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RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/2/2009 5:48:58 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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i find it faintly irritating now, when i read people dissing people here - afterall, to some degree or another most of us have had to spend a certain amount of time getting the hang of our own 'alternative' requirements for a relationship.

i really find it hypocritocal.

maybe it is human nature, but thats no excuse. we're all in it to some degree or another and if anyone has a hope of being understood for their alternative tastes its in places like this, surely?

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 41

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/2/2009 6:01:22 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

i find it faintly irritating now, when i read people dissing people here - afterall, to some degree or another most of us have had to spend a certain amount of time getting the hang of our own 'alternative' requirements for a relationship.

i really find it hypocritocal.

maybe it is human nature, but thats no excuse. we're all in it to some degree or another and if anyone has a hope of being understood for their alternative tastes its in places like this, surely?

Well, Miss Lally, it still comes down to a person feeling challenged and thinking that they have to defend their quirks/kinks/opinions/thoughts/ideas.

Instead of 'defending'; people should instead learn to listen, try to understand, and then let acceptance for others take over.

It does not matter one bit if you agree with a person; you just need to accept that they have the same right that you do, to live their life the way that they see fit.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 42

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/2/2009 6:04:48 PM

lally2

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Joined: 4/16/2009
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erm... wasnt that what i just said

- mind you im a bit pissed, been on the razzle so i might not be making any sense or reading you straight. ill check this out when im sober.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 43

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/2/2009 6:07:30 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

erm... wasnt that what i just said - mind you im a bit pissed, been on the razzle so i might not be making any sense or reading you straight. ill check this out when im sober.

LOL actually, the fault does lie with me on this one. I should have bolded that I was really refering to

quote:

maybe it is human nature, but thats no excuse. we're all in it to some degree or another and if anyone has a hope of being understood for their alternative tastes its in places like this, surely?

this comment

Yes, you would think that on a site such as this, most would indeed be more open minded and accepting; but human nature being what it is; the instinct to challenge and defend takes over.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 44

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/2/2009 6:23:23 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

erm... wasnt that what i just said - mind you im a bit pissed, been on the razzle so i might not be making any sense or reading you straight. ill check this out when im sober.

LOL actually, the fault does lie with me on this one. I should have bolded that I was really refering to

quote:

maybe it is human nature, but thats no excuse. we're all in it to some degree or another and if anyone has a hope of being understood for their alternative tastes its in places like this, surely?

this comment

Yes, you would think that on a site such as this, most would indeed be more open minded and accepting; but human nature being what it is; the instinct to challenge and defend takes over.

thats a relief - my fuzzled brain oozed out of my ears when i read youre post - couldnt work out whether it was me or you - its you, cool

- so im not that pissed then.

sorry misst, hijack over

< Message edited by lally2 -- 5/2/2009 6:25:15 PM >

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 45

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/2/2009 6:34:08 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

There are things people fear but also things that people have tried or seen that end painfully. If you've been hurt by something, it's very easy to say that the something is now a hard limit, that you simply aren't willing to go there again.

Beyond that, some things are against some people's moral codes and they rightly condemn them as immoral or wrong. If I believe something is wrong, then I should not break my sense of right and wrong just to appear nonjudgmental.

I have no problem with people upholding their own ethical code by not participating in things that broach that boundary, and I have no issue with people saying "I won't do that because I find it unethical" or "I had a bad experience and I won't ever do that again!" and even further explaining about their own position. What I -do- have a problem with is "I haven't been successful in this and I've had bad experiences, so the choice to participate in this thing is the biggest mistake you'll ever make." or "The reason you're not succeeding in this is because the whole idea of this is just wrong, and I'd quit, because you're probably going to just get hurt." I guess I don't understand the need to let people know that we disagree with something so profoundly that we're willing to risk hurting the person on the other end of the issue with the violence and/or thoughtlessness of our expressing of our conviction.

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 5/2/2009 6:40:51 PM >

_____________________________

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 46

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 4:34:47 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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Thanks for your reply
you're right not most people are here to slam, just a few...it seems tho that when it starts many like to jump on the bandwagon...i do believe we are all here killing time tho, but i don't think that's a bad thing necessarily...

as for the relationship advice...i noticed a lot of people not answering any questions or offering help really other than stating that the relationship is wrong...i find that quite often a very unhelpful and negative approach and wonder why people feel they need to say this...but they are entitled to make such noises of course...they might even be right.

I find your last statement intriguing

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 47

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 4:49:36 AM

NorthernGent

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Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

I guess I don't understand the need to let people know that we disagree with something so profoundly that we're willing to risk hurting the person on the other end of the issue with the violence and/or thoughtlessness of our expressing of our conviction.

There's a risk you could 'hurt' an individual associated with any comment. I mean, you may not find that statement an issue, but I'd imagine there's someone somewhere who struggles to take on board an opposing opinion without feeling hurt. I'm a big fan of strong opinions and 'profound' disagreements; the existence of opposing views and the capacity to employ reason to discuss them, makes the world an interesting place. I suppose it's a matter of delivery. I do agree that there's no need to kick someone who's having a hard time of it, and I'd certainly tread carefully with someone who was displaying signs of being extremely vulnerable. Everyone else? Well, if they're going to nail their colours to the mast, then they're fair game for a 'profound' disagreement, and the posters who start a thread along the lines of: "there are doms out there who don't know what they're doing because of x,y,z, but I on the other hand....", well, they're simply begging to be kicked.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 48

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 6:21:15 AM

InTonguesslut

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Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

There's a risk you could 'hurt' an individual associated with any comment. I mean, you may not find that statement an issue, but I'd imagine there's someone somewhere who struggles to take on board an opposing opinion without feeling hurt.

Completely true. However there is such a thing as thinking before you type and trying as much as you can to minimise any hurt your words may cause.
Mind you never know what is going to upset, anger or irritate someone.

For example i'm never upset, angered or irritated about anything you write except one thing. Shoes, your disses of shoe collections etc really piss me off. Go figure, who'd have thought in a world of what can be scathing opinions from you on various subjects that shoes would irritate me.

Personally i don't pull punches when i write and am quite prepared for the comments i get back. It's in my nature to be blunt, direct and highly opinionated and i'm not prepared to change that for anyone. However there is a difference between being direct and being plain nasty.

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 49

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 6:50:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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Unfortunately one person's blunt is another person's nasty.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 50

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 7:07:20 AM

InTonguesslut

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Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Unfortunately one person's blunt is another person's nasty.

I know
I think intent is a lot to do with it too. I never intentionally hurt anyone on here. Well ok occasionally i do

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 51

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 7:13:15 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

However there is a difference between being direct and being plain nasty.

I prefer nasty

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 52

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 8:21:08 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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quote:

I guess I don't understand the need to let people know that we disagree with something so profoundly that we're willing to risk hurting the person on the other end of the issue with the violence and/or thoughtlessness of our expressing of our conviction.

There are a few subjects that are ‘hot buttons’ for me. I tend to avoid those threads because I cannot be objective. I can intellectualize that I ‘should’ be able to accept that it is okay for someone else to do XYZ but my emotions get in the way and my brain screams WRONG! The fact that I can’t be rational about certain topics is my problem, not anyone else’s! So I just don’t go there which saves a lot of wasted energy and avoids needlessly offending someone.

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(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 53

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 8:33:49 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

A thread in poly has me thinking, nothing new lol.
Here is the particular post that started my train of though off :-

quote:

My thing is, why diss any of it..? there's plenty of variety to go around. If it's not their thing, why do people insist on bashing someone else's choices in areas that they don't even comprehend?

My best guess would be that we (generic) often fear what we don't understand and in turn we (generic) often attack what we fear.

*I snipped it a bit.

There are certain activities in wiitwd that i find repulsive and will diss. I will openly admit that i am judgemental about them. I personally think it boils down to the fact i don't understand them or don't understand the attraction to them. In turn some of them i also fear.

It just has me wondering are some of the strong reactions we see here to things like no limits, poly, gor etc etc actually just a lack of understanding and possibly fear of the unknown?

Personally, I dont think it's my place to judge anyone's kink, unless there is actual harm done to children. Children cannot consent. Nor can any person who is mentally deficient to understand what they are consenting to, as goes for one who is drinking or using drugs during negotiation of a scene, or are targetted for play because of their current state of mind.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 54

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 12:23:39 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Shoes, your disses of shoe collections etc really piss me off.

Blame god, he's the one that wants you bare footed, natural and pious, which is why he didn't fit women with wardrobes on their backs.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 55

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 12:25:32 PM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Shoes, your disses of shoe collections etc really piss me off.

Blame god, he's the one that wants you bare footed, natural and pious, which is why he didn't fit women with wardrobes on their backs.

Giggles.
The weird thing is i'm more often found barefooted than in my heels - go figure

_____________________________

Aka missturbation

It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Prov

(in reply to NorthernGent)

Post #: 56

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 12:33:54 PM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

The weird thing is i'm more often found barefooted than in my heels - go figure

They could be the new god......you don't need to see them, feel them or make use of them......there's comfort in simply knowing they're there....

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 57

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 4:03:09 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

I actually thought what i wrote was pretty simplistic, not profound, not complicated.
However if people are judgemental as we say, why are they judgemental? What emotions, thought processes are behind that? There has to be some.

Because when people are insecure, they feel threatened by people who do things differently, or see things differently, than they do. It challenges their self-perception, which makes them defensive, and causes them to lash out at whatever it is they find threatening. Knock it down, invalidate it, so their way of doing things or seeing things stands taller and they don't have to question it.

And there are a lot (I mean, a lot) of really (and I mean really) insecure people on this site.

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(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 58

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 4:21:53 PM

army101

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline

All comes down to likes or dis-likes. Most people have never tried something so they dont like it. Mostly from what they have heard from others?

Like some one pointed out here dont diss others kinks here unless you`ve walked a mile in their heels. Keep a open mind and try it you might like it after all?

Hell even BDSM can be fun!

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 59

RE: I don't understand so grrrrrrrr - 5/3/2009 5:04:12 PM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

A thread in poly has me thinking, nothing new lol.
Here is the particular post that started my train of though off :-

quote:

My thing is, why diss any of it..? there's plenty of variety to go around. If it's not their thing, why do people insist on bashing someone else's choices in areas that they don't even comprehend?

My best guess would be that we (generic) often fear what we don't understand and in turn we (generic) often attack what we fear.

*I snipped it a bit.

There are certain activities in wiitwd that i find repulsive and will diss. I will openly admit that i am judgemental about them. I personally think it boils down to the fact i don't understand them or don't understand the attraction to them. In turn some of them i also fear.

It just has me wondering are some of the strong reactions we see here to things like no limits, poly, gor etc etc actually just a lack of understanding and possibly fear of the unknown?

Yes, it's possible because of fear and/or lack of understanding. There are other possibilities as well.

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 60

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