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am i wrong - 4/26/2009 3:51:04 PM

theslavechris

Posts: 12
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

my Master told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore.
he says that i am a stalker because i read his email.
i asked him about an email address that i found in his email account.
we don't have any rules in place for his seeing other people. He now admits that he is seeing someone else.

He doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship and asked for space.

i'm distraught and don't know what to do.
He tattooed my butt 2 years ago with his mark. What should i do? give up?

Post #: 1

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 4:00:01 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I guess I am surprised that during the time you have been together the 2 of you never discussed whether each of you was going to be exclusive or not.
From that I am wondering how good is your communication with each other.

2 things bother me:
That you snooped; which is a breach of trust to me and that he was not upfront with you about his seeing someone.
Both actions are sneaky and no, they don't negate what the other did.

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 2

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 4:03:33 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like he was looking for an excuse to let you go so he can play with his new toy guilt-free and you gave him one. I'd start saving up for laser tattoo removal.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 3

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 4:05:54 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I guess it comes down to you. How do you feel about him seeing the other girl? do you feel like he was dishonest about it? If so, can you live with his hiding it? Can you live with him being poly? These are the questions I would be asking myself.

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 4

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 4:08:47 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

OK: (A) people don't get a tattoo unless you are dead sure this is for life---gees

(B) you were in HIS email account? Why in the world do we feel that we need to do that?

(C) You don't have any rules about seeing someone else, but it seems in your heart and your head, you thought you were top dog or maybe would always be sole dog--he doesn't---now.

I don't suppose you did anything that may have made Him feel smothered? Like getting into his email?

I think you know the answer to this one.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 5

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 4:21:27 PM

GrizzlyBear

Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline

He doesn't want to see you any more, or he doesn't know? Which is it?

You say you have never discussed him seeing anyone else, yet on your profile it says, "I am searching on behalf of my Master for a submissive playmate for Him."

You sound a little confused. Care to reconsider your statements?

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 6

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 5:02:11 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I am going to sound like a cracked record pretty soon.

My GAWD!! You are 50 years old and you don't know what to do, how to handle a relationship?!?!

You are old enough to have a grown daughter, what would you tell her? If you don't, you've no business being in a relationship. Pull your head out of your nether regiouns.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 7

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 5:02:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I'm not going to address the morality of you snooping. But he's told you he wants out.

I suggest that you give him a few weeks and see what he thinks afterward. He'll try out his shiny new toy during that time and see if he wants to use her or you.

And if he says he wants you back, then you will have some serious thinking to do.

Edited to add: Your profile states that you love polyamory. WTF?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 4/26/2009 5:10:24 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to GrizzlyBear)

Post #: 8

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 5:52:58 PM

DotarSojat

Posts: 854
Joined: 3/22/2009
Status: offline

You did snoop but he was cheating. Two wrongs don't make a right. If you had no rules about him getting someone on the side I believe it is not implied that he has pemission to do so but that just may be me.
You were looking for a poly relationship but he found something on the side.
I think there was a alot of confusion on both sides. But I also think he was looking to get something on the side regardless of entering into a poly relationship. As hard as it is going to to be I think DarkSteven is absolutly right. This is a time for you to find someone to talk to. Find someone who will be in your corner. Let him play this out and in the meantime you decide what you want from here. You just may find you can do better.

_____________________________

Make your life a work of art

I quit fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 9

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 6:22:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

So you didn't have permission to read his email? Yup I'd say you have problems too..possibly stalker issues so right there he probably is right to break up with you.

You two have been together for two years and never had a discussion if you would be exclusive AND you had a tat but on your ass?

I'd say that relationship was doomed from the minute you two met.

Maybe in the future you might want to think about your actions a little more, slow down and communicate!

(in reply to DotarSojat)

Post #: 10

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 6:31:48 PM

soglia

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/23/2009
Status: offline

Hi chris,

Looking through his email was probably not smart. The rest seems puzzling. Your own profile shows you were looking for someone for him, and as others have pointed out, you love polyamory. Maybe you need to sit back and evaluate what it is you want and need.

He wants out, let him out.

good luck,
soglia

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 11

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 6:33:49 PM

LovingMistress45

Posts: 271
Joined: 2/7/2009
Status: offline

Ok, unless you are a hacker I am guessing he was aware you had access to his email. So I doubt your finding the address was an accident. He wants "space" yeah ok that means he is either too chicken shit to tell you to get out or he wants to keep you available in case he decides his new toy is not what he wants.

You have a tattoo - save to have it removed or altered. Get on with your life and find someone worthy of your submission.

(in reply to DotarSojat)

Post #: 12

RE: am i wrong - 4/26/2009 7:04:58 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I just went back and found your previous posts.

You began as a secondary relationship.

I was reminded of this:

"... 8. Don't talk. Talking has been known to lead to communication if
practiced carelessly. ..."

Here is the rest of it.

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 13

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 12:32:33 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Two wrongs do not make a right.

He was being unfaithful, you were investigating your suspicions, he was confronted and his reaction was to turn it all back on you.
I understand that a poly relationship is not a deceitful one.
Do you think if you had not caught him out that he would still 'happily' be with you?
Some people get off on deceit because its exciting and daring but once caught they often react badly and try to throw the blame on the one that caught them out.
You have to have your heart broken a little, perhaps a lot but then you need to pick up the pieces and get on with your life.

I wish you happiness.

Maria

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 14

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 3:30:10 AM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theslavechris

my Master told me that he doesn't want to see me anymore.
he says that i am a stalker because i read his email.
i asked him about an email address that i found in his email account.
we don't have any rules in place for his seeing other people. He now admits that he is seeing someone else.

He doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship and asked for space.

i'm distraught and don't know what to do.
He tattooed my butt 2 years ago with his mark. What should i do? give up?

I'm sorry to hear things are not going so great over there, Chris. But we cannot change the past. Let us focus on the future.

Firstly, I adhere to two principles regarding love. They are simple, and I'm pretty sure they're bullet proof.
1) A relationship either lasts until death or ends prematurely.
2) A relationship takes two (or more) people to uphold.

You cannot force him to want this relationship. It's very possible to attract him back to it, but he has to want it. Are you willing to change the terms so that he wants to come back? Assume he wanted to add another slave to the house, would you be willing? Assume he wanted to spend 1/2 his time with her, 1/2 his time with you. Are you willing? If there are no change of terms that can attract him back, then I regretfully inform you... This relationship is over.

Regarding seeing other people, as we get closer to people its natural (not going to argue nature or nurture here) to assume they are as faithful and fidelitous as we are. Like all assumptions, it's dangerous.

Regarding that tattoo. Having been together a long time is a great reason to stay with someone for a bad night or a bad week... but not a bad year or decade. In your estimation of the future, forget the past. It seems so heavy and important, but its not. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Love can come and go, so what has been holds very little weight. It only proves that it has been in the past (which is not proof that it will be in the future).

Right now, you probably need more support than reason. Support is not my strong suit, but you seem fun (although kind of mopey right now for obvious reasons), witty, and you look great for 50. I'd have guessed 45, tops. Smile.

Smile... In darkness. "Man must have created laughter to keep from crying" (and other variants on the concept). Be strong. If you're sad, mopey, needy, jealous, angry, tricksy, and vengeful you cannot expect to win back your master. (Assuming you've decided he's worth winning back, which he very well might not be...)

Smile, Kiddo.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 15

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 4:36:42 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You can be into poly without it being okay for either partner to lie about being with others.
Yes he cheated on you.
You already knew that and went looking for confirmation thus the email snooping.
No, you're not a stalker.
Yes, he's an asshole.

What to do?
Don't talk to him again.
Talk to your local ink artist about covering up the tat or talk to a plastic surgeon about laser removal.
Learn healthy screening techniques.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 16

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 4:39:49 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

you snooped - wrong

he cheated - wrong

now he says give me space - then do just that.

give him LOTS of space and walk away...

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 17

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 4:47:04 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

He doesn't know if he wants to continue our relationship and asked for space.

you are asking what to do? Seems to me you have no choice in the matter. Give him the space he asked for.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 18

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 5:50:24 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Reading his email was a breach of trust. Did you feel that he was hiding something? Why would you feel the need to do that? I also wonder why the issue of being with others didn't come up until now. Sounds like some boundaries were blurred or never there and need rebuilding.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to theslavechris)

Post #: 19

RE: am i wrong - 4/27/2009 6:11:23 AM

AngelGeena

Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline

It seems he's going to do what he wants anyway, so give him the space. Try to get on with your own life. I know, easier said than done. But it is possible. Feel free to message me on the other side anytime.

_____________________________

Owned heart and soul, bound to MZ forever.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 20

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