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RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 1:58:59 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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i have taken short holidays on a few occasions over the last 17 years because things were just too difficult to cope with together.. my eventual 'break' was the only option i could see to resolve things but really leaving Him has never been an option, only a short breathing space, not to see if i could continue but more to find a new angle...of course i asked for permission but it was extremely obvious that it would be granted.
So i don't think i am really of any use to you...i am very curious as to what the issue is that has arisen so suddenly that makes a no limit slave need a break?
good luck

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 21

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 3:48:50 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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There isn't anyway to refuse such a request except to end the relationship first. But if you've come to a point where you are faced with either compromising your core beliefs or ending the relationship, the relationship is already over. Because even if you do this, you will resent him for demanding it and that resentment will end any respect you may still have for him.

Next time, add this to your list of issues needing discussing before you commit.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 22

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 4:09:27 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Time outs are a normal part of my regime. Neets needs time out to catch up and process things, I need times out to do a few personal things or just go fishing on my own and slaves need that time out to sort out personal things including processing things. I look at time out as a form of R&R.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 23

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 4:58:55 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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If it can't be worked out within the Dynamic then there is something wrong with the Dynamic. There is no time off from a TPE Dynamic. This isn't something We do it can't be dropped and picked up at a whim. It isn't a weekend passtime it is day to day life there should already be plenty of 'quiet time' in which people can think and make such decisions.

Unlike most of the others here My answer is NO there is no 'time out'. Of course she can take up her one and only choise, remove consent and walk but that ends the relstionship or she can stick it out and deal with whatever the problem is with the support structure inherent in the relationship. If that isn't good enough then there is something WRONG with the relationship and maybe it is best being ended (That is not a comment on the OP's relationship, but what My view is if someone reaches that point in a relationship with Me!)

quote:

However this situation shakes my beliefs to their core and i'm torn.
I personally do not believe i have the right to walk unless i feel the relationship is unhealthy for me, or unsafe

If the first part is true to the point that you think you NEED a 'time out' in order to decide... then it has to be something that is unhealthy at least emotionaly for you to stay in... else there would be no need for a time out.

thats your call... is it unhealthy emotionaly for you to stay? Or is it just you throwing a paddy because a decision went against you? (Not judging, it is simply the most likely other reason for this being brought to a public forum if it ISN'T unhealthy)

If it is unhealthy, either your Master changes it or it is over. If it isn't unhealthy, then the mechanisms inherent in a healthy M/s relationship should be able to dealt with it without needing a time out.

Just IMO!

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 5/11/2009 5:07:54 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 24

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 5:04:04 AM

Bstardsbitch

Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

I'd be asking why Sir was requesting something from me ,that was either unhealthy or unsafe and rocked my core beliefs.
xx

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 25

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:05:04 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

it isnt anything to do with her relationship with Sir, its to do with my relationship with Sir and has no immediate or even necessary impact on her since we do not play together.

the issue is regarding my safety and i feel my safety is more than adequately catered for by our Sir. misst cant get past worrying about my safety, i keep telling her my safety is fine. i have never ever felt at any time that He was not fully aware of how i was handling things.

Sir has reassured both of us till He's blue in the face and still this goes on.

since misst persists in pushing this onto you, i feel finally that i should speak up. i dont like using this place for personal fall out, but there comes a time when enough is enough

edited to add: i wont be contributing further to this thread ive said all thats necessary to be said. other than ive capitulated but that doesnt seem to be enough for misst. maybe you lot can help her out, im done in.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 5/11/2009 6:29:43 AM >

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)

Post #: 26

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:10:03 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Time outs are a normal part of my regime. Neets needs time out to catch up and process things, I need times out to do a few personal things or just go fishing on my own and slaves need that time out to sort out personal things including processing things. I look at time out as a form of R&R.

Thank you for this.

Cutie!

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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 27

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:12:00 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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Ahhh well that is a different story.

That would be as if andi began second guessing my ability to care or my child as I take both EQUALLY as important.

If I could not be TRUSTED with my responsibilities then I would have to terminate the relationship on Principal. If there is no trust then there is no foundation and NOTHING can be built and expected to last without a foundation.

Steel

ETA: Perhaps Terminate is a HARSH word. What I mean is that I would have to give the girl all the freedom she needed by puling the collar, I would not abandon the girl or just leave her for the wolves I would be there until she decided what she wanted to do as that was the responsibility I took when I put the collar on, but the Master/slave Dynamic would be over until she could learn to trust me and even then we would move forward as if a snails pace were supersonic.

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 5/11/2009 6:15:48 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 28

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:15:44 AM

Kaiel

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel

Yes, I would. However, I would hope that O/our relationship was honest and loving enough that he or she would confide in Me.

There's been confiding and discussion. I just don't think it's something which can be resolved to anyones satisfaction, so i just need time to decide whether to basically shut up and put up or request release.

I understand...good luck!

_____________________________

I keep My expectations and thread counts high- "catitude"

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 29

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:31:14 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

At the risk of sounding un-sub-like, may I ask if your master knew that what he was asking of you would cause such a dilemma within you? You say that "this situation shakes my beliefs to their core and i'm torn." Did he know this before he brought up the topic? And/Or, did you know that the subject would eventually come up in the relationship before you agreed to be his slave?

Erm the situation that has arisen he should have known would be a dilemma but it's not something you would expect to arise to be honest. The subject was addressed at the start of our relationship and decided on but has recently become a topic of conversation again.

quote:

My question is, would your master be willing to withdraw his request, knowing how much it is against your beliefs, even though you are his slave? Or would he rather lose you forever because you might say no?

It's not a request he has made of me. It's basic foundations fo a relationship that have been brought into a question.

quote:

i am very curious as to what the issue is that has arisen so suddenly that makes a no limit slave need a break?

I don't really wish to go into the issue in detail. Suffice it to say that i feel MY safety may be at risk.

quote:

If the first part is true to the point that you think you NEED a 'time out' in order to decide... then it has to be something that is unhealthy at least emotionaly for you to stay in... else there would be no need for a time out.

Yes.

quote:

Ahhh well that is a different story.

Completely different story considering this is not about lallys safety but about mine.

I will only say this once because i don't do dirty laundry THIS THREAD IS ABOUT MY SAFETY AND MY SAFETY ALONE.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to bamabbwsub)

Post #: 30

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:41:49 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

ok.. one more then, and then im going for sure and i wont read this incase i get drawn in again.

do not diss Sir in public over things he will not be drawn into on a public board and are coming from youre perspective and youre perspective alone.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 31

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:48:02 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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deleted

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 32

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:55:49 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

If an issue arose that was very important to your sub / slave and she found the result of it extremely hard to handle would you allow her a time out?
By a time out i mean a day possibly a week to go away and decide if she could continue with the relationship?

Of course.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 33

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 6:56:41 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

If the first part is true to the point that you think you NEED a 'time out' in order to decide... then it has to be something that is unhealthy at least emotionaly for you to stay in... else there would be no need for a time out.

Yes.

quote:

Ahhh well that is a different story.

Completely different story considering this is not about lallys safety but about mine.

I will only say this once because i don't do dirty laundry THIS THREAD IS ABOUT MY SAFETY AND MY SAFETY ALONE.

This situation is rather clear. Just as how they play is not your buisness (Unless it raises trust issues about your own safety... in which case it is the trust issue needing addressed with your Master, how THEY play is still not your issue!). The trust issue is between you and your Master it shouldn't be something that raises an issue between the two girls..... In a relationship of Mine I wouldn't see any need for a time out. Either the girl trusts Me or she doesn't. I would try and resolve her trust issue but if it couldn't be resolved then the ONLY way forward would be to go our seperate ways as without trust there is no relationship!

Regarding play in a poly situation. How I play with one girl has no impact on how I play with another.... the only common ground is the trust they place in Me to minimise risk (RACK). There may well be differet things done and in different ways, play is as individual as the people involved. Just because I am drawn to do X in a certain way with girl A doesn't mean I will be drawn to play that way with girl B, X might not even be on the agenda with girl B.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 34

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 7:04:23 AM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

It would be counter productive not to allow a person the space they need to think and evaluate, would be just another negative to add to the pile as it were, especially for myself.

It was made plain from the outset of our relationship that if something were amiss i would need my own thinking time/space, but that i would not labour the point nor hang Andy out to dry for the sake of having his agreement. And if he asked i would at least be open with him as to the problem and how i was thinking at the time of asking, even if i hadn't finished my own reverie.

Nobody should abuse the need for time/space to think, on either side of the relationship, but both often need it. i would have a hard time answering positively if i was not given that leeway, which could be very detrimental to the relationship.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 35

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 7:09:43 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkwind

It would be counter productive not to allow a person the space they need to think and evaluate, would be just another negative to add to the pile as it were, especially for myself.

In a healthy relationship, even an M/s one there should be time and space to collect ones thoughts. I don't think anyone would disagree that there needs to be space, the issue at the begining of this thread is wether that space should be inside or outside the Dynamic, a "Time out"

Personaly if they feel they need to step outside the Dynamic to think over an issue then there is something inherently wrong with the Dynamic!

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to pinkwind)

Post #: 36

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 7:10:56 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

In reading more through the thread there are several things I am seeing/feeling. Add to it the threads and posts I've read over the last month or so and I am getting a vibe here.

I am not sure you are solidly "in" to need to take a time "out".

I see some fence hopping. "Now I am in and being the "no limits" slave. Oh wait, now I've found a problem. Now I might need to rethink this. Okay....time out!"

MissT, you are a strong willed, intelligent, outspoken, young woman. You've developed some very defined and strong views on what mastery and slavery is and isn't. You've no problem debating your point of view vehemently. Perhaps I am wrong, wouldn't be the first time, but I am getting a feel that you have a bit of, can't see the forest for the trees.

I've seen you debate what you feel slavery is, almost in circles. Yet the very mindset behind the creation of this thread is almost a contradition of what I've read of your thoughts in some of those debates. A sense of wanting your cake and eating it too.

Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting you should not be concerned for your well being at all. I am just curious at the shifting about as to what you want for yourself and your life. Do you want to submit, when it agrees with you, bottom to a sadist when the mood strikes, and retain control of everything else? Or, do you wish to find a person that you can build total trust in and turn over ALL control, and be a slave? Or....do you want to create your own hybrid version?

Regardless of physical presence or not, in your words here, I already see a time out from the M/s dynamic. The asking for it, was almost redundant.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 37

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 7:13:53 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

This situation is rather clear. Just as how they play is not your buisness (Unless it raises trust issues about your own safety... in which case it is the trust issue needing addressed with your Master, how THEY play is still not your issue!).

The issue is that it raised trust issues for myself and my safety. This thread and any of its contents has nothing to do with anyone or anything else. In fact this thread was really only about whether taking time out was acceptable for others or not.

quote:

It would be counter productive not to allow a person the space they need to think and evaluate, would be just another negative to add to the pile as it were, especially for myself.

Thats how i feel but wasn't sure that i wasn't just being selfish in a way.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 38

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 7:23:17 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

MissT, you are a strong willed, intelligent, outspoken, young woman. You've developed some very defined and strong views on what mastery and slavery is and isn't. You've no problem debating your point of view vehemently. Perhaps I am wrong, wouldn't be the first time, but I am getting a feel that you have a bit of, can't see the forest for the trees.

Right now i can't see the forest for the trees. My definition of slavery is very defined and right now it's being tested to the limit for various reasons.

quote:

Yet the very mindset behind the creation of this thread is almost a contradition of what I've read of your thoughts in some of those debates. A sense of wanting your cake and eating it too.

I am having a major wobble about something i feel should inherently be a given. If wanting my cake and eating it is how that is defined then yes.

quote:

Do you want to submit, when it agrees with you, bottom to a sadist when the mood strikes, and retain control of everything else?

I don't want any control but i do want to know that i am inherently safe in who i give over control to.

quote:

Or, do you wish to find a person that you can build total trust in and turn over ALL control, and be a slave?

I have or had that person but outside influences and circumstances have created a doubt in my mind.

quote:

Regardless of physical presence or not, in your words here, I already see a time out from the M/s dynamic. The asking for it, was almost redundant.

I think you are right. However i am now ready to try and work this out and thats got to be a good sign right?

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 39

RE: Time out !! - 5/11/2009 7:32:54 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

Right now i can't see the forest for the trees. My definition of slavery is very defined and right now it's being tested to the limit for various reasons.

Has your definition altered - or have you? In other words, do you believe you are not what your definition was?

quote:

I am having a major wobble about something i feel should inherently be a given.

I don't want any control but i do want to know that i am inherently safe in who i give over control to.

So what changed? You had the safety in the first place or not? What has altered?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 40

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