Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Confused


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Confused Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 6:00:32 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

So maybe what? She should sit around hopefully and wait for him to come out of the coma so he can tell her it was only her memory that kept him from moving into the white light?

Sure, it is possible. But it is not probable. He is so busy with his sick aunt and killer job and computer virus and his neice's birthday he could not take three minutes to dash off a few sentences?

The likely answer is he is not that into her. Maybe likes her, enjoyed the time, but she is not a priority. Doesn't make him a bad guy. It just means she should move on and not obsess. And in the event there was a life issue, she will be pleasantly suprised when he contacts her to explain.

It is confusing when the spark seemed to exist. She could email and make some effort. And then just consider it a sucky thing, spend a bit of time mourning (for me, I do this with chocolate) and then focus elsewhere.


I think the problem here is that she has not said how much time has actually passed. Has it been only a few days? A week? A few weeks? I am guessing since this is the 9th of Feb. and she mentioned that she had met him last month, it has been at least a couple weeks since she has talked to him, given the fact that she talked to him for a week after her actual face to face meeting with him.
Normally I would agree with everyone here that he is most likely not interested, but right off the bat everyone started saying that he was a bad guy and that he wasnt interested. No one asked her how long it had been since she talked to him. I am saying that most times people are so quick to point out the negative without even the benefit of the doubt.

_____________________________





(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 6:03:34 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Occam's Razor applies here.

If the guy came suddenly swinging back into my life, if he had a plausible story, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. And I would NOT be sitting at home alone just to give him a bit of leeway.

So if he did suddenly re-enter my life and had a plausible story and I had time and desire to be with him, we'd progress VERY SLOWLY from that point on. He'd have a huge flag on my clipboard that would have to be thoroughly worked through.

However, until then I go with the most likely plausible answer and move on with my life. After a single date? Not worth my worry and angst.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 6:05:11 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

sometimes things don't click...He should have just been honest about it. Don't get discouraged, as i met My owner through Cm , it does work.


I also met my pup through CM. I thank God every day for bringing him into my life.
Littleone, if it turns out that there was no chemistry, please do not let it get you down, as sweetjenny has said, it does work. You have to weed through a barrel of bad apples to find the good one, but you will find him <s>

_____________________________





(in reply to sweetpettjenny)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 6:08:00 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Occam's Razor applies here.

If the guy came suddenly swinging back into my life, if he had a plausible story, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. And I would NOT be sitting at home alone just to give him a bit of leeway.

So if he did suddenly re-enter my life and had a plausible story and I had time and desire to be with him, we'd progress VERY SLOWLY from that point on. He'd have a huge flag on my clipboard that would have to be thoroughly worked through.

However, until then I go with the most likely plausible answer and move on with my life. After a single date? Not worth my worry and angst.


I agree 100% on this. There is no way I would suggest to anyone to sit and wait for someone who has not contacted them, unless they have had a long-standing relationship. I never suggested that she sit at home and wait for this guy.

_____________________________





(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 6:38:44 AM   
mysecret40


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Occam's Razor applies here.

If the guy came suddenly swinging back into my life, if he had a plausible story, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. And I would NOT be sitting at home alone just to give him a bit of leeway.

So if he did suddenly re-enter my life and had a plausible story and I had time and desire to be with him, we'd progress VERY SLOWLY from that point on. He'd have a huge flag on my clipboard that would have to be thoroughly worked through.

However, until then I go with the most likely plausible answer and move on with my life. After a single date? Not worth my worry and angst.


I agree 100% on this. There is no way I would suggest to anyone to sit and wait for someone who has not contacted them, unless they have had a long-standing relationship. I never suggested that she sit at home and wait for this guy.


Mistress of GA and Lucky:
This seems to be a dilemma for a lot of us subs. Even just phone conversations that seem to be going so well....will suddenly end abruptly for no reason. As for the first meetings.....well that is to feel each other out...no pun intended unless one wants to play. I do agree,....if HE is truly interested in you...he will at least take time, the few minutes to either write you a quick note, {if there is no computer dilemma}, or just make a quick phone call. It is just being considerate as well.......again with the manners thing.
Just because we are in D/S doesn't mean we shouldn't be courteous to one another.
secret

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 6:42:20 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

No one asked her how long it had been since she talked to him.


You are right. My impression was it had been a couple of weeks. If, in fact, it had been just 3-5 days, then I would lean towards the benefit of a doubt scenario.

I have been outright stood up twice in my life. The second time was about three months ago and I got a sitter, got myself dolled up, confirmed with him via the phone and went to where we were to meet. It was a third "date." I waited. And waited. And because he was coming from out of town I waited some more. I called his cell. I was pissed.

The next day he called around 10 am. I answered the phone, "Unless you are calling from a hospital, I really just am not sure what you may have to say to me." A long pause. "Well, actually...." He claimed he had been in a car accident on the way to meet me. I tried to be sympathetic and understanding, but there was nagging doubt that he was just full of shit. I questioned him extensively on his injuries. Still skeptical, after I hung up I called the hospital. I checked on his status and inquired to the nurse how he was doing. Sure enough, it all checked out.

Oh. Oops. We did eventually have that third date but it basically fizzled after that. He was distrubed by my reaction to the event and my suspicious nature. I was embarassed I had given him such a hard time when he actually WAS called with broken bones and a concussion from a hospital bed. But mostly, it just fizzled on its own.

I try to be a little more gracious now.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 7:01:54 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

quote:

No one asked her how long it had been since she talked to him.


You are right. My impression was it had been a couple of weeks. If, in fact, it had been just 3-5 days, then I would lean towards the benefit of a doubt scenario.

I have been outright stood up twice in my life. The second time was about three months ago and I got a sitter, got myself dolled up, confirmed with him via the phone and went to where we were to meet. It was a third "date." I waited. And waited. And because he was coming from out of town I waited some more. I called his cell. I was pissed.

The next day he called around 10 am. I answered the phone, "Unless you are calling from a hospital, I really just am not sure what you may have to say to me." A long pause. "Well, actually...." He claimed he had been in a car accident on the way to meet me. I tried to be sympathetic and understanding, but there was nagging doubt that he was just full of shit. I questioned him extensively on his injuries. Still skeptical, after I hung up I called the hospital. I checked on his status and inquired to the nurse how he was doing. Sure enough, it all checked out.

Oh. Oops. We did eventually have that third date but it basically fizzled after that. He was distrubed by my reaction to the event and my suspicious nature. I was embarassed I had given him such a hard time when he actually WAS called with broken bones and a concussion from a hospital bed. But mostly, it just fizzled on its own.

I try to be a little more gracious now.


Awww I am so sorry this happened to you and to him. This is a sad story and unfortunately it happens alot of times. And you are right about one thing, once the issue of trust is broken, it is extremely hard to re-capture it or to get it at all to begin with. (((((((hugs to you))))))))

_____________________________





(in reply to Sensualips)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 7:06:42 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Mistress of GA and Lucky:
This seems to be a dilemma for a lot of us subs. Even just phone conversations that seem to be going so well....will suddenly end abruptly for no reason. As for the first meetings.....well that is to feel each other out...no pun intended unless one wants to play. I do agree,....if HE is truly interested in you...he will at least take time, the few minutes to either write you a quick note, {if there is no computer dilemma}, or just make a quick phone call. It is just being considerate as well.......again with the manners thing.
Just because we are in D/S doesn't mean we shouldn't be courteous to one another.
secret

secret, it also happens on our end too. I can't tell you how many submissives I have talked to, thought it was going great and then the very first time I chastise them for doing something wrong, they do one of several things. The delete their account. They put my emails on block. They just simply STOP PMing and stop writing. Just ignore me. I am left wondering what the hell happened. They talk about how obedient they are, yet can't take a little harsh words. I guess the door does swing in and out.

_____________________________





(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 9:06:52 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
secret, it also happens on our end too. I can't tell you how many submissives I have talked to, thought it was going great and then the very first time I chastise them for doing something wrong, they do one of several things. The delete their account. They put my emails on block. They just simply STOP PMing and stop writing. Just ignore me. I am left wondering what the hell happened. They talk about how obedient they are, yet can't take a little harsh words. I guess the door does swing in and out.

_____________________________

MoGa
=========================

yeah
this is what happens when MY Ms is trying to find new boys to add to the house here---they all flake out on Her--aint a one stood by Her YET..
all a bunch of losers...all do-me boys



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 10:27:58 AM   
mysecret40


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Mistress of GA and Lucky:
This seems to be a dilemma for a lot of us subs. Even just phone conversations that seem to be going so well....will suddenly end abruptly for no reason. As for the first meetings.....well that is to feel each other out...no pun intended unless one wants to play. I do agree,....if HE is truly interested in you...he will at least take time, the few minutes to either write you a quick note, {if there is no computer dilemma}, or just make a quick phone call. It is just being considerate as well.......again with the manners thing.
Just because we are in D/S doesn't mean we shouldn't be courteous to one another.
secret

secret, it also happens on our end too. I can't tell you how many submissives I have talked to, thought it was going great and then the very first time I chastise them for doing something wrong, they do one of several things. The delete their account. They put my emails on block. They just simply STOP PMing and stop writing. Just ignore me. I am left wondering what the hell happened. They talk about how obedient they are, yet can't take a little harsh words. I guess the door does swing in and out.


Mistress I suppose you are right....it can go both ways~! But doesn't that just tell us they aren't real? Because we know the traits and character of a true Dom/Sub. I know my old Dom never held back any harsh criticism, but it never stopped me from talking to him or writing him. Just the fact that I had to digest it is all....but always came back.
Now recently I was talking to a wonderful Dom, so I thought, we really hit it off in our phone conversations. He told me straight up that he didn't like in the past when perspective subs would call him constantly all day....which of course makes sense, plus he is a businessman. So, one day we are hitting off really great....and the next, I don't hear from him. Ok I thought he does have a busy life......maybe tomorrow. Nope....another day......then another..........
What is one to think? We even talked about being each others Valentines.....he lives pretty local. If I have the willingness to honest and real,.....why does this kind of stuff happen?
secret

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 11:59:22 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Mistress of GA i never said i was sitting around waiting for him. I just wondering what happened to him. what ever happens happens.

littleone

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 12:02:29 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		If I have the willingness to honest and real,.....why does this kind of stuff happen?
secret ====
===========

because there are too many thoughtless idiots in this world that live in their own bubble world and couldnt care less...


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to mysecret40)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 3:31:46 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Mistress of GA i never said i was sitting around waiting for him. I just wondering what happened to him. what ever happens happens.

littleone


I am not sure where anyone got the idea that I was suggesting that you do that. I certainly hope you arent. I was just wondering how long it has been since you have talked to him.

_____________________________





(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 8:40:57 PM   
sweetnessforsir


Posts: 70
Joined: 1/5/2006
Status: offline 		i am hoping that you read all of this as it is NOT a good idea to play on the first meet. i was well trained by a local trainer and a mento on this . . . the time i deviated . . the lesson was reinforced . . .and i am grateful. as awful as it is to not play and not get follow up, it is worse to play and not get follow up.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 9:00:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnessforsir

i am hoping that you read all of this as it is NOT a good idea to play on the first meet. i was well trained by a local trainer and a mento on this . . . the time i deviated . . the lesson was reinforced . . .and i am grateful. as awful as it is to not play and not get follow up, it is worse to play and not get follow up.


Sometimes it can be great to play on a first date. The problem is too many people build unrealistic expectations and form overly enthused connections out of one night of play, versus just being able to enjoy a great night of play AS just a great night of play.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sweetnessforsir)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Confused - 2/9/2006 10:28:58 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Sometimes it can be great to play on a first date. The problem is too many people build unrealistic expectations and form overly enthused connections out of one night of play, versus just being able to enjoy a great night of play AS just a great night of play.


quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
We met and we really seemed to hit it off he paid for my lunch and we talked and talked


And sometimes lunch is just lunch. Consider it a nice day out with a free lunch or you could drive yourself batty trying to figure out what happened. If your really baffled, send him a quick email, thank him for lunch, tell him your assuming he is no longer interested as you haven't heard from him and say your just curious as to his thoughts about why things didn't click as well in person as they did online. If he doesn't reply, well, nothing ventured nothing gained.

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Confused - 2/10/2006 7:13:23 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		The thing is we did click he sould not stop holding my hand or hugging me and the such.

Mistress of GA it had been about 3 weeks since i talked to him, i am just hoping that he is ok even if we don't get into a relationship he was a nice guy.

littleone

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Confused - 2/10/2006 7:51:34 AM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Backing up a sec, just because you seem convinced there was a connection on both sides -- have you emailed him? Were you previously in touch by phone?

If you have not already done so, I see nothing wrong with a casual and polite "I hope all is well with you. We seemed to have some spark, so I am sorry we have not been in touch. I was hoping to pursue this further. You are a very nice man and I really enjoy (insert something you like about him.) Good luck to you."

Consider it a last-email-getting-closure type thing. If he happens to respond, be pleasantly surprised and then address the communication issue and make choices at that point. If you have already sent a similar email (or even more than one) then no...you got to let it go.


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Confused - 2/10/2006 8:00:39 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

The thing is we did click he sould not stop holding my hand or hugging me and the such.

Mistress of GA it had been about 3 weeks since i talked to him, i am just hoping that he is ok even if we don't get into a relationship he was a nice guy.

littleone


Littleone, I agree with Sensualips. Send off a quick email asking how he is since you had not heard from him. If he responds, wonderful, but be sure and ask why he hadnt been in touch, as he may be responding to your email out of politeness. If he doesnt respond, you may have your answer.


_____________________________





(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Confused - 2/10/2006 11:52:33 AM   
spoiledbrat


Posts: 75
Joined: 7/3/2004
Status: offline

Hi,

Sometimes there is such a connection online that it can not live up to face to face. That one see's what they want to see in the words we write even when we have picture's posted.
If we want to live real time we must however meet face to face to see if the connection is there, and sometimes there is just enough of a connection to just maybe meet again with no play.
Then sometimes as they say there is that "Bada Bing" that just hits you right off the bat, for those that that happens to they are very lucky,
Do not be disappointed but look at has a learning experience.

love
spoiledbrat

_____________________________

Love Always
Me
Spoiledbrat

Like our Favorite Black Dress
Character
Never goes out of style


Autumn
Spoiledbrat


(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Confused Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.093