RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (Full Version)

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NorthernGent -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 2:51:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Although it is also possible that you will become a gay submissive.



Hopefully.


Ooh la la


I've ordered you a strap on, Aileen, though no going at me like a train - slow and steady wins the race.



ranja -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 2:55:30 PM)

yes...but there are plenty people working in the war industry who do not have to scoop other peoples brains out of their helmets...are their efforts to win the battle of less importance? And do you know what difficulties anybody has to brave in their personal life besides the war effort?

if you need to serve you can get yourself a job as nurse or a waiter...if you like pain you can stick a needle in your arm or close the door on your pinky, you don't even necesarily need a Dom for this stuff

It is all about personal needs and some people need cyber



Aileen1968 -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 2:55:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Although it is also possible that you will become a gay submissive.



Hopefully.


Ooh la la


I've ordered you a strap on, Aileen, though no going at me like a train - slow and steady wins the race.


Ha. That's Marie's job. I'll just take the pictures.



IrishMist -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 2:56:50 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Although it is also possible that you will become a gay submissive.



Hopefully.


Ooh la la


I've ordered you a strap on, Aileen, though no going at me like a train - slow and steady wins the race.


Ha. That's Marie's job. I'll just take the pictures.

VIDEO is the way to go [8D]



NorthernGent -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 2:57:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyluvsitrough

Evidently there are some people who feel that they can truly connect with another human being without ever seeing them or touching them, nor having the intention of ever seeing them or touching them (as that was my original question - no interest in ever progressing from online to offline).  Many of us such as boi, Cali and others don't see how there can be any true intimacy with that sort of connection.  That's why I posed the question to start with.  I see why boi is vehemently defending her position as she feels so strongly about her service. 



There are only ideas and perceptions; believing you have 'the answer' is no more than an illusion.





NorthernGent -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 2:59:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Ha. That's Marie's job. I'll just take the pictures.



Oh I'm massively out of my depth with that one - she's cruel, too. 



LaTigresse -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:03:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyluvsitrough

Evidently there are some people who feel that they can truly connect with another human being without ever seeing them or touching them, nor having the intention of ever seeing them or touching them (as that was my original question - no interest in ever progressing from online to offline).  Many of us such as boi, Cali and others don't see how there can be any true intimacy with that sort of connection.  That's why I posed the question to start with.  I see why boi is vehemently defending her position as she feels so strongly about her service. 



There are only ideas and perceptions; believing you have 'the answer' is no more than an illusion.



And for some of us, the idea of a relationship via the net or phone, is the illusion.



DesFIP -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:05:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As to your comment, I'll turn the tables.  The complaint that you have is that someone is disrespecting something you enjoy.  It could just as easily be said that you are disrespecting the way some people live, if you believe the cyber stuff equals real life.


Sorry, saying something won't work for you isn't disrespectful. Saying because it doesn't work for you it shouldn't work for anyone else is. My kink is okay, yours is not.

Jen's big into service but she regularly makes negative comments about any submissives who are not service oriented. And that's disrespectful. I could be equally disrespectful and say that anyone who isn't into emotional transparency isn't real or true, but I'm not that sort. Not all subs are into service and not all dominants are either. My motives and drive may be different but they are just as real to us, and just as important for us in keeping our relationship healthy as Jen and her mistress's are to them.



NorthernGent -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:09:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And for some of us, the idea of a relationship via the net or phone, is the illusion.



I think it's a much better bet to allow people their ideas and agree to disagree, than it is to believe there is no possible alternative. That way, you can live in harmony and retain a modicum of humility.



CalifChick -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:13:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyluvsitrough

Many of us such as boi, Cali and others don't see how there can be any true intimacy with that sort of connection.


I had to go back and check, and I did not say that, not on this thread.  I had to wonder though, if I know you under another name because I've had this discussion in real life with a few people recently! 

All I said on this thread was that what was happening onling is typing, and the content didn't matter.  Typing to a girl, "feel me touching your soft lips" is just that, words on a screen.  She cannot feel him touching her, although she can certainly imagine it (despite the people who say they really CAN feel it).  If someone said to me, "it just takes my breath away when Sir grabs me by the hair and kisses me roughly"... and she has NEVER met the guy, then when I get done with my massive eye-roll, I might say with more than a touch of sarcasm, "yeah, imagine what it will be like if he ever actually does that to you."

Regarding intimacy, I believe there can be intimacy, but it's a false intimacy.  Our brains fill in the gaps of our knowledge of the person, and often, but not always, they are not the same person offline as we "see" when they are online.  That is one reason why I believe if you are ever going to meet, it's best to do it quickly, before you brain gets too much chance to build that person up into something they are not. 

And if you don't ever want to meet, that's okay too... just don't expect every real-lifer to take it seriously that you know what you're talking about if you pretend it's the same as real-time.

Cali



LadyPact -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:18:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyluvsitrough
God bless the men like Mr. P - we thank you for your service. 



Thank you from all of us.  We've had amazing support from the members of CM.  All of them.  Even the ones I've disagreed with from time to time on other subjects.  [:)]

There's been a lot of impact on what the net and cyber have had on our lives.  Even just this board wouldn't have been possible thirty years ago.  It's really rather amazing when you think about it.

For some people, the online thing will never have a place in their lives and for others, that might be all they want out of it.  There are also a lot of folks in between.  Some folks who are online only now may decide eventually that they do want the taste of the whip, have D/s in their physical life, or make that first trip to space.

I can tell you this.  I do know some who went from online only to having BDSM as a part of their physical world.  I've yet to meet the person who said online was better when they've experienced both.



LaTigresse -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:24:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And for some of us, the idea of a relationship via the net or phone, is the illusion.



I think it's a much better bet to allow people their ideas and agree to disagree, than it is to believe there is no possible alternative. That way, you can live in harmony and retain a modicum of humility.


I agree. I don't care if it works for you or anyone else. That is not my business or concern.

The OP asked what people thought of it. Unless I miss typed something, I stated my opinions as they relate to me and my life.

There is a HUGE difference between saying something like "It isn't my thing." and explaining why, versus..... "I think it's idiotic bullshit and anyone that does it is a dellusional moron!" and deriding anyone that believes otherwise.

The first example is the way I try very hard to debate this issue, the second example is something I would never wish to do. I firmly believe, to each their own.



NorthernGent -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:27:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Unless I miss typed something, I stated my opinions as they relate to me and my life.



Can't say fairer than that.



ranja -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:30:04 PM)

I have found on-line experiences very very intense at times...it is not just slushy cyber talk(though that can be very hot too) it is also having another person meddle somewhat with your brain...put ideas there that might fully bloom when you are actually not in contact any more...i have had such inspiration of people and it has been mind blowing and it empowered me to do stuff i would not have been able to do otherwise.

My real time stuff is very good too ofcourse i like Master Husband to have His way...i know how to serve...it is pretentious to believe that someone who likes cyber doesn't know about real time things and is a wanna be or a cheater or has an incapable partner.

I need both and He lets me have that



LadyPact -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:39:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
As to your comment, I'll turn the tables.  The complaint that you have is that someone is disrespecting something you enjoy.  It could just as easily be said that you are disrespecting the way some people live, if you believe the cyber stuff equals real life.


Sorry, saying something won't work for you isn't disrespectful. Saying because it doesn't work for you it shouldn't work for anyone else is. My kink is okay, yours is not.

Jen's big into service but she regularly makes negative comments about any submissives who are not service oriented. And that's disrespectful. I could be equally disrespectful and say that anyone who isn't into emotional transparency isn't real or true, but I'm not that sort. Not all subs are into service and not all dominants are either. My motives and drive may be different but they are just as real to us, and just as important for us in keeping our relationship healthy as Jen and her mistress's are to them.

One thing I do have to say that is completely off topic.  That ykinmk but your kink is ok thing really does only fall under certain disclaimers.  There are absolutely kinks out there that aren't ok because they harm others.  I think most of us can agree on that without having to pull up topics that would violate TOS.





Andalusite -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 3:53:00 PM)

I think the whole cybersex/online BDSM thing is boring and pointless, and that learning to do D/s or BDSM online is just as effective as learning how to swordfight by playing WOW. I don't have a problem with people who have online-only relationships, but if they pretend to have actual experience with the things they've fantasised about online, their actual Dom/me or submissive is going to be *really* disappointed in them, and it can even be dangerous, in some cases. A lot of things are hot to fantasise about, but don't work out as well to actually try. I also know a lot of people who claim to be single when they aren't, or claim to be a different gender or age or whatever than they actually are (going back to before the World Wide
Web had any pictures other than ASCII character drawings and binary files). There are plenty of genuine, wonderful people who I've met from online in person, but I can't imagine trying to start a relationship that way. However, I don't generally have chemistry with someone until we've done at least light play in person, even if I've met them or seen pictures, so YMMV.



marie2 -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 4:09:58 PM)

This is a generic comment on everything here.

To me, it's not so much in the preference or the voicing of that preference, it's more about putting down what someone else does because it's not your own thing, or because you don't understand it. 

There was a thread not long ago asking if people thought slavery was a fantasy or reality.  I didn't miss a beat in expressing that I think the feelings and relationships are legitmate but that the master/slavery is something that I see as a fantasy.  Of course many disagreed and that's all good.  But at no point did I tell people that if they call themselves  masters and slaves they must be invalid, or they must be bullshit, or what they're doing isn't real, or that they're insulting what *I* do, and offending "real" slaves and yada yada yada. 

There's a difference between:

I think ABC is a fantasy and invalid because....


VS

Whoever does ABC is wrong, offensive, insulting, and they just don't get it. 



It's ok to say "being in jail" would never be my thing.  But it's not ok to tell a prisoner that his life and relationships inside those four walls have no meaning because they didn't take place outside of the prison.  THAT'S where the ignorance would come in. 

On Edit:  This was covered while I was typing it. 



marie2 -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 4:21:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

And if you don't ever want to meet, that's okay too... just don't expect every real-lifer to take it seriously that you know what you're talking about if you pretend it's the same as real-time.

Cali



No one said it was the "same" experience.  They're saying that they have felt intimacy and connection without having met someone.  Why would anyone try to deny that this is true for them?



CalifChick -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 4:22:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

It's ok to say "being in jail" would never be my thing.  But it's not ok to tell a prisoner that his life and relationships inside those four walls have no meaning because they didn't take place outside of the prison.  THAT'S where the ignorance would come in. 



The greater and more common ignorance seems to be the prisoner saying his life and relationships inside prison is the same as the life and relationships of people outside of prison. 

Cali



CalifChick -> RE: "Online" D/s ... how do you feel about it? (5/12/2009 4:23:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

No one said it was the "same" experience.  They're saying that they have felt intimacy and connection without having met someone.  Why would anyone try to deny that this is true for them?


Actually, many people who espouse online say it's the same, the same intimacy, the same connection, etc.  For most of these people, they've never had it offline.  They don't know what they're missing.

Cali



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