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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 12:37:25 PM   
axelander


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline 		There are questions which I call "forbidden questions". Unfortunately, the forbiddenness isn't always that obvious to the one asking. As an example, I once had a very long time friendship with a woman, where she once wanted more, but I just wasn't into her in that way. I made that very clear when she first confessed it to me, and whenever there were any signs a reminder was needed. One day, we attended a group dynamics seminar together, and I guess her craving kicked in again due to the sensitising nature of such seminars. I guess most of us were in such a situtation at some point. Anyway, in a plenum session she asked me quite out of the blue, in front of 20 people most of them knowing both of us, whether I'd actually see her as a woman. It took me a few seconds to recover from shock, then I looked her in the eye so she would see my emotion and answered: "Revenge!".

The whole group had quite some material to discuss what just had happened...

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 12:38:51 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
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From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

WTF is this INTENT shit???  My bitch comes to me and says "ya know plumber crack Joe is so hot do you mind....."  dat BITCH <note not my bitch anymore> wound not have This stud banging her ass ....other than with my foot.

BadOne



If my bitch said the same thing with a teasing tone and cheesy smile.......she'd still be my bitch. Cuz I KNOW, she was just joking around.

Intent



ehh bullshit somethings you just can't kid about.  ask my dad when he teasing called my mom a cow and got a frying pan upside his head this was after they had been married 5 or 6 years.  Does that clear up intent for you?

BadOne


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 1:06:24 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Ok, that was mostly incomprehensible, can you try that again but  in a way most of us can understand what is stiles hetroey and thiry turth meeny
quote:

ORIGINAL: TazDevil

I going to go past the life stiles in to a bit more like hetroey and thiry, and use the turm can it kill littlerley...


queston, form the engish govmont to the usa govment, well you join us in war now? (WW2 after purle haber)

well we all know what happoned next, but in turth meeny what might be seen as simple questons have leed to wars, killings, death of all types, even the simple queston who has the ture god?

now I know in turth that not what you asking and I going WAY off topic but can a queston kill a relaship...

so do you think she/he looks good hunney?

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 1:33:05 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I can think of tons of questions that would kill the relationship right off the bat just by asking...

Any questions dealing with faith, religion, children, relocation, morals, values....just to name a few things.

There are tons of questions out there that could be important enough to one person that you are afraid to ask the other because you're afraid of the answer and that there's a large possiblity it may clash with the answer you are seeking.


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 2:03:10 PM   
justgemmie


Posts: 246
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

(damager with context)Sir, when I first became your submissive, you promised you'd fulfill my need for stranger-sex.  When you do that, could you make sure that he's bigger than you and can last longer?  Thank you, Sir.



  ok ok - Ya got me  :D   (that's not quite how the discussion went btw  )

well, having read more answers, i guess there are questions which are killers and damagers.  i think i was being more ............ realistic? ......... in my response.  would You reallllly ask someone why her sister is prettier and sexier? or "'Honey don't you think you should get an STD panel done at the doctors today even though we've been married 5 years and monogamous?"

i think LaT said it best and in a much shorter way that i did -- "... answer depends upon two things, the relationship itself, and the intent behind the question."

well wishes,
gemmie

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 2:21:35 PM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

WTF is this INTENT shit???  My bitch comes to me and says "ya know plumber crack Joe is so hot do you mind....."  dat BITCH <note not my bitch anymore> wound not have This stud banging her ass ....other than with my foot.

BadOne



If my bitch said the same thing with a teasing tone and cheesy smile.......she'd still be my bitch. Cuz I KNOW, she was just joking around.

Intent



ehh bullshit somethings you just can't kid about.  ask my dad when he teasing called my mom a cow and got a frying pan upside his head this was after they had been married 5 or 6 years.  Does that clear up intent for you?

BadOne



In that particular relationship of course it does. Which is why my initial post said something about each specific relationship AND intent.

I believe my ex called me a cow several times. It was an inside joke, words of love, just like the instant messages she left on my yahoo about an hour ago. Went something like this....


hey bitch3:37 PM
heyyyyyyyyyyy bitch3:38 PM
answer me u fucking slut3:39 PM
3:40 PM
3:40 PM
3:40 PM

To me, knowing her.........that made me smile. We go back almost 10 years. Ten years of loving, fighting, crying. Ten years of crazy breakups and passionate get back togethers. Anyone else try the above shit and I would tear them a new asshole, but between she and I, they are words of love and deep affection.

She doesn't say cute, mushy, lovely dovey, gagging crap. That IS her cute mushy. I know this, I get it.

So again, specific relationship and intent.


< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/23/2009 2:25:12 PM >

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 3:57:06 PM   
stella41b


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Status: offline 		'I'm thinking of modifying our relationship by having a sex change, what do you think?'

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 6:02:16 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ah, is it in yet??????

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 11:13:10 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Amazing how these questions tend to open with "Do you mind if I ask you question?" or the ever so popular classic "If I ask you a question, will you promise you won't get mad?".

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 4/23/2009 11:27:51 PM >

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/23/2009 11:16:29 PM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		I haven't read anything but the first post... but there's one question that will make me leave if someone ever asked it of me.

"Will you stay?"

You had such little doubt I would stay that you had to ask? Sorry, gone.

I don't care *HOW* big of a bomb-shell you've dropped on me... that's the last question I need to be asked of me.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 12:14:21 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		There was a question that killed my marriage for me and I asked the question.
'Do you really hate my son?' and his simple answer was 'yes'
I walked that day and never looked back.

Maria



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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 12:22:36 AM   
gman992


Posts: 120
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline 		1) At least, he was honest. There is nothing more destructive than bottled up anger/hate.
2). You chose flesh and blood over semi-flesh blood.
3). Raising a kid/child in an environment like that wouldn't be good for him.

Relationships are always filled with tough choices. There is probably someone better out there for the both of you.

You know, I've dated a couple of single mothers, and I've gotten along well with them and their children, but I am always taken back when they always say that they are not looking for a father for their children. (I know...I know...it's something that they say so they don't scare potential suitors off) But, I am thinking, the possibility of spending the rest of my life with this person is at stake, and she doesn't want me to have some sort of influence on her children? Or she doesn't want me to be involved in help raising him? Does that mean that I can't play catch with him or I can't take him to the movies or I can't teach him how to learn to drive or I can't help him when he asks me what to do when he likes his first girl? That I can't help him with his homework? I think that I would be actually offended. Clearly, the "real" father is going to be around...

Of course, the worst question she could ever ask is--do I look fat in this?



< Message edited by gman992 -- 4/24/2009 12:23:47 AM >

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 2:53:44 AM   
crumbledwater


Posts: 27
Joined: 2/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

Amazing how these questions tend to open with "Do you mind if I ask you question?" or the ever so popular classic "If I ask you a question, will you promise you won't get mad?".


A friend of mine always says I can ask him anything I like... but then says that doesn't mean he has to asnwer them!

One that would have me running would be 'Can my dad join in?'

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 4:52:37 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Ah, is it in yet??????



That Might get ya killed.  just saying   smirkle

...

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 4/24/2009 5:07:07 AM >

_____________________________

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 9:23:31 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Ah, is it in yet??????

LMFAO!!!!   
i have TOTALLY dated a guy where that question was called for!  LOL .... i never did ask it of course.... but HOLY COW.... OMG you guys, When i was a teenager about 15 or so, i dated this guy, he was about 17.  (and i am NOT exaggerating either) when he was FULLY erect i could put my hand at the base of  his dick... close my hand completely (in a fist like way) and ALL of his dick fit in my hand.... NO JOKE! Gee.... i wonder whatever happen to that guy?..... He would be about 47 by now. OMG its been THIRTY YEARS since that?? holy shit im old....


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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 9:38:26 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gman992


You know, I've dated a couple of single mothers, and I've gotten along well with them and their children, but I am always taken back when they always say that they are not looking for a father for their children. (I know...I know...it's something that they say so they don't scare potential suitors off) But, I am thinking, the possibility of spending the rest of my life with this person is at stake, and she doesn't want me to have some sort of influence on her children? Or she doesn't want me to be involved in help raising him? Does that mean that I can't play catch with him or I can't take him to the movies or I can't teach him how to learn to drive or I can't help him when he asks me what to do when he likes his first girl? That I can't help him with his homework? I think that I would be actually offended. Clearly, the "real" father is going to be around...




You misunderstand. Of course we hope that if the relationship between us becomes a good, long term one that you would develop a good relationship with our ums.

But we aren't expecting you to walk in and magically become the father figure. Blended families take 7 years to work out all the problems. Most new relationships won't make 7 years, we don't want our kids to become attached to someone who isn't going to be there for the long haul.

I've been with him 7 years, four living together. My kids like him and his like me. But I'm never going to be a mother to his, and he won't ever be a father to mine. We're more like a favorite aunt or uncle than anything else.

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 10:07:03 AM   
Jeptha


Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Are there any questions Y'all can think of, that JUST by asking it ..... it would or could kill or damage a relationship?.....

There isn't a specific question, but many questions could signal a difference in things desired. And if those things desired are big enough issues, it could indicate that there are "irreconcilable differences" of some sort.

I'm among those who claim it's context dependent. All of my relationships have been a little different, and what worked in one might not necessarily work in another (and vise-versa).

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 10:18:37 AM   
Lockit


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Status: offline 		"Was it good for you?"  If it wasn't dead yet, that one kill's it!

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RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 11:35:51 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

that JUST by asking it ..... it would or could kill or damage a relationship?


No. It is never the question that does the harm. It is the nature of the relationship that determines whether it can be broken or not, and why. You might as well ask if you could harm a relationship by kicking the male in the balls with a pointy shoe, or whether an inadvertently hard boiled egg can lead to divorce.

The question is, as you pose it, meaningless, as the effect is entirely circumstantial. I can never point out often enough that there are humans involved here, so there aren't any rules other than the ones y'all make up.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Can a question kill? - 4/24/2009 11:46:02 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I agree there isnt a single question that could ruin my relationship with Fox.

There are, however, some that have seriously damaged relationships elsewhere, to the point of my no longer desiring to interact with the people. It was always more of the intent than the actual question. My bineg bisexual, this gets brought up alot. I have had countless female friends from my youth ask me if I knew then that I was bi, and if I were ever attracted to them. No big deal, more a curiousity than anything else.
However, when my best friend of nearly 15 years at that point asked me if I would experiment with her, it caused problems. Not becasue of what she wanted, but becasue she told me she was getting married and would never get the chance to have sex with other people again after that. And since she knew I was into that anyway, she figured Id love the chace to jump on her after all the times and years we had seen one another naked and she knew I wanted her.  THAT ended things.

My exhusband was cruising along to a fairly amicable relationship with me for a while, until he asked me if I would have a 3some with his new gf and he. He knew I had 2 boys of my own (at that time) and figured sex with a few more wouldnt hurt anyone. I ahvent spoken to him since.

It isntthe QUESTION as much as the motivation and thought process behind the question that causes issues for me.

DV


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