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CreativeDominant -> RE: ~~I'm Single & You're Single, Lets be Single together!!~~ (4/22/2009 12:20:14 PM)
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ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
**And in a Complete 180 from my thread about staying single because it is the responsible thing to do I now what to know why you don't take chances and just see what happens..... I know I'm all over the place**
So I’ve been at this thing for a little while and I have noticed trends and Balance concepts and the like and felt that I would share my opinion on these for general discussion. As a Precursor, I know that my opinion isn’t always the most popular, but it is none the less my opinion. Where as I revel in the idea that someone who asks me why I feel the way that I feel, I get tired of being told that I am somehow wrong in my opinion because someone else is right. I do not believe I am wrong because my opinion does not apply to you as an individual. That being said Yes I am going to Generalize, but that is because I’m not talking about a case by case basis I am discussing what I see in general.
I have noticed the idea of "Partner Finding" is, at least for those who are un-partnered, a subject of great interest among some. Many however are quick to use many clichés about the nature of this process and most of them express somehow that the one looking isn’t being patient enough. However if you step back and look at it from a wider spectrum you find D-types looking and s-types looking and I for one at least wonder why they don’t turn to each other.
I believe that you can only go so far before you have to ask yourself if you really want REALITY or if you like the idea of chasing the Fantasy. I am an easygoing guy, I consider myself to be less shallow and more open to who a person is rather than what they look like. That being said however I doubt I would actively pursue Annie the Dog Faced Girl, without really getting to know her and her heart of gold and even then repulsion could be a factor. I get that looks are important but you know I find the shallow nature of some individuals to border on the reverse narcissistic, where you essentially judge your own worth on how attractive your partner is. Sure this may be a harsh judgment but if you sat where I sit and watch you would see glimpses of what I see. You wrote a lot, Steel and so to make it easier for me, I am going to take points as I see them.
You ask why some D-Types and why some s-types don't just turn to each other? There's many answers to that...location, age differences, approach to BDSM and/or D/s, size issues, political interests, etc., etc.. Now, you note later (and somewhat above) that some folks are too picky. I agree with you; some folks ARE too picky but that is their right, after all. It helps to explain why many are not in a relationship or, if they are, they are not in one for very long (let's say a year)...the reality turns out not to match the initial "fantasy pairing" and so, they are gone. However, don't discount the fact that for some of us, what we've learned from past relationships, both vanilla and D/s, has been taken and refined to a core of what we need. Now, the smart ones...in MY opinion now...are those who know what they need and want and what they don't need/want AND also know that which they can be indifferent to or, if not indifferent, can find a positive way to deal with. E. G....I like all kinds of music but I do not like opera and I cannot stand rap. How important is that to the dynamic? Not very much, so if my girl were to like opera, I would set a time limit as to how long it can be on when I am around and absolutely no time that rap can be on when I am around. Looks? Again, something not all that important to me but like you, I am not going to date Dora the DogFaced Girl. But I have found that I don't have to have a woman with the same external beauty that my first wife had either...beneath all that, she was shallow and concerned with her own needs only.
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One of the things I noticed right off the bat is the hoarding of submissive interests. Do you know how many submissives are being considered at this very moment and that many of them have been under consideration for over a year and that in that year they still have never met their considered Master? And there are 3 other girls in consideration to this same man all with the same situation. Oddly enough I really don’t even care about these because more often than not I notice these are the same girls who have some serious issue with trust and don’t really want to migrate toward a social living situation. Sure many of those subs and Doms are happy with the arrangement and more power to them. While I may ponder this and question it, again it is one of those things that I shrug off as "their choice to make, not mine".
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Of the other things I have noticed are the submissives who Monday are saying they are new and seeking a Master, On Tuesday they are under consideration, on Wednesday they are collared, by Thurdsay they are having problems with the fact that Master is talking to other slaves and by Friday have begged release and don’t think they can trust another Dominant Man ever again.
There are Dominants who go through this two, where it seems they intentionally set up overly complicated relationships with every submissive they meet and when it all comes crashing down they either get all cocky or all melancholy about the hows and whys and spend months lamenting about it. People rush into things. They let their lust be the beginning foundation for the relationship. While lust is a fine thing and may well indeed be the initial nail for the foundation of a romantic relationship, it shouldn't be the main plank in a romantic relationship. But that doesn't mean that people will not continue to do so, especially in light of the fact that for many nowadays...and I don't mean just the young...lust is seen to be an essential part of the relationship. While it IS an essential part, many forget that by itself...in a romantic relationship...it cannot be the sustaining part. That doesn't exclude it from being the main thing in another type of relationship.
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The Poly Folk with the what is and what isn’t and the fact that there are so many of US (Yes Us cause I am one of this type) who are couples looking for a Poly Third because for some reason most poly women want to be in a poly relationship only if they came first and refuse to be second and if they do go in expecting a problem which usually guarantees that there eventually will be one. I can't speak to poly as I am not in a poly dynamic. When I have discussed the idea of playing with others in a BDSM/sexual manner with submissives, I get all kinds of varying responses because they are not usually coming from the poly standpoint either. I will wish you luck.{/quote]
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I mean with all this Dramatic Bullshit it is amazing anyone ever meets anyone on these kinds of things. So what is your understanding of this paradigm?
Why do you think with so many people looking there are still so many people looking?
Steel
It does seem amazing sometimes, Steel. There's a part of me that looks at it in much the same way that chamberqueen put it in part of her post...there are so many who find just enough about each other to be interesting that they enter into a relationship BUT because they have not taken the time to communicate more at first, because they have not taken the time to build something by examining the important interests, because they have not taken the time to build themselves into a person who not just realizes but accepts that things are not always going to go perfect AND into the type of person who feels that this person is worth a bit of struggle...but have presented themselves as someone who HAS, they get hit with a big surprise when something inevitably goes wrong and they run. I've dealt with someone like this from this site.
I also feel that some people DO cheat themselves out of something very worthwhile because they ARE too picky. Since I said above that I am one of those who knows what I want and don't want, I'll say this now...I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than have to settle for something that goes against that core. Contradictory? Maybe...until you consider what else I said above; there's many things that people consider important that, in the grand scheme of relationships and dynamics, just aren't. Those things can be compromised on and worked around in a positive way, if you're willing. For some, they are not but again, that is THEIR choice.
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