RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 7:32:44 PM)

Damned right you should feel guilty, going on about chocolate cake.  Speaking of buttered bread - that's all I've got to eat till the shops open in the morning.  [:(]



LadyHibiscus -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 7:36:21 PM)

mmmmmtoast!!  Thanks, I was just wondering what I should have, now that I have digested my salad!



DavanKael -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 7:40:55 PM)

Love is, by far, more important and I can not imagine feeling as if I belong to someone or they to I without loving them. 
Have a nice weekend, all  :> 
  Davan



girlygurl -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 7:43:49 PM)

My two cents.
Do the words "I own you" replace "I love you" or are they equal? No, I don't think so. I'm not owned, but He did tell me that He owns my heart and that nearly melted me. I loved hearing it and I still smile thinking of those words. Hearing "I love you" (for me) was a whole different feeling.
He holds my heart, and He loves me perfectly... I can't think of anything else I would want.

Some people are ok without love in the relationship, some don't want it. I didn't want it when I first met Him and we began playing. I just wanted the D/s dynamic and lots and lots of sex. [:)]

The heart is such a powerful influence.



KneelforAnne -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 7:56:11 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

When someone owns me, they are going to own my mind, body and soul, those just don't go to anyone.




*offers a high five*

Agreed!



aidan -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 8:03:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveBlutarsky

To me, they go hand in hand I think. I've never heard 'I own you,' but I don't see myself being owned by someone who could/would never love me or whom I couldn't or didn't love. I don't get how people can have be owned buy someone without having a significant emotional attachment.

When someone owns me, they are going to own my mind, body and soul, those just don't go to anyone.



Yeah, I can cop to this. Nobody's going to get to own me if they don't love me.

Though if I had to choose, I'd go with "I love you" any day of the week.



Kaiel -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 8:07:21 PM)

for Me love comes first, then I want to Own them!!



SunNMoon -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/24/2009 10:05:03 PM)

I love you gets said about the same time I own you does. Any one I own I also love, to comes hand in hand. It might not be romantic love but it's still love.



kuriouswitch -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 12:22:17 AM)

I love it when Master tells me he owns me, all of me and always will. It's a safe feeling to me, it's one that tells me that he's made a commitment for the long haul and it's not one that he takes lightly. I also love it when Master tells me he loves me. It's that dropping of the heart at those words that make me trust him. Love enables me to trust Master in all things, to know that I can tell him anything and he'll do his best to help me either by talking me through it, telling me i'm being silly and why, or just listening as I babble on. Being owned means Master has taken on himself to train me, to make sure that not only do I learn my lessons but that I am able to make him proud of my actions whether or not he is around.
I need to feel loved and the feeling of being owned at the same time, intertwined they are a heady mixture



LAgirlsub -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 1:19:53 AM)

Mike...really? And you question if she meant it? I guess there are truly somethings in life that I can't cross that bridge of understanding. Even at this moment, I know I don't need or desire in any way to connect with the woman I consider my ex-wife (a long-term vanilla relationship); however I don't know how to not love her. It doesn't just stop even with the end of the relationship. I've had to face, long ago, that I'll always love her. Unfortunately, maybe some dommes or doms don't have this kind of connection. I suppose I'll read the rest of the thread and maybe we'll find out...



DemonKia -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 1:21:00 AM)

Oh, oh, oh, my -- good, juicy thread here, yum . .. . .

First, the main question. For me, it feels like this:

I have some experience at 'owning' little pieces of people's hearts . . .. It's a responsibility, even just in the more detached world of friends, fans, & acquaintances . . . . .

I'm a kinda intense person. Kinda crispy. & I tend to love in a kinda huge way. I tend to get attached to those I'm intimate with, that I get close to, tend to get feelings & all that. I don't really have much capacity for one-night-stands, short-term, no-strings-attached or any of that end of the spectra . . . . This was all stuff I knew about before I started gettin' in touch with my inner kinkster . . . .

For me, BDSM is the 'natural' result of combining human sexuality, psychology, creativity, & intensity together, it's one of the expressions of 'human sexual art', so to speak . .. . . (Setting aside for the moment the valid discussion of sexual versus non-sexual BDSM . .. . )

When I love someone & we are together physically there's a part of me that wants us to melt together, to be as one, to merge & each feel & know the other's existence from the inside . . . . . . How far that can go in actuality is a good question . . . . I certainly have feelings consistent with a capacity for both owning & being owned, which to me feel like degree or depth of this emotion we frequently label love . .. . .

When I put on my 'sub hat' I can only conceive of submitting to someone out of great feelings, an intensity of connection so extreme that I would desire to be owned by that hypothetical someone; in my 'dom hat' I can only conceive of taking on the obligations of ownership as an outgrowth of mutual love so huge, so all-encompassing . . . .. .
_________________

Inhibition of one's BDSM instincts was the other question raised, especially with regard to femdom expression:

I've always kinda envied the people who can be sexual beings without guilt or shame or embarrassment, whether they've always been that way or they've learned over the years . . . . I'm both fairly nonchalant & somewhat inhibited, bizarrely enough. & most especially when it comes to exploring & indulging both ends of both my sadomasochistic stuff & my D/s stuff, there are inhibitions. Thankfully, all of this *waves hands about* out-&-organized kink world really helps me to contextualize & otherwise grow with my stuff . ....

I had / have oodles of 'good girl' stuff, plus a ton of issues relating to what Dr. Jack Morin calls 'Nice Person Syndrome' (in 'Anal Pleasure & Health' -- really great book if you have an ass [:D] ), & dealing with that stuff is part of my journey . .....



LAgirlsub -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 1:26:53 AM)

Ditto. (oops, when I didn't grab the quote this seems odd...)

I agree about knowing when someone is or is not in love with you. It's never in the words...

Thanks for this thread...I learned a bit more about how dommes feel about their subs and visa versa. I'll hope the people here are the norm. I need to feel connected to a woman in a vanilla relationship and in some ways, I think this would be more so in a bdsm relationship. Glad I read this thread...



Politesub53 -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 2:22:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes, I see that. 

Your point has clicked into one of my ongoing thoughts, though - that there might be many women out there who are so bothered by their sexually-dominant impulses - especially when these become 'beastly' - that they suppress them forever. 


I think you are correct Peon. Submissive males tend to suppress for their sexuality for a similar reason. I.E. it isnt what society considers "The norm "  I struggled with this for ages.



chezzy71 -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 2:55:28 AM)

we can care about alot of things..for example i care about alot friends i have made here in the past.but when one wishes to place a collar on another and own that individual,the word love best be in the equation..and if love needs to be polished with a fine cloth(some do not like accepting the term itself)then hop to it and talk it over.again i have friends that care and worry about me and love me as a friend and we all know love as a friend is different.and if i don't hear the word love i want to see it in your eyes....the eyes never lie.



PeonForHer -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 3:19:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes, I see that. 

Your point has clicked into one of my ongoing thoughts, though - that there might be many women out there who are so bothered by their sexually-dominant impulses - especially when these become 'beastly' - that they suppress them forever. 


I think you are correct Peon. Submissive males tend to suppress for their sexuality for a similar reason. I.E. it isnt what society considers "The norm "  I struggled with this for ages.


That's one of the things that got me to thinking about the possibility of 'dominant-guilt', PS.  If it's felt to be unmanly to want to be used, controlled and especially hurt, maybe it feels unwomanly to want to do such using, controlling - and especially hurting.



Goddess2002 -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 4:26:31 AM)

I have no interest in owning someone I don't love...I'm just not wired that way. Sure, I could and have had subs who were "of service" to me...but none of whom I would call "Mine."

As far as Dominant guilt, I've never experienced it. Conversely, the only guilt I've ever felt in D/s is when my romantic feelings for my sub occasionally cloud my judgment. I don't likefeeling vulnerable to my emotions like that.



PeonForHer -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 4:51:06 AM)

How could romantic feelings for your sub cloud your judgment, Goddess2002?  In what ways does that manifest?  Romantic feelings for a sub can only be a good thing for both D and s, surely?



CatdeMedici -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 5:06:10 AM)

I think it depends on the definition of love--would I neccessarily have that deep lifetime romantic love for a submissive when I proposed ownership? Chances are probably not, that to Me evolves over time, but would I have a deep caring, commitment, protection kind of love? By all means!



Politesub53 -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 6:38:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

How could romantic feelings for your sub cloud your judgment, Goddess2002?  In what ways does that manifest?  Romantic feelings for a sub can only be a good thing for both D and s, surely?


Peon, your early post about hurting people contains the answer to this. We can add inflicting pain to things that are against "The norm"



Andalusite -> RE: I own you/ I love you/ I care for you--semantic games? (4/25/2009 10:50:05 AM)

I need love if I'm going to be in a BDSM-oriented relationship, but it doesn't develop overnight, so I'm willing to date someone and see how things go.  I had two people want a D/s relationship with me when they liked and cared about me, but didn't love me in a romantic way.  That wasn't enough, so I turned them down.



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