CallaFirestormBW
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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RealGirl4One
My "thing" about poly, yes, I don't understand it. I don't understand why anyone would subject themselves to the backstabbing and sniping that is the usual MO (in my opinion) of any group of women thrown together and certainly for something this competitive.
Do the dom's get their rocks off watching women fight over him. YES, I know it may look peaceful but women have been raised in a society where fighting is unfeminine and besides that they aren't that "physical". So instead they look to more devious ways to cut your legs out from under you.
Dante's Inferno couldn't hold a candle to poly households IMO
 ...And this is a perfect example of how misunderstanding a situation, or having a bad experience, then turns into dissing an entire group -- and this is where I question the necessity. I had an unpleasant experience with play-rape. Would I choose to do it again? No, it definitely isn't an activity that I would enjoy. Does it matter which side of the kneel I'm on? Nope... I don't like it any better as a top than I would were I bottoming. -HOWEVER-, my dislike, distrust, and general disgust with the play on a purely personal level does -not- automatically result in me denigrating anyone -else- who enjoys those type of scenarios, or the practice in general. Nor do I spend time on "play-rape scene" forums, telling everyone there how bad play-rape is, and how it is impossible to understand why anyone would even -do- something like that, and how, now that they're -in- a relationship with someone who enjoys play-rape, they can't POSSIBLY be successful in their relationship, because just being IN that situation sets them up to fail.
The quote that started this thread was mine, and, in truth, I genuinely don't understand the issue of dissing other peoples' choices. I perfectly understand not liking something. I also know that we are all judgmental beings, and that every choice we make is based on a judgment. Further, I understand being afraid of something, and not wanting to associate with people who practice something that feels either ethically or intellectually "wrong". What I -don't- understand (and realize is probably a flaw in my own canalization to human social nature) is why, if someone doesn't like something, xhe can't just say "Oh, I don't like that. I've had X experience with it, and it really turned me off." and stop there... or say "I'd never do that. It (scares, disgusts, is appalling to) me, and I'd never hang around with anyone who did it." Without going the extra mile and saying "everyone who does this is (a flake, evil, insane) and the fact that -anyone- does it -anyplace- is an insult to me and my beliefs, and anyone who even considers this is out of their minds!".
Hope that clarifies where my head was at with the original question. Unfortunately, I'm with ITSlut on this one... I am struggling to comprehend -why- it is necessary to bash someone else's practices, even in the face of evidence that what one is being so vituperative about -does- work for some folks some of the time, even if it didn't work for you.
Back to the quote that started this comment... I have had 30 years of successful poly relationships. That can't be discounted. I'm still friends with most of the people I was in a poly relationship with but who I'm no longer with in that way. I have lots of people around whom I still love dearly. For me, poly was a raving success. I understand that the poster may have had some bad experiences, but her bashing of an entire way of life is un-necessary, even to defend her personal decision (which she has every right to make) to -not- participate in poly situations. It is this behavior, and the ensuing wars as the sides square off to defend their territory, that completely confuses the heck out of me.
I had successful poly situations. I don't necessarily think that -everyone- should have them, but I -do- think that people who are -trying- to experience that, and want to be successful, when they are going through a rough patch, should have the opportunity to hear from people who have -been- successful, instead of wading through a bunch of people with a bone to pick about the lifestyle making "Why would you EVER want to do that -anyway-... poly SUX!" comments. In the same way, I know of several individuals who have had very successful Gorean or TPE (don't nail me on the acronym... call it whatever you want) relationships...I don't often feel qualified to respond to these questions, since it's been a long time since I was involved in either community, and I was on the other side of the kneel, in training, when I was... a situation that really impacted my perception of my existence at the time, and may have skewed things substantially.... but when these people come forward for questions, instead of hearing from the people who are actively successful, more than half the comments are nothing more than dissing the choice and bashing them for being involved in that anyway.... not useful at all, and difficult if you're going through a bad stretch where you -really- need some encouragement or some advice from people who have had successful versions of what you're going for.
So maybe someone can explain this from that perspective... Why not just do what you love, get really good at it, ditch the things you don't enjoy or aren't interested in doing, and leave the people alone who -do- want to do that stuff and let them learn from and share info with the others who share those interests? Not just here, but across the spectrum of our lives? Why do we push our beliefs on other people, and beat them over the head with our negative experiences? Why do we try to belittle their choices?
*Hugs to ITSlut*
sorry again for the rant
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 5/2/2009 8:27:05 AM >
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
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RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 
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RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 
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