RE: Online Relations

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Online Relations

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Online Relations

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:03:32 AM

TaoWoman

Posts: 140
Joined: 2/27/2009
From: Kpe'me', Togo
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

If you need to feel the hands or the flogger on your body cyber will never do; the erotic 'pen pall', if good, will only satisfy a craving in your mind.
It most definitely is not suitable or even understandable for everybody.

Very true~

_____________________________

The Teacher who is wise does not bid you to enter the house of his wisdom but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind~

Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to ranja)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:08:36 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

I don't do online, however friendships are a different thing, one guy..I've known him since I was 13yo..well we have spoken on the phone but just a handful of times but heck I know literally everything about him and vice versa and gee I don't know how we could live without staying in touch..but then well most goes through txt's ..then yahoo but we rarely call eachotha...but it works for us :)
but having a SO online?.......no, I don't think so.
I did get into something though they wanted an online - I tried but I couldn't do it I just didn't get how it worked so it ended up in an argument every single time we chatted.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 5/6/2009 11:09:40 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to ranja)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:10:50 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

When I first was introduced to the lifestyle, I tried online. It didn't do anything for me. I do have a lot of freinds online both on cm and other sites. The ones on cm I knew before coming to this website. I also play World of Warcraft but all the people in our guild are people we actually know in real life. I met my first Mistress online, but on aol, not cm. We only talked for about a week before we met, so I don't consider that an online relationship.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:12:34 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I know that at times we, Me as well, poopoo online relationships. It just amazes Me, that some never move to any realtime interaction.

So My questions are these:

1. Submissives: how devoted are you really to an online Dominant

2. Dominants: how seriously do you really take an online relationship?

3. How deep do your emotions run toward an online personage?

4. Do you feel as healthy in that as you would in an inperson interactive relationship?

I like to chat with Doms a bit to get the feel of who they really are. But, as far as being devoted? Like ....on your knees.....take off your clothes....play with yourself.......yes, ok, like i can really reach the keys when i type, and playing with myself ? wellllllll, i might be folding clothes , or helping with homework.
Actually, I let them know right away, that i am realtime only....and any submission occurs only after meeting.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:15:52 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

hmmmmm...maybe it failed 'cause I didn't do the cyber part. I would never ever be able to cyber I think it's hilarious that people do it...but seriously masturbate in front of a computer? HAHAHAHAHA

sorry..no offense to ppl that dig it, I wouldn't even think of trying I guess I'm not open minded enough.

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to subangi)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:18:03 AM

Rainfire

Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline

~ Fast Response ~

I've done online and r/t over the years. I took it seriously at one point but got burned and learned a very hard, painful lesson. I flew 3,000 miles to meet someone who wasn't what they'd told me. They lied about a lot of things, including their gender, orientation and mental illness, specifically multiple personalities among some of the issues.

On the other hand, Lumus and I started online here on CM and moved it real time when it was right for us. Online is a great tool but ultimately, the computer doesn't keep you warm at night or hug you when you're crying. Some of my dearest and closest friends are online and I do invest emotions into the relationship. Just because someone is hundreds of miles away from me doesn't make me care less for them. It hurts when I can't be there to help in person but I can do the next best thing and let them know that they are loved and cared for, no matter what.

It was healthy for me at a time when I couldn't get out due to family and health but I was able to move on. Because after a while, it wasn't that healthy for me. So it all depends on the individual. I found that I got out of online relationships what I put into them. Except for the occasional jerk. *winks*

_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:24:48 AM

amoryblane

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I know that at times we, Me as well, poopoo online relationships. It just amazes Me, that some never move to any realtime interaction.

So My questions are these:

1. Submissives: how devoted are you really to an online Dominant

2. Dominants: how seriously do you really take an online relationship?

3. How deep do your emotions run toward an online personage?

4. Do you feel as healthy in that as you would in an inperson interactive relationship?

From online interactions, it's possible to get a very good sense of another person's sense of humor, background, intelligence, verbal ability, and it's even possible to tell whether, at first glance, they are physically attractive and have a sense of style. So from online interaction over the course of a few weeks, it's possible, I think, to get a much better idea of whether I'm at all interested in a person than if I met them once or twice while out with friends. After all, when meeting someone offline, I generally don't ask for a writing sample. Brains, sense of humor, verbal abilities, looks--these are all things I value.

My emotions for online personages, though, rarely run as deep. For me, touch and smell and small, barely discernible gestures (the kind that can't be captured in photos), and the way faces rise and fall for a split second before the muscles remember how to arrange themselves back into whatever cameo they're supposed to be impersonating, these are the things that create emotional connections for me.

I can treat online interaction with a great deal of sentimentality. Discussions very late at night or very early in the morning, with a certain lighting in my room, a certain song playing, the right joke told at the right time--all of these can instill in me something aching and beautiful. But what I've learned in the (God help me) 17 or so years I've been online is that these moments are usually only reflections of my own egoism, and the person with whom I'm chatting is little more than a prop on the stage.

< Message edited by amoryblane -- 5/6/2009 11:25:52 AM >

_____________________________

I don't wanna be your lover
I just wanna be your victim
Elvis Costello

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:29:25 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Not sure about anyone else but I've had my share of real time relationships that were pretty crap too.

It doesn't matter whether it's online or offline, it's contact between two people but what really does matter is who those two people are and who they are to each other.

And does this mean that those who are in online relationships with every intention of moving into real time are tarred with the same brush as those who aren't? Who's to say how fast anyone's relationship is to progress and to what end it is to serve?

Generalizations are rarely what they appear to be.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:36:42 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Every time one of these online relationship/dynamic threads come up, I get a huge kick out of them. Since the husband's coming home in about four hours, I won't use that one today. I just have one quick question.

When clip gets deployed to Afghanistan in June, are you folks really going to see Me as an online Dominant?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to stella41b)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 12:06:36 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Every time one of these online relationship/dynamic threads come up, I get a huge kick out of them. Since the husband's coming home in about four hours, I won't use that one today. I just have one quick question.

When clip gets deployed to Afghanistan in June, are you folks really going to see Me as an online Dominant?

well heck ya, someone new to razzzzz

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 12:15:47 PM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

While I don't really pursue online, I think it's more my lack of that particular skill or interest. I don't disdain it.

It's a little like phone sex: I had a partner once who loved phone sex and wanted to do it a lot with me. "Phone sex" here meant me telling her stories while she masturbated. Customized porn over the phone, basically.

I was alright for a while, but then I kind of ran out of script. That probably didn't matter to her, now that I think about it. But I didn't want to repeat the same stuff over and over.

I appreciate how others might be good at that medium; same with on-line. Some people might be good with that level of abstraction.

I can do it for a little while, and as an adjunct to a real-life relationship it's great, but I don't have the skill or the attention span, or something, to enjoy an online-only relationship.

Makes me curious how others do it and make it work.
What skills or qualities do you have to have to make an enjoyable online relationship?

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 12:37:39 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i have alot of respect for peeps who go this route. i couldnt personally - ive been friends with lushy now for about as long as ive been on cm. its real, its close, genuine, we can be totally honest with each other. but heck and dammit, if i thought i was never going to meet her id find that really hard.

its wild and wonderful to make friends with people from all over the world, i think its totally brilliant.

i just dont know how you come to terms with the fact that youre never going to spend physical time together. how do you deal with that.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 12:52:24 PM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

I have online friends...I have as much connection with them as with anyone who you'd chat with for 2hrs maximum per night. They're lovely people, good ONLINE friends, but they all know the score. Our offline lives come first. if it all disappears tomorrow....so be it. I'll mourn, I'll miss 'em...but it's happened before and it'll happen again.

The wonders of this here interwebs mean I can make friends with people I never thought I would, in places I don't think I'll ever visit. It's cool and all, but it's not for investing TOO much in.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 1:01:10 PM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

I do have very close on line friendships but not Ds relationships or even vanilla. Many of my friends are still friends and we have managed to meet in real times. One nice thing about the internet is it makes our world a little smaller.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 1:20:44 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I have online friends, I do not have online relationships.

Do you consider your online friends to be not as "real" or of equal quality to your irl friends?

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 1:27:18 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I will answer my own feelings on that. Sure they are real, we are all real. At least someone is out there typing the words.

The best way I really can explain it is that if a person is an, internet only contact, I am MUCH less emotionally invested in that person. If I found out they died in a car accident, I very well may not shed a single tear. It might be a "well that sucks I am gonna kinda miss them!" especially if I didn't get to know them all that well on a personal life tidbit type basis.

It may be cold hearted, but that is just the way I am built. I have to have some real life face time to gain a deep connection. Even that may not be a guarantee. But that is another subject.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 2:00:35 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I will answer my own feelings on that. Sure they are real, we are all real. At least someone is out there typing the words.

The best way I really can explain it is that if a person is an, internet only contact, I am MUCH less emotionally invested in that person. If I found out they died in a car accident, I very well may not shed a single tear. It might be a "well that sucks I am gonna kinda miss them!" especially if I didn't get to know them all that well on a personal life tidbit type basis.

It may be cold hearted, but that is just the way I am built. I have to have some real life face time to gain a deep connection. Even that may not be a guarantee. But that is another subject.

I'm the same way.

I don't think I'm THAT cold-hearted.....I just don't develop a certain depth of *feeling* for someone I'm not actually sharing something of life with. I'd be the same with someone I physically knew.

It takes me a very long time to actually care in a way that'd affect me emotionally, about anyone at all, and like you........ even that's not a guarantee.

I can show care and interest in an online friend, but any misfortune in their life wouldn't cause much of a ripple in mine and I wouldn't expect mine to, in theirs.

agirl

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 2:56:29 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I just had another thought....

From my perspective, online relationships are much much more selfish. They are totally on our terms. We choose what parts of ourselves to divulge, when, and how. We choose when we want to communicate or not. It is as simply as a power switch.

Physical, personal, relationships are not that easy to set boundaries with. Our sister drops by when we are weeding the flower bed, wanting to talk and wondering what's for dinner. Our best friend/s call or stop by when they need to talk about their life drama. Our S.O. might come barging into the bathroom to do something we don't even want to KNOW about while we are trying to take a long hot soak. Etc etc etc......

Online, very little of that is visible/available. We often times only show what WE think is our most attractive side. Those in our daily physical lives tend to see more facets, the good bad and the ugly. They love us anyway. Usually because of an attractive facet we are less aware of than they. We don't even think to expose it to those online.

So many things we share in person without thought, a smile, a touch, a silly face. We hold so much back online for so many different reasons. We create boundaries of self preservation. But they are still selfish in a way, regardless of reason.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to agirl)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 3:13:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Master and I pretty much only use online to chat once in a great while. We mostly keep in contact through our cell phones and we get together in person as often as we possibly can for at least another year and then..who knows.

I've never been able to grasp online relationships because I need to see and touch real flesh, smell them, take in their every fiber. Anything less and I feel as if I'm just talking to a machine which really doesn't turn me on.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 3:25:47 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
I have online friends, I do not have online relationships.

I'm not into the type of online relationships that you are referring to in your OP but like a lot of us I have several online 'friends' in all corners of the globe who I likely will never meet in person and have an in person friendship with. Some of those friends are involved in the very type of relationship that you allude to. Like you, none of us feels there is anything terribly unusual about these friendships we have forged. The line between online friends and online relationships is a lot finer than many would profess it to be.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Profile

Post #: 40