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RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 5:38:54 AM   
frankieboy52


Posts: 91
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Insufficient information for coherent analysis.

Lie A): "I really had watched that movie I told you I didn't so we could watch it together."
Lie B): "I didn't tell you about my bad cat allergy because I knew you really wanted that kitten."
Lie C): "You're really not the first person I've shared (insert sexual experience) with, but I said it because I wish you had been."
Lie D): "What I meant was that I'm not figuratively/emotionally married, even though I'm legally married..."
Lie E): "I didn't think my previous criminal history of multiple sentences of aggravated assault and robbery was a pertinent issue to our relationship."

Lies run the gamut of potency and each is weighed differently. Hard to answer with anything more than a "it depends" without more specific input.



i guess i would fall into category (D)except for one thing..i have never lied about my marriage and never will...and i hope down the road to be out of it....cause right now,i can whine and cry all i want but that doesn't do me or anyone else any good.when it is finally over,the boards will be the first to know.

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 5:52:17 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		To the OP.


What would you do if it was a vanilla relationship?

What prevents you from doing the same? What makes you think a D/s relationship is any different?

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(in reply to frankieboy52)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 6:04:16 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Insufficient information for coherent analysis.



I just heard the voice of the Star Trek computer!

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"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 6:07:12 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottyBotty

My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now

I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones




Hi there... i'm sorry you are having troubles, and hope things get better.... PLEASE don't listen to those "Oh NOONE lies to me! They'd be OUTTA here if anyone lied to me!"  Thats just not very realistic, nor is it very condusive to working things out. There are emotions involved, and a myriad of other reasons, to at the VERY LEAST, take stock of the situation 1st. Of course, the most important thing you can do is talk, and find out why and whats wrong....


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(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 6:15:58 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottyBotty

My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now

I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones





NihilusZero had a great post! Big lies, or multiple lies, should generally be deal-breakers because they are indicative of a couple of things:
1. The person who lied has a habit of it, and therefore is just generally untrustworthy because it will happen again...
2. The person who lied is afraid of telling the partner the truth. Feels like they need to hide away a part of themselves, from the partner.

Being unable or unwilling to trust and be trustworthy, will kill a relationship- whether now or later.  

What you do now is your choice, of course. Just be aware that it may be better to cut your losses now, rather than to waste more time with a relationship that may be esentially doomed, and that may have been doomed from the start.

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(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 6:18:58 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		A lie is a lie no matter if its is a vanilla relationship or D/s , M/s one.  I would have to confront the person and ask them why they felt the need to lie.  It would really depend on the lie itself if the relationship would end or not.

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(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 6:28:06 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Lies are lies.

I agree with the majority. You need to find out why they lied and talk it thru with 'em. Any relationship should be based on simple trust.

I have it easy cos I grew up with a compulsive liar and I'm actually crap at it, so I a) don't bother and b) can spot a lie a mile off...

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(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 6:30:15 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You're the Dom.  You need to figure out why she lied and make it so this will stop.  But you cannot stop it until you know why it happened.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 7:50:18 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		The very real fact is that all lies are not equal as NihilusZero said.  Telling your partner a meal that they spent the whole day preparing is good even if it is too salty or whatever isn't the same as telling your partner you were at work while you were actually banging the hell out of your secretary.  Your partner could have told you that they liked your new haircut when they really didn't to spare your feelings, and you are wondering if that was such a violation of trust that you need to end things when in truth it is being petty.  They could be telling you that your snoring doesn't bother them a bit when it truth it is keeping them awake half the night with the windows rattling.  Or they could have lied and told you they weren't shooting heroin but in truth were stoned out of their mind all day while you are work.  It makes a difference.  Saying all lies are equal is utter nonsense.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 8:12:22 AM   
army101


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		The worst of all lies is after trust has been established. That is not a forgiven one, its the door and see you! Take your damn silly games else where.

And too many lies in the beginning are not good either. Vanilla life go ahead Lie your damn ass off. Dont do it in a BDSM relationship...........Thank you!

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 8:26:23 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Like others have said. It is a human relationship thing. It depends on the lie.

But I am going to go another direction. If someone lies to me, rather than exploding about the lie itself, I am going to find out WHY they lied and if I share any blame in that. Did they lie out of fear? If so, why were they afraid to tell me the truth? How can I change that?

We are too easy to blame the effect sometimes, rather than look for the cause. Probably because we often share responsibility for the cause.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 8:32:21 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottyBotty
My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now

Just to clarify, ONE lie has caused you a lot of confusion about the relationship as a whole? Either that lie was a seriously huge doozie (along the lines of, I'm actually an assassin for the KGB, not a sub), or else the relationship doesn't mean that much to you. Either way, it sounds like it's time to bail for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HottyBotty
I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems

Well, in general, when mine displeases me, we sit down and talk about it. That way, there's some hope that she won't displease me the next time (or, alternately, if it was my fault, that I wouldnt' displease her). Really there isn't any other course of action that is likely to be successful.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HottyBotty
and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones

No, relationships are as serious as the two participants choose to make them. What I do think, however, is that an authority dynamic places additional burden on the relationship skills of the participants. It is my opinion that the steeper the dynamic, the better relationship skills the two participants must have to attain long-term viability.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 8:47:59 AM   
TaoWoman


Posts: 140
Joined: 2/27/2009
From: Kpe'me', Togo
Status: offline 		I once lied to get home safely from a situation/enviroment that scared me. He could not see/nor attempted to see the situation from my point of view and decided our "trust" issues were too great to salvage the relationship....I can live with these consequences~

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The Teacher who is wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind~

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(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 9:38:09 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

NZ.. brilliant post :)

*bow*  Why, thank you.



*laughs* I especically liked this one...
Lie D): "What I meant was that I'm not figuratively/emotionally married, even though I'm legally married..."

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to NihilusZero)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 9:48:40 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big???????  I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that"

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MsMillgrove)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 10:31:51 AM   
subangi


Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big???????  I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that"

BadOne

please email such a pic, and I will reply.  hehe

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 10:36:05 AM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HottyBotty

My submissive recently lied to me and the lie has caused alot of confusion about how i curently feel about the relationship now

I was wondering how others have dealt with similiar problems and if you think lies in BDSM relationsips are more serious than in vanilla ones


I don't separate this kind of thing between the 2 worlds. Lying doesn't work period. My trust is damaged. I'd feel this way on either side of the kneel.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to HottyBotty)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 10:47:46 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big???????  I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that"

BadOne

please email such a pic, and I will reply.  hehe


The check is in the male


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to subangi)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 11:09:25 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		First I'd need to do a non tight shorts and tight shorts comparison, and see the difference. Then I could tell you.
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

babeeeeee do these tight shorts make my cock look to big???????  I suppose the only non lie reply would be...."let me get baack to you on that"

BadOne


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Lying Submissive (your thoughts) - 5/6/2009 11:10:54 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		DETAILS ... details  smirkle

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 40
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