in part, it was an attempt to hold on to memories of two of my beloveds who had died while I was in service, since they'd been instrumental in gifting me with that expression of my essence, and I wasn't ready to let go of -that connection- until I was ready to move out of my state of grieving, which was much longer than it took me to let go of yielding up my life in service. For me, I think it is also telling that, while I dabbled my toes in the community off and on during that period, I -also- wasn't ready or willing to move through the cusp-point to where I stand now. When I was ready to contemplate a new name, and realized that my essence really -had- changed and grown enough that my former moniker no longer suited the person I presented myself as -and- the person I was striving towards becoming, I realized that I had really finished grieving and was moving on. At that point, the name change came easily.

To have someone choose not to acknowledge my current name, in many ways would feel like refusing to acknowledge the changes I'd made and the person I've become... but then again, it's not common in our culture-at-large, so sometimes it's just a matter of "hey, I forgot". It happens to me all the time -- especially as the MS plays fast and loose with my memory.


< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 4/22/2009 6:35:10 AM >

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 6:37:07 AM   
Whenready


Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		OK I apologise in advance for this one - moderator if there is one please feel free to delete - I couldn't resist.

In this context, how do you address "The artist formerly known as Prince"?

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 6:39:14 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I think I'll always be called Aileen here even if I changed names. I don't mind. She's like my alter ego.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 7:57:49 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I've been using their former names, since they are listed in the signature line, and a lot of other people do so. There isn't a convenient abbreviation to distinguish between the two (hmm, perhaps ITslut and ITslave?). I usually use the name offered, or a nickname, real name, or abbreviation that other posters have used, including any capitalisation.

In the case of Max/neal/Jim, I might accidentally forget and still call him "Max," or not know that that name was due to his former dynamic. Under the circumstances, I might well think that "Max" was just short for his screen name of "MaximumSub," just as I use "Anda" in the scene and online as short for "Andalusite."

I actually am in the process of changing names here due to CM, rather than any relationship ramifications. I couldn't get any of my photos either approved or denied, so I decided to create a new profile. That worked, but I couldn't log into the forums using the new name, even after checking with Tech Support. *sighs* So, for right now, I use this one for forums, and mostly "MysteriousWays" for the personals side, though a couple of people still contact me with this one. I mentioned that to the people I'd been actively talking with, and so if they contact me there, they still call me "Anda."

WhenReady, I'd probably use "sir" in the sense of "hey, you, what'syerface," like any man whose name I don't know, if I ever met him or talked to him directly online or in a letter. When referring to him, I just would use "Prince."

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 4/22/2009 8:01:10 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 8:38:35 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		First of all I get really frustrated when forum posters change their nicks and don't post anything about the old nick in their sig line!  It takes me sooooo long to catch on, I can tell that they are familiar with the forums but I don't know who they are dang it.

I think it is great, fine, no problem etc to be given a new nick under new ownership and I try to use the new nick. It isn't done out of respect for their owner, but I always assume (yes I do a lot of that) if someone changes their name .. then they want to be called that new name no matter why the change.

The only caveat is someone like DesFip/Celeste whom I think had to change due to a CM problem?

Anyway, a rose is a rose etc.

My middle name is Camille and I like it much more than my first name. In rl I get called:
Jen, Jenny, Jennifer, Niffer, JenCee, JC, JCII JenJen and of course 'pet' by RR. It was way easier to make the transition from being a Jennifer to being a Camille online much to my eternal frustration!


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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 9:24:09 AM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

OK, so I've now named the boy "LPs neal."  Formerly known as Max.  But let's say that isn't the boy's name either, and in fact "Max" was given as a name by a former Dominant.  The sub's real name happens to be Jim.  That dynamic ended and it's how I got "neal" in the first place.  Shouldn't the name "Max" end when the dynamic ends?



IMO, yes the name of Max should end with the dissolution of the former relationship.  However, identities are tricky things and names are important to a person's sense of identity.  No matter how much we'd like to wipe the slate clean at times, it's much easier to talk about than to do. 
 
If Jim was Max for several years before becoming Neal, it can be disorienting to make the change to the new identity.  Even if Jim wants the change and is ready for it, old habits don't go quietly into that good night, so to speak.  Jim might be ready to jump into the Neal identity but the rest of his social group might not.  In that case, there will probably be people who resist the change because they aren't emotionally ready to let go of Max.  Alternately, if the Neal dynamic is still new (under a year), then Jim might still be in a transitional state and still want to use Max with established friends because it's comforting during this period. 
 
In the case of friends not ready to make the change, there isn't much to be done except lead by example.  You and Jim would have to use Neal consistently and probably get rid of the old name in signature lines to help facilitate the process.  I'd probably give people six months or so to get with the program.  After that, a polite email from Jim might be in order.  Maybe something along the lines of "Hey, I know you've known me as Max for a long time and I don't really mind if you use that name.  But I'm in this great new dynamic now and I'd love for you to celebrate it with me by calling me Neal.  Could you please try to remember my new name?  Thanks, I really appreciate it."
 
However, if it's Jim who's having the transition issues, then that's something that you should probably take up with him.  There may be some deeper psychological issues at work that need to be addressed.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 9:49:46 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Q: "If an s-type has been given or taken a new name, do you feel you should use it when addressing this person?"

Q: "Do you think it could be seen as a lack of respect to the person's wishes, or the new dynamic, by not doing so?"

Q: "Does it matter if you knew the person before the name change?"
 
A: Yes, yes, and no.

If a person takes a new name, I assume they wish to be called by it.
 
If not, then they shouldn't have taken it. It is their choice, after all.  



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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 9:54:17 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

If a person takes a new name, I assume they wish to be called by it.
 
If not, then they shouldn't have taken it. It is their choice, after all. 

 
My name change was not my choice it was Sir's. I didn't really want to change my nic here but it was a compromise i was willing to make.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 11:23:43 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

If a person takes a new name, I assume they wish to be called by it.
 
If not, then they shouldn't have taken it. It is their choice, after all. 

 
My name change was not my choice it was Sir's. I didn't really want to change my nic here but it was a compromise i was willing to make.



Anytime you accede to another's authority, that is still a choice you made.



"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."
                                                                                         -Neil Peart (Rush)

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to InTonguesslut)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 11:28:00 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline 		Yes i made a choice.
Doesn't mean your ass umption was right though that i would want to be called by it.

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Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Changing Names - 4/22/2009 12:02:06 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Yes i made a choice.
Doesn't mean your ass umption was right though that i would want to be called by it.


Fair enough, as long as its kewl with you and yours I will call you Missturbation. I've always liked your posts, and that screen name. I wasn't trying to piss you off, just stating the obvious.

I gotta say, if it were me I'd prefer missturbation too.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to InTonguesslut)
Profile   Post #: 60
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