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RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 4:53:25 AM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline 		*nods*  Interesting thread.  The only thing I would add to it is that I see a distinction between some kinds of feminization and others.  I have photographed transvestites in their female personas before--but I only work with men who glorify the inner woman, and oddly enough I found that this was possible whether their inner feminine persona was dominant or submissive.

The thing that actually bothers me and puts me off are the guys who want you to "bring out the inner woman" so that she can be trampled, degraded, raped, beaten, etc..  Oddly, this sets my teeth on edge as a feminist and bothers me much much more than men who want to be similarly hurt/degraded as men AND women who want to be hurt/degraded as women.  I tend to avoid anyone who uses the word "sissy" or any other negative, derogatory term to describe their cross-dressing or trans persona.

In any case--I have never had a relationship with a man who was a transvestite, but I have had conversations with one or two that I might have experimented with, if they lived closer.  I probably wouldn't want sexual intimacy or topping with a man dressed as a woman, but I have no problem receiving his service as a maid and affirming his feminine persona in other ways, if he finds that fulfilling.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 5:14:48 AM   
SolangeRichards


Posts: 170
Joined: 5/8/2005
Status: offline 		There's a very broad spectrum of people who feminize and so too the reasons they do it.

Many of us involved in the activity are as disturbed as you when it is used to humiliate, degrade and reinforce negative stereotypes of women.  There are many who use the activity as a means to develop into all the human being they are, using all of the gifts they have been given.

If someone who crossdresses has a positive outlook toward women, and a positive outlook on themself when dressed as a woman,  that should come through in the profile they write and the pictures they may post.

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 8:09:37 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		MzMia, I'm even ok with bottoming to orders, indulging some fantasies/fetishes, cross dressing (in specific situations, depending on their attitude about it), and bottoms who aren't submissive, but most of the male "submissives" here are just impossible to have a conversation with. They are so focused on their fetish of choice, or on their idea of what a Domme should be, that it's difficult to get them to talk about anything else. That's boring. Or, they bring up overtly sexual aspects too soon (I don't want someone I've never met talking about how he wants to lick me for hours every day).

In general, the dominant and switch men seem to be more willing to write profiles and e-mails that are actually appealing to women - I can't figure out why so many submissive men aren't willing to do what women want on something that simple!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 8:20:12 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

I don't want someone I've never met talking about how he wants to lick me for hours every day


LOL, and spell out what a submissive act that would be and it would just be for your pleasure.... That always makes me laugh, almost as much as "I'm really into forced oral worship" - sheesh, when I need to force somebody to go south, it possibly will be time to consider diet, cosmetic surgeons and all that. Whenever somebody starts with the "forced oral worship", I always have a particular fantasy of my own...
"Find the most unappetizing, none too clean, desperate nymphomaniac and force him to go down on her, after all he said he wants *forced* worship..."

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 8:52:34 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

There are a lot of "do me" subs out there, aren't there.  That's just plain sad.  Where's the service and submission anymore?  i know E/everyone has needs, but there's a difference between needs and wants, and i thought subs were s'posed to be submissive.


It's not just the straight males either........trust me.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 8:56:13 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		A long time ago, I got cast off by a dominant woman because I wasn't interested in being feminized. So, I don't know. It seems that the specific fantasy permeates quite a few people, including dominants.

For the record, as I've always stated, I am so not into dressing up as a woman. Just does nothing for me at all. Yet, as a male submissive, I constantly find that it is difficult to find a straight female dominant in whatever bdsm community I'm in. It always seems that the person I'm trying to find seems to be located as far away from me as possible and seems to have just as much trouble finding someone like me because she's located as far away from me as possible.

The world is really weird that way sometimes.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 8:59:01 AM   
kttqnp


Posts: 118
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline 		allthatjaz, it's not the sissies and crossdressers I have a problem with, it's the married men who use that kink as justification to cheat on their wives.  And who is forcing them to stay in marriages where they feel unfulfilled?  To me, it's no different than any other man who uses the line "my wife doesn't understand me, but I can't divorce her because of  (the kids, money, family, etc.)".  My sympathy for them as crossdressers and sissies does not override my contempt for them as cheaters.  It may not be easy to find a sympathetic partner, but it IS possible.

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:00:56 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn, why is straight so much of an issue? It almost sounds that she would disqualify if she'd be bisexual? Or am I reading too much into it?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:01:06 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
"Find the most unappetizing, none too clean, desperate nymphomaniac and force him to go down on her, after all he said he wants *forced* worship..."

Be careful what you wish for! Yeah, the ones who have a "You must get turned on/have an orgasm by forcing me to be femme/forcing me to do bi/etc." "submissives" annoy me. Even Dominant men don't expect that degree of control over my arousal!

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:08:46 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

littlesarbonn, why is straight so much of an issue? It almost sounds that she would disqualify if she'd be bisexual? Or am I reading too much into it?


Yeah, think you're reading too much into it. I've been owned by bisexual women before. Doesn't bother me a bit. My concern is never that she's interested in others. I'm more concerned when she feels I need to be something different than I am. I'm not interested in being a woman myself or in dressing up like one. Simple as that.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:12:38 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kttqnp

allthatjaz, it's not the sissies and crossdressers I have a problem with, it's the married men who use that kink as justification to cheat on their wives.  And who is forcing them to stay in marriages where they feel unfulfilled?  To me, it's no different than any other man who uses the line "my wife doesn't understand me, but I can't divorce her because of  (the kids, money, family, etc.)".  My sympathy for them as crossdressers and sissies does not override my contempt for them as cheaters.  It may not be easy to find a sympathetic partner, but it IS possible.


That would depend on "what" they do, you know if their partner would be unwilling to satisfy something so elementary important to them and they would spend time with somebody else, just girlie time, being dressed as a girl and talking, I would have no problem with it, nor would I really consider it cheating. And if they are not willing to sacrifice their families for it and put the Ums through the trauma of the parents divorcing, I actually would respect that a lot. How many people split far too easy without a thought of what it might do to the Ums? I'm not saying marriage is sacred, but it shouldn't be something you give up easily because at one point in your life you did discover that you have different needs, and come hell or high water, you want those needs fulfilled, no matter what it does to the family...

However, if it is "I put panties on, pretend to be a CD and get into all sorts of sexual shenanigans with the excuse that it's my kink" - different story. But a guy who wants, on occasion, wear female clothes is possibly not the same as somebody who betrays his wife by having an affair.



_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to kttqnp)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:14:12 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

littlesarbonn, why is straight so much of an issue? It almost sounds that she would disqualify if she'd be bisexual? Or am I reading too much into it?


Yeah, think you're reading too much into it. I've been owned by bisexual women before. Doesn't bother me a bit. My concern is never that she's interested in others. I'm more concerned when she feels I need to be something different than I am. I'm not interested in being a woman myself or in dressing up like one. Simple as that.



It was simply that line that made me ask:

quote:

I constantly find that it is difficult to find a straight female dominant in whatever bdsm community I'm in


Sounded like your focus was on straight exclusively.



_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:17:58 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze
"Find the most unappetizing, none too clean, desperate nymphomaniac and force him to go down on her, after all he said he wants *forced* worship..."

Be careful what you wish for! Yeah, the ones who have a "You must get turned on/have an orgasm by forcing me to be femme/forcing me to do bi/etc." "submissives" annoy me. Even Dominant men don't expect that degree of control over my arousal!



I don't wish for it, but each time I get such a "request", I can't help thinking how they would react if I would pick somebody for them to worship who would fall in the "he has to be forced" criteria.... Give them what they ask for, or would that make me a service dominant?

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:26:16 AM   
kttqnp


Posts: 118
Joined: 1/21/2009
Status: offline 		To define cheating, I try to put myself in the place of the spouse.  Would it bother me that my husband was sharing something intimate with another woman, "sexual" or not?  You betcha it would, and to me, that is cheating.  Maybe my definition is more stringent than most; maybe "betrayal" is a better word.  I still think that these men have a choice to reveal themselves to the woman in their life that is supposedly their parner, their best friend, their confidant, their WIFE.  I refuse to be a party to roleplay that undermines a marital relationship, no matter how innocuous it may seem.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:34:10 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		I too have issue with the "forced" aspect of some boys who want to be girls.  If "forced" means


"Make me do this so I will feel like it was -okay- and so I don't have to acknowledge it or integrate it into my person..."

or

"So I can justify -cheating- on my spouse or -denying- this part of myself and keep on living a lie..."

Then no thanks!  Out of balance, in denial, or betraying a relationship are not good representations for the kind of person I am or the -perception- of me I want the world of Female Dominants to see.  

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 5/11/2009 10:09:19 AM >

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to kttqnp)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:34:32 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		I actually stressed the fact that they HAD told their wife already, hence the " if their partner would be unwilling to satisfy something so elementary important to them".

Now if the wife can't tolerate that, I think it is 100% better to take it out of the relationship, what would be gained if a family is ruined by it because he is at home, wearing female clothes, she can't just tolerate for whatever reasons (remember not everybody is kinky), it would be wrong of him to force it on her, he has revealed his desire, she decided it is not for her, live it out discretely instead of sacrificing the future of a family would be my take.

If it is not for you, that is your choice, but if a male friend would ask me if he could come over and while we just talk, he would be wearing a dress, personally I would have no issue with it, but then I do find the gender specific clothing a bit ridiculous anyway, since I wear jeans a lot, why should a man not be allowed to wear a dress?




_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to kttqnp)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:38:28 AM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

There are a lot of "do me" subs out there, aren't there.  That's just plain sad.  Where's the service and submission anymore?  i know E/everyone has needs, but there's a difference between needs and wants, and i thought subs were s'posed to be submissive.


Exactomundo - see my journal on the same thing. But perhaps it's the old adage, what is valuable is not easy to find.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:41:38 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

... fetish delivery person


  That rates right up there with 'life support system for a strap-on' !!!


_____________________________

'Dont torture yourself, Gomez darling. That's my job' Morticia Addams

"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 9:42:04 AM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Many of them will attempt to even talk you into endulging them in their fetishes, even after you state you have zero interest in it. - MzMia



Yep! Just sent off an email to one explaining that very thing. I say, no, absolutely not, not only don't like it, REALLY don't like. He turns around, well maybe you could give it to me as a reward or eh, uhm i'll show you how wonderful it really is.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Turning the numbers - 5/11/2009 10:02:18 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		It has long been my belief that sexuality and gender are much more fluid in the human animal than most realize or acknowledge.  Societies recognized the power that sexuality and gender represented throughout the ages and have imposed restrictions on both as a means of control...and I think society has an influence on the internal development and expression of sex and gender in individuals.

I believe that in this period of history, as restrictions on sexuality and gender are being eased, we are seeing much crossover - especially in the male gender who has been set in a very restricted role from WWII onward, while the female role has experienced significant liberation since WWII.

So yea, the "Marlboro Man" who wants to submit to a Lady is likely harder to find these days as that male roletype is being challenged in individuals who feel the fluidity in their sexuality and gender and want to experience that other side.

INSERT and EDIT:  Sadly the numbers, as Lady P has aptly pointed out, are against finding straight, manly males who want to submit...

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 5/11/2009 10:10:35 AM >

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to KoolnSassy)
Profile   Post #: 40
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