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RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 3:31:15 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

Although i do real time D/s relationships now, when i was first got interested in the lifestyle, i did have a couple (not at the same time) online D/s relationship. One did occur while i was still married, while the other did not. i went into the latter one because i didn't know how or where else to search. There was some real time aspects to that last one (ie we met and played some) but it was predominantly online.

In that relationship, just like any real time relationship i have had since, i was extremely obedient and devoted, because i actually wanted to experience a D/s relationship, i wanted more than just getting to "jack off" (or whatever term is appropriate for a female). i wanted the control, etc. so i was obedient and didn't play games.

i have to admit after talking with others about any online experience that they might have had, that i was apparently not part of the norm to actually be devoted and obedient to my online Master. i didn't get emotionally attached, as i knew going in, it was not something that i wanted to last. i was searching for an experience and this was the way that i felt was safest way to get that experience. Eventually as with a lot of people, online stopped being enough and i met some people in the lifestyle so i could pursue real time and felt safe doing so.

For me, pursuing D/s online was the healthiest way to initially pursue it. i felt safe, but could still experience (in part) the sensation of submitting and being controlled.

heartfelt

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 41

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 5:06:58 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

LadyPact, I think a long distance/online period in an already established relationship is very different from starting a relationship online between people who've never met. I'd still have a difficult time with a LDR, and I admire you for being able to be supportive of both of your men while they are serving our country!

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero
Do you consider your online friends to be not as "real" or of equal quality to your irl friends?

I have a lot of online friends, both on vanilla and on BDSM-oriented sites. However, while I do genuinely care about my online friends, my in-person friends tend to be closer to me emotionally, and I would do more for them if they needed my help.

I can't fall in love with someone online, or have any idea of how much sexual or D/s chemistry we might have once we meet, just from talking online. This site is a great tool for screening people out who are obviously incompatible with me. Until we've done at least some biting and hairpulling, in person, and I can listen to their heartbeat/breathing, and around their pheremones, they're generally pretty neutral sexually and in terms of D/s. For that matter, even with people do know in person, that's the case. I just don't think of them that way until they touch me in a sexual/BDSM/etc. kind of way.

In general, I think that exploring D/s and BDSM online is just as real and useful as learning how to swordfight in World of Warcraft is to actually using a real sword in person.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 5/6/2009 5:08:15 PM >

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 42

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 10:10:02 PM

BalletBob

Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

I would be very devoted to an online Mistress, with in reason. The reason being the distance between us, and the reason, I am married. I always thought, why have an online Mistress, and not do what she asks, as long as it isn;t a hard limit? I feel I would not just be cheating the Mistress, but also myself, if I didn't carry out the things she asked me to do. If I just told her I did such and such (Things she told me to do), what is the fun or pleasure in it. I feel we BOTH have to get something out of it, or it isn't even worth doing.

Now if it works into some RT sessions (Like with MADAM) then all the better. Some of us don't have all that time for a 24/7 relationship, or can't have one becaues of distance. It is what the people involved make of it, and not what they NAY SAYERS say.

I had a few online friends, and we BOTH enjoyed the things I done for them. At least that is what they told me, and I do wish, they did have a good time too.

Sincerly missing it, sub BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 43

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:37:40 PM

PMnpanthercub

Posts: 51
Joined: 5/3/2009
Status: offline

many years ago i tried online when i first got on the internet, both as a friend and as (at that time) a sub. after ten years, i have one friend still from those early days. the D/s thing didn't last, i wasn't sub material anyway, but i've found that i much prefer real face to face relationships, both friends and mates. just works better for me. doesn't mean i'm not going to continue to make long distance friends, but i'm not going to mind as we drift apart, life has a tendency of getting in the way. real life comes before anything cyberworld.
PM

(in reply to BalletBob)

Post #: 44

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:46:33 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Until we've done at least some biting and hairpulling, in person, and I can listen to their heartbeat/breathing, and around their pheremones, they're generally pretty neutral sexually and in terms of D/s.

I yield in the face of this deliciously written sentence.

Yum.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 45

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:57:18 PM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I know that at times we, Me as well, poopoo online relationships. It just amazes Me, that some never move to any realtime interaction.

So My questions are these:

1. Submissives: how devoted are you really to an online Dominant

2. Dominants: how seriously do you really take an online relationship?

3. How deep do your emotions run toward an online personage?

4. Do you feel as healthy in that as you would in an inperson interactive relationship?

Miss Cat,

I am very loyal to my online Second Life Mistress. We have only sparingly ventured into real life situations, and limit our activities to virtual ones based upon the Second Life 3D RPG. There is no possibility of physical interaction due to geographic distances and her marriage, so we are only role playing in the context of the "game."

She was the one who introduced me to the wide world of BDSM, and has been guiding me through all sorts of scenarios to understand my wants and needs. I was quite shy and reserved regarding my sexuality, but she has helped me to open up over the last year or so. I am her girl there, in away that would be difficult to experience safely in real life.

Outside of our "characters" in the game, we often confide in each other the personal difficulties and triumphs we experience in real life. As such. I have developed strong feelings for her. I can't very well compare them to any real life M/s relationships, as this is really my first foray into the lifestyle. She is extremely supportive of me moving into real life activities, and has even offered to exchange emails with any potential Mistresses for me, to help relate my needs and desires.

By being open and honest with her, something I have had tremendous difficulty maintaining in rl, I feel that ours is the most healthy relationship I have yet experienced. While I dread losing her, I am heartened by the prospect of sharing the same kind of love and respect for a real life Dominant woman in my life.

Yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 46

RE: Online Relations - 5/6/2009 11:59:44 PM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Yeah no, its a good thing to be able to learn from, get your feet wet so to speak. But I dont think online anything holds a candle to a real relationship. Let me put it this way.....

"That's not what a flogger feels like online!!!" (overheard at an event)

That's my take on it.

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 47

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 12:13:55 AM

PMnpanthercub

Posts: 51
Joined: 5/3/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

"That's not what a flogger feels like online!!!" (overheard at an event)

ok now that has got to be the line of the night! i love it! and someone seriously said that? i think i would have laughed hysterically.

PM

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 48

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 12:21:34 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PMnpanthercub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

"That's not what a flogger feels like online!!!" (overheard at an event)

ok now that has got to be the line of the night! i love it! and someone seriously said that? i think i would have laughed hysterically.

PM

OMFG!! i laugh so hard i snorted.... Holy shit!

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to PMnpanthercub)

Post #: 49

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 12:24:25 AM

YoursMistress

Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Yeah no, its a good thing to be able to learn from, get your feet wet so to speak. But I dont think online anything holds a candle to a real relationship. Let me put it this way.....

"That's not what a flogger feels like online!!!" (overheard at an event)

That's my take on it.

Granted, the physical sensations of impacts and restraints are impossible to simulate without being self-inflicted by the recipient. I was amazed, however, at the intensity of feelings I experienced when my Second Life Mistress blindfolded me, (blanking out my screen in-game, save for her chat text). While it may not even barely resemble the actual sensations, it was enough to whet my appetite and stimulate more exploration, which was her goal.

I don't believe that it is an adequate replacement for a real life relationship. However, it has a warm and wonderful place in the spectrum of my experiences.

yours

_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 50

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 2:01:27 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

on-line is a very great way to find out about things...to find out about yourself...some people talk to their partner, some to their mother, some to their friends, some to their therapist and some to an on-line persona.
You can reach very dark corners of your mind in a quite safe way
There are Doms and Dommes here who love to mentor and there are subs and slaves who love to follow...yes its only written, but the tasks that are set can be very real and challenging real time activities that the Dom might want a report back on...if you can not take it serious and i do not mean without humor, cos without humor nothing is much fun, but if you think it is so stupid it makes you slightly hillarious and your answers to the Dom are just smartypants or the Dom sets idiotic tasks, then it obviously won't work.
If you need to know how much pain you can take; hit yourself with a plastic ruler... (the flogger comment was brilliant and i think made by someone with a good sense of humor)
many subs are too scared to dive into this lifestyle head first and relay on the skills of a real time Dom they might hardly know to show them things...and many Doms like subs with at least some knowledge of themselves before real time play starts...
Maybe some people never move to real time because they find out it is not for them...
Maybe some people have cyber partners because they are still too scared to move to real time
Maybe some people only play on-line because they are impotent
or have serious hang ups about their bodies and like to pretend they are a god or a filmstar
maybe people play on-line because they are stuck in their relationship
or maybe because they are very slutty and would love to serve more than one man or woman but are not allowed another in real time, same for Doms, some would like a harim but have a monogamous partner they respect...compromises are made
And i can think of many more reasons why people play virtually

I think it is wholly unrealistic to expect all people to find their perfect 1 mate and be happy ever after in exactly the one and only twue way.

I understand people who say that on-line might not be enough for them but I really find it strange that there are some people here on-line who are against ... on-line...

< Message edited by ranja -- 5/7/2009 2:09:47 AM >

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 51

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 2:15:46 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

I've don't do online relationships.

Long Distance relationships that include the telephone, postal mail along with online are a different matter.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 52

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 4:55:26 AM

frankieboy52

Posts: 91
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline

i don't cyber or do online anything except make contact.my position is such that the only thing i can do at present is to make contact.but i would prefer at least one face to face meeting to see if there is a spark.if not...no harm no foul.i am married which makes having someone stick their neck out a bit tougher when a face to face is certainly a hot topic issue...but not impossible.oh and i am extricating myself from my situation..it will just take time.

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)

Post #: 53

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:02:43 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Every time one of these online relationship/dynamic threads come up, I get a huge kick out of them. Since the husband's coming home in about four hours, I won't use that one today. I just have one quick question.

When clip gets deployed to Afghanistan in June, are you folks really going to see Me as an online Dominant?

I don't see this as the same thing at all. You know clip in real life. Just because he is going away for a while doesn't change that. Now if you had never met clip, had only communicated with him by computer or phone, but never in real life, then I would say it is on online relationship.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 54

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:06:02 AM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
Status: offline

quote:

1. Submissives: how devoted are you really to an online Dominant

It would depend on how far our relationship had progressed already. Basically though, I would be 'devoted' to seeing the relationship itself grow; because of that, the Dominant himself would also fall under the same 'devotion'

quote:

3. How deep do your emotions run toward an online personage?

I am an emotional person. Relationships of any kind, online friendships, real life friendships, etc; all fall under the heading of being emotional.

quote:

4. Do you feel as healthy in that as you would in an inperson interactive relationship?

Yes and no. Yes because any kind of relationship, whether it be online or in real life, can be extremely healthy for a person. And no, because for obvious reasons, the relationship, in most cases, needs to be taken to the next level.

Of course, this is just how I see things; others may disagree

Allison

_____________________________

Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
Roger Miller

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 55

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:24:44 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

I cannot believe this one has been asked. I am a Dominant, and I refuse to take part in online nonsence. Online relationships are nothing but a way for some petifiles to get off or track down victims.
Now, they can be fine to chat back and forth; however, to collar someone online has never worked for me. Sooner or later the truth will come out, and that truth is someone is usually running around with someone else.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 56

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:30:55 AM

tiinkerbell

Posts: 96
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissJanice2

I cannot believe this one has been asked. I am a Dominant, and I refuse to take part in online nonsence. Online relationships are nothing but a way for some petifiles to get off or track down victims.
Now, they can be fine to chat back and forth; however, to collar someone online has never worked for me. Sooner or later the truth will come out, and that truth is someone is usually running around with someone else.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

Not all relationships though, can be classified as 'romantic/intimate'. For example, I have online relationships that are not in that area; they are simply that of friends; yet, what I feel for them is not diminished simply because we do our talking online.

Allison

_____________________________

Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
Roger Miller

(in reply to MissJanice2)

Post #: 57

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:33:04 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissJanice2

I cannot believe this one has been asked.
Why is that?

I am a Dominant, and I refuse to take part in online nonsence
That's fine, I don't think anyone implied you had to.

. Online relationships are nothing but a way for some petifiles to get off or track down victims.
Wow, so much bs wrapped up into such a little sentence. Not sure where to start, so I will just point out that it is spelled Pedophile and ignore the content of the statement.

Now, they can be fine to chat back and forth; however, to collar someone online has never worked for me.
Well you said you refuse to take part in online nonsence, so why do you care if it works or not.

Sooner or later the truth will come out, and that truth is someone is usually running around with someone else.
Maybe,. maybe not, depends on the parties involved.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to MissJanice2)

Post #: 58

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:39:02 AM

MissJanice2

Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline

I did not indicate this was a romantic nature. They are just bad taste. If it works for you fine, but don't be surprised if the outcome is not favorable even with "friends".

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissJanice2

I cannot believe this one has been asked. I am a Dominant, and I refuse to take part in online nonsence. Online relationships are nothing but a way for some petifiles to get off or track down victims.
Now, they can be fine to chat back and forth; however, to collar someone online has never worked for me. Sooner or later the truth will come out, and that truth is someone is usually running around with someone else.

Best Wishes,

Mistress_Jan

Not all relationships though, can be classified as 'romantic/intimate'. For example, I have online relationships that are not in that area; they are simply that of friends; yet, what I feel for them is not diminished simply because we do our talking online.

Allison

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

Post #: 59

RE: Online Relations - 5/7/2009 5:42:34 AM

Whenready

Posts: 319
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

Whiplashsmile4: I've don't do online relationships. Long Distance relationships that include the telephone, postal mail along with online are a different matter.

This confuses Me a little. What's the difference? The essence of comments above seems to be "unless it's rl you can't spot the fakers". Of course no one ever takes the wedding ring off for a meeting, or ever tells a lie face to face, on the phone or in a letter....

I do accept the point that online cannot by definition involve touch - and touch is important. It's not however the only facet. How many threads here seem to say the mind / heart link is the most important? Neither of those require touch, though obviously both can be enhanced by it.

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I know that at times we, Me as well, poopoo online relationships. It just amazes Me, that some never move to any realtime interaction.

So My questions are these:

1. Submissives: how devoted are you really to an online Dominant
Can't answer directly, but I've observed no differences between online and face to face subs in terms of depth of devotion. (Makes Me think of some of the bdsm vanilla relationship questions in terms of style - its the relationship that matters not the details of it - and - where do we draw the online line - text / chat / cam / skype - is one communication method more "valid" than another?)

2. Dominants: how seriously do you really take an online relationship?
Same as face to face. It's a real person with real feelings. Some relationships are deeper than others - just like "real life". Since Domination (for Me) is about the meeting (and control) of the mind, good sex is a LOT of fun too, but its not essential to the process. If I write something erotic/kinky/arousing on screen, and she comes reading it - I have still brought about that orgasm. Because its online is the orgasm somehow "false"? (NO one ever fakes skin to skin of course....)
3. How deep do your emotions run toward an online personage?
Again, it depends on the relationship that you build up. If you spend hours every day in contact with someone it can get pretty deep. I dont see a qualitative difference other than touching.
4. Do you feel as healthy in that as you would in an inperson interactive relationship?
Sure. The last online sub I had could have been faking the whole deal. If she was, she put a heck of a lot more work into it, keeping consistent with third parties, etc, than being truthful would have taken, and maintained that fiction for years. It's technically possible. I happen not to believe it. The last face to face sub I had told Me what she thought I wanted to hear, rather than the truth. Guess what? It didnt last.

(in reply to tiinkerbell)

Post #: 60

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