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Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 2:34:41 PM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Hello,

A female I am acquainted with who identifies as submissive recently became involved with a Dom who wants to collar and tattoo his name on her. She confessed to him that she was in love with him, and his response apparently was that he wants to own her forever, but that it is difficult for him to feel love. She is not the type of submissive who wants strictly play...she is seeking a loving D/s relationship.

I think his response to her was B.S....in my experience people either love or they don't...simple as that. Since she is someone whose welfare I care about I would like opinions from Doms. Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

I am concerned that she will go to the extreme of getting a tattoo of someone who is just using her for play, when she has said she is hoping for love in return. Any insight would be appreciated.

Post #: 1

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 2:37:36 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

may i please ask if this is R/T or just online? how long have they been together?

either way it is easy for us slaves/submissives to become carried away with finally being allowed to express our true selves!

On the other side of the coin your concern could be miss placed and perhaps they need to learn for themselves the consequences?

sorry for hijacking the ask a Master forum but this struck a chord within this slave.....

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 2

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 2:48:02 PM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Yes, it's a RT relationship...my concern lies with the fact that she's expressed to me that this is not what she wants. She's young, new to D/s and has been hurt before, so I suppose I'm taking a rather "motherly" stance.

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 3

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 2:55:12 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

God just saw my appalling spelling!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Yes, it's a RT relationship...my concern lies with the fact that she's expressed to me that this is not what she wants. She's young, new to D/s and has been hurt before, so I suppose I'm taking a rather "motherly" stance.

nothing wrong with being motherly at all!

if she has expressed this to you then i think some straight talking is in order and a reminder of how for life a tattoo is even if this Dom isn't...

when we all start out in this bizarre but wonderful life it is tough to not get carried away and more often than not a strong friend is what is needed!

good luck to her and you - i hope you get through to her!

cheeky
x

< Message edited by ohsocheekyslave -- 4/26/2009 2:57:28 PM >

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 4

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 3:00:17 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

How long have they been together? Did she ask him what his owning her forever means to him? It is hard for some people to express love depending on their history. Maybe he has been hurt, you know subs/slaves don't own being hurt in D/s or M/s relationships. Or maybe he is only playing her. If she doesn't want what he is able or willing to offer then she should not accept a collar much less get tattooed.

For myself I would have to love someone in order to want to own them. I don't know that I would have to be in love though.

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 5

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 3:11:50 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

The problem is that "love" means different things to different people. "Do you love me?" is a self-defeating question to ask, because even if the other person tells you exactly what you want to hear, it doesn't mean that he or she is being honest, and in any case it certainly doesn't mean that he or she feels the same way you do. Maybe he's a big, bad dom who feels that he can't say he loves his sub for fear that she'll use it to manipulate him. Or maybe he really is being honest and doesn't love her. The point is that his response is not enough information to make a decision with.

Of course I agree that tattoos and such should wait until there's some stability in the relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

I think his response to her was B.S....in my experience people either love or they don't...simple as that. Since she is someone whose welfare I care about I would like opinions from Doms. Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

I am concerned that she will go to the extreme of getting a tattoo of someone who is just using her for play, when she has said she is hoping for love in return. Any insight would be appreciated.

< Message edited by Lordandmaster -- 4/26/2009 3:12:51 PM >

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 6

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 3:18:25 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Hello,

A female I am acquainted with who identifies as submissive recently became involved with a Dom who wants to collar and tattoo his name on her. She confessed to him that she was in love with him, and his response apparently was that he wants to own her forever, but that it is difficult for him to feel love. She is not the type of submissive who wants strictly play...she is seeking a loving D/s relationship.

I think his response to her was B.S....in my experience people either love or they don't...simple as that. Since she is someone whose welfare I care about I would like opinions from Doms. Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

I am concerned that she will go to the extreme of getting a tattoo of someone who is just using her for play, when she has said she is hoping for love in return. Any insight would be appreciated.

Getting something permanent (tattoo) at the request of someone unwilling or unable to commit fully to you is foolish of the recipient at several levels. It's not just exploitive of the "dom", it's immature, irresponsible, cavalier and ego/fantasy driven.

You're right to be concerned for your friend.... Dom/mes are looked on to lead in relationships and if his committment is limited by his own admission, he's got some nerve talking about tattoos, esp those bearing his name. Can't help thinking this fool is sposta be concentrating on homework rather than messing with the minds of naive and vulnerable submissives...

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 7

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 3:43:13 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Hello,

A female I am acquainted with who identifies as submissive recently became involved with a Dom who wants to collar and tattoo his name on her. She confessed to him that she was in love with him, and his response apparently was that he wants to own her forever, but that it is difficult for him to feel love. She is not the type of submissive who wants strictly play...she is seeking a loving D/s relationship.

I think his response to her was B.S....in my experience people either love or they don't...simple as that. Since she is someone whose welfare I care about I would like opinions from Doms. Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

I am concerned that she will go to the extreme of getting a tattoo of someone who is just using her for play, when she has said she is hoping for love in return. Any insight would be appreciated.

Well he did say he wants a commitment with her, however, if I was looking for a "loving" ds relationship, I wouldn't get involved with someone who told me he isn't capable of love, nevermind get his mark put on my body.

I think the best relationships are the ones in which both parties have mutual feelings for each other. I realize some people do fine temporarily with the whole "I love him and need him, but he doesn't love and need me....sigh....such is the life of a slave" bullshit. And while that might seem like uber-romantic twue slavery, it rarely lasts, and when it does end, the "slave" is usually in pretty bad shape emotionally. Nevermind having to look at his mark now forever. From what you've described, it doesn't sound like the odds are in her favor.

If I were you, I would suggest that she hold off on the tattoo. She can always change her mind and decide to get it later on. But once it's there, well, it's there for life.

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 8

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 3:56:21 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

The question was never answerred how long have they been together? Is this her first love? Has he been in love before? I know when I first started dating, it was nothing to say I love you to the girl, hoping to get in her pants. Now I know that true love takes a long time to come about and there is no way someone can know someone else for 6 months and know they will still love them in 30 or 40 years. When I married, I loved her, found out later she did not love me, she just wanted a chance to get at the money I had or would have coming. Fortunately within three years, and no children later, she found someone else whom she thought would be better than me. So, if the sub wants love, what type of love does she want and why? I seriously doubt if this has been a short term relationship, even if in real life, they can love one another. My suggestion, she stays away from the tattoo and give it a few years to see where it leads and does he then show he loves her and does she still want to be with him.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 9

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 4:05:07 PM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

i used to say in my profile that i will gladly take a tatoo or a brand at the request of the Master who owns me... on our 5th wedding anniversary. i was being cheeky, but making a point. and i don't think i would wait 5 years, but would wait at least 1 or 2 years and probably wait until married before going far any permanent body decoration.

not having the information about the length of their relationship makes it hard to give feedback. but i agree with mstrj69 that giving it a few years, some more time.. is the most obvious solution.

slave alice

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 10

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 4:16:21 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I think you are right to be concerned for your friend.
There are many types of relationships and some consist of love and some don't. I think some straight talk with her is in order.
A compromise of some sort of tattoo that would represent ownership but if things didn't work out then she could either
have it changed into something else if she feels like she has to get a tattoo. Personally, I wouldn't get a tattoo for
someone unless we had at least 5 yrs together. Things happen, relationships don't necessarily last forever.

(in reply to scottishdove)

Post #: 11

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 4:21:14 PM

ohsocheekyslave

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/21/2009
Status: offline

just saw this post in the other forum and thought maybe you should pass it to your friend....

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2579815/tm.htm

Bon chance!
x

_____________________________

May the sun shine on your soul and smile!

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 12

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/26/2009 6:18:40 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm not a dom but if I were with a dom who said he didn't love me then I would not want his collar nor any kind of marking and I would see him completely different from that point on..probably only as a play partner but not MY dom or Master.

I guess if she's the type who's ok knowing that she'll never be in a deep meaningful relationship with him then so be it. Some people seem to be ok with that and even seek it out.

Me though it would never work. I need much much more than that.

(in reply to ohsocheekyslave)

Post #: 13

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/27/2009 2:07:37 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

I think that without FAR FAR more info... like actualy knowing BOTH people involved and seeing day to day how their relationship Dynamic works NOBODY can make a judgement on this.

You can care for your property, DEEPLY care for her, without 'loving' as in being 'in love'.... I am certainly not 'in love' with My girl but there is no lack of care or affection in the relationship. I read the OP and see a lot of knee-jerk reactions to something she possible doesn't begin to understand. My first 'red flag' here is that it is a possible "friend" who wants to interfear regardless of what the ACTUAL situation is here.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 14

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/27/2009 3:04:28 AM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Thanks everyone for your replies...my understanding is that they've been involved for around 3 months...which IMO is waaaay too soon to talk about tattoos, branding, etc. I am going to show her this thread so hopefully by hearing others' input she will think long and hard about the consequences of this!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 15

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/27/2009 4:58:47 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I think that without FAR FAR more info... like actualy knowing BOTH people involved and seeing day to day how their relationship Dynamic works NOBODY can make a judgement on this.

And if we logically apply that criteria to the entire CM Message Boards, only thing left to say is "last one left, switch the lights off". Do you really want that, given that I'm actually here showing you the light (as usual)? *wink*

Welcome back, btw....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 16

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/27/2009 8:12:34 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Hello,

A female I am acquainted with who identifies as submissive recently became involved with a Dom who wants to collar and tattoo his name on her. She confessed to him that she was in love with him, and his response apparently was that he wants to own her forever, but that it is difficult for him to feel love. She is not the type of submissive who wants strictly play...she is seeking a loving D/s relationship.

I think his response to her was B.S....in my experience people either love or they don't...simple as that. Since she is someone whose welfare I care about I would like opinions from Doms. Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

I am concerned that she will go to the extreme of getting a tattoo of someone who is just using her for play, when she has said she is hoping for love in return. Any insight would be appreciated.

Getting something permanent (tattoo) at the request of someone unwilling or unable to commit fully to you is foolish of the recipient at several levels. It's not just exploitive of the "dom", it's immature, irresponsible, cavalier and ego/fantasy driven.

You're right to be concerned for your friend.... Dom/mes are looked on to lead in relationships and if his committment is limited by his own admission, he's got some nerve talking about tattoos, esp those bearing his name. Can't help thinking this fool is sposta be concentrating on homework rather than messing with the minds of naive and vulnerable submissives...

Focus.

Very well said Sir.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 17

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/27/2009 8:50:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Hello,

A female I am acquainted with who identifies as submissive recently became involved with a Dom who wants to collar and tattoo his name on her. She confessed to him that she was in love with him, and his response apparently was that he wants to own her forever, but that it is difficult for him to feel love. She is not the type of submissive who wants strictly play...she is seeking a loving D/s relationship.

I think his response to her was B.S....in my experience people either love or they don't...simple as that. Since she is someone whose welfare I care about I would like opinions from Doms. Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

I am concerned that she will go to the extreme of getting a tattoo of someone who is just using her for play, when she has said she is hoping for love in return. Any insight would be appreciated.

Define love. I care deeply for many people, quite a few I love, only a couple in my life have I been in love with.

I certainly have no problem with the idea of a master/mistress having a slave they are not "in love" with. I don't understand why that is such a difficult concept for some people to grasp.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 18

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/27/2009 9:15:36 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

The problem is that "love" means different things to different people. "Do you love me?" is a self-defeating question to ask, because even if the other person tells you exactly what you want to hear, it doesn't mean that he or she is being honest, and in any case it certainly doesn't mean that he or she feels the same way you do. Maybe he's a big, bad dom who feels that he can't say he loves his sub for fear that she'll use it to manipulate him. Or maybe he really is being honest and doesn't love her. The point is that his response is not enough information to make a decision with.

Of course I agree that tattoos and such should wait until there's some stability in the relationship.

50 points.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 19

RE: Unrequited sub love? - 4/28/2009 2:40:13 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Would you have a sub tattoo your name or collar her knowing that you didn't love her, but that she loved you? Do you feel this is exploitive?

No, but then I have no wish to tattoo or collar anyone; a relationship is good enough for me.

I really don't see a problem with this, and I think someone who is honest enough to tell her what she doesn't want to hear is a far better bet than a charmer who will say what it takes to get what he wants.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Goddess2002)

Post #: 20

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