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Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 10:50:13 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Sir has found it necessary to punish me and in the form of one of the worst punishments you can give me-alienation. This punishment is not anything i question. It was deserved. My question is how do i cope during this period, with my emotions? My days are spent in doing the right thing and trying harder, as Sir ordered me. So, i am watching my finances very well, and noticing when old patterns are trying to take over. I just not functioning well with the emotions and was looking for some tools.

Thanks for any suggestions you can give.

oceanwinds

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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.
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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 11:27:52 AM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know that your job is necessarily to cope.  That would mean that the punishment was not effective enough to ellicit change.  I think it really is time to feel it...all of it.... and break just a little.  It is time to break down the wall, habit, or mindset that led to this in the first place.  It is not obliteration, but it is letting thing get to your heart and soften it toward your Sir.  Correction should bring about healing.  Healing is nearly always a painful process and requires change.  All my best!

lovingpet

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 11:34:13 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Thank you lovingpet.
What you said is so true..Coping probably is my way of controlling. Thank you for pointing that out.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 12:43:26 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

I just not functioning well with the emotions and was looking for some tools.

Thanks for any suggestions you can give.

oceanwinds


This is why I find ignoring or alienation an ineffective and detrimental punishment. It does not address the issue and leaves the sub/slave very lost and emotionally damaged.  This in my opinion is not a healthy and effective way to deal with things. I feel for you and hope things work out for you.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 12:51:11 PM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Maybe get yourself a good book to kill the time...
phone a friend, rent a funny movie, go swimming, go for a nice long walk, clean the entire house...knit a jumper...do the garden
in general try and fill your time...once you start obsessing things get awful
good luck...i do not like anienation at all

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 12:58:10 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Thank you ranja for the ideas.

i been serving Sir for 3 years, and this is the 1st he has applied this type of punishment. It is regarding a repeated pattern that we both thought he broke. For a year it seem, but sadly, i repeated it last week. Is it fair, isnt for me to say, is it working, you beat.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 1:01:50 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Thank you sweetnurse
I do trust in Sir and any punishment he gives. Serving him for 3 years, he has earned my trust. just hard at times coping with the anxiety. will get through it. I really screwed up and wont forget that again.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 1:38:57 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If he had instituted changes in your life which helped you break this pattern, then hasn't he been watching for backsliding to help you maintain those changes? If not, then wouldn't it be more helpful for him to reinstitute the changes and keep you accountable?

It just doesn't seem that the punishment will help you make the changes again. Only make you feel bad and less able to talk to him about what you need, since you can't talk to him at all.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 2:06:15 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		[It just doesn't seem that the punishment will help you make the changes again. Only make you feel bad and less able to talk to him about what you need, since you can't talk to him at all. /]


It will make me thing long and hard before i repeat this. Already catching signs of the pattern trying to emerge, and been able to respond accordingly.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 2:42:59 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Embrace the lesson for what it is, feel the sorrow and the disappointment he felt. Learn and be thankfull you are loved and cared for.

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 2:55:00 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

Embrace the lesson for what it is, feel the sorrow and the disappointment he felt. Learn and be thankfull you are loved and cared for.


thank you. oh thank you so much, CatdeMedici.
oceanwinds

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 3:18:24 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		That was beautiful CatdeMedici! 

lovingpet

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 4:34:43 PM   
MasterTslave


Posts: 200
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		I would not be at all happy with that kind of punishment!  I know that Master has the say on punishments, but that would NOT work for me in the least...I would be an even worse slave and just end up being a brat about it...that is just me tho.

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 6:13:41 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Just a question for the OP:

Did your Sir use the word "alienation" in issuing the punishment, or is that your way of describing it?

Alienate: to make unfriendly, hostile, or indifferent especially where attachment formerly existed .

i would think many D-types would refrain from doing this. To purposefully cause a possible rift in the relationship seems a bit risky. To him, perhaps the payoff is worth it, depending on the problem.








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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 6:22:13 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I wish I could offer some great and sound advice to you, hun.  My way of "coping" with alienation is to completely withdraw from the person and move on to something else.  I'm not sure that's what a dominant would have in mind with me when coming up with that idea.

And, for me anyway, behaviors that are embedded in me require processes to change, not trauma.  If such behavior is a natural reaction for me in response to something, being pushed into distress is not going to change a thing.

I do hope you fare ok.


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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 6:58:35 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

Just a question for the OP:

Did your Sir use the word "alienation" in issuing the punishment, or is that your way of describing it?

Alienate: to make unfriendly, hostile, or indifferent especially where attachment formerly existed .

i would think many D-types would refrain from doing this. To purposefully cause a possible rift in the relationship seems a bit risky. To him, perhaps the payoff is worth it, depending on the problem.









No he never did say that, but he hasn't communicated with me in 9 days, which is not like him. The only thing he said was he was very disappointed, do better try harder. This is the first time he hasn't contacted me within a matter of a couple days. He did read my emails though letting him know i did straighten things out, and what i was doing. No response from him, so i just waiting.

i hurt him bad by ignoring everything he was telling me for days in a roll then getting off the phone and hour later i blew what he said to the wind. Was not consciously intentional, thought i had enough in my account. This is big there is other things included. He didnt say goodbye. So, i will wait and work on doing better and trying harder. It falls on my behavior. Cause and effect here, and i am learning that lesson. i will wait to he gets a hold of me.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)
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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 7:00:09 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Thank you NuevaVida
Seriously this is very hard, but not probably as hard as i hurt Sir.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 7:10:02 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Just an added on note: while waiting, i am looking into why i self-sabotage here. Doing a lot of looking at myself right now.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to oceanwinds)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 7:12:32 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

Just an added on note: while waiting, i am looking into why i self-sabotage here. Doing a lot of looking at myself right now.


But you said it was a mistake where you thought you had more in the account.  That could happen to anyone. 

Is it possible, at this point, that you are actually beginning to see your mistake as something bigger than it was?

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RE: Punishment. how to cope? - 5/13/2009 7:19:17 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

Just an added on note: while waiting, i am looking into why i self-sabotage here. Doing a lot of looking at myself right now.


But you said it was a mistake where you thought you had more in the account.  That could happen to anyone. 

Is it possible, at this point, that you are actually beginning to see your mistake as something bigger than it was?


Yes, priorities, which is really what everything Sir i trying to drum into my head. i didnt listen. other times i didnt listen, which has been awhile, he came over and punished me appropriately. i just need to really think of what i did. i cant question or second guess him. cause and effect.

_____________________________

I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

(in reply to marie2)
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