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ORIGINAL: DomImus

I cannot automatically assign failure to a relationship that ended just because it ended. Some were great and still ultimately ran their natural course. I actually feel a little sorry for folks who grade their past encounters on a "pass/fail" basis like this where the only measure of a relationship's success is its longevity.

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ORIGINAL: wisdomofgiving

I am not sure how to answer this, but will try my best. I have had only one Ds relationship and actually nothing physically has changed between us, just my attitude. I almost destroyed it though. Let me explain.

Prior to my late husband, I was in and out of relationships, always looking for someone to take care of me. I hadn't lived alone, at least for any length of time for a long time. I even went from ex hubby straight to my last husband. When he died, I ended up alone completely in a different state. A year later I met my friend Sir and he took things very slow. He did not zoom in to save me, by moving me in with him and taking over my life. This I did not understand, to be honest and became very worried and needy. He backed me off a lot of times and talked about what we have, and not what I think we are going to have. Oddly the last year a part of me started to spring up that I didnt know existed. The woman who enjoyed living alone and being single.  I realized I already was pulling  away from many things that seemed to duplicate what I was always use too, and noticed a growing aspect in me was screaming; for once do it on your own. Stop looking to destroy what you have with your friend, because you are stuck in old beliefs. My neediness and needing to be saved, which I thought I left long ago when I was married 29 years came right back and these old behaviors almost killed the friendship I have. An interesting thing though is that I didn't seek  another person to save me. Something within me wanted to save myself and that drive was stronger then the needy old me. I have thanked my friend for not zooming in and saving me, but helping me to get the tools to save myself. I hope I explained this well enough.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: wisdomofgiving

I am not sure how to answer this, but will try my best. I have had only one Ds relationship and actually nothing physically has changed between us, just my attitude. I almost destroyed it though. Let me explain.

Prior to my late husband, I was in and out of relationships, always looking for someone to take care of me. I hadn't lived alone, at least for any length of time for a long time. I even went from ex hubby straight to my last husband. When he died, I ended up alone completely in a different state. A year later I met my friend Sir and he took things very slow. He did not zoom in to save me, by moving me in with him and taking over my life. This I did not understand, to be honest and became very worried and needy. He backed me off a lot of times and talked about what we have, and not what I think we are going to have. Oddly the last year a part of me started to spring up that I didnt know existed. The woman who enjoyed living alone and being single.  I realized I already was pulling  away from many things that seemed to duplicate what I was always use too, and noticed a growing aspect in me was screaming; for once do it on your own. Stop looking to destroy what you have with your friend, because you are stuck in old beliefs. My neediness and needing to be saved, which I thought I left long ago when I was married 29 years came right back and these old behaviors almost killed the friendship I have. An interesting thing though is that I didn't seek  another person to save me. Something within me wanted to save myself and that drive was stronger then the needy old me. I have thanked my friend for not zooming in and saving me, but helping me to get the tools to save myself. I hope I explained this well enough.

wisdom,

thanks for sharing that bit of personal stuff. I am confused tho, is friend your sir or not. If so then he does indeed earn a merit badge for recognizing the core needs over the surface needs. good fortune to you both.

CP

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ORIGINAL: beargonewild

I'd have to say the principle cause to why my first foray into a M/s relationship was disastrous was from moving too soon with not enough understanding of what it means to be a slave to another. Without adequate knowledge I made a poor choice in accepting that person as a master best suited for me and me for him. 

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ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

For me, the failed relationships I've participated in all came about because of essential lack of honesty. In some cases, it was because the other person either was unable to be honest -- not only with me, but also with themselves. In at least two cases, it was because -I- lied to myself (and to others by default), did not know myself well enough to make good decisions about what I could and could not agree to, and did not trust my own instincts sufficiently to be honest with -myself- about why and how I was entering into the relationship. I don't know if it really qualifies as a 'lie' if you don't KNOW you can't handle a certain thing, but if you suspect and don't say anything (which, to be fair, I did), then, to me, that's being dishonest -- even more so if you're telling YOURSELF that it's going to be fine.... really.... honest... it will all work out...

I think that, no matter how good one's intentions are, if there is a failure of honesty on anyone's part, the relationship is destined for trouble. For myself, in all cases, the ending of the relationship came about when the essential misinformation on which the relationship was built was exposed for its true nature. In the two cases where I had allowed a relationship to be built on my own self-delusion, once I realized why the relationship wasn't working, I exposed the misapprehensions on which I'd started the relationship, and moved on to end those relationships and encourage the other(s) I was involved with to find relationships that would actually -meet- the expectations they'd thought (and I thought) they would be able to meet with me.

In any case, no experience is a "failure" if you learn from it -- and I've learned a great deal over the years, and, fortunately, haven't made -exactly- the same mistake twice. *chuckles*

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ORIGINAL: subangi

Lack of appropriate communication on both parts is what snowballed into disaster in every aspect of life.
I am happy being me, whether it is with someone or not.

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It's never just one reason.  More like 5 to 20 little reasons that add up to DumpTheBitchAlready

BadOne

badone,

Is that to say that your slate is %100 clean and have never been dumped?

CP

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ORIGINAL: Knite064

Most important lifestyle relationship to me finished because of distance and we were both unable to move to the other because she could nt  move her son of ten years old to my area which i agreed with from the point of view of him needing to be close to both his mother and father and disturbing his stability, i could nt move to her because it would mean leaving my eleven year old daughter, only meeting every few weeks caused us both to become unhappy (after we split she told me that the very fact i could nt move to her because i could nt be parted from my daughter was something she valued in anyone she would call Master....how wonderfully ironic we found this point as i admired her for the same reason and the very reason we seperated....( shes recently re married outwith the lifestyle and it gives me a great sense of peace to know shes happy)so a missed opportunity but no regrets.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone

This is an excellent question.... i would have to say the bare bones answer would be bad communication(almost always)

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ORIGINAL: crumbledwater

I'd put mine down to misplaced trust and taking people at face value.

I've learned that just because I'm open and honest it doesn't mean that everyone else is. So long as I keep learning then my mistakes aren't always a waste of time or effort.

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I can safely say that all my past relationships other than one, failed due to the other party cheating and lying.

That's not to say that I don't put blame on myself as well. We all have a responsibiility for every part of our lives.

littlewonder,

What do you suppose brings up the cheating thing? Lying [ white ones] will always exist but I do ponder how to get rid of the serios one. perhaps a frank discussion right up front??

CP

My discussions are always right up front and frank right from the very beginning. It doesn't stop the wandering heart...or eerrmm...other body part of the men I've been with though. <shrug>

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ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

do not put people in cookie cutter molds  it will never work 

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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ORIGINAL: breatheasone

This is an excellent question.... i would have to say the bare bones answer would be bad communication(almost always)

breatheasone,

Grins very catchy nick!
I would add "no" communications to that observation.

CP

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ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64
do not put people in cookie cutter molds  it will never work