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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 11:47:43 AM

SteelofUtah

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Exactly!!!!

What Sweet Tits Said.

Steel

**Sorry I got a giggle outta that**

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 11:49:49 AM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Exactly!!!!

What Sweet Tits Said.

Steel

**Sorry I got a giggle outta that**

Did you just call me "Sweet Tits?"

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 11:51:02 AM

SteelofUtah

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Uh Huh.

Steel

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 12:46:07 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sapphira

I'm new to D/s, and I'm wondering why many doms use the word "dear." No judgment--just curiosity. Are there other endearments besides "dear" that doms use to address submissives, as well, and are there different shades of meaning among them?

Well, dear...

I use 'dear' whether I'm talking to a submissive individual or not. I use it with my offspring, with my friends, with my co-workers, and with the lady at the post office. It is a relic of when I was raised and the people that I was raised around that a lady of my age and upbringing typically begins, around the time she starts growing grey hairs, to call those around her 'dear', or 'duckie', or 'darling'. It is also a relic of memory problems due to multiple sclerosis -- I have wonderful facial recognition skills, but my verbal memory is abysmal these days, and I find it far less offensive to use "dear" than "hey" or to ignore the issue of names/pronouns at all. Aside from that, I make no apologies for it... it just is what it is. If it annoys someone, I'll be guessing that they won't be choosing me as their Keeper. *winks*

Dame Calla

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 1:41:40 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Uh Huh.

Steel

Not sure how you knew, but they are kind of nice.....

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 1:54:29 PM

SteelofUtah

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Odds were in my Favor.

As Ron White Says.... Once you seen one set of titties you kinda wanna see all the rest.

I have yet to see a set of bewbage that I did not find enjoyable...... all the better if I getta play with um.

Steel

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 2:06:04 PM

LaTigresse

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Steel, you gave me another good reason to smile. I haven't heard/read "sweet tits" in ages.

I was thinking about this thread earlier when I was doing something or other away from the computer. There are a few people, regular posters, one in particular, that just LOVES to use little pet names in a really condescending manner, when they are debating an issue. Then, when they get called on it, they tend to say things like "I say stuff like that all the time." and try to turn it around to say the other person has the problem. That they are being over sensitive or defensive. It is obvious, it is obvious the intent in which they use it, and it is obvious that they are trying to twist it around and put the problem on the other person. It is also pretty disgusting to watch.

It really reflects badly on the people that do it, not the person they are trying to belittle.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 2:35:07 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Steel, you gave me another good reason to smile. I haven't heard/read "sweet tits" in ages.

I was thinking about this thread earlier when I was doing something or other away from the computer. There are a few people, regular posters, one in particular, that just LOVES to use little pet names in a really condescending manner, when they are debating an issue. Then, when they get called on it, they tend to say things like "I say stuff like that all the time." and try to turn it around to say the other person has the problem. That they are being over sensitive or defensive. It is obvious, it is obvious the intent in which they use it, and it is obvious that they are trying to twist it around and put the problem on the other person. It is also pretty disgusting to watch.

It really reflects badly on the people that do it, not the person they are trying to belittle.

Personally, I had never heard the term Sweet Tits, and since it was directed at me and I didn't find it offensive, I'm in the "whatever" train of thought. I have said throughout this thread that it is the CONTEXT in which the terms are used. If someone I didn't know sent me an introductory email and called me "Sweet Tits", they would get a virtual kick in the balls. Steel's response to my previous post was, in my opinion, proving a point. Words are just not that important. Of course, I'm making the assumption that Steele didn't use the term to be condescending. Should he come back and say that he was, well then it is a different issue.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 2:42:55 PM

SteelofUtah

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Not at all I was trying to make a joke.

I don't think LT's Post was Directed at me though I think she was talking about someone else who used to piss me off as well. It was annoying they would call someone a condesending term but in such a way that you had to ask yourself ... Was I just Insulted?

I was however trying to be Ironic and at the same time crack a smile.

I believe that if you get offended at anything that I say you either didn't hear me right or you are overly sensitive, there are however times in which I can make it clear that I think someone is being a Dick, but I usually say... Hey Man, you're being a Dick, I don't hide it.

Now if we have to be getting all factual I will be requiring Photographic evidence that you do indeed have "Sweet Tits" Please send them to my C-mail via a Message of Your availability and Home Address.

Steel

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 2:48:36 PM

Musicmystery

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I don't think I've used that term (dear) ever--in vanilla life, for a child, for a pet, ever--other than starting a letter.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 5/20/2009 2:49:22 PM >

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 2:49:38 PM

LaTigresse

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Steel you would be correct. I tried to make it apparent by how I wrote it, but apparently, it wasn't as apparent as I thought it was!

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 3:40:31 PM

downkitty

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I've been "dear"ed all my life by family, friends, loved ones, cashiers, bank tellers, waitresses and so on. It is very common where i am from and very rarely used as a veiled insult. Dear, honey, sweetie and darling (pronounced dah'lin) are still in widespread use and considered polite. The person saying it has an open, honest expression on their face and a genuine, friendly smile. It's hard to be offended by that under the circumstances. I can see how one not used to those terms may be offended by the familiarity of it, especially if it is typed rather than spoken, where you can hear their tone and see their face.

The term i dislike is "Ma'am" and that has nothing to do with D/s or M/s. Ma'am is taught as a way to show respect to your elders, so i can't help but feel i have just been called old, lol.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 5:34:48 PM

OrionTheWolf

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Then perhaps tell me how you would respond when i call you boy? If you object, i would simply tell you it is a term of affection.

Has never really bothered me, unless the tone was insulting or condenscending. You see I look more to intent of communication, than syntax.

quote:

My guess is you would not care for it, but that would really be too damn bad. What is good for you is also good for me

See you tripped another one of my filters. These filters work well for people, it assists in finding those that you are compatable with.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 6:02:34 PM

janiebelle

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quote:

ORIGINAL: downkitty

I've been "dear"ed all my life by family, friends, loved ones, cashiers, bank tellers, waitresses and so on. It is very common where i am from and very rarely used as a veiled insult. Dear, honey, sweetie and darling (pronounced dah'lin) are still in widespread use and considered polite. The person saying it has an open, honest expression on their face and a genuine, friendly smile. It's hard to be offended by that under the circumstances. I can see how one not used to those terms may be offended by the familiarity of it, especially if it is typed rather than spoken, where you can hear their tone and see their face.

The term i dislike is "Ma'am" and that has nothing to do with D/s or M/s. Ma'am is taught as a way to show respect to your elders, so i can't help but feel i have just been called old, lol.

Very much a regional thing. I call everyone Ma'am or Sir if they are older than me. And even the folks I know who are too familiar for "Ma'am", I use "Miss". The old lady up the road, for example, is Miss Peggy. The plumber who was here to fix a leak- when I paid him I told him "thank you, Sir, I appreciate your coming out so quick".
And like you, I hate being called "ma'am". Gawd, it makes me feel like a fossil.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 9:14:15 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Not at all I was trying to make a joke.

I don't think LT's Post was Directed at me though I think she was talking about someone else who used to piss me off as well. It was annoying they would call someone a condesending term but in such a way that you had to ask yourself ... Was I just Insulted?

I was however trying to be Ironic and at the same time crack a smile.

I believe that if you get offended at anything that I say you either didn't hear me right or you are overly sensitive, there are however times in which I can make it clear that I think someone is being a Dick, but I usually say... Hey Man, you're being a Dick, I don't hide it.

Now if we have to be getting all factual I will be requiring Photographic evidence that you do indeed have "Sweet Tits" Please send them to my C-mail via a Message of Your availability and Home Address.

Steel

I kind of did a double take and actually giggled, so I guess you got a better response than you were aiming for.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Steel you would be correct. I tried to make it apparent by how I wrote it, but apparently, it wasn't as apparent as I thought it was!

I was relatively sure that was the case, but I've had a rough couple of days, so I just wanted to be clear. Honestly, Latigresse, I don't think I've ever seen a post by you where much was left open to interpretation! That's a good thing by the way...

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 9:50:05 PM

Branoic

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For me, the term is completely tone orientated If it's condescending, or used with cynicism, then it can be improper, it's definately something that doesnt sound right coming out of someones mouth when they dont mean it affectionately.

I have used it, not often, but being realistic, I dont really use the term 'slut' or 'slave' too much, nor do I use a subs actual name unless there is something that must be paid attention to outside of what we are doing. No, I almost always refer to my sub with the pet name I have given them, and once in a while I use dear, baby, hun or something like that, more to keep an even keel. As long as it isnt forced, it works.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 10:04:15 PM

Comrade

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Now in many cases to many individuals, the use of the term "dear" can sound condescending as many above have stated. This is only a matter of how you were raised to understand the word. Dear (as I was raised) was a term used to show affection while still acknowledging that the receiver of the term is less than the speaker in some way (experience, class, genealogically, etc.) For many, this term is used because they may have heard it once or twice (this generally only applies to less experienced Doms mocking the more experienced ones they have seen or heard via some media. The use of a term towards one's submissive or slave is a beautiful thing because you can call them by any term you enjoy (proven above by someone who is referred to as "spaceship" by their Master. Pick what you like and feel free to not stick to it.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/20/2009 10:23:12 PM

EmelineRose

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I don't get bent out of shape if a Dom addresses me as dear if it is clearly well intentioned. I just think there are far more important things in this world to worry about. If I thought however it WAS a deliberate attempt to be sarcastic or condescending - well, I'd avoid that Dom if I could, or if I couldn't I might say to him, "please don't call me that". But I've never had an issue with it. Whenever I've been called that I think they've been genuinely trying to be nice - and I think that should be received graciously.

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/21/2009 8:01:01 PM

JuliaGreenleaf

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I've been called dear, little one, or girl, or maybe even babydoll. I really, honestly don't mind. it feels right with my sub heart. Generally people who seem fake or act in a REALLY BOGUS controlling manner on like first internet chat i quietly just ignore or get rid of . i actually love feeling small and submissive and, 'good girl' appeals to me a lot. That being said, i've worked out that my inner schoolgirl is mature for a schoolgirl - about 12, very intellectual and serious, often prone to being a geek for hours on end. She does however love pats on the head for studying and working hard. she just does :)

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RE: The use of "dear" - 5/22/2009 3:25:17 PM

ncbabe

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my owner sometimes calls me 'dear ____' and then my name. i like this because i feel cared for. if he used 'dear' on its own, or even 'my dear' i would find it condescending.

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