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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 5:53:53 AM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		~FR~

All these terms often depend upon context and tone. I use the term girl often, and any that have a problem with that, is a female I would rather than have dealings with anyway. So it works as a good filter for the overly sensitive and defensive types.

My girl I call: girl, pet, amira (the name I gave her), kitten (pet name I gave her), slut, bitch, slave, and kajira.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 5:58:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		IronBear's post alludes to the bygone days.  If you read OP's profile, it consists of nothing but a very off Nietzsche quote that took me right back to that era!

OP, rewrite your profile to reflect who you are and what you seek.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 6:30:20 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		~~FR~~
Not that this will come as a big shock, but i called a gorean master "dear" once....LMFAO.....i thought the dude was gonna blow a gasket! i swear he almost started foaming at the mouth...


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 12:02:08 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Keep doing that as anyone that states they are a "Gorean Master" needs to have a few gaskets blown. I am Gorean, and calling me dear would at most get you an odd look, as I would wonder in what context you meant it. Living in the south, females often use the word dear or sweetie.

If you run into someone saying they are a "Gorean Master", then likely they do not have much of a clue about Gor other than Second Life, or using the trappings in their BDSM or M/s activities.

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 12:08:21 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

I use the term girl often, and any that have a problem with that, is a female I would rather than have dealings with anyway. So it works as a good filter for the overly sensitive and defensive types.
i would have a problem with it, probably as much as you would have an issue with me calling you boy.

I am not a girl. I am a grown woman. If you so not know my name...ask me! If you do not care to ask, then do not address me at all.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 5/19/2009 12:10:19 PM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 12:22:09 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphira
I'm new to D/s, and I'm wondering why many doms use the word "dear." No judgment--just curiosity. Are there other endearments besides "dear" that doms use to address submissives, as well, and are there different shades of meaning among them?

This is kind of like pet names... every relationship and person has thier own and they get invested with unique meaning. I call mine a laundry list of things, but the BDSM-ey ones are "mine" and "slavegirl". For me, at least, those terms can be summed up as love/ownership -- You are the woman who belongs to me and I love you.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to sapphira)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 1:13:31 PM   
Bstardsbitch


Posts: 154
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline 		Awww leadership, you make me smile.
I HATE the word dear lol.........Sir uses it in a patronising way and it drives me up the wall lol.
It's all in the intent I think.
xx

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 1:57:59 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		With all words, it is the context in which they are used.  Within a relationship, many terms..."slut, cumbucket, whore, pet, girl, boy, etc." will be viewed much differently than if used by someone who is speaking to you for the first time.  Waitresses often use terms like "sweetie, honey, etc." to customers and it means nothing.  It's all within the context of the situation.  If anyone got insulted receiving a letter that opened with "Dear <insert name here> needs to get a grip, as that is STILL the accepted proper form for opening a letter. 

The point is that within a relationship, the two people communicate what "terms of endearment" are acceptable (many don't like "slut") and the couple moves forward from there.  If John and Jane Doe are in a relationship and regularly call each other "dear", unless you are John or Jane Doe, it doesn't matter what you think of the term, it's none of your business.  However, if someone is introducing themselves to you, in person or by written word, ALL of those terms tend to be overstepping the boundaries of famiarity.  From the standard submissive standpoint of "I may be submissive, but not YOUR submissive" all of those terms presume a superiority that does not yet exist, and because of the use of the term, likely never will.

The OP wasn't clear of the WHEN it is being used which really makes the discussion useless. 

(in reply to Bstardsbitch)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 3:05:37 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yep and it would filter you out. Girl is a term of affection that I use, just like people use sweetie or such. See how easy that works for me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I use the term girl often, and any that have a problem with that, is a female I would rather than have dealings with anyway. So it works as a good filter for the overly sensitive and defensive types.
i would have a problem with it, probably as much as you would have an issue with me calling you boy.

I am not a girl. I am a grown woman. If you so not know my name...ask me! If you do not care to ask, then do not address me at all.


_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 3:16:52 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

~~FR~~
Not that this will come as a big shock, but i called a gorean master "dear" once....LMFAO.....i thought the dude was gonna blow a gasket! i swear he almost started foaming at the mouth...



Now that is funny.

To answer the OP, I really don't care what words come out of someone's mouth/fingers, when addressing me. Very few people in this world have the ability to hurt me with words. Those that do, wouldn't. Those that don't, don't matter. They are only digging their own hole.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 3:29:37 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Personally, I find it condescending when coming from a complete stranger. I'm not their girl, slut, baby, dear, etc. It's presumptive of a relationship that isn't there.


I agree. I am on a particular chat site where my interests are listed on my profile. I have lost count of the number of times I have been called dear and slut because it says submissive on the profile. Surprisingly my reply tends to be a little un-sublike

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 3:37:22 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Yep and it would filter you out. Girl is a term of affection that I use, just like people use sweetie or such. See how easy that works for me?

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I use the term girl often, and any that have a problem with that, is a female I would rather than have dealings with anyway. So it works as a good filter for the overly sensitive and defensive types.
i would have a problem with it, probably as much as you would have an issue with me calling you boy.

I am not a girl. I am a grown woman. If you so not know my name...ask me! If you do not care to ask, then do not address me at all.


Then perhaps tell me how you would respond when i call you boy? If you object, i would simply tell you it is a term of affection.


My guess is you would not care for it, but that would really be too damn bad. What is good for you is also good for me 

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 5/19/2009 3:39:29 PM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 3:42:19 PM   
xiam


Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		I think "dear" is lovely.  As is "doll" and "love" and "honey" and lots of things that aren't too popular at all anymore.  :)

(in reply to sapphira)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 4:32:34 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		The only person I ever knew who used "dear" on a regular basis is an aunt - and she called everyone, including the dog - dear.

Anyone else saying dear sounds awkward and somewhat pretensious - except for Ironbear of course.

Sir calls me baby, slut or anything else that comes to his mind.  And his mind is very inventive!

(in reply to xiam)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 5:14:54 PM   
kuriouswitch


Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Master doesn't call me dear ever. He normally calls me little one, or my one.
if he's feeling especially tender i'm called, my pet.
some times i am called honey, girl, angel, and on very very rare occasions he calls me by my first name.

I call Master Master or by his first name if in public. There have been a few times I've called out, "Master" in public when excited and wanting his attention

(in reply to sapphira)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/19/2009 8:58:01 PM   
BrokenSaint


Posts: 301
Joined: 10/30/2007
Status: offline 		I've been known to use the more generic terms, progressing to more individual ones as the relationship evolves. My generics even evolve to a certain extent, where instead of dear or honey (generally hon for short, I'm a big fan of cramming many words into a sentence), I'm liable to use Tah (Mohican word for heart), beloved, dear heart, and the like. I've been known to refer to a few close friends by petnames as well, kitten for example, or friend of mine, while named matt, we've always called him jack (long story).

Generally takes a long time before I go on to specifics though. I like to find a word that suits a person, kind of sums them up for me. Just rings right y'know? One can't always be hasty about those. I generally tend to take words in general with my perception of their intention rather than their literal meaning in any case.


_____________________________

In the name of progress,
In the name of madness
Drum beats faster
Crowd shouts louder
and chaos replaces order
VnV Nation - Nemesis

(in reply to kuriouswitch)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 10:04:57 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Dear is a funny word i don't objet to it if it is an older person saying it to me. Older prople seem to likr to call people dear go figure. It does ot really bother me cause no one else calles me dear. Master has a few names for me the one he usues most often is sweetheart. He has also called me littleone and MY good girl. As for him i call him Master or his given name. Once i called hin honey and he gave me the oddest look. So i stick to Master or Matt now

Matt's littleone

(in reply to BrokenSaint)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 10:52:45 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Aye these terms like dear, lass, lad, girl, boy, dame, slut and so on ad nausium, are funny. It all depends, as Orion on the context it is used and for some, who used it. Each of us add value to a word and especially ones used to denote some form of affection. Just how much value is up to the individual. I simply refuse to allow a single word even if misplaced to unduly upset me although I may have a chuckle at times. There is far to many upsetting things floating about the universe to worry about how some one addresses or refers to you. I'd rather some yobbo call me what ever and at the same time demonstrating his lack of vocabulary and education than kicking the shyt out of some woman and her kid which would be upsetting and offensive to me. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 11:11:43 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		I have a Habit, Good or Bad Depending on the feelings of the person on the receiving end.

I call women, Hun, Darlin, Sugar, Sweetheart, Chicka, Doll, Doll Face...
I call submissive women, girl, hun, doll, darlin, sweets, sweetheart, babe....
I call Men of any type, Bro, Dude, Sparky, My Friend, Bud, Bub, Buddy, Guy...

Ultimatly, If you have an issue with it and you say something I will try to curb that but I see it as something that is your issue not mine. Choose to deal with it or choose to avoid me.

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 11:43:46 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		I can't help but be amazed at how such an innocuous word such as "dear" sparks so much opinion.  In a social context, if you do not know someone, address them respectfully, and for God's sake, just ask them their name.  In an intimate relationship, if it bugs you tell them.  If your biggest problem in life is that someone called you "dear", get over it.  Unless you KNOW that it was used specifically as a means of disrespecting you, you are just a bit too sensitive.

Yes, that is a snarky response, but really people.  If you don't want someone to call you something and don't have the balls to tell them so, you have bigger problems than them calling you "dear"

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 40
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