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What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 4:56:20 AM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Well when asked this a few times, here is what I have come up with for myself. I am not a Masochist. I don't like pain...I need caring and gentle dominance. Compassionate and Passionate dominance. Nurturing dominance, a true concern for a submissives mental, emotional well being, as well as a true concern for her heart.

I need to feel wanted and in turn I provide a tremendous amount of care and nurturing and pleasing. I found that out...

Now when I respond that way to anyone, I get varying responses. Most very negative. (except from my dom, which is all that matters)

Curious what does anyone else found?

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 9:25:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm not into pain at all, bondage freak here. You have no idea about how many letters I got saying they would "teach" me to enjoy pain. I don't think so. I didn't even bother talking to anyone who identified as a sadist because I knew we weren't compatible.

Unfortunately there are lots of men who can't manage a healthy relationship who think that being strict is somehow a substitute for communication and negotiation. Doesn't work.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 9:34:56 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Irrespective of BDSM which is something I enjoy but can take it or leave it, hut regarding the M/s dynamic I feel comfortable and within both the Gorean and now the Victorian lifestyle I feel as though I have returned to family settings and a place where I can belong even without the company of others besides my Lady Neets. In other words, I am well inside my personal comfort zone just as a am with a Pagan format. On a whimsical and philosophic note, I am one of those odd bods who could happily walk out of todays screwed up society and live in a Feudal Sysyem provided I am one of the Feudals and never a serf. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 2:29:23 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Des I know what you mean! Many tried to tell me I can be a Masochist... Nope it's not me. I don't like it. I have my own specific kinks but general pain isn't one of them. Funny they want to CHANGE us to meet their own needs. I found someone who has the same philosophy as I do and we have mostly similar kinks... Luck I suppose or we just knew what we needed.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 2:35:31 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		After months of agony trying to answer the question "Why am I this way"?, I finally found the answer to my question.

The answer is that it does not matter why.  What matters is that I accept myself for whomever I am and embrace all that is me. 

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 2:58:46 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have come to learn it is the journey not the goal and the journey freed My soul.
 
I have come to self revelation--nah, I have come to accept the revelations.
 
I have come to learn that, much to My chagrin, I do believe I am past My prime, it is time to pack away the floggers, spend more time with the horses and let this "life" roll on---without Me.
 
 
 
 

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
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RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 3:02:17 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I learned some much needed control

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 3:06:45 PM   
waiting2btaught


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		i have learned so much about myself since letting myself accept that i am a sub. i have known for a long time that i wanted to explore this lifestyle, but never had the ability to express my wants and desires. my Dom that is training me is having me keep a journal for Him and it has been very enlightening. i am 28 years old and i thought i knew myself pretty well...  since discovering myself, i have been happier, have more confidence in myself, and can express my wants and desires, thanks to Sir. 

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 3:10:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
I have come to learn that, much to My chagrin, I do believe I am past My prime, it is time to pack away the floggers, spend more time with the horses and let this "life" roll on---without Me.
 


I'm 54 and that doesn't mean I'm too old to have a healthy relationship that includes a dynamic that works for me, and play that I enjoy.

Taking a break doesn't mean you need to give up for good.

Do you show the horses? We're into show season here, time to wash the fake tail and check the show trunk.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to CatdeMedici)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 3:25:58 PM   
Goddess2002


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		I've learned that there is at least ONE male out there with a will stronger than mine...as someone who had prided herself on being a successful Domme for many years, to find someone who stirs (gulp) submissive yearings within myself  has me completely discombobulated. It came out of nowhere and has really taken me by surprise!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 3:26:41 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:


I'm 54 and that doesn't mean I'm too old to have a healthy relationship that includes a dynamic that works for me, and play that I enjoy.


I am 54 also.. and I just got started a year ago. WOW... I don't feel too old at all, maybe I am delusional? LOL I know I have never felt more at peace and more myself.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 3:53:37 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I've learned that there is at least ONE male out there with a will stronger than mine...as someone who had prided herself on being a successful Domme for many years, to find someone who stirs (gulp) submissive yearings within myself has me completely discombobulated. It came out of nowhere and has really taken me by surprise!

(in reply to DesFIP)


I totally understand. I spent years thinking I was in control and needed to be. In actuality, I WAS in control but it wasn't until I was on my knees that I actually felt free and whole. It was then that I realized who I was.

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Goddess2002)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 4:27:50 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		I've learned it takes a lot more strength for me to be 'weak' than it takes for me to be strong. I've always been one of those strong silent types (even though I never shut up, go figure), so it's harder for me to be vulnerable and open up to what and who I am then it is to just suck the rest of life up and deal with it. 

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 4:43:43 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I've learned to be comfortable with my own personal power and the exercise of it in overt, formalized ways.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to SlaveBlutarsky)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 4:52:45 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I have found peace of mind and more confidence. I'm happy and comfortable being more self aware since I discovered BDSM.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 5:36:25 PM   
sparkelfairy


Posts: 22
Joined: 4/27/2009
Status: offline 		There is a peace that comes with finally finding that missing part of yourself.  In BDSM I am no longer a freak or sick person.  I am a submissve with kinks that are accepted.  It took 28 years to find it.  For me it is being who I truley am.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 9:00:46 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sparkelfairy

There is a peace that comes with finally finding that missing part of yourself.  In BDSM I am no longer a freak or sick person.  I am a submissve with kinks that are accepted.  It took 28 years to find it.  For me it is being who I truley am.


What you said. I have also learned to controll myself, so that I can controll another.


_____________________________

This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

(in reply to sparkelfairy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/12/2009 10:47:05 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		That I know how to love, and really do understand what love truly is.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to Joseff)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/13/2009 4:14:41 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		i have learned to admit that i have a dirty dirty dirty mind...and i have only scraped the surface

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What have you learned about yourself in BDSM? - 5/13/2009 4:32:03 AM   
Phoenixpower


Posts: 8098
Status: offline 		I have learned that heavy bondage and fibromyalgia exclude each other...as my body decided to go for the fibromyalgia I have to keep looking jealous on the gorgeous heavy bondage pictures, knowing they are out of reach for me

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 20
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