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Time out !! - 5/10/2009 6:20:39 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		If an issue arose that was very important to your sub / slave and she found the result of it extremely hard to handle would you allow her a time out?
By a time out i mean a day possibly a week to go away and decide if she could continue with the relationship?

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 6:53:35 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Is this really even a choice? If I don't allow Carol to process life as it happens and as she needs to, then what? I suppose the only other viable alternative it to toss her out and I've more patience than that and also more invested in my marriage than that.

Yes, I'd give her all the time she needs. If she needed to process on her own, fine. If my input was valuable, all the better.

In smaller ways, this happens to us regularly. I'll give her some command that perhaps she, for whatever reasons, really doesn't want to do. I'll see hesitation and depending on how bad she perceives the command, it might take her a few minutes to get her head aligned. Sure, I demand obedience. But I'm willing to allow normal human reactions to take their course mostly because I don't see any other alternative as long as I'm married to a human.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 6:58:22 PM   
Kaiel


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I would. However, I would hope that O/our relationship was honest and loving enough that he or she would confide in Me.

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I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:01:53 PM   
bandofthehawk176


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/4/2009
Status: offline 		This is a relitively simple problem dispite its complex nature. If a sub/slave has a massive issue that needs to be handled its  in Your best interest as well as hers to deal with it as therolly as possible to insure the stabilaty of your sub/slave.

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:02:09 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel

Yes, I would. However, I would hope that O/our relationship was honest and loving enough that he or she would confide in Me.


There's been confiding and discussion. I just don't think it's something which can be resolved to anyones satisfaction, so i just need time to decide whether to basically shut up and put up or request release.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:05:41 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
There's been confiding and discussion. I just don't think it's something which can be resolved to anyones satisfaction, so i just need time to decide whether to basically shut up and put up or request release.

Wow, how could anyone deny you that? It's a really important decision to both you and him. If it were me, I'd want you to take all the time you needed to make it wisely.

Just so you know though, in my experience, when things rise to this level, it's a pretty safe sign that you won't be able to "put up and shut up" no matter how badly you want to. I'd spend some really quality time looking deep inside yourself and asking if you're even able to do whatever this thing is much less willing.


_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:14:01 PM   
VelvetCruelty


Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline 		Yes.  As a slave to me, if there was something that may make her walk, I would want her to take the time to decide if that's really what she wants.

Also, to maybe give me a little perspective on the issue myself, in relation to that slave.

Relationships are extremely complex things, as are human emotions, sometimes in the heat of things we may make rash decisions that we will regret later.  If it is not a life or death issue for you to decide this moment, why not let you have the time?

That is what I would do with mine.  :)

_____________________________

She who must be Obeyed and Her demands Satisfied :)

I'm like an apple with a razor blade in it - sweet until you bite into me!

Why does Mommy have such big teeth? The better to eat you with little girl....

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:20:18 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
There's been confiding and discussion. I just don't think it's something which can be resolved to anyones satisfaction, so i just need time to decide whether to basically shut up and put up or request release.

Wow, how could anyone deny you that? It's a really important decision to both you and him. If it were me, I'd want you to take all the time you needed to make it wisely.

Just so you know though, in my experience, when things rise to this level, it's a pretty safe sign that you won't be able to "put up and shut up" no matter how badly you want to. I'd spend some really quality time looking deep inside yourself and asking if you're even able to do whatever this thing is much less willing.



I agree with Jeff on this. If you're already at this point of possibly ending it, are you sure that its possible to live withever X is?
 
My experince having had to take the time the time to think it over. Came to the answer it should have already ended at that point. I don't know what the issue is for you. But for me I know now looking back that was just the start of the end. It's a question of what are you going to be able to live with, is whatever the issue is going to fit into your life? And yes you should have time to think it over, it's still a relationship after all said and done.

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:21:09 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

Wow, how could anyone deny you that? It's a really important decision to both you and him. If it were me, I'd want you to take all the time you needed to make it wisely.

I know, i recognise that but, i have myself on a guilt trip right now. I'm a slave, his slave and as such i should be accepting the situation. However this situation shakes my beliefs to their core and i'm torn.
I personally do not believe i have the right to walk unless i feel the relationship is unhealthy for me, or unsafe. This issue brings these things into question for me.


_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:24:48 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hello missturbation.  Yes, I will call you that when you write under this profile, but I still send regards to IT.  (We can't get too far away from protocol, now, can we?)

Yes, I would give clip or any other s type process time.  Even with that said, I do have to tell you that I probably wouldn't like it.  I wouldn't be happy that things had gotten to that point with whatever "it" is.  Any situation where the party on either side of the kneel is talking release, there is obviously something serious. 

On a personal note, miss, I hope you find a resolution soon.  I have to say that I'm quite fond of you and would like to see you happy.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:24:50 PM   
VelvetCruelty


Posts: 153
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Wow, how could anyone deny you that? It's a really important decision to both you and him. If it were me, I'd want you to take all the time you needed to make it wisely.

I know, i recognise that but, i have myself on a guilt trip right now. I'm a slave, his slave and as such i should be accepting the situation. However this situation shakes my beliefs to their core and i'm torn.
I personally do not believe i have the right to walk unless i feel the relationship is unhealthy for me, or unsafe. This issue brings these things into question for me.



Slave or not, you always, always, always have the choice of doing what is best for YOU.

Do not let yourself get caught up in being a 'twue' slave, if it's not good for you!!!



_____________________________

She who must be Obeyed and Her demands Satisfied :)

I'm like an apple with a razor blade in it - sweet until you bite into me!

Why does Mommy have such big teeth? The better to eat you with little girl....

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 7:32:35 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Hello missturbation.  Yes, I will call you that when you write under this profile, but I still send regards to IT.  (We can't get too far away from protocol, now, can we?)
I have been allowed to revert back to my old profile for the comfort of myself and others

Yes, I would give clip or any other s type process time.  Even with that said, I do have to tell you that I probably wouldn't like it.  I wouldn't be happy that things had gotten to that point with whatever "it" is.  Any situation where the party on either side of the kneel is talking release, there is obviously something serious. 
I don't think he is very happy about it. He hasn't said i can have time out and he hasn't said i can't. He just hasn't contacted me at all since i asked for it. For me it is a serious issue, for the others in the relationship it's not. 

On a personal note, miss, I hope you find a resolution soon.  I have to say that I'm quite fond of you and would like to see you happy.
Thankyou



_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 8:44:21 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		It depends.  If I felt like it was the best thing for her, then I would have a talk with her first, to make sure that she knew that I was still there and that the parting was amicable.  Then she'd be on her own for a while, with instructions to contact me when she felt it right to do so.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 8:54:06 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

It depends.  If I felt like it was the best thing for her, then I would have a talk with her first, to make sure that she knew that I was still there and that the parting was amicable.  Then she'd be on her own for a while, with instructions to contact me when she felt it right to do so.



This approach has worked well for me in the same type of situation. The Dom wasn't happy that I felt I needed the time away but he respected it and agreed it was a good tool for me to use with the understanding that I would get back to him when I knew what I wanted to do or if I needed to discuss it further.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 8:59:45 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		There's been times when  Master has given me a time out and let me process things. Some times he'll send me for a time out, telling me to think about things and decide what i need and other times i'll ask for a time out. there's never a time table set, i just come back when i'm ready to talk, during the time out i'm allowed to ask any questions i need to in order to help process things.

(in reply to missturbation)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 9:19:31 PM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

If an issue arose that was very important to your sub / slave and she found the result of it extremely hard to handle would you allow her a time out?
By a time out i mean a day possibly a week to go away and decide if she could continue with the relationship?


Don't know what the issue is and don't know what your agreement is to your D. I would permit time out and may even stipulate the degree of time so that I don't feel like I'm waiting on the sub, depending on the seriousness of the situation. If it's serious enough to ask for a week or so of time out to consider continuing the relationship, then I'd have a tendency to feel that perhaps I should release the sub myself. I certainly don't want anyone with me who doesn't want to be and who no longer wants to do things on my terms.


_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 10:22:17 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Depending on the circumstances I can see a time out from playing and sceneing. However, we are still a couple and handle everything together. Our BDSM life style has taught us how to respect one another and we are commited to living out life style. We're here for each other to get through the hard times.

I would have to have done something really stupid or bad that would give reason for my pet to leave me for a while to think things through.

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 10:41:08 PM   
bamabbwsub


Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline 		At the risk of sounding un-sub-like, may I ask if your master knew that what he was asking of you would cause such a dilemma within you?  You say that "this situation shakes my beliefs to their core and i'm torn."  Did he know this before he brought up the topic?  And/Or, did you know that the subject would eventually come up in the relationship before you agreed to be his slave?

I'll admit that I am not slave material and could never agree to do whatever someone else says, without limitations.  (I'm not dissing those of you who are slaves.)  So perhaps I can't fully understand the predicament.  My question is, would your master be willing to withdraw his request, knowing how much it is against your beliefs, even though you are his slave?  Or would he rather lose you forever because you might say no? 

Whatever the case, I wish you the best of luck.  Like LP, I like you based on what you have to say on the boards.  :)

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 11:04:40 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		By not contacting you since you asked for time, he has either implicitly agreed to it, or has released you without telling you.  If something shakes the very core of your beliefs, that isn't a good thing.  Just because everyone else in the relationship isn't shaken with it the way you are, doesn't mean that what he is asking is right.  For you.  Anything that will tear at the core of your being and sense of who you are requires careful consideration.  I realize this must be very difficult for you, and you want to honor your commitment and your word.  But if in order to do what is asked of you will cause you that much emotional trauma, it can't be a good thing for YOU.  I don't know how much time you have invested in your relationship, the longer it's been the harder it will be, but in the end you need to make a decision based on what is right for you.  Good luck

(in reply to bamabbwsub)
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RE: Time out !! - 5/10/2009 11:16:16 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		misst,

Yes, if it were me I would ask before you did take your sabatacle that you at very least tell me the resons why you are torn.

I think at times we forget that the lables we have although some may be VERY deep seeded we are still PEOPLE and if you as a Person are a sub or a slave you still have a Squack Box in your head that I have no control over, your thoughts and fears are your own.

However one things that offten times Masters are ignored the right of is the ability to change the dynamic that is causing the issue to make things more suitable.

By this I mean if you have an issue with the fact that I talk to many subs no matter what dynamic we have, if you are threatened by this or even if you just think your time is being neglected due to the attention I put elsewhere, if you tell me this can have the ability to decide if I wish to adjust my actions to accomodate. Not that you would be Topping or Giving an Ultimatum but rather that I can decide if I choose to put more interest in the matter that is affecting you rather than the people I conversate with. Yes I know this is a very trite issue but it can be applied to most any issue.

In the end if I have the ability to chage your discomfort if you do not give me the chance how will I ever decide how important it is for me to do so?

Steel

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