quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

It's never just one reason.  More like 5 to 20 little reasons that add up to DumpTheBitchAlready

BadOne

badone,

Is that to say that your slate is %100 clean and have never been dumped?

CP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

do not put people in cookie cutter molds it will never work

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

well, i spose the most recent time was because i knew that i was being lied to and manipulated.

the oddest part was that i couldnt pull away, even though i knew it to be the case.  it was all a bit murky and hard to prove or pin down.  no specifics, just a gut feeling and a couple of stupid little things that niggled and nagged.

there are so many grey (please is it grey or gray, ive never been able to get that to sink in) areas.  youre dominant expects submission to be absolute, to trust and respect his decisions and not to question his final word on the matter.  so you dont. 

lesson learnt:  always trust youre gut and never youre heart in matters pertaining to submission.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

The first failure was because the Dom was lazy. Wanted all kind of things from me and wasn't willing to put out much on his end. Because I believed in his all knowingness (and he kept telling me he was indeed all knowing, i know-  how stupid of me to believe him) I hung in there for a lot longer than I should have.

The second turned out to be incredibly self centered to the point where I felt like a possession and not a valued one at that. He also couldn't be bothered past a certain point to put anything into the relationship.

lizi,

This path we all walk is strewn with rocks and as we proceed we do learn to avoid the sharp one just by recognition. thanks for sharing.

CP

I don't want to sound bitter or not take responsibility for my part because there's always another side to every story. Maybe I did not inspire these men to put in more. I'll never know. I have met someone now who matches me incredibly well and I hope things with him last. If they don't I've at least learned what to look for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kazzaslave

kazza has had a tendency to trust too much too early. That can and has been disasterous and resulted in all sorts of bad judgement.

kazza

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomofgiving

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomofgiving

I am not sure how to answer this, but will try my best. I have had only one Ds relationship and actually nothing physically has changed between us, just my attitude. I almost destroyed it though. Let me explain.

Prior to my late husband, I was in and out of relationships, always looking for someone to take care of me. I hadn't lived alone, at least for any length of time for a long time. I even went from ex hubby straight to my last husband. When he died, I ended up alone completely in a different state. A year later I met my friend Sir and he took things very slow. He did not zoom in to save me, by moving me in with him and taking over my life. This I did not understand, to be honest and became very worried and needy. He backed me off a lot of times and talked about what we have, and not what I think we are going to have. Oddly the last year a part of me started to spring up that I didnt know existed. The woman who enjoyed living alone and being single.  I realized I already was pulling  away from many things that seemed to duplicate what I was always use too, and noticed a growing aspect in me was screaming; for once do it on your own. Stop looking to destroy what you have with your friend, because you are stuck in old beliefs. My neediness and needing to be saved, which I thought I left long ago when I was married 29 years came right back and these old behaviors almost killed the friendship I have. An interesting thing though is that I didn't seek  another person to save me. Something within me wanted to save myself and that drive was stronger then the needy old me. I have thanked my friend for not zooming in and saving me, but helping me to get the tools to save myself. I hope I explained this well enough.

wisdom,

thanks for sharing that bit of personal stuff. I am confused tho, is friend your sir or not. If so then he does indeed earn a merit badge for recognizing the core needs over the surface needs. good fortune to you both.

CP

Sir is my friend. He does not own me, yet we do have a Ds relationship. They are one of the same.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie

One relationship ended because he liked to screw ums. Another simply because he just wasn't dominant enough for me, I was able to grab the reigns and run the relationships which made me resentful, so I bailed. Another was because his wife didn't approve of him dating(go figure that one!) It happens, then I found the ideal place to call home so it all works out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince


chewsie,

Well there sure was some carnage in your trail, so what did you learn from it all as a common factor; if any?

CP

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP

quote:

ORIGINAL: hamster11

my first D/s relationship was a spectacular failure. i was just too new and wasnt exactly sure what being a sub meant. he didnt talk much and expected too much while giving very little.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

I had some early relationships end because I didn't know how to access the potential of the relationship...I wasn't quite sure how to manage things because I'd hadn't had much experience.

So, I lost a couple of those, but after reflecting on them for a while I did figure out how I could have helped them grow past those little bumps in the road that ended up derailing them.

(Mostly it's just basic communication that I was missing: I had pretty poor communication skills and didn't translate feeling states into left-brain language well back in the day, plus a few other rough edges.)

Other relationships have ended because it just seemed like we were growing in different directions after a certain point.

I wouldn't call any of them "ruined", but I am a little sad that some of those early ones didn't realize their potential.

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

This is an excellent question.... i would have to say the bare bones answer would be bad communication(almost always)

breatheasone,

Grins very catchy nick!
I would add "no" communications to that observation.

CP

Thank you for the nice compliment on the "nick".... and Touche' yes,  "no" communication is probably a better way to put it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I don't care to publically post why the relationship failed in the end. That's not something for every one and their momma to quote a phrase to know about.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

YourHand,

And that is why it is so easy to just pass the  thread by and not comment at all. thanks for your thoughts tho!

CP

There are few of those that come to CM and the other sites that have not had at least one relationship that was promising in the beginning  fall into the abyss of ruined relationships. This question is for all, be yee male, fem, sub/slave or Sir,Master/Ma'am. What was the principle cause in your case.
I believe there would be a fairly standard percentage that fall within a catagory or two and of course there will be some folks that will skip over this opportunity to contribute because they never had a failed relationship.

There is no blame to be assigned, just a possible thread to read for those less experienced.

CP

quote:

ORIGINAL: eilselinchico

Well, let's see the marriage that I am disolving was controlling and abusive (psychologically) plus his alocholism and choosing his friends over me didn't help.
My on again off again relationship has problems do to age differences and his inability to choose.
So, I've found that I don't make good choices with men but I am always learning. And trying not to make the same mistake too many times...
eilsel

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

Oh gosh... so many people have already answered for me... Misplaced trust is a biggie right now, huge baggage there. And I take people at face value most of the time, or at least, I used to. And we do have a tendency to move to fast... I'd love to say it's a lack of communication, I really would... but that wasn't the case. It was more the case of fantasy based communication and never having known anyone so deeply involved with such a fantasy we took it at face value. Lesson learned.
 
And yeah, I tend to attract psychos...
 
Jewel

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Always with the bad words when we speak of relationship endings. Would love to see a constructive relationship endings thread.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

I cannot automatically assign failure to a relationship that ended just because it ended. Some were great and still ultimately ran their natural course. I actually feel a little sorry for folks who grade their past encounters on a "pass/fail" basis like this where the only measure of a relationship's success is its longevity.

DomImus,

An interesting position! it ended just because! Is that to say that an ended relationship just withered without reason?

CP