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stella41b -> RE: Turning the numbers (5/11/2009 4:53:59 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MissIsis
quote:
ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
But would it bother you if your spouse came to you and admitted that sometimes he wanted to be a she? Would you be able to embrace that or would you throw your arms in the air and say 'oh my god your sick'
Not all wives are best friends, confidants. Even fewer are open minded and understanding.
Though some wives are not best friends, or confidants, if a husband has these desires, & has them strong enough to act on them, with or without his wife's understanding, he should have the balls to be honest enough with her about who he is, better yet, who she married. Then be a man & deal with the fallout, whatever that may be. Give the women he married the choice to stay with him as he is, or to leave him. So what if she leaves him. Men & women leave each other all the time, & have for centuries. It's not the end of the world to end a relationship.
Have you ever felt you were a member of the opposite sex so much, nay sorry, carried the conviction that you ARE trapped in the wrong body for your actual gender and wished that one person, just one person could see you and accept you as you really are inside?
Have you ever wished Miss Isis that you could be accepted as a male, or simply been given the opportunity to dress like one and behave like one?
Have you ever had Miss Isis serious doubts as to whether you are female or not and simply wished to explore and spend some time in male gender just to see how you felt and be able to make a comparison?
Do you know what it's like to have a compulsion which can be set off by various triggers and be unable to think clearly or function until you have satisfied that compulsion?
All you have are doubts, feelings,. impressions, compulsions, no reasons, no explanations, it's something which you feel, need, but cannot put into words.
This isn't exactly something you can explain to someone in a couple of sentences. It's not even a subject most people want to talk about. It's taboo.
Allthatjaz is right, and I'm extremely grateful for her input into the discussion on this thread. I am a transgendered female, on hormones, mid transition, and yes I was married, and my wife did know, in fact my deciding to seek gender reassignment was the penultimate reason for my divorce.
I started having serious gender issues when I was 13, I went through a major part of my life not being completely sure who I really was, I was originally diagnosed by a child psychiatrist as a transvestite and given a pile of soft porn magazines and told to wank off to them so that I could be 'normal' at 18. When that didn't work out it was electric shock therapy at the age of 17. Didn't have much of a childhood my teen years were crap, and it wasn't until I was married that it came out that I was a transsexual female.
I'e gone through the 'wanting to be feminized completely' phase, a phase when I thought myself a crossdresser, a transvestite, a two spirit, a hermaphrodite, and even a male and female trapped inside a male body.
However all along I was the same person, I was just unaware of who I really was. Kind of hard to accept you're actually female when you've been raised a boy, referred to as a boy, been socialized as a male and have a penis and two balls dangling between your legs. But that's not the point, go try and convince other people and the rest of the world the same.
I actually went and did what you suggest Miss Isis, however at the time of my 'moment of truth' and 'self-discovery' I was in the upper echelons of Polish society as a successful playwright and stage director, a promising actor, rich, successful, the sort of life very few people get to enjoy but many people dream of. I was popular, well known, there were articles written about me, and at that time if you were to ask Poles to name a stage play you had a one in three chance that they would give you the title of one of my plays. However I chose not to live the lie and walked away from the whole lot, starting with my divorce.
I won't go into the time when I spent almost a month street homeless in snow and temperatures of up to minus twenty in Warsaw but suffice to say I survived. Nor will I recall hitchhiking across Europe over 4 days suffering from hypothermia and having frostbitten feet but I managed to get through that too.
I'm 42, have managed to find myself a home and over three years work myself back from being homeless. I've even managed to set myself up a little theatre here in London. However much of my life is finished. I'm unemployable, I form relationships with dommes (I'm that way inclined) but I'm not inundated with offers, my track record in BDSM is as a female service submissive, the maid, the skivvy, even the sissy maid (I'm not a sissy, just a little broadminded and versatile), the freak show, the experiment. Lots of interest from dommes when they want no strings housework or their house cleaning, but ask for something back in return such as a bit of acceptance, understanding, friendship and they somehow just seem to vanish. A bit more interest from guys, especially those who want me to fuck them up the ass or who want to suck my cock, completely oblivious as to how much pain, anguish and emotional heartache having a penis has caused me. I have days, weekends, in fact whole weeks without any chance of a decent conversation.
Nowhere will you see it written, but I carry the label 'socially unacceptable'. At least to most. There are some who see it for what it really is, who may not be able to fully understand, but they accept that things might be difficult, and who go out of their way to express empathy, support, kindness, warmth.
This isn't a pity party, this is how it is for someone who is transgendered.
It takes an awful amount of courage and strength to come out and to seek to face up to one's issues if you are transgendered, especially when you have a lot to lose. Not everybody has that amount of courage or strength, not everybody can afford to lose what I and many of my sisters have lost in the struggle to become themselves. It's very easy to say 'should', 'should have', and only see this from one particular perspective.
There's such a thing called love, there's also UMs and families, sometimes ending a relationship can lead to a broken home and childhoods becoming devastated.
Who is to really say what the married crossdresser or transvestite is to do for the best of all concerned?
There but for the grace of God. There but for the grace of God.
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